Riot Girl (3 page)

I met the guys at the lockup after my shift; they were packing up their things ready for the audition. By the time I arrived they’d pretty much packed up every piece of kit they owned. “Just in case,” Joel had said.

My stomach flipped as I finished his sentence:
Just in case we don’t come back.
I made my way to the far side of the concrete-blocked room towards the sofa Joel was currently occupying.

“You shouldn’t mess with that stuff dude,” I said, barely managing to hide my disgust as I moved Waz’s paraphernalia out of the way with the tip of my biker boots.

“It’s cool, I know my limits Ind.” Waz smiled up at me as I passed him in a drug-induced stupor.

“There’s no talking to him,” Joel pulled me down onto his lap and kissed my neck softly.

I watched as Waz lay back on the worn sofa with a faraway look on his face as the drugs pulled him into their grasp.

“He’s going to kill himself, I swear to God,” Billy’s face mirrored my own as he shook his head at our friend.

“I worry about him, you know?” I shrugged at Billy and chewed my bottom lip.

“We’ll watch out for him, he’ll be okay with us baby,” Joel tried to reassure me as he nuzzled my neck.

Billy rolled his eyes at us and carried on watching the music video playing on our old TV set in the lockup.

Joel’s words didn’t stop the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. We’d pretty much dragged each other up in life with the absence of decent parents. Soon enough they were going to be far away where I couldn’t be there to try and talk sense in Waz.

I looked at Billy, then turned to face Joel and tried to remind myself that they could be sensible and that they could never be dumb enough to fall in to the trap of heavy drugs. They’d look out for Waz. I knew they would.

I lay with my head against the cool linoleum floor, the toilet just in front of me. My long dark hair sprayed around my on the floor, my natural roots were showing but I didn’t have the energy to care. It had been almost four weeks since the guys had left for their audition and Joel had called me two days later, his voice full of excitement and hope for the future.

“They really liked us Indi,” he’d told me. “They asked us to stay and record a demo and we said yes! It’s unbelievable here; I can’t wait for you to see it. Look, I can’t stay on for long because they’re taking us out but I’ll call soon to let you know when you can come.”

He’d hung up full of joy and I’d promptly burst into tears. About a week after that I’d started throwing up – morning, noon and night. I’d lost so much weight that I could see my ribs poking through, my skin barely hiding the skeleton of my body.

This morning I’d already spent several hours puking my guts up and the cold floor felt so good against my hot forehead. I couldn’t understand what was making me so sick. I’d hardly eaten in days and the smell of the food at work had been unbearable. Thanks to an alcoholic father I hardly ever drank so that wasn’t causing my illness either.

My stomach lurched once more and I jumped up to position myself over the toilet bowl for the hundredth time that morning. It was so gross.

“Indiana!” my father yelled through the bathroom door. “You better clean up after yourself!”

“Sure Dad,” I yelled back between wretches. “I have enough practice cleaning up after your mess!” I didn’t listen to his response; I was too busy with my head in the toilet.

I glared at the cashier as I pushed the flat, white box across the counter towards her, daring her to say a single word to me about what was inside it. For the briefest moment she had a surprised look on her face but it was gone in an instant, replaced with a false smile across her red lipsticked mouth.

Her name badge read ‘Heather’; she lived one block away from the trailer park and I knew her face but I never knew her name until now. Heather was now the first person who knew I could be pregnant – in my mind I was wondering if she’d tell anyone; did she even know my name? This time tomorrow would half the school know Indiana (inside I rolled my eyes at the name) Jones, Trailer Trash, was pregnant?

I handed over my money and took the paper bag, shoving it into my coat pocket to conceal my secret a little while longer. Embarrassingly, at the age of seventeen, it had taken weeks of puking before it finally clicked that I could be pregnant. Joel and I hadn’t always been careful; we’d actually been cocky enough to think we were invincible against such things as pregnancy.

As I walked back to the trailer my body felt heavy; it felt as if I were walking to my doom. I’d feel a lot better if Joel were here but it had been ten days now since he’d last called and I felt so alone that there was a constant dull ache in my chest where my heart should be.

Back home in the bathroom I tore the box open and devoured the instructions inside. Gross, I had to pee on the stick and that could not be hygienic, surely? As I jiggled about trying to get the right angle for the stick a wave of fury swept over me.

As much as I missed Joel and the others I was also angry with them. How could they just ditch me here without a word? I never thought they’d just forget me. I’d been optimistic to begin with – I thought that they’d send bus tickets for me to join them as soon as they knew they’d be staying away from this hellhole.

Once I’d counted the seconds I pulled out the stick and set it down on some tissue paper while I waited for the results. I paced the bathroom floor then started organising the bottles of shampoo and body wash as I counted the two minutes away. Taking a deep breath I sat on the closed toilet lid and turned the test over in my hands.

Positive.

“What’s gotten into you, Indiana?” Beth, the head waitress, shook her head at me as I swept up the remains of a third glass that afternoon. “You’re never usually this clumsy!”

Luckily for me a customer caught her attention and she left me knelt down on the floor with the dustpan and brush. My slim frame was struggling to hide the small swelling on my stomach now and I was grateful that no one ever really paid me any attention or people would have started wondering why I was wearing such oversized clothes lately.

“That’s coming out of your pay check Indi!” Hank called over to me and I rolled my eyes at him. “That girl has messed up more in one shift than she has in two years of working here.”

“Give the kid a break, Hank, she looks exhausted.” Hank’s pal Jim had a point. I
was
exhausted.

“I’m okay thanks Jim-and I’ll pay for the glass Hank,” I replied. “I’m just a little distracted with school work today, that’s all.”

That was only a half lie; I couldn’t remember the last time I’d handed in an assignment. If I wasn’t careful the school would start sending letters home to my dad about it. That would set alarm bells ringing. I’d always been a high achiever at school. It’s easy to get good grades when no one expects anything of you.

Hank looked over at the chrome clock above the counter. “Go on home kiddo, it’s almost the end of your shift anyway. Indiana Jones here is gonna be famous one day, she’s smart you know.”

I rolled my eyes at him again but with a playful smile. “Thanks boss. There’s more to life than fame though-just getting out of this town will do me fine.”

I went out back to the staff changing room and slipped out of my turquoise blue waitressing dress and into black jeans and an over-sized shirt over my black vest top. The jeans were starting to cut into my stomach now so I sucked my gut in to do the top button up.

“Getting a little bit of a gut there, ‘riot girl’,” I flinched at the nickname and the thought of being watched as I changed. I turned to find Hank’s nephew, Daniel, standing behind me.

The nickname came from my fiery temper. I had been known to cause chaos when people got on the wrong side of me, which wasn’t too often these days. Once word got around that I was small but feisty and had a good right hook, people tended to keep their distance.

“I’m pretty sure lurking in corners watched girls get undressed is an offense, you filthy peeping Tom!” I slung my apron at him in disgust.

“I was sitting here waiting to start my shift,
Indiana
,” he smirked. “So what’s with the gut?”

“What’s with your face? You look like road kill,” I spat back venomously before storming out of the room, slamming the door as I went.

Daniel was a jock and a jerk. He’d been vile to me since forever and he hated Joel and the others with a passion. He liked to taunt me now with the nick name ‘riot girl’ just to remind me that they’d ditched me and then left me behind in this godforsaken town with no one to back me up when there was trouble. Not that I needed any reminding.

I couldn’t believe he’d sat there watching me change without making himself known. I shuddered as I thought of his eyes all over my body as I stripped down to my underwear unknowingly. And he’d seen my stomach; he wasn’t the kind of guy to keep his mouth shut and let it drop either. He’d taunt me about getting fat just for the fun of it. I just hoped he didn’t suddenly grow an IQ and figure out I wasn’t fat but pregnancy making my stomach swell.

“Clearly something’s wrong with you, riot girl,” Daniel had been bugging me all shift and was starting to really test my patience.

I carried on wiping the tables down as he followed me around the diner like a puppy, as had become his habit since his peeping Tom act.

“You are seriously starting to piss me off,” I hissed at him, “and quit it with that stupid nickname already.”

“You love it,” he smiled, mischief twinkling in his green eyes.

If he wasn’t such a douche he might be quite nice to look at. I shook the thought from my mind; apart from Joel I’d never been the kind of girl to notice if a guy was attractive or not. The thought was alien to me, especially in people who annoyed me as much as this jerk.

“Shut up,” I threw the cloth I’d been using at him and went back behind the counter. It had been a quiet afternoon and there were just the two of us out front. I pulled my textbook and notepad out from behind the cash register to carry on with my homework. Hank was okay with the school staff doing their assignments when it was quiet, as long as the tables were clean and customers tended to.

“That should have been in last week,” he leaned over me, his face close to my own so that I could see the splatter of freckles across his nose.

“Jeez, personal space please!” I pushed him away so there was a good foot of space between us. “I wasn’t well, Mr Bailey gave me an extension okay?”

“I can help if you want,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “I got a B but it’s better than a fail.”

I looked at him sceptically, but there was no teasing look on his face. He seemed genuine and to be honest I was getting a little desperate now that I was falling so far behind with my work. When I didn’t object he pulled my book towards him and leaned against the counter to read what I’d written out so far.

We spent the rest of the shift going through that assignment and revision for a test we had the next day. He even resisted the urge to use my nickname, and as much as he annoyed me, he really did help.

On my break I retreated to the staff changing room; no one tended to go in there except for the start and end of each shift so I knew I’d be alone for a while. I needed to get the weight off my feet and sit down for a while; there were some tatty old chairs stored in there which weren’t fit for the front of the diner anymore so I settled in one of those.

“So, who’s the daddy?” I spun around to find Daniel leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed with a serious look on his face.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied curtly and turned away from him, closing my eyes and praying for him to just go away.

“Don’t play dumb with me Indi.”

It occurred to me that this was the first time he’d used my name at the beginning of a conversation. He normally started off with ‘riot girl’ in order to get my back up, something he took real pleasure in doing.

“Please, just leave me alone Daniel,” I pleaded, turning back to face him.

He closed the staffroom door and came to sit on a chair beside me; the stuffing was protruding from the blood red faux leather base.

“I don’t want to upset you Indi,” he said earnestly. “I just want to help you, if I can.”

Daniel looked me right in the eye and he seemed so sincere that, in spite of myself, I found myself wanting to confess all. I rested my hands on the swelling of my stomach, visible through my turquoise blue uniform now that I was seated, and gently moved my palms along the curve of the bump.

“Does it… kick?” he asked quietly, eying the bump cautiously.

“Yeah, it moves a lot now,” I replied with a small smile playing on my lips. This was the first time I’d spoken out loud about the baby and it felt nice. “At first it just felt like little butterflies fluttering around inside, but now the movements are big.”

Daniel lifted his hand tentatively, looking at me with raised eyebrows in a silent request for permission to touch my stomach. I hesitated for a moment before nodding yes.

The baby was wriggling around and so I took Daniel’s hand and moved it to a spot just left of my belly button, where the baby was practicing kicking footballs. The moment his hand rested there the baby kicked hard and Daniel shot out of his seat in surprise.

“Are you scared of a little kick?” I couldn’t help but laugh at him; I’d never seen Daniel so flustered by something before now.

“Of course not,” he tried to regain his composure and sat back down, although with a little more space between the two of us this time around. “So, who is the father?”

I didn’t want to answer him; in truth it was because I felt so foolish. How could I admit to him that the father had just upped and left me and hadn’t bothered to return my calls in months now?

A heavy silence hung between us; although we’d been spending more time together at work over the last few weeks, we didn’t really know each other. We barely acknowledged each other at school; if we passed we would say ‘hi’ but then we’d lose ourselves in the crowded halls as though the exchange had never happened. Daniel just wasn’t someone I’d ordinarily share my secrets with. Just a couple of months earlier I’d have told him to take a long walk off a short cliff if he’d have even breathed in the same room as me.

“What does it matter?” I shrugged.

“It
does
matter Indi- does he even know?” Daniel replied, his face set in a serious expression once more.

His concern made the corners of my mouth turn up a little; it was quite sweet that he was so troubled about the baby and I.

“No, he doesn’t know-but it isn’t from lack of trying to tell him,” I sighed heavily and shrugged my shoulders.

“It’s that guy from the band, right? Joel. The guy who got signed? I used to see you guys hanging out together around school,” Daniel rested his elbows on his knees and looked up at me from his hunched over position.

It was strange; Joel, Billy and Waz had been my whole life, yet Daniel barely knew their names, let alone their faces. It surprised me that Daniel had noticed us together-he’d always seemed so self-involved.

“I don’t want this getting out, do you understand?” I’d dropped my guard for too long, Daniel was getting under my skin and learning my secrets and I didn’t like it.

“Hey, I’m not going to say anything, alright?” he replied earnestly. “So, he’s not returning your calls?”

“I’m sure he’s just really busy out there. Being signed is a huge deal, you know? The label is probably keeping them tied up. He’ll call, eventually.”

I found myself trying in vain to defend the actions of an eighteen-year old guy who’d been whisked off to play rock-star. Of course he hadn’t called, why would he? His silence was unforgiveable, but also understandable.

He was in a whole new world now, why would he want his past dragging him down? He’d probably met some leggy blonde model by now and forgotten all about me; a lump lodged in my throat at the thought of Joel with someone else.

“Why don’t you go see him, make him listen?” Daniel said softly, aware of the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

The same question had been bugging me since I first took the pregnancy test. I’d desperately wanted to get on the first bus out of town and go find my best friend and tell him about the stupid mess I’d gotten in to. That
we’d
gotten in to.

“I don’t have the money to pay for the bus fare,” I confessed. “I’ve been taking extra shifts here to try and pay for it. The guys were supposed to send a ticket for me if they got signed, but I guess they forgot about it.”

Daniel looked at me, the pity in his eyes was clear. Ordinarily it would have made my inner riot girl kick off, but I was just too exhausted to care now.

“I don’t suppose you’d let me help you out?” he asked.

“And how do you propose to do that?” I replied.

“I could loan you the money for your ticket,” he shrugged.

“No way! You and I, we’re not even friends, why would you want to loan me money?” I was shocked at the suggestion, my eyes wide as I spoke.

“I kinda thought that we
were
friends, or at least getting there Indi.” He actually looked a little hurt, which made me feel bad.

I thought back over the past few weeks and realised he was right. Gone was the sense of irritation and loathing each time he walked into the same room as me. Instead, I found myself glad to have him around. He made our shared shifts go quicker and we’d gotten into the habit of clearing up early so we could get our school assignments done together before closing time at the diner. And, true to his word, he
had
kept my pregnancy secret so far.

“I guess you’re right, we sort’ve have fallen into being friends, haven’t we? I hadn’t even realised it until now,” I replied with a genuine smile.

He returned the smile, but his was teasing. “I knew you couldn’t resist my charm forever.”

Daniel jumped up quickly, narrowly avoiding the punch I’d thrown at his arm. As he left the room, heading back to work, I heard him call out to me–

“Come on, Riot Girl–break’s over, you’re late!”

This time I smiled at the nickname. For the first time since The Riots had left, I didn’t feel quite so alone.