RISK (14 page)

Ellie

"You followed me to lunch," I accuse as Nolan shuts the door of his office. This time he sent his assistant on a mission to find the marketing notes for an online campaign for a skin care product that launched last year. She eagerly took on the challenge, telling him she'd be back in ten minutes. He told her if she did that she'd need to find a new job.

His hand goes to my waist, edging me back against the closed door. His breath, laced with the lingering aroma of a midday shot of something thick and strong, maybe whiskey, blows over my lips. "Let's call it even since you followed me last night."

I try to look away, surprised that there's a flush creeping over my cheeks. His hand jumps to cup my chin. His eyes, dark and unyielding, stare into mine.

"I did," I admit. "I didn't mean to. It just happened."

"It never just happens." He slicks his tongue over his bottom lip. "I didn't just happen to arrive at the restaurant three minutes after you and Liam did. I was on the sidewalk outside Matiz when I saw him wave to you as you left the store. I watched you greet him. One kiss from him on your left cheek and a hand, your right one, on his forearm."

I swallow hard trying to suppress all the anger I'm feeling. I'd noticed Nolan almost immediately when he took a seat four tables over from where I was sitting with Liam. I felt his eyes on me until he left the restaurant five minutes before I did. I was tempted to skip our meeting, but curiosity wouldn't let me. "You had no right to do that. I was having lunch with him to talk about something important to me."

"You had no right to follow me last night." His eyes drop to my chest before they trail back to my face.

He's right. I didn't have a right, but I had a need. An overwhelming need to see where his driver was taking him.

"I was curious. I wanted to know where you were going." I try to jerk my chin free, but his grip is too tight. It's firm, tender, the promise of that touch on my body keeps me in place. I ask the question that's been silently haunting me since last night. "Did you go there to meet a woman?"

He looks directly at me, his voice calm and in control. "No."

"Did you fuck someone else last night after you fucked me?" My heart is racing with the uncertainty of how I'll feel if he tells me he did.

"No, Ellie. Absolutely not."

"Why did you go to that building?"

He pauses. "I live there."

I shake my head, curbing my urge to push him away from me. "You live in the apartment you took me to. The one we fucked in."

His chin drops faintly. It's so slight that it's barely noticeable. "I own the apartment that I took you to. I used to live there. I don't anymore, but some of my things are still there."

"You made me believe that you live there now." I stare into his eyes. He can't win this. I won't let him. I'm not going to be made a fool of by a man again. Ever.

"I let you assume that I live there now, Ellie," he says roughly.

I clear my throat. "So you don't have a hotel room that you take women to? You have an entire apartment?"

His phone buzzes in the pocket of his suit jacket. "I haven't taken any other woman there recently."

"Recently?" I spit out a laugh. It's a joyless sound inflated with bitterness. As much as I haven't admitted it to myself, I wanted to be different. I didn't want to be just one of many to him. Not to him. "What is recent to you? Two days ago? Three? A few hours? When's the last time a woman was there with you?"

"Five years, three months, fourteen days."

The precision of his answer jars me enough that it catches my breath. "What?"

"It's been a long time." He skips past the oddity of his last reply as if it means nothing. "I take women I want to fuck to an Executive Suite at the Bishop Hotel."

"You didn't take me there."

He leans in, pressing his lips to my temple. "I want more than to fuck you, Ellie."

"What do you want?" I look up and into his eyes. They've softened, transitioned from defensive to open.

"I want to know you. I want you to know me."

***

"You already know me." I push my hands against his chest, but the man is solid. He's a wall. "You commissioned a complete background check on me when you hired me."

"Is that so?" He smiles.

"Yes." I nod toward his desk. "You had a file with my name on it on your desk when I came in that morning with my list of security improvements."

He doesn't flinch. "You're very aware of everything around you. I was surprised you didn't realize a car was following you last night while you were following me."

Shit. I didn't think of that. Why would I think of that?

"Was it a security detail?" I scan his face, looking for some subtle reaction but there's nothing.

"Yes. That's exactly what it was."

"Why?" I hesitate a moment, then ask. "Why would you need that? You own a cosmetics company. It's not like you're the President of the United States."

That draws a smile to his lips. "A man doesn't need to run a country to require extra security sometimes, Ellie."
              "Elaborate on what that means."

"It means that people, other than the President, need security."
              "Why do you need personal security?" I press my hands against his chest again, but there's no movement on his part. He won't budge.  "Are you in trouble?"

"Define trouble." He dips his chin, the grin on his lips widening.

"You think this is funny?" I shake my head, frustrated and embarrassed. I didn't expect this at all. I felt victorious in some twisted post-fuck sense when I followed him last night. It was as if I'd caught him doing something before he could hurt me.

It still hurt, though, not in the same bone-numbing way that it did when I realized that Tad had cheated on me with who knows how many women. When I saw Nolan leave his apartment last night, I felt a sense of loss over what could have been.

"Not funny." His smile disappears, replaced by calmness. "There's an occasional threat directed my way. I'm never sure if it's a disgruntled customer or an actual lunatic. If it has any weight, I have security personnel who follow me until things settle."

"I didn't know."

"Now you do," he says, his voice low. "I think it's interesting that we both felt compelled to follow the other."

"Why did you follow me to lunch?" I ask hoarsely.

"I consider Wolf a threat. A much different threat than those that require extra security, but still, a threat."

I'm buoyed by the answer as much as I am irritated. He doesn't own me. He fucked me once. That doesn't grant him a ticket into my soul. "A threat? Because you think he wants to sleep with me?"

"He doesn't want to sleep with you, Ellie. He wants to fuck you and I'm not about to let that happen."

Nolan

Following her to lunch was a spontaneous, cock driven decision. I was coming back from a meeting with Kristof when I saw Liam on the sidewalk in front of Matiz. I waited, in plain view, until Ellie emerged from the store, her face beaming as she approached him.

She held back when she got close. The only contact a quick brush of his lips across her cheek and her hand sweeping across his arm. They walked side-by-side, not touching, to an Italian place around the corner that serves overcooked pasta and sauce from a jar.

I could have easily stopped there and turned back toward the office. I didn't. I took a table, ordered a whiskey and spent the next hour trying to read their lips. It was useless. She knew I was there. Her face gave way to what was going on inside of her.

Conflict. The anger from my presence combined with her confusion about last night.

I didn't know she followed me until Kristof mentioned it during our brief meeting right before I saw Ellie with Wolf. She watched me come out of the building she thought I lived in before seeing me walk into the building I actually live in. It's not how I wanted her to find out, but I'm pleased it's out in the open. I'm glad that she knows at least one of my secrets.

"Liam doesn't want to fuck me." There's irritation in her tone.

She pushes against my chest and this time I take a step back. It surprises her enough that she doesn't move immediately. So I take another step, to the side this time. She passes me and moves to sit in one of the chairs in front of my desk.

"I saw the way he was looking at you, Ellie. He clearly wants to fuck you."

She looks up to where I'm standing next to her. There's defeat in her eyes. "Liam is trying to help me get a job. His brother is going to help me."

"Nick?" I tilt my head. "Nick writes crime novels. What could you possibly do for him?"

"No. I'm not talking about Nicholas." She pinches the bridge of her nose. "It's Liam's oldest brother. Sebastian. He's a detective. He works for the NYPD. He might be able to help me get a job."

Shit. She was having lunch with him because of his brother.

"You want to work for the police department?"

She nods, vigorously. "I do. I will. I just need a chance to get my foot in the door there."

I race through my mind trying to determine who I know who holds a high enough rank in the NYPD that they could pull the necessary strings to get Ellie a job. There's no one. It's one of the few organizations in this city that my family has no ties to.

"Liam will talk to his brother," she goes on, "I'll meet with Sebastian later this week."

I want that job for her, even if it means I won't see her every day. "I'm sorry I jumped to the wrong conclusion, Ellie. I thought there was something personal between you and Wolf."

"What if there was?" Her blue eyes flick up to mine. "We had sex, Nolan. We didn't promise each other anything last night."

She's right. No promises were made, at least not verbally. It's obvious that the actions that we've both taken since then say otherwise. "We can remedy that now."

Her gaze follows my every movement as I sit in the chair next to her. "Remedy it how?"

"Clearly I was concerned that your lunch with Liam was going to lead to something more."

"Clearly," she quips.

I smile. "It's just as clear that you had some questions about where I went last night after you left my place."

"I was curious when I saw you come out of the building we'd been in together." She carefully dances around defining the space as the place we fucked. "You said you had something to take care of. I just assumed that meant that you'd be in all night."

"I want to you to understand something, Ellie." I lean forward, resting my forearms on my knees. "I'm the first to admit that I can be an asshole. I don't play nice in business. I will cut a man off at the knees if he threatens anything that I hold dear, but I will never, ever be like the man who hurt you."

"What makes you think a man hurt me?" Her arms cross over her chest.

I want to throat punch the idiot who put her on the defensive like this. "I know a man hurt you. A fucked up bastard named Tad Darling had a ring on your finger when he took half of the women in Vegas to bed."

She blinks at me as if she's trying to absorb every single syllable of what I just said. She's processing it, just as I was earlier when Kristof gave me the rundown on Tad Fucking Darling and how he treated Ellie. That goddamn son of a bitch.

"Is there anything you don't know about me, Nolan?"

I don't know if you're the girl who I saved a decade ago. The beautiful girl with the red hair who didn't want anything from me, but gave me more than I ever deserved. The angel who was face down on the pavement in a pool of her own blood the last time I ever saw her.

I swallow back the urge to ask if she's Kip or if she recognizes that I'm Rigs. Instead, I say the only thing I can. "Many things, Ellie. There are many things I don't know about you, but I want to learn everything."

***

"I'd like to know things about you too, Nolan."

Her words aren't unexpected. How could they be? I just told her that I want to know everything about her. I want her to be curious about me. I want to be the only man she thinks about.

"My favorite color is blue. I hate spiders, and I tried to take piano lessons last year, for the eighth time, but I quit. I fucking quit because my piano teacher was a hard ass."

"You hate spiders?" She smiles at me. "Or you are afraid of spiders?"

"Don't rub it in, Ellie." I sigh. "I know you're not scared of anything. You probably wrestle alligators on your days off. I get that you're brave. I am too, but when there's a spider within twenty feet of me all bets are off."

My phone buzzes in my pocket again. I ignore it. If it's anything important, Eda will knock. She'll disturb me if need be.

"I want to discuss something." I meet her gaze. "I'd like this to be exclusive, for now. I'd very much like if we could agree not to date other people."

"You mean you want me to agree not to date Liam and River."

Of course, I mean I want her to stay away from those two clowns. They're both circling her waiting for a chance to pounce. I want a barrier in place that they can't cross. I need to explore this without the added anxiety that their presence will bring.

"I mean any man who wants you."

"I just got out of a serious relationship a few months ago." She takes a deep breath. "Jumping into something exclusive might not be the best thing for me right now."

"My cock is the best thing for you right now." I square my shoulders. "The rest of me too, but you have to admit, the sex was stellar last night."

"That ego, Nolan." She waves her finger in the air at me. "You need to tame that down."

I laugh. "I'm just telling it like it is, Ellie."

She chuckles softly, her hand smoothing back her hair. "So you want us to date only each other for now?"

"Yes, that's exactly what I want," I tell her without a beat of hesitation.

"When was your last serious relationship?" She glances toward my office door. "Was it with Shelby?"

"Shelby? That wasn't a relationship. That was a mistake that never qualified as anything."

"So it was before her.  When did your last serious relationship end, Nolan?"

I scrub my hand over the back of my neck. I've never been ashamed to admit this. We all have strengths, each of us owns a weakness or two. Mine happens to be relationships. "I've never been in a serious relationship, Ellie. I've only ever had two girlfriends in my life and both of those were when I was fifteen-years-old. When they found out they were both my girlfriend at the same time, I stopped having girlfriends."

She doesn't laugh. There's no rush to scold me for teasing with her. Instead, she purses her lips.

"Why make this exclusive? We can date each other without labeling it."

No, we can't. That leaves the door open for any other man to come strolling into her life and that's a complication I don't want. "I have no interest in dating other women right now. I'd like to date only you with the understanding that you're not seeing other men."

There's a long pause. A fucking long pause as she stares right at me, into me. "I'll agree to date only you, Nolan if you agree to date only me. I can't promise how long I can do that for, but for now, I'd like to try."

Great. Good. Ellie Madden is dating me. She's only fucking me.

She stands and I follow. I reach for her, wanting a kiss, a touch, anything before I open my mouth again to tell her the one thing about me that defines who I am.

I cup her delicate face in my hands. I lean down and kiss her. It's soft at first and then urgency rushes over the connection and before I realize what I'm doing, my hand is on the back of her neck, insistent, coaxing, pushing her lips into mine. My body wants to seal the deal and cement her to me before she learns the truth. I want this and I want what I have at home. I want it all. I need it all.

She circles my waist with her hands, her fingers crawling under my suit jacket to clench the fabric of my shirt. I'm erect, hard and wanting. I want too much. I need to stop. I have to fucking stop.

"Ellie." I pull back from the kiss, but only enough that my lips skim over her lips when I say her name. "You have to know. I need to tell you."

"Tell me what?" She pops up to her tiptoes to claim my mouth again.

I give in because the need to taste her lips is stronger than my resistance. I run my hands down her back to cup her firm ass. I squeeze it, pulling her against me so she can feel what she's doing to me.

"You're hard." She smiles against my mouth. "You're right. The sex was stellar. Your cock is too. I admit it."

"Wait until you taste it." I tug her even closer, the hard ridge of my erection pressing against her. "I want to see these lips around it."

My pulse races when her hand drifts lower and then lower still. She grazes her fingers over the front of my pants, the touch electric. My dick throbs from the promise of her touch. "Now, Nolan?"

Yes, now.  Get on your knees and take it down your throat. All of it, until your eyes water and your pussy is on fire from sheer need.

I want to say it, but I stop. I fucking stop and step back, my hands firmly rooted to her shoulders.

"We can't," I breathe. "Ellie, we can't."

"Why not?" she whines. She whines like she wants it as much as her next breath.

"I need to tell you something." I cover my mouth with my hand. These words aren't easy. I don't say them often. Only a few scant people in my life know what I'm about to tell her.

My phone rings again. The sound is a lure to bide me more time. If I answer, I can think. I can fucking think without a raging hard-on about what I want to say to Ellie.

"What do you need to tell me?" She holds my gaze for a moment before her eyes drift to my office door. "Did you hear that? Was that a knock? Is someone at the door?"

I heard it. Eda knows better than to disturb me when I've asked her not to. There's only one situation that would warrant the incessant phone calls and the interruption by my assistant.

"Eda," I call out, hoping she can hear me. "What is it? Is it her?"

The double glass doors of my office open in one fell swoop. Crew stands directly behind Eda, his phone in his hand. He ends the call and my phone stops ringing, just as he brushes past Eda to stalk toward me. "Mayday. Now, pal. Let's go."

Ellie holds Crew's glance for a moment before she turns back to me. "What's going on? What is it, Nolan?"

As my eyes find hers, I say the words I've never said to a woman before. "It's my daughter. My daughter needs me, Ellie. I'm sorry. I have to go."

She lowers herself back into the chair in front of my desk as I follow Crew out of my office and sprint to the open doors of the elevator. I didn't want her to find out like this, but now it's out there. She knows. Ellie knows that I'm a father and the most important thing in the world to me is my five-year-old little girl and her broken heart.