Risk of a Lifetime (Mills & Boon Medical) (15 page)

She shrugged. ‘I’m meant to be. It’s my uncle’s sixtieth and my mother and grandmother are going as well. To be honest, I’m not bothered, but it relies on my mother being prepared to take the girls away on her own.’ She flapped a hand at him. ‘I’ll ask her. I’m sure it’ll be fine. James, leave it with us. Connie needs you, and this is your first baby. You go back to your wife and forget about us. We’ll sort it.’

‘Sure?’

‘Sure. Go.’

He hugged her, slapped Andy on the back and ran.

‘OK. So how are we going to sort it?’ Andy asked, propping himself up against the wall and smiling at her wryly. ‘Got a locum up your sleeve?’

Annie rolled her eyes and laughed. ‘No, I’ve got a mother who’s a saint. It’s fine. I’ll spend the rest of the weekend cleaning the house from end to end and weeding the garden to make up for it. You do Sunday, and I’ll do tomorrow. Deal?’

‘Deal. Right, go and get coffee and ring your mother while it’s quiet. I’ll cover.’

‘Don’t forget to tell Lucy.’

‘I won’t. Shoo.’

She shooed, and on the way to the café she called her mother. The response was predictable.

‘Oh, how exciting! Well, it’s a pity you can’t come, of course, but they won’t have a baby every weekend so of course I can do it. I’ll let Mike and Sally know. Are you planning on coming up on Saturday after work?’

‘I don’t know. It hardly seems worth it, really. I won’t get there till nearly nine, and then you’ll be coming back after breakfast. If you’re OK, I’ll leave it. I thought I’d blitz the house.’

‘Oh, darling! That seems a bit unfair.’

‘What, more unfair than me dumping the kids on you yet again so I can work? Hardly. Look, I’ve got to fly, I’ve only got a few minutes and I need to grab a coffee. I’ll see you later.’

She hung up, ordered her coffee, which immediately made her think of Ed, and then thought of nothing else.

If she was home alone tonight and Saturday night, maybe she could see him. Stay over, even.

Heart pounding in anticipation, she sent him a text, and seconds later her phone rang.

‘How about tonight?’

CHAPTER EIGHT

S
HE
WENT
STRAIGHT
into his arms.

He was waiting for her in the garden and came through the arch to greet her, and he looked awful.

‘What’s happened?’

‘Nothing,’ he said into her hair. ‘I’m tired, that’s all. Rough day. God, I’ve missed you.’

She lifted her head and his lips found hers unerringly. ‘Come to bed,’ he said against her mouth, and she nodded. She wasn’t sure what was going on, but he needed her, and that was all she needed to know.

He made love to her with an intensity that stunned her. It was as if he was trying to lose himself, to escape from reality into a world where nothing existed except the two of them, and he held back nothing.

He didn’t need to. She was with him all the way, clinging to him, fighting whatever hidden demons he was trying to exorcise, and when it was over he rolled onto his back, taking her with him, and held her tight against him as the sawing of his breath eased and their hearts slowed with the receding shock waves.

She let him lie there for a while, but she could still hear the cogs turning, the emotion churning through him, and she tilted her head to study him.

His face was expressionless. She lifted a hand and cradled his jaw, feeling the stubble rasp against her palm.

‘Are you OK?’

He turned his head towards her, his smile crooked. It didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Yeah. Sorry. I’ve just had a really rough day with my grandfather. I’m not very good company, I’m afraid.’

‘It’s fine, don’t worry about it. What’s wrong with him?’

She felt his whole body tense, as if he was bracing himself to talk about it. ‘His chest is a bit congested.’

His voice was soft and a little raw, and she could hear his heart pounding under her ear. She moved so she could see him better. ‘Pneumonia?’

‘Yeah, and he’s got two advance directives with a whole bunch of conditions. No hospital, no resuscitation, no unnecessary intervention. The GP’s been great—it’s Andy’s wife, Lucy Gallagher. She only works part time, but she’s come out even when she’s been off duty, and she came out yesterday morning after she dropped the children off. She wasn’t supposed to be working, but she’d been worried about him the day before. And we had a long talk.’

‘And?’

He shrugged again. There was a hopelessness about the gesture that tugged at her heartstrings, and she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him. ‘He’s dying, Annie. It’s just a matter of time now, and maybe not much of that.’

‘Do you need to be there?’

‘No. Marnie sent me home. She wanted to be alone with him. And there’s nothing I can do.’

There was nothing to say to that, no platitude she could offer. Only herself. She cradled his cheek again, turning his face towards her so she could feather a gentle kiss on his lips.

‘I love you.’

He stiffened and closed his eyes, but he didn’t pull away. ‘Annie, no,’ he pleaded, his voice cracking. ‘Don’t do this. Don’t go there—’

‘I am there. I didn’t mean to be, but I am. There are no implications for you, Ed. I’m not asking anything of you, I’m just telling you I love you, and that I’m here for you, whenever you need me, whatever you need from me—a shoulder, a way to lose yourself from reality, a sounding board, whatever.’

He let out his breath on a long, shuddering sigh and pulled her closer. ‘Just hold me,’ he said roughly, and she did.

She held him all night, in one way or another, spooning around him when he turned away, holding him close after he woke in the night and made love to her again with a desperation that made her weep silently for him.

And then, at five o’clock, the phone rang.

* * *

She couldn’t get hold of him.

She’d contacted James and told him that Ed wouldn’t be coming in, and because Connie’s baby had been born after midnight, she was still in hospital so he’d come in to help out for a few hours.

‘You didn’t need to come in,’ she tutted, but he just smiled the smile of a man who’d thought he’d never be a father and hugged her.

‘Yes, I did, and it’s fine. I’ll do a few hours, that’s all. I’ve already been and had a cuddle with him.’

‘Got a name yet?’

His smile was a little off kilter. ‘Joseph. There was no contest.’

Of course. After Connie’s first husband, Joe. He’d been James’s best friend, and he was the reason they were together. She smiled back at him and squeezed his hand. ‘That’s lovely. A good, strong name.’

‘We thought so. So what’s happening with Ed’s grandfather?’

‘He’s got pneumonia. Ed didn’t think it would be long.’

‘Ah. I’d better factor him out of the equation for a bit, then. I wonder if you and Andy could do a few more shifts? It’s going to be really tight and I don’t want to bail on Connie. Can we share the load?’

‘Of course we can. I’m sure Mum won’t mind under the circumstances. She knows his grandmother.’

‘Good. Right, better crack on and clear what we can before I go off.’

They set to work, and every time she had a moment she checked her phone, but there was nothing from him. She didn’t want to pester him. She’d sent a text saying she was thinking of them all and would he let her know how things were, and she was sure he’d come back to her at some point with an update.

James went off to collect his wife and son and take them home, and she battled through the afternoon with the help of the registrar and a reasonably competent F2. And they managed, but her mind wasn’t entirely on the job and she was glad nothing major cropped up.

She handed over at six, after finishing off the paperwork on a nasty sports injury she’d admitted, and still there was nothing from him, so she went home, showered and changed into linen trousers and a loose linen mix shirt and went to see if she could find him.

He wasn’t at home, and she drove past his grandparents’ house and saw his car on the drive with several others. His parents and brother? Very likely. About time they showed up, she thought grimly, but actually he’d seemed happy enough to shoulder the burden with Marnie without their help, and it had probably been better for Ned. Calmer, more continuity.

She wondered what was happening.

Nothing she was a part of or could help with, she was sure, so she drove home, rang the girls and spoke to them and her mother, wished her uncle a happy birthday, heard all about the party she’d missed and then hung up again.

She cooked herself something to eat, but she had no appetite and there was nothing on the television and the book she was reading didn’t hold her attention at all.

She was at a loss, unable to settle, so she drove to the cliff-top car park and pulled up close to the steps. The cars were still there on the drive, nobody coming or going, and she could almost feel the suspense hanging over the house.

She couldn’t do this. Couldn’t sit and watch and wait for something to happen. It seemed too intrusive, almost stalker-like, but she couldn’t bear to be too far away, so she locked the car and walked down the steps to the deserted beach. She had a signal on her phone, the key of the beach hut in her pocket. She could sit in there and wait for news.

Except the doors were open.

Her footsteps slowed to a halt. Should she walk past, see if it was someone she recognised? If not, it wouldn’t matter, the beach wasn’t private.

And if it was Marnie?

She heard the murmur of a voice, but it was too far away to hear who it was or what they were saying. And then, a moment later, her phone beeped.

* * *

He felt numb.

They’d been waiting for this for so long, and yet in the end it had seemed sudden, and he hadn’t been ready for it.

Were you ever ready? Probably not.

They’d all been together, his father falling apart as the reality finally penetrated, he and his brother stony-faced and fighting back tears, and Marnie, quiet, calm, holding his hand and talking softly to him as the old man had gently slipped away.

After the battle of the past forty-eight hours, the silence had seemed like a blessing, but it was as if no one had quite known what to do at that point so he’d stepped in, the doctor in him taking over as he’d picked up his stethoscope and listened for his grandfather’s heart.

‘He’s gone,’ he said softly, and turned off the oxygen, squeezed Marnie’s shoulder and walked out into the garden. The patio doors had been open, the rest of them gathered in the shade, waiting for news, and they saw his face and started to cry.

It was all too much for him.

He went back in the other way, picked up the key of the beach hut and left the house. The doctor would come later, then the undertaker, all the wheels grinding into motion, but that would keep. For now, he just wanted silence.

And Annie.

He opened the hut, sat down on the bench seat where they’d made love just days ago, and stared blankly at the sea. He was sure the feeling would return at some point, but for now he felt nothing, just a curious emptiness where his heart used to be.

His phone rang, jiggling in his pocket, still on silent. His brother. He answered it reluctantly. ‘Hi, there.’

‘Where are you, Ed?’

‘I just needed some air. I won’t be long.’

‘Are you all right?’

Was he? ‘Yeah, I’m fine, Pete,’ he lied. ‘I’ll see you soon.’

Then he sent a text to Annie.

He’s gone.

The reply pinged back instantly.

So sorry. Where are you?

At the beach hut. Where are you?

He heard footsteps, and she appeared in the doorway, and the hole where his heart had been was suddenly filled again.

‘I’m here,’ she said, and he stood up and wrapped his arms around her and hung on for dear life.

* * *

The next week was filled with admin.

He decided to let his family take over and carry that part of the load, and on Tuesday he went back to work.

Andy was the first person he saw.

‘Hey. How are you?’

‘I’ll do. Andy, will you thank Lucy, please? She’s been amazing—’

He broke off, his voice cracking, and he cleared his throat. ‘Um—I need to be busy. What can I do?’

‘I’m going to put you on Minors. The cubicles are stacked to the rafters for some reason, and it’ll keep you occupied for hours.’

Minors? He wanted something good and gory, something to challenge him, to get his teeth into, but he realised he probably wasn’t up to it. He nodded. ‘Thanks. Right, well, I’ll go and get on.’

He had to deal with all the others, of course, coming up to him and offering condolences, but he just thanked them and carried on working, and bit by bit he started to feel a little more normal.

Until Annie came out of Resus and saw him.

‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ she asked, her voice soft with concern.

‘I need to work.’

To his surprise she didn’t argue, just nodded. ‘OK. Want a coffee?’

‘Not really. If you’re going over, can you get me one?’

‘Sure.’

He watched her go, aching to go with her, knowing it was a bad idea. Ever since she’d told him she loved him on Friday night, he’d known he had to back off. Not that he wanted to. Left to his own devices, he’d keep her with him all day and all night, but it wasn’t fair.

There was no way he was going to let her face what he’d had to face, the decisions he’d had to make for his grandfather, the endless agony of watching him die inch by inch.

If it came to it, he wanted a stranger making those decisions, someone who wouldn’t be torn apart as Marnie had been torn apart and ground down by the unrelenting advance of the disease.

So when she came back, he thanked her for the coffee and carried on working. He even offered to pay for it, which earned him a stern look as she turned and walked away.

Damn.

* * *

‘Mum, I hate to ask you but are you busy tonight?’

‘No, darling. Why? Do you want to go and see Ed?’

‘Please. He’s back at work, and he looks awful. Blank. Empty. I’m worried about him.’