Risking it All (26 page)

lower lip with a raspy, masculine moan.

“Ah, God. You hot fucking girl.” He

gripped himself through his jeans. “You

like seeing this? You like knowing I’m

obsessed with something I can’t have?”

She went closer, slipping her hands

underneath his shirt and running her

fingernails up his ridged abdomen. His

muscles contracted beneath her fingers,

making her feel powerful. This strikingly

beautiful man miraculously couldn’t

resist her. Oh, Lord, she didn’t want him

to. The inevitability of what she was

embarking on made every pulse point in

her body hammer, concentrated mostly

between her legs. “I only like knowing

what I do to you because the other half

isn’t true.” She lowered her hand to

palm and squeeze his straining arousal

through his jeans. “You can have me.

Now.”

His hand flew up to cover hers, as if

he meant to remove her touch. Instead,

he tightened her hold and helped her

squeeze, his voice deepening on words

that didn’t make sense to anyone but her.

“Good, ah, that’s fucking good. Rub it up

and down now.
Yes
. You make it like

that, baby. You make it hurt so bad,

don’t you? I want to shove it right into

your slicked-up pussy, Sera, but I can’t. I

can’t
.”

How could he still attempt to stop this

when she felt so out of control? Her

body trembled with the constant surges

of heat stealing her sanity. To try to deny

it seemed more criminal than any dark

deeds in his past. To hell with the

consequences of her actions. For once,

she didn’t care. She just needed
him
. He

obviously needed her, too.

“Why can’t you?” She went up on her

toes and licked into his eager mouth for

a kiss, distracting him while she

unfastened his belt and unzipped his

jeans. “Tell me.”

Her hand found his erection and

grasped it firmly, forcing a hungry growl

past his lips. Almost angrily, he clasped

her face in his hands, his radiating

intensity stealing her breath. “Can’t you

see this is the last thing keeping me

decent? I don’t have a fucking shred of

honor, except for this
one thing
. Leaving

you untouched is all I’ve got left. All I

can give you.” He shook her gently. “Do

better than me.”

A sob wrenched free of her throat.

Her chest verged on cracking wide open

to toss out her sore heart. Part of her

wished it would so she wouldn’t feel the

sharp, painful damage his words caused.

She wouldn’t let him go on feeling as if

he were unworthy. This misconception

wouldn’t stand. That familiar need to
fix

roared to the surface, made so much

stronger by her feelings for him.

Feelings that were flooding her, finding

their way to every corner and putting

down roots.

She could feel his desire in her hand,

hear it in every shuddering breath. It

wouldn’t take much to shake his control.

Her hand began stroking him as she

pushed up for another searing kiss. This

time, though, she didn’t end it. Her

tongue wrestled with his, savoring every

noise of suffering that came from him.

Triumph made her lightheaded when he

took charge of the kiss. One hand sank

into her hair as his mouth punished hers

with rough, wet kisses. He dropped his

other hand to her bottom, delving inside

the cotton of her underwear to cup and

knead. An incessant pulse beat between

her thighs, dampness spreading, heating.

When he pulled away to draw air, she

got a split-second glimpse of his

frenzied expression before he dived

back in, kissing her with enough force to

knock her back a step. She kept the

momentum going, relieved when he

followed her progress toward the bed,

never letting up on his assault of her

mouth. Using what little functioning

brainpower she had left, Sera shoved the

jeans

down

his

hips,

excitement

drumming through her when he stepped

out of them.

She fell back onto the bed in time to

watch him strip his shirt over his head.

The action left his hair standing on end,

creating such a mind-numbingly sexy

effect, she had to press her legs together

to ease the throb. Such a hefty amount of

danger radiated from him, a Hail Mary

involuntarily popped into her head

before she shoved the prayer aside. No

room for that here. Not with this

gorgeous man staring down at her as if

he were deciding exactly where to start.

She’d only just reached out for him

when he fell on her with a harsh curse,

wedging his hips between her thighs and

finding her mouth again. “Same as last

time, okay?” His Brooklyn accent had

grown thicker. “I get to pretend I’m

fucking your tight-as-hell pussy and you

get to come inside those lily-white

panties. Ready for it, baby?”

“
No
.” The word burst past her lips. If

he started doing this his way, she would

get lost. He needed to be inside her. The

way she felt about him made anything

less feel like a sham. Something

unworthy of them. Bowen looked down

at her, sweat dotting his forehead, as if

he couldn’t believe she’d put the brakes

on, but when she reached down and

started to peel off her panties,

recognition dawned.

“Ah, please. Come on, sweetheart,

don—” A savage shout erupted from his

lips when the length of his erection

slipped against her naked core. He

shifted his hips as if he had no choice,

working himself closer. “Jesus. Jesus

Christ. You get so wet. All for me.

Right, Sera? Say it.”

“All for you.” Sensing him about to

give in, she found his ass with her hands

and hauled him closer, the friction

making them both cry out. “I’m all for

you. Have me, Bowen.”

His strong arms shook on either side

of her, perspiration beading on his

shoulders. “Please,” he growled through

clenched teeth. “I can’t hold out. Need to

fuck you so bad. So hard.”

“Yes.” She wrapped her legs around

his waist, using all her strength to bring

him close. “I want you to.”

He pressed their damp foreheads

together, warm breath fanning her face.

“The idea of hurting you makes me

crazy,” he said in a harsh whisper. “I’ve

got a little too much crazy in me already

tonight. I don’t think I could go easy. I

know I can’t.”

“Bowen.”

Her

fingers

threaded

themselves through his hair. “You’re

hurting me more by saying no.”

The flare in his eyes told her he didn’t

like hearing that. Hated it, possibly. A

beat passed where she could practically

see the wheels spinning in his head.

Then he kissed her hard once and

reversed their positions. She went from

flat on her back to straddling his waist,

looking down at the most breathtakingly

handsome, insanely complicated man

she’d ever met. His cheekbones were

high with color, slate-colored eyes

blazing with lust.

“It has to be this way, Sera. Otherwise

you’ll end up with your ankles behind

my neck, screaming while I pound you.”

His teeth sank into his bottom lip. “And

that’s just how it’ll start. When I feel

myself coming, I’d hold it back. I’d flip

you onto your hands and knees and start

all over.” He ran his hands up her rib

cage to grasp her breasts. “On second

thought, maybe you’d like that. Catholic

girls spend a lot of time kneeling

already, don’t they?”

Oh, wow
. Why wasn’t she taking

offense? Why did his taunt only make her

infinitely hotter? She planted both hands

on his shoulders and slid up his thick

erection, then worked her way back

down with little writhing motions of her

hips. His sharp curses and quick intakes

of breath told her he liked it, so she did

it again. “I think I like it this way,

actually,” she gasped.

He fisted her hair in his hands,

dragged her down to his chest to ravage

her mouth. “Tell me again that it hurts

when I don’t fuck you. Make it okay for

me, Sera.”

“It hurts.” She rubbed her breasts

against his muscular upper body. “It

hurts
.”

Bowen inched them up the bed and

grabbed hold of the wrought iron

headboard with both hands. “I’m going

to stay still as long as I can to let you get

used to me. But…ah, baby, I’ll be going

crazy for you to ride it hard. Try to move

as much as you can, okay?” His hands

flexed and tightened in a white-knuckle

hold. “There’s no going back after this.

Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want this, Bowen. You.”

His eyes burned. “I can’t go back,

either, Sera. Not once I have you.”

She dragged her fingertips down his

naked body. Watching for his reaction,

she took his hardness in her hands and

guided him between her legs, moaning at

the slippery contact.

“Wait.” Looking as though he were in

severe pain, he jerked his chin toward

the bedside table. “Condom. In the

drawer.
God,
please hurry.”

Silently berating herself for not even

sparing a thought for protection, she

leaned over Bowen and opened the

drawer, impatient to get back to touching

him. As she drew out a foil packet, his

tongue swirled enticingly over her

nipple before sucking it hard into his

mouth. He drew so deeply on her, she

cried out and nearly collapsed. Her

hands flew to the headboard for balance,

sensation rocketing through her body.

Between her thighs, she could feel him

pressing at her entrance, thick and huge.

“Give it.” He snatched the condom out

of her hand, ripping it open with his

teeth. His gaze burned into hers as he

rolled it on in one smooth motion. “Let’s

get me inside you before I fucking die.

How does that sound?”

She nodded shakily. “Good.”

Bowen’s hands went back to their

death grip on the headboard and she took

him in her hand once more. His jaw

went slack as she squeezed him once,

twice. “Rub me against your clit, baby. I

own that spot, don’t I? Use me to touch

it.”

Her thighs shook as she followed his

instructions, shallow breaths echoing in

her ears. It only took a matter of seconds

for the emptiness to take up residence in

her belly. That need to be filled she’d

always experienced with him. “I can’t…

I want—”

“I know what you want. Take it.”

Need him as close as possible. Need

all of him.
Not giving herself a second

longer to psyche herself out, she pushed

the head past her entrance and sank

down with one hard push. A shockwave

of pain reverberated through her, making

her cry out.

“
FUCK
.” Bowen threw his head back

on the pillow, neck and arm muscles

straining. He slammed the headboard

against the wall with his hands, nostrils

flaring as he sucked in several deep

breaths. “
Christ
, Sera,” he grated. “Are

you trying to kill me?”

“Hmm.” She tried to answer his

question, but her sole focus was the

gradual lessening of pain. The worst

was beginning to dull, leaving behind

only the pressure of him inside her, the

need to test the feeling. Slowly, she

circled her hips, gasping when her

clitoris grazed the base of his erection.

Pleasure sizzled across her nerve

endings. “Oh, G-God. I think I can move

now.”

“Good girl.” A low, primal groan

broke from his lips. “Find where it feels

good and I’ll find a way to make it better

for you. You trust me?”

“
Yes
.” When she leaned forward and