Authors: Norah Bennett
She walked closer to Matt so they stood eye to eye. Matt was speechless. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open.
“We’ve been over this before, but I am going to review this with you one last time. I am well aware you never wanted children, but Lilly is here to stay. She was a surprise for me too, but I, unlike you, do not see her as a nuisance or a disappointment. She is a blessing, a joy, and the most important person in my life.”
“She is out of control and you have no idea how to raise her. You don’t discipline her whatsoever. You’re raising her to be as wild and unrefined as you are. That is evident in the way you dress her to the way you let her do and say whatever she wants. You think any form of discipline is abuse because someone took a firm hand to you. It’s obvious by her behavior today she needs a much firmer hand.”
Julia froze. Matt knew her story well enough to know she survived much more than a “firm hand.” He never liked her talking about her past and thus he only knew the basics. He was smart enough to understand the difference between discipline and abuse; at least she thought he was.
“I can’t believe you said that, but I’m glad you did so I know what you believe is appropriate discipline. Thanks for making this even easier for me, for giving me the ammunition I need.”
“Look, Julia, I didn’t mean that. I know you were abused, but Lilly was impossible today, right from the beginning. She was into everything, refused to sit still, mind her manners and was as demanding as hell. When Carla tried to change her, she started screaming for you and then held her breath. Carla had no choice but to slap her.”
“No choice? Have you lost your mind? You let that woman touch our child in anger. You stood by and let someone hurt our baby and you condone this behavior?”
“Julia, you’re blowing this out of proportion. It was a light slap to the cheek and it worked. She took a big breath in, but then started screaming her lungs out again. She was in such a state. She even bit me when I tried to buckle her into her car seat.”
“So you decided it was safe to leave her unsecured in the car? Are you insane? Not only did you allow her to be slapped while you stood by and did nothing, then you threw her in the car without care for her safety all because she was crying. Why, why would you leave her unharnessed? She could have been injured or even killed.”
“Stop it, Julia! She’s fine. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. A light slap on the cheek did not mortally injure her. Hell, she deserved a lot more than that. I’ve had enough of her antics. I won’t put up with this type of behavior, even if you will. It’s simply not acceptable.”
She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was no big deal? Was Lilly’s safety so irrelevant to him he put her at risk? Did he believe slapping a two-year-old child was an acceptable way of discipline? She studied him and saw a stranger, an unfeeling, self-absorbed stranger. She questioned her own sanity for ever loving him and marrying him.
“Matt, you’re not listening to me. When I said we’re done, I meant just that. It’s over. Since you never wanted Lilly and since you only see her as an obligation, consider yourself off the hook. You’ll never have to deal with her behavior and her antics, as you put it, because you’ll never be given the chance again to touch my child, hurt my child, or discipline my child. Never.”
“Lilly is my child as well and I will see her where and when I want to. Furthermore, I will discipline her how I see fit. You cannot keep me away from her and if you try, you’ll regret it. Unlike you, my resources are vast. Don’t force my hand, Julia. You don’t want to go there.”
As Julia was about to answer him, she heard footsteps and turned to see Ethan coming down the stairs. His eyes met hers and it was evident he’d heard their conversation. His eyes were on fire. The house was small and they hadn’t been keeping their voices low. Julia sighed and wrapped her arms around herself. Her shoulders slumped in exhaustion as adrenaline filtered out of her body. She didn’t have the energy to run interference between the two men
and
tend to her daughter.
Ethan must have read and interpreted her body language. He ignored Matt, took sure, steady strides to her and pulled her in his arms, taking her by surprise. She stiffened, unused to being in another man’s arms in front of Matt, but then thought the better of it and relaxed against Ethan, letting the warmth of his body seep into hers and the strength of his arms hold her up. She breathed in his familiar scent, closed her eyes and let his words soothe her.
“It’s okay, beautiful. She’s okay and sleeping soundly. You’re okay too. Remember what I said. You’re not alone,” Ethan whispered in her ear so only she could hear.
She sagged, nodded and looked up to meet his eyes. In his eyes she found tenderness and determination.
“Julia!”
Julia jumped as Matt’s voice thundered throughout the room. Ethan steadied her as she turned in his arms. For a minute she’d forgotten Matt was in the room. When she tried to pull away from Ethan, he wouldn’t let her, and held her tighter, her back to his front.
“Matt, keep your voice down. Lilly is asleep and I’d like to keep her that way,” she said.
“Should we finish our discussion about our daughter or do you feel it’s more important to make out with your boyfriend in my presence?”
“That’s uncalled for. Grow up, Matt. As for our discussion, I think we’re done. You can threaten me all you want, but after today, if you ever want to see Lilly again, you can do it in my presence or not at all. It’s your choice. I won’t risk her safety or her emotional health again. I’m giving you an out and I suggest you take it.”
“If you insist on this nonsense, you’ll be hearing from my attorney. I don’t think the courts will choose to leave a child with an emotionally scarred woman with limited financial means who is inappropriately consorting with a man, while that child could be with her father who can provide her with a stable family and financial security. When your background is revealed to the courts, no judge in his right mind will give you custody.”
Julia pulled away from Ethan’s embrace. Had Matt just threatened to take her to court and take her child from her? Why would he do that? He didn’t want Lilly. She was certain of that. Would he take Lilly away from her mother out of spite? To what end? Julia’s breath caught and her heart slammed against her ribcage like a trapped bird fighting to break free.
“Let’s think this through, shall we? You never had a father and you’re mother was a drug-abusing whore. Even the woman who raised you had a colorful past. Hell, the only reason she got custody of you was nobody wanted you in the first place. You’re nothing more than damaged goods—emotionally unstable, held captive by your past and incapable of raising or disciplining a child. I tried to mitigate some of that damage when we were married, but I failed and frankly you’re no longer my problem.”
Damaged goods
.
Emotionally unstable?
Is that what he thought of her? Is that why he left her? Each word out of Matt’s mouth was like a slap to the face. Hearing the man she once loved and trusted be so cruel was devastating. She wanted to shatter, to fall to the floor in pieces and give in to grief. She couldn’t. Not now. That’s what Matt expected and what he wanted. She wouldn’t give him the luxury. Julia had no idea why Matt was hell bent on hurting, not destroying her, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.
Man-up. She remembered Lexi’s words. What the hell was wrong with her? When did she become so weak? She finished her self-directed pep-talk and pushed her sorrow and pain aside. She would examine her feelings later and if she needed a good cry, she’d allow herself that extravagance later, in private where no one would judge her emotionally unstable.
Now, however, was the time to push up her sleeves and fight for her child. No one but Ella ever fought for her, but she knew what she had to do and how to do it. She’d fight and she’d fight dirty. If Matt planned to devastate her life by take her child away, he had no idea what he unleashed. Let him think she was damaged goods and emotionally unstable. Perfect. He was a damned fool. She may be a lot of things, but first and foremost she was a mother. She would go to any lengths to protect her child. He left her no choice. She would destroy him.
Chapter Nine
“That’s enough! Not another fucking word out of you, Walker,” Ethan said through gritted teeth.
For a few seconds Ethan’s vision went red as he fought to control the blinding rage that consumed him. If he hadn’t seen Julia’s whole body tremble, he would have been on top of the asshole giving him the beating of his life. Although Julia hated violence of any kind, even she could see this guy was asking for it. He laid a hand on her shoulder for a second before facing off with Matt. He stood as close to her as possible and reached for her hand, squeezing it.
“Earlier I warned you to check yourself and I see you didn’t take me seriously. I don’t have a child in my arms anymore and if you think for one second I’m going to let you speak to Julia like that, you’re sadly mistaken. She’s no longer on her own, no longer your punching bag. This conversation is over. Get out and if you don’t, I’ll be happy to help you.”
“Are you going to hide behind your boyfriend from now on Julia? Is that how I can expect all our conversations to go?”
Julia straightened her spine and squared her shoulders.
“There won’t be any more conversations and I doubt there’ll be any lawyers. I’ve never asked you for much, just that you be a decent human being and father, but since that’s not possible, you’ve left me no choice. Have your lawyer call me. Better yet, have him call Lexi, because this is the last time I’ll speak to you without my attorney present. You should know I am a mother who is willing to do anything to protect her child,” Julia said in an eerily calm and cold voice, one Ethan never heard before.
“First your boyfriend threatens me and now you. Really, Julia, you’ve reached a record low. We’ll see what the courts think about the use of threats and violence as a way to problem solve.”
“Oh, I’m not threatening you. I’m simply reminding you that you, more than most people, have a few skeletons in your closet you may not want your new wife and her wealthy, upstanding family to know. I too have resources. I hoped I’d never have to play dirty, for Lilly’s sake, but I will.”
“I have nothing to hide, and do not bring Carla or her family into this. They’re not your concern,” Matt said in a much less cocky voice. He ran a hand through his hair and a nervous tick started in his right eye-lid.
Well, that was interesting
. Matt was actually nervous. He was hiding something. Whatever Julia had on him, it had to be good.
“If you have nothing to hide then Carla must already know she wasn’t the first or only woman you cheated on me with. She was the wealthiest and the best pick of the bunch, I suppose, but certainly not the only. Don’t look so shocked. I know all about the other women you had on the side over the years. But you know what they say, once a cheater, always a cheater. Lexi can provide Carla with some pictures of today’s flavor of the month. Now, how do you think Carla’s parents will feel about the way your treating their little heiress? Hmm? But hey, let’s not get hung up on those tawdry details.”
Matt’s face turned a volcanic red and he visibly trembled. His fists clenched at his sides. He was about to erupt.
Ethan took a protective stance next to Julia, positioning his body slightly in front of hers.
“Wait,” Julia said, “I’m not through. We’re getting to the most important part. Before you decide to take me to court, save yourself some time and money and inform your lawyer you never wanted your daughter. You even threatened to leave me, via email of all things, unless I aborted her. Yes, I kept that little love note, for an occasion like this. I hoped I’d never have to use it. I foolishly thought…” Julia’s voice hitched and she looked away. Then she took a breath and with a slight tremble to her voice said, “I thought over time you’d fall in love with your child … as I did.”
For a few seconds, not a sound could be heard in the room. Ethan caressed Julia’s hand with his thumb. Her hand was cold and trembled in his. She was putting on a strong front, a fantastic illusion of strength and will while she battled her own nerves beneath the surface. By facing off against Matt, she was reliving and admitting some ugly truths about her marriage and the father of her child. It had to be painful and yet, she appeared composed and confident, except for the slight tremble he heard in her voice and felt in her hand.
“Matt, for all our sakes please think things through a bit more before you drag us both through what is sure to be a lengthy and long court battle. No, don’t say anything more,” Julia interrupted Matt before he could go on the attack.
“I’m sorry it had to come to this. But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit you want Lilly now, I’m sorry to say, for all the wrong reasons. You weren’t there for her birth or when she had pneumonia and was hospitalized a month later. You weren’t there for so many difficult times and you missed out on even more wonderful times. You didn’t see her first smile, hear her first word, or hold her hand as she took her first step. You missed it all. You could have seen your child as often as you wanted, but your visits were infrequent, obligatory, and brief at best.”
Julia released Ethan’s hand and took a few steps toward Matt. “Matt, you’ve never been there for Lilly emotionally or even financially. Since the day she was born, you haven’t spent a single penny to support her, not when we were married and not after we were divorced, even though the court mandated you to do so. There’s nothing left to say and nothing left to do except for you to go now. This is done. We’re done. Do what you have to do, but remember an innocent’s life is at stake.”
Matt studied Julia for almost a minute, their eyes never leaving each other. A variety of emotions crossed his features. His jaw was set in stone and his hands were still fisted by his sides. Eventually, without a single word more, he broke eye contact and shook his head. Then he turned, stalked to the door, and slammed out of the house.
Julia stood as still as a statue, staring at the door. Ethan didn’t know what to do first, kiss her or strangle her. He was proud of her. She found her voice and stood up for herself and for Lilly. But he couldn’t believe she let Matt get away with so much for so long. No wonder the guy thought he could do and say anything.
When she began to tremble and her arms went around herself, he went to her side before she collapsed. He reached her just as her knees gave away. Without a word, he gathered her up and carried her to the couch, cradling her in his lap. She’d been strong, did what she had to do, and said what she had to say. Now her body and mind were shutting down as she became aware of the enormity of what just occurred. Most likely, it was the first time she stood up to Matt. As he suspected all along, his Jules, the one who had a voice and a strong one at that, had been lost. She just made her debut to Matt and shocked the hell out of him. In Ethan’s estimation, it was about damn time.
Now, it was time to deal with the fallout of emotional overload. At first she didn’t cry, but shook violently, to the point her teeth shattered. He reached for the afghan that covered the back of the couch and wrapped her in it as he held her body closer to him and whispered words of encouragement. She’d been by herself for so long and he wanted her to know she wasn’t by herself anymore. He was by her side in battle and would stay there if she let him. But if she didn’t want that, he’d be happy waiting at home to clean and dress her wounds and hold her until the pain and terror past, just as he was doing now.
Ethan watched her react to Matt’s digs about her childhood. She stood strong, absorbing each blow, and never showing the impact those words were having on her heart. She shoved each painful word to a corner to deal with later because at the time she needed to unleash her anger and pick up her weapons and fight. Now that the battle was won and she lay down her weapons, he was certain she was revisiting each scene and replaying the conversation. This time the pain was rolling through her and over her.
“Jules, baby, it’s over now. You did good. It’s over and I’m so proud of you.”
She didn’t say a word. She held tight to his shirt and silently wept. He tightened his arms around her and rocked her. She didn’t need him to say anything or to try to dissect what occurred. There would be plenty of time for that later. No, the best thing he could offer her was the strength of his embrace and his understanding and support. They stayed like this with her soft cries the only sound in the house until she, like her daughter, fell into an exhausted sleep.
The sun went down and the room darkened. Ethan looked down at the face of the strongest, bravest woman he knew … his Jules. She was a survivor; there was no doubt about that. He brushed the hair away from her face and wiped the wetness off her cheeks. Shit, she was still crying, even in her sleep. He bent and brushed a light kiss to each of her eyelids and her lips. He told Matt she was his, and he meant it. Julia was his and he loved her.
Ethan loved Julia.
Why was that thought so surprising? He had always loved her. He never stopped, not when she’d ripped his heart out and rejected him and not when she left. It took them twenty-two years to find each other again and just a few days for them to pick up almost where they left off. Yes, they were all grown-up, adults with complicated lives and complex problems. But they gravitated to each other like they always had and they always would. They belonged to each other. Ethan was convinced of that. Now he had to convince Julia of the same.
Ethan scanned the small room with its cozy, if worn, furniture. This house held everything that was dear to him, everything he loved—the beautiful, strong, yet fragile woman in his arms and the little spitfire she created slumbering upstairs. Both were precious to him and he’d work hard to make sure they both knew they could trust him and they were loved. He would make damn sure neither were hurt again by Matt or anyone else.
Julia still cared for him. There was no doubt in his mind. But she could be stubborn and she was going to be wary after this mess to give all of herself and her baby to him or anyone else. He couldn’t blame her. He would bide his time and earn their trust and love. He was up for a good run if at the finish line he could have Julia and Lilly.
He stood with Julia in his arms and debated whether to tuck her in her bed or lay her on the couch. He wasn’t leaving her tonight, no matter what she said. She would have nightmares and he wanted to be there when they came. They always came after a traumatic event. Once she battled through one nightmare and woke up, she’d stay up for the rest of the night so she wouldn’t have to experience more. When they were younger, after a bad night she would have dark circles under her eyes and her vibrant green eyes would be dull and haunted. He was powerless to do anything about the nightmares then, but that wasn’t the case now.
Ethan lay Julia on the couch and checked on Lilly. Lilly was waking up as he entered her room. He was glad he was there when she awoke because he didn’t want her to cry out and wake her mama. She smiled sleepily the second she saw him and reached out to him to.
“Hello, angel baby. All better now after your nap?”
He picked her up and held her to him as she wrapped her arms around him and settled against his chest. The poor kid was still wiped out.
“Mama?”
“No worries, angel. Your mama is downstairs taking a nap. How about we go make something to eat? You want to help me cook?”
“Okay, E,” she sighed.
He carried her down the steps and to the kitchen pointing to a still-sleeping Julia so Lilly saw her mother was nearby. Lilly looked at her mother and lay back against his chest, sticking her thumb in her mouth. He rubbed her back and whispered to her while he opened cans of soup and took out the bread, butter, tomato and cheese he needed to make grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches.
He wasn’t much of a cook, but soup and sandwiches he could handle. He had to do everything one-armed because Lilly refused to be put down, even when he tried to bribe her with a cookie. He gave up and went about preparing the simple meal as he whispered to Lilly.
“Angel, do you know I love you more than there are stars in the sky?”
“No.”
“Angel baby, do you know I love you more than a world of hugs?”
“No.”
“Do you know I love you more than there are fish in the sea?”
“No.”
“Angel eyes, do you know I love you more than there are angels in heaven?”
With a big sigh, she lifted her head off his shoulders and studied him with her big, green Julia-eyes. She smiled a sad, wistful smile and said, “Okay, E.”
His heart broke a little more. He brought his face to hers and gave her butterfly kisses until she giggled her happy baby girl giggles. He heard movement and looked up to see Julia watching them, her eyes filling with tears again. Ethan walked to Julia and brought her into their embrace.
“Oh no you don’t. No more tears. Angel, want to help me give your mama some butterfly kisses too so she doesn’t cry?”
“Yesh,” Lilly said with such enthusiasm it had him grinning.
“Okay sweetness. I’ll get this side, you do the other.”
He brought his face close to Julia’s cheek and fluttered his eyelashes so they stroked her cheeks while Lilly attempted the same on the other side.
“Butterfly kisses for you, beautiful,” he whispered in Julia’s ear and then brushed her lips with his.
She smiled at him. “So that’s what you’ve been doing when you whisper to Lilly. Sweet, yet sneaky.”