Risk of a Lifetime (Mills & Boon Medical) (19 page)

‘Come with me,’ he said finally, and she nodded and pushed the cakes towards him.

‘Want to have half and half?’

And at last he smiled.

* * *

They travelled cross-country, on the back roads. It took longer, but they had plenty of time and it was a gorgeous day. The roof was down, their hair was blowing in the wind, and tootling along through the country lanes with the birds singing overhead in the branches was strangely calming.

But by the time they got to Cambridge, he still didn’t know if he wanted her with him when he got the results.

They hadn’t talked about it on the way, by tacit agreement. They hadn’t talked about anything much. Marnie, mostly, and the fact that she wanted to sell the house and downsize.

He was gutted by that because he loved the house and it held so many wonderful memories for him, but it was her decision. Just as this was his.

He found a space in the hospital car park, by a miracle, and they went and found a café and bought some sandwiches and picked at them.

‘You should eat,’ he said to her, but maybe she was nervous, too. He knew he was. His stomach was in knots, and he still wasn’t sure he had the guts to go through with it.

‘What are you going to ask? Do you want to know all of it, or just if you have the defective gene or not?’

His heart beat a little tattoo against his ribs and he abandoned the sandwich. ‘I don’t know.’

‘What’s the bottom line for you?’

‘Has it expanded.’

‘Changed the level of risk to you, in other words? OK. So maybe ask that first?’

He nodded. ‘If the answer’s yes, do I want to know how much?’

‘I don’t know. I can’t advise you, Ed, and I won’t. This is too big a thing for me to be influencing you.’

‘But you are influencing me. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here.’

‘But I didn’t ask you to do this.’

‘Did you want to?’

She smiled sadly at him. ‘Oh, Ed.’ She took his hand, folding it between hers, squeezing it tight as she let go of her own fears and gave him the truth.

‘Of course I want to know, but I’m not going to ask you to do this against your better judgement. It’s a tough thing to do, I know that, and you have to be utterly sure you want the answer, whatever it turns out to be, because you can’t just hand it back if you don’t like it. So by all means do it for yourself, but don’t do it for me, because it won’t change how I feel.’

‘It should.’

‘No, it shouldn’t,’ she said, and laid all her cards on the table. ‘Look, I don’t know what’s happening with us, I don’t know what you feel about me, where you want to take it, but no matter where we go with this, if we have a future or not, this result won’t change the fact that I love you, and I’ll love you for ever, whatever happens to you, or to us.

‘It might influence our decisions. We might not want to have children, or we might want to go the IVF route and screen the embryos. Or there’s all the other possibilities like gene silencing and things like that being developed that could totally change the prognosis in the future. But whatever we decided to do about that, whatever happens to you, I want to be there, by your side, because I love you and I think you love me. So there you have it. What happens next is down to you.’

His fingers tightened on hers, his eyes intense, searching. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’

‘Of course I do. I’m a doctor. I’m well aware. I’ve listened to you talking about your grandfather, I’ve listened to Marnie, I’ve done research, I’ve seen patients with it—Ed, I
know
what I’m saying. And I mean every single word of it.’

His eyes scanned hers again, his face a mask, and then he nodded. She could see a pulse beating in his neck, feel the tension radiating off him.

‘Will you wait here for me?’

‘Of course I’ll wait. You don’t have to ask. There’s just one thing. Can I have a hug, please, before you go?’

‘Oh, Annie—’

He scooped her up, wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently against his heart. He could have stayed there for ever, putting off the evil moment, absorbing the strength of this incredible woman who apparently loved him enough to do this for him, but time was ticking on and he let her go reluctantly.

‘I’ll see you as soon as I’m done. Have you got your phone?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.’

He kissed her, a hard, desperate kiss loaded with emotion, and then he dropped his arms and strode away. She waited until he was out of sight, then sat down again abruptly. She needed a cold drink, some fresh air and an end to this.

Well, she could manage the cold drink and the fresh air. The rest would have to wait.

* * *

His head was reeling.

Reeling with facts and figures, bottom lines and possibilities, not all of them good. But not bad.

He pulled out his phone and called Annie, and she answered instantly, as if she’d been sitting waiting with the phone in her hand.

‘Hi. I’m done. Where are you?’

‘Where you left me. I’ve just got a bottle of water.’

‘Bring it with you. Meet me at the car.’

She was there before him, and he let her into the car and slid in beside her.

‘Well?’

‘Not here.’

He drove out into the country, parked the car in a field entrance and propped his hands on the wheel. Beside him Annie was rigid with tension, her hands locked together, the knuckles white.

‘OK, bottom line. I’ve got the gene, but it didn’t expand when my father handed it down to me.’

‘You won’t get it?’

‘No. I won’t get it. Ever.’

There was a strangled sob from beside him, and he turned and caught her as she threw herself into his arms and hung on tight.

‘Oh, thank God,’ she said raggedly. ‘I didn’t know what you were going to say. I thought—oh, I don’t know what I thought. I knew it wasn’t totally good news when I saw you, but I didn’t know how bad it might be. Oh, Ed, I’m so glad you’re safe. I thought...’ She pushed him away and lifted her hand. He felt her fingers on his face, wiping away tears—his?—with infinite tenderness.

‘Are you OK?’ she asked softly.

He nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I’m OK. It could have been a lot, lot worse.’

‘It could. Tell Marnie, she needs to know.’

‘No. I’ll go and tell her, face to face. If I didn’t have the gene, I’d call her, but although it’s good news for me, this isn’t really what she wanted to hear so I need to tell her gently because it still has repercussions.’ He let out a soft sigh. ‘God, I feel wrung out. Have you got that water?’

She handed it to him, and he drank half of it, handed the bottle back and started the car. She took the cap off again and sipped it, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

He seemed happier. Freer, somehow, as if a huge weight had been taken off him. Had he even realised he’d been carrying it around for so many years?

She put the cap back on the water, rested her head back and closed her eyes. She felt drained after the past few traumatic days, and the sun on her face, the birds in the trees and the gentle breeze lulled her off to sleep.

* * *

‘Hey, sleepyhead.’

She woke with a start, and looked around. ‘Oh. We’re at mine.’

‘I thought your girls might want to see you today.’ He hesitated for a moment. ‘What are you doing later?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Can your mother babysit?’

‘Again?’

‘Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top?’

She laughed softly. ‘I expect so. I’ll let you know.’

‘Good. I’ll see you later.’

He let her out of the car, kissed her lightly on the cheek and watched her let herself in, and then, taking a long, deep breath, he put the car in gear and drove to Marnie’s.

She was in the garden, pottering quietly in the greenhouse with a rubbish bag and the compost bin. ‘I’m having a clear-out,’ she said. ‘It’s such a mess in here. Ned would be so annoyed if he could see it.’

‘Come out,’ he said, taking the pots out of her hand and putting them down on the wooden staging. ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

‘What? Have you finally come to your senses and proposed to that nice girl?’

He laughed. ‘Yes and no. Come on, sit down. We need to talk.’

‘Gosh, it sounds serious.’

‘It is serious. I went to get my test result.’

Her hand flew to her mouth, and she stifled a gasp. ‘Oh, Ed. And?’

‘Same as Dad. Same as you. I’ll be fine, but I won’t have children because of the risk.’ The words seemed to sear through him, and he sucked in a breath.

‘Oh, darling. I was so hoping—’

‘Marnie, I’m fine. I’ll be all right. That’s all that matters. I just won’t risk passing it on.’

Her eyes welled. ‘Oh, that’s such a shame. You’d be a brilliant father. Are you all right about it?’

He shrugged. ‘Sort of gutted about not having my own kids, but—no, it’s good. It means I can make informed decisions about what I want to do with my life instead of just running away.’

‘Have you told Annie?’

He nodded. ‘She was with me. Not when I got the results, but she went with me in the car.’

‘So what prompted this?’

‘Annie did,’ he said, feeling a wave of sadness. ‘She had a miscarriage at the weekend. She was only a few days overdue, hadn’t even had a positive pregnancy test till the day it happened. She’s been off work all week.’

She tsked softly and reached over to squeeze his hand. ‘Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.’

‘So am I. I’m relieved that I haven’t passed on the HD gene, but I’m gutted about the baby. It made me realise—well, all sorts of things.’

‘So what happens now?’

‘Now?’ His phone rang and he answered it. ‘Hi, Annie. Can she do it?’

‘Yes. What time?’

‘After the girls are in bed?’

‘Half-past seven?’

‘Sounds good. Wear the long blue dress. And don’t eat first.’

‘Oh! OK. I’ll see you later.’

‘See you later. Bye.’

He slipped his phone back into his pocket and smiled at Marnie. ‘Now I’m going to take her out for dinner.’

‘Somewhere nice?’

‘Somewhere very nice.’

‘Good. It’s about time. Let me know what she says.’

‘About?’

Marnie just smiled at him and shook her head patiently. ‘Go on, shoo. I’ve got to clear up this lot. I’ve got an estate agent coming round tomorrow.’

‘What?’

‘You heard.’

‘No. Stop. Do nothing. Get it valued, but do nothing else.’

‘Why?’

‘Because rumour has it there’s a paediatric consultancy coming up in Yoxburgh and if Annie—well, I might want to buy it from you.’

Her eyes filled with tears and she flung her arms around him. ‘Oh, you dear, sweet, sentimental boy...’

‘I’m hardly any of those things, Marnie, and, anyway, it’s a sound investment.’

She let him go and tapped him on the nose. ‘Don’t lie to your grandmother. You know perfectly well I can see straight through you. Now go and get yourself ready for this evening, and shave, would you? You look a mess. And before you go, I’ve got something for you.’

* * *

He picked her up on the dot of seven-thirty and took her to the restaurant where they’d had coffee that morning.

It seemed like a lifetime ago.

They sat inside this time, watching the sun set over the sea, and it was wonderful.

The food was wonderful, the atmosphere was wonderful, the service was wonderful—and she wasn’t sure why they were there. She’d thought, maybe...but that was just a foolish hope, and she should have known better.

‘Let’s not bother with coffee,’ he said, and summoned the waiter with a flick of his eyebrow.

He paid the bill, left a hefty tip and ushered her out, and to her surprise he went the wrong way.

‘Why are we going this way?’

‘I’ve got a surprise for you.’

‘Oh.’

Her heart hiccupped, and when he pulled up in the cliff-top car park and let her down the steps, she was puzzled.

He was taking her to the beach hut? Why?

She soon found out.

‘Wait here,’ he said, and moments later he opened the doors wide and beckoned her in.

The inside was lit by what seemed like a thousand tea lights, flickering in glass holders all around the sides, and she could see champagne cooling in the ice bucket on the table, with strawberries and dainty cocoa-dusted truffles next to it in a pretty little bonbon dish.

He sat her down, and she thought he was about to open the champagne, but instead he picked up the bonbon dish and offered it to her.

‘Thank you— Oh!’

Nestled in the middle, resting on a dark chocolate truffle, was a ring. It was nothing flashy, just a pretty diamond solitaire set in platinum, and she stared at it, a little stunned, not quite sure what to do.

‘I don’t know,’ he said quietly, ‘if you’ve meant everything you’ve said to me in the last twenty-four hours about loving me and the result not making any difference, so if you didn’t mean it, now would be a good time to say so.’

She looked up at him and his mouth flickered in a smile, but his eyes were expressionless and there was a muscle working in his jaw.

‘Of course I meant it.’

‘Thank God for that,’ he said under his breath, and before she could react, he went down on one knee in front of her, took the ring out of the truffles and took her hand in his.

‘I love you, Annie. I’ve been fighting it like I seem to fight everything, trying to outrun it, but I can’t, and I realised this week that I didn’t want to. I realised when you told me about the baby that I wanted it all—you, the girls, our baby, the happy ever after—all of it. And we were so close to having it, and it made me realise I couldn’t let it slip away, but I could only have it on my terms.

‘That was why I wouldn’t let you come with me for the results, in case it was bad news, to give me time to get my defences up. If I’d been going to get HD, I would have walked away from you—’

‘Maybe I wouldn’t have let you.’

He frowned. ‘You really are a fighter, aren’t you?’

‘I am for what I know is right, and for what I love. And I love you. And if you’re down there on the floor volunteering to be my keeper after all this, the answer’s yes.’