Risk of a Lifetime (Mills & Boon Medical) (13 page)

But you’ll be thinking that anyway, all your life, waiting for a sign! You have to know! One way or the other, you have to know...

As if he could read her mind, he turned his head and met her eyes. ‘It’s my decision, Annie. No one else’s. Please respect that.’

She swallowed hard and nodded. ‘I do. And I wasn’t trying to persuade you to get the result, I just wanted to understand how you’d come to the decision, and now I do, so thank you for telling me. I know it wasn’t easy, and if you don’t want to, we need never talk about it again.’

He searched her eyes in the gloom, and she heard a quiet sigh as some of the tension left him. ‘Thank you.’

‘And before you say it, I won’t tell anyone.’

He inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement, and got to his feet. ‘I’ll walk you home.’

‘Thank you.’

They didn’t speak again, just walked silently through the quiet streets to her door, their fingers linked. She turned to say goodnight, but without a word he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. It wasn’t a tender kiss, and it wasn’t passionate. It felt more like the signing of a pact, as if they’d moved into another phase of their relationship, and she supposed they had.

He could have lied, told her he didn’t have the gene and left it at that, but he hadn’t. He’d trusted her, and that meant more to her than he would ever know. She lifted her hand and touched his cheek, her fingertips grazing against the roughness of stubble on his jaw.

‘Goodnight, Ed. I’ll see you at work.’

He nodded, and still without speaking he turned and walked swiftly away.

Outrunning his demons?

Her heart ached for him, and for Marnie, who might never know the truth. Lord, what a nightmare. What a ghastly, insidious disease. And it might, in time, do to him what it had done to his grandfather.

Oh, God, no, not Ed. Not my Ed!

Pain stabbed through her, and blinking away the threatening tears she let herself quietly into the silent house.

He’s not your Ed! It’s not like that—it’s just an affair! Don’t go and spoil it all by falling in love with him!

But as she lay alone in her little bedroom, her own words echoing in her head, she knew it was too late for the warning, too late to remind herself of the rules, because she loved Ed Shackleton. Loved him in a way she’d never loved anyone, and it was the last thing on earth he’d want to hear.

* * *

He couldn’t believe he’d told her.

He hadn’t discussed it with a living soul apart from the genetic counsellor and his brother, and that not for years. It was a no-go area, and his brother, for all he disagreed, respected that.

But it had dragged it all up to the surface again, and guilt racked him. Guilt for lying to Marnie, for not having the courage to find out the truth, for making her live in fear for him because he wanted to live in ignorance.

And ignorance, as he knew only too well, wasn’t necessarily bliss.

He went home, cleared up the glasses in the garden and went to bed, but it smelled of Annie and he lay on his stomach with his face in her pillow, and breathed her in, and missed her...

CHAPTER SEVEN

B
Y
THE
MORNING
, she’d pulled herself together.

She didn’t want this, and she wasn’t going to allow it to happen. Yes, he was a lovely guy, yes, she could easily let herself get all maudlin and ridiculous over him and start dreaming about happy ever after, but he’d made it clear he didn’t want that, and anyway she knew only too well that it was all a myth, so she shut the lid firmly on the box, kissed the girls goodbye and went to work.

It was her turn to cover the weekend, and that meant working with Ed, so all the way there she lectured herself on her weakness for him. She needed distance, but how on earth could she achieve it? Less time spent with him at work, more time thinking about other things and not Ed, Ed, Ed, every waking moment. Exercise a little self-discipline.

And a more professional attitude at work.

She could do it. She could look him in the eye, smile and say hi without succumbing to that lazy smile or the smouldering message in those gorgeous slate-blue eyes.

She could.

She did. He was standing by the whiteboard, and she walked straight up to him, smiled and said, ‘Hi. Ready for the day?’

His eyes searched hers, and his mouth quirked fleetingly as if he realised what she was doing. ‘My day started three hours ago with a call from Marnie,’ he said drily. ‘Grumps fell out of bed.’

‘Oh, no! Is he all right?’ she asked, forgetting all about detachment.

He shrugged. ‘So-so. Bit bruised, bit shaken up. I couldn’t find anything worrying and I looked him over pretty thoroughly.’

‘Does he need cot sides?’

The shrug again, a wry smile. ‘Of course he does, but he’s nothing if not stubborn. I’m just going to have to overrule him, but he’ll hate it. He already hates sleeping downstairs without Marnie, so she’s camping out in the sitting room.’

She felt a wave of empathy. She’d only spent a few moments with Marnie, but she’d really liked her and this was so tough on all of them.

‘Oh, Ed. I’m really sorry. Can she go on like this?’

Something flickered in his eyes—desperation? She wasn’t sure, and it was gone before she could analyse it, but then he gave a wry laugh. Not really a laugh. A little huff of sound that just underlined his frustration and concern.

‘She has a calendar at home. This month’s slogan is, “Good morning. Let the stress begin.” I think that about sums it up.’

Annie shook her head slowly. ‘She’d be lost without you. She’s lucky to have you.’

‘No, I’m lucky to have her, lucky to have had both of them. That’s why I’m here, because I can be, and because I love them more than I can say. My parents are crap at this sort of thing, my brother’s life is already chaos. It’s me or nobody. And it’s fine, you know? He did a lot for me when I was a kid. They both did. I’m happy to do it.’

Happy? He didn’t look happy. He looked saddened and hunted. Because the threat was hanging over him?

His choice. His business. Just because she wouldn’t be able to cope with such a massive question mark in her life, it didn’t mean he couldn’t.

And she was supposed to be keeping it impersonal and professional and detached! She closed the lid on the conversation and looked at the whiteboard.

‘So what’s what here today?’

‘Not a lot. It’s been the usual Friday night, I gather, but it had all calmed down by the time I got here and now it’s quiet. There are a few in cubicles who need a look. Want to give me a hand?’

‘That’s what I’m here for,’ she said with a bright, professional smile, and with another glance at the whiteboard she reached for the next set of notes.

* * *

It picked up, of course, with a vengeance.

They didn’t get time for coffee, and it was almost two before they found time for lunch.

‘Right,’ he said firmly, taking her by the arm and steering her towards the door. ‘It’s quiet for a moment. It won’t last, the sporting injuries will be pouring in in a minute, so we’re going for lunch. Now.’

She hung back, thinking of that detachment that was flying out of the window again. ‘I need to tell them to page me—’

‘They will. They know. They sent me to get you and feed you. Apparently you get crabby when your blood sugar’s low.’

She removed her arm from his grip but kept walking. She could talk and argue, and she was seriously starving. ‘Who said I get crabby?’

‘Kate.’

‘Hmph. She can talk. She’s vile if she doesn’t get chocolate.’

‘I’ll take her back a bar as a peace offering,’ he said with a grin. ‘In fact, I’ll get several so I’ve got some in stock. Anything for a quiet life.’

They grabbed two filled rolls, the only things left, he picked up a handful of chocolate bars, true to his word, and they collected their coffee and headed back outside.

Annie turned her face up to the sun and sighed with contentment. ‘I can’t believe this weather.’

‘Gorgeous, isn’t it? Oh, that reminds me. I’ve got a beach-hut key for you. Marnie thought it was a great idea. She
really
likes you, by the way.’

There was something in his tone of voice that made her laugh. ‘Oh, dear. Is she giving you grief?’

‘A bit. Time I settled down, et cetera, et cetera. And she thinks she knows your mother from book club years ago. Or, at least, she knew a Joanna Brooks, who you reminded her of, and Chloe was chattering about MamaJo coming down to the beach, so I assumed it could be her?’

‘Yes, it could well be. Mum lived here for years before she came down to London to help me with the girls, and she was involved with all kinds of things, and she still goes to the book club. I’ll ask her if she knows Marnie.’

‘They’ll get together,’ he warned, and she laughed.

‘That would be a nightmare—can you imagine the conversation? The girls didn’t stop talking to her about you yesterday afternoon and Mum was hanging on every word. Grace thought you were lovely, by the way.’

‘I am lovely,’ he said, deadpan, but his eyes were laughing.

He was, but she absolutely wasn’t going there. Instead she laughed, pinched one of the chocolate bars from his little stash and peeled it open.

‘Hey, they were for Kate!’

‘Oh, come on, not even Kate’s that crabby—unless you’ve upset her again?’

He gave a soft chuckle. ‘No. Not since I told her to back off, but she was really mean about you.’

‘She’s harmless.
You
were mean.’

‘She was deeply nosy. And she keeps giving us looks.’

Annie rolled her eyes. ‘Because we keep going off for lunch and coffee together!’

‘True, but that’s only because we grab the quiet times so there aren’t many options. So—when are you free again, talking of going off together?’

She shrugged, wishing it could be tonight, knowing it was a bad idea. All of it. And her self-discipline was failing miserably. Time to shore it up.

‘I don’t know. I’ll ask Mum, but she’s a bit too curious about you at the moment. I don’t want to encourage her.’ There. Nicely detached.

‘Next Friday?’

Or not, she thought as she felt a wave of disappointment. ‘No, I can’t do Friday. We’re away for the weekend. It’s my uncle’s sixtieth birthday and he’s having a big family party and we’re taking my grandmother.’

He frowned thoughtfully. ‘Of course, if she could look after the children, you could help me move the little playhouse one evening. That shouldn’t raise too many red flags for her and I’m sure we could drag it out for a couple of hours. Tomorrow, perhaps?’

One eyebrow gave a suggestive little wiggle, and her resolve was instantly demolished by the teasing promise in his eyes.

‘I’m sure we could. It’s a good enough excuse. I’ll ask her.’

‘Do that,’ he said, and winking at her as he gathered up all their wrappers and stood up. ‘I might even take you out for dinner afterwards.’

Dinner? That sounded more and more like a date, she thought, and felt the tingle of anticipation all the way down to her toes.

So much for detachment and self-discipline.

* * *

‘You won’t believe what I’ve won! Dinner for two at that lovely new restaurant on the seafront!’ Her mother beamed and waved the voucher at her.

‘How? Where? You never win anything!’

‘Well, I did this time. We went to the church fete and I bought some raffle tickets and my number came up. I’ll pin it on the board before I lose it, although goodness knows who I’d go with. Maybe we can get someone else to babysit and we can go together. So, how was work?’

‘Busy, and I’m on again tomorrow and it’ll be just as bad if not worse. Were the girls good for you?’

‘Absolutely fine. They’re always good.’

‘Not always,’ she said with a laugh. She could see them in the garden now, squabbling over something in the sandpit, and she knew it was just a matter of time before it all kicked off. ‘Can I ask you another favour? Ed’s grandparents have got a playhouse they don’t need any more, and they’ve said we can have it, and I know the girls will love it. Are you OK to have it in the garden? I don’t want to presume—’

‘Don’t be silly! That would be lovely, and they’ll get huge fun out of it. Of course it’s all right. Where were you going to put it?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know, it’s your garden, Mum. I imagine it needs a firm, flat base. I don’t even know how big it is.’

‘How about the corner of the patio? You know, that narrow bit at the side. I can’t imagine it would be too big for that.’

They went out into the garden where the girls were playing nicely now in their little sandpit, their squabble evidently over.

‘Hello, Mummy! Look, we made a duck pond!’

She admired it for a moment, then looked round the garden and felt a wave of guilt. It was such a lovely little garden, but it wasn’t huge and the girls were gradually taking it over with all their toys and games and multi-coloured clutter.

Far from minding, though, her mother was eyeing up the corner of the patio and smiling. ‘This would be fine. We never sit here because it’s too narrow, so it’s not doing anything useful and it’ll be nice and handy to keep an eye on them. How are you going to get it here?’

‘He’s got a trailer, apparently—he suggested tomorrow evening. Could you keep an eye on the girls while we do it? I’ll have to help him, he can’t do it on his own and his grandmother can’t help him— Oh, that reminds me, she thinks she knows you. Marnie Shackleton? She used to belong to a book group.’

‘Marnie? Marnie’s his grandmother? Oh, how is she?’ her mother asked fondly. ‘Such a nice woman—she stopped coming, her husband was ill and she couldn’t leave him alone any longer. I did miss her, she was lovely. And he’s still alive?’

‘Oh, yes, he’s alive, but he’s not at all well, though. That’s why Ed’s home.’

A little frown pleated her brow. ‘Oh, of course, you said. So sad. Well, certainly I’ll babysit tomorrow so you can do that, and you must give her my love and tell her we’ll get together some time. Maybe I can go and have a coffee with her one day. So what do they want for the playhouse?’