River Road (River's End Series, #4) (17 page)

Kate had to press her lips together to keep her grin concealed. Jack nearly ducked down in his chair in shame at Erin’s scolding. He frowned. “I can’t talk about that with AJ! You have to do it.”

Erin glared at him. “First off, AJ will probably wet his pants if I start talking about his sex life. Don’t you know him at all? He’s extremely discreet, not to mention shy, and he would find it thoroughly inappropriate to discuss his love life with me, of all people. And besides, it was
your
stupid rule.”

“I don’t think you’ll have to worry. He won’t talk to me again after today… but I don’t want that restriction to affect his life here,” Kate interjected.

“It won’t. Jack will fix it.” Erin smiled sweetly, sliding her chair back. And that seemed to be that. Jack glanced Kate’s way.

“Uh, there are towels and basic food supplies in there. The master bedroom is right through that door. You’re welcome to use it. The only bedroom off limits is the third door from the stairs. That’s Joey’s. He still lives here whenever he’s back in town. Jocelyn, whom you probably met already, cleans the house once a week. So anything you need to have done you can let her know. Or me, or Erin, of course.”

Kate put her hand out. “Thank you, Jack.”

He glanced down before taking her hand. “I’m glad we worked this out.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Okay, well, I’ll get to work. I’ll review these suggestions and let you know what I think.”

She waved them off and watched them leave together, letting out a slow breath. Eventually, she drove her car to the front and hauled her stuff inside to begin settling in.

****

AJ finished the watering and walked to his trailer. Despondent, he dropped onto one of the patio chairs and stared out listlessly at the view. He knew she’d leave. He knew it from the very start. He didn’t, however, expect it to end like that. He had nothing but total disgust and disappointment in whom she turned out to be. Feeling empty and hollow without her now, he missed seeing her. She was usually waiting there with her pink boots up on the table and her head tilted back, enjoying the sun’s warm rays.

He sniffed himself, and recoiled at the odor of sweat, covered by dust, and decided he sorely needed a shower. After bathing it occurred to AJ a beer would have been perfect right then. He frowned. Where did that thought come from? He hadn’t had a beer in years. Things would get better tomorrow. He’d sleep on it, go to work, return to normal and it would all become a distant memory, eventually forgotten.

It sure as heck could not be any worse tomorrow.

He groaned internally, thinking he should touch base with Jack, just to make sure he was still welcome there. Heaving himself to his feet, he dejectedly started towards the barn office where he usually found Jack at this time of day, finishing up. He waved at Charlie, who was drawing with a stick in the sandy floor of the horse arena. “Hey, AJ!”

“Hey, Charlie.” He entered Jack’s office with a brief knock. “Have a minute?”

“AJ, sure. Come in. We need to talk. I was heading out to feed. Would you walk with me?”

Jack always fed his own horses. He rarely asked any of his hired help to do it. That’s another reason why AJ respected him. Jack put in the hard work too. AJ’s stomach churned at the thought that Jack needed to talk to him. He steeled his spine. He was used to it by now. The regular departures. The wandering. The new places, jobs and people. He’d been doing it his whole life and was stupid to have gotten so comfortable there. The temptation of stability. And besides, he knew the rules so the result was his own doing. He wouldn’t beg or plead with Jack to forgive him or give him another chance; he knew he was in the wrong. He’d take Jack’s words at face value and respectfully clear out.

Jack entered the barn and headed for the tack room to mix up the evening portions of feed for the horses.

“So you and my sister, huh?”

AJ’s eyes jerked up to Jack’s face and his mouth twisted in shock. When Jack suddenly burst out laughing, AJ was puzzled. “I don’t care, AJ. She wasn’t my sister until about four hours ago. So… it’s none of my business. Erin pointed out I had no right making that kind of a rule between you guys and the guests. So as long as you’re not mad that I did that, we’re still good; at least, as far I’m concerned.”

AJ swallowed. Shocked was putting it mildly. “I shouldn’t have disobeyed your wishes; it’s your place, after all.”

Jack cleared his throat, and paused from pulling the oats out of a bag. “Uh, AJ, to put this delicately, I don’t know too many men who could have not succumbed to her ministrations. I didn’t know who Kate was, I just knew someone special was here. So… yeah, I get it. I’m just glad it turned out to be you and not me.”

“Well, it’s all over now. I still apologize for going behind your back. It won’t happen again.”

Jack scooped the grain out and dumped it into a big bowl before bringing hot water out of a hose specially plumbed and dedicated for that purpose. He let it soak into the mixture until it was mushy. “She’s still here. Erin locked her inside the resort. Literally locking the resort gate to make sure she would talk to us before she left. They resolved all their differences by the time she dragged me into it and I talked to Kate. She agreed to stay in the main house. So… yeah, whatever you want to do about that. Again, none of my business and my opinion is irrelevant from now on. Just let me wish you good luck, man. She’s no shrinking violet.”

AJ’s ears rang and his stomach tightened. Was it relief? Anger? Disgust? Regret? Happiness? He wasn’t sure. But something in his chest swelled at learning she wasn’t gone. She was still there. He left the barn and glanced up toward the house. Sure enough, her silver sports car was parked there and lights blazed from the house’s windows. He gulped. Worried that his job and stability were almost snatched from him, he took a step back, and then another and another before spinning around and hurrying off to escape into his trailer. He already had too much Kate today. But he wondered what tomorrow would bring for Kate and him.

KATE FINISHED HER REPORTS for work, as well as the other pressing matters Greg had brought her. Stretching out, she took her coffee cup to the porch. It was about a hundred feet long and overlooked the entire ranch. She felt like a king surveying his kingdom.
Pretty breathtaking place to live
, she conceded. Learning that Jack gave it up for the much smaller, simpler house down by the river said something about him, didn’t it?

Her mother once slept there
. It was a surreal thought. Had her mom really done this? Fallen for a cowboy and moved to River’s End? Did her mother also try to turn her fantasy affair, like the one Kate was having, into a real relationship? Here? On this ranch? It blew Kate’s mind to think that her mother had lived there for almost two full years. Her mother also enjoyed this same view. Possibly, her mother even touched this porch column. Did she drink her morning coffee while watching the sun filter its rays over the land?

Did her mother also realize it was many miles from anywhere and anything and anyone else? Especially back then, when they had no internet? Her mother must have felt very cut off. Remembering her chic, Seattle-loving mother was such a contrast; especially when Kate imagined her mother in her prim, pastel-colored suits and pearls…here? It didn’t compute at all. Was she trapped in a sex haze before she realized she was residing with stinky farm animals and enduring long days from dawn to dusk? The sweaty, dusty men probably became gross at the end of the day and maybe the allure of all that dirt eventually wore off. Kate wanted her mother’s ghost or spirit or karmic voice to channel through her. She wanted her mother to answer her questions. To teach her. Why? Why did her mother run off?

Was Kate doomed to re-enact her mother’s mistakes?

Kate imagined getting pregnant and becoming a housewife there.
Never.
She’d just hire help. She wasn’t her mother. Kate was dependent on no one and self-supporting, where her mother had needed constant care until the day she died. Perhaps that’s why Kate strove to become the complete opposite. She was autonomous to the extreme, and sometimes needed to prove herself too often.

Kate straightened off the porch rail when she spotted AJ crossing the yard. His arms swung at his sides and his stride was purposeful. He was headed straight for her. Was he pissed? She wasn’t sure because his hat, as always, hid his facial expression. Swallowing the last gulp of coffee, she grimaced when she tasted the grounds. Kate watched AJ until he reached the bottom of the porch steps, resting his boot on it as he grasped the railing.

“So it wasn’t really goodbye.” Kate retorted as she raised her lip, eyebrow and shoulders all in a
Gee, isn’t that funny?
kind of expression.

“No, I guess not.”

She set the coffee cup down. “AJ, why don’t you come in and we’ll talk like adults? You know, like Erin insisted I do yesterday? I admit I was wrong, okay? About all of it. How I handled them, myself, and mostly, you. I have a flaming temper and I lost it yesterday. But now? I think I’m staying for a while; and if not, I think I’ll at least come back.”

“Yes, because you’re his sister, and not just a guest here on a fun-filled little vacation.”

“I never said it was a fun-filled little vacation. I told you I just buried my mother.”

“Jack’s mother too. You failed to mention that.”

She swept her hand, motioning him forward, “Please, let’s go inside and talk about it. We could stand here trading insults, but Jack is over in the barn, and someone I don’t recognize is walking along the fence.”

AJ stiffened before he approached her. She turned, hoping she had scored a small win. His mood after yesterday suggested he might have been done with her and preferred that she leave.

Taking the hat off his head, AJ stood in the doorway, sweeping his gaze around the inside. Kate also spent quite a while taking it all in last night after Jack and Erin left. The fireplace was the main feature and each individual rock had laboriously been carried from the river and placed there by one of their distant relatives, another Rydell, now long dead. AJ didn’t step in any further. Crap. He, no doubt, felt uncomfortable walking in there.

“AJ, come in. They don’t care.” Kate restrained a sigh. It wasn’t owing to Jack and Erin’s restrictions anymore, it was AJ’s own decision not to go certain places, as if he somehow weren’t quite good enough. A second-class citizen. Maybe that was AJ’s perception, but no one else’s, including Kate’s.

Timidly, he ventured two steps inside and twirled his hat. He wasn’t about to sit; Kate took his wide-legged stance as a clue.

“I’m very sorry.”

“I don’t think it matters, Kate. You were leaving, getting out of here. Let’s just drop it as that.”

Her heart dipped. No. Just… no! That wasn’t what she wanted. The strength of her emotions struck her deeply. Even if she were going back home, she didn’t want it to be over. She liked AJ, so much. Way too much. And no way was it over… not yet.

“You don’t mean that.”

“You were only staying for two weeks. From the start, for me, this was two weeks and over. Why do you think I was so unhappy about the first night? I didn’t want you, Kate. Not like this. I still don’t. But you were leaving. You’re not supposed to still be here, much less, be Jack’s sister.”

“But you were a willing participant. You can’t lay all this at my feet. You totally were into every moment we spent together, platonic and otherwise.”

“I did. Because it was
two weeks
. After that, I planned to go back to my real life.”

“I handled it all wrong. They forgave me. Why can’t you even discuss it?”

“Because I think this is the real you. You do and say what you want, regardless of what others may think or feel or request from you. I asked you to stop. Didn’t it occur to you for a second that I rarely spoke up to you? Or that I would never knowingly tolerate any woman being hurt, in front of me. You didn’t even consider I might know something more about Jack and Erin than you. All you had to do was listen. But you just don’t, or you won’t. You’re sorry because you told Jack I was sleeping with you when you knew pretty clearly I did not want that fact being flung out there like that. If that weren’t bad enough, you totally miss the point of why I don’t want to be around you.”

She closed her eyes, sucking in a breath. “You think I’m that awful? I admit when I know what I want, I go after it. And when I think something is wrong. Erin was acting strange. It didn’t occur to me that the paperwork was causing her anxiety. I thought it was because she dreaded having to tell Jack about it. I should have stopped. But there was more going on there than that. I was thinking about him as my brother and it all played into it. I overreacted. But I am sorry. I do listen, AJ. To you especially. We had sex because what I did felt good to you. There was not a single protest from you. And when you did express some doubts, I invited you to dinner because I felt guilty. But after that? You were a major part of the entire experience. I might’ve pushed things forward faster, and I did not listen to you yesterday. But that isn’t indicative of my entire personality. I didn’t listen in that one, isolated instance. Other times? I listened to you. You just can’t admit that you wanted to have sex with me, and once you did, nothing could’ve stopped you. So quit blaming me for that. You have your commitments and beliefs, but AJ, you’re the one who broke them a few times over, not me. Quit blaming me for that.”

He squinted at her, still scowling, but finally sucked in a breath. Shaking his head, he sighed in resignation. “I thought you’d be gone, so I could just go back to how I was living before you.”

Hope stirred in her chest. Was he mad because he really wanted her there? He wanted her still? Is that the reason for all his blustering and blame? “Please accept my apology for the way I acted yesterday.”

He nodded. “Okay.”

“I will seriously attempt to avoid being a controlling, crazy-sounding jerk again. I will try to listen better to you, and respect what you say. I do respect you, AJ. Everyone here does. They all talk about you as one of them. I talk about and think of you more than any man I’ve ever dated or had sex with. You think I saw you as some kind of cowboy novelty I was just flirting around with? It may have started out that way, but it quickly changed. If I could replay how I first approached you, I would. I worry you don’t believe I take this… us… you, seriously. But remember: I knew there was a distinct chance I’d come back here, so I do take it all seriously. Yesterday was about Jack, not you.”

“I have to get back to work.”

She restrained a sigh, doubting anyone kept track of AJ’s hours. Besides, he rarely took any breaks or even ate lunch. They could finish this discussion, and no one would care. But she understood him better now; he gave his word to Jack on the first day he started there and that was that. The day was dedicated to work. AJ was inflexible in that. “Just one more minute. You think I don’t respect you. I’d like to change that. We could do this differently. Make it more real. More proper. Like two people who are not on vacation.”

He tilted his head in consideration of her comment. “I don’t understand.”

She smiled, and strange nerves bubbled away in her stomach. She wrung her hands together. “Like, you know, we could date. Maybe like that night we had dinner. The way you would have liked it from the start. You know, we could get to know each other better. Talk some more. Figure out who we are. No sex.”

His eyebrows shot up. “No sex?”

“Well, isn’t that a source of the issue for you? From the start, you indicated it was.”

“Yeah. But…” AJ’s face became a puzzled scowl.

She waited, now confused. “What?”

“You’re here to stay, at least, for now, and you don’t want to have sex? But you do want to hang out? Does that sum it up?”

“It does.”

“You think we can avoid having sex?”

She bristled. “Of course.
I
can.”

“It’s not as easy as you think,” he mumbled, putting his hat on as he threw up his hands. “Fine. Whatever. What do you have in mind?”

“Why don’t we go to out tonight? On a date?”

“Working on Joey’s roof.”

“Oh, right. Well, how about sometime this week?”

He shrugged. “I’ll get back to you.”

“Right,” she mumbled to his back. Had she just been sidelined? AJ seemed kind of cold, like any normal asshole guy. Did she now just wait for him to include her in his plans and somehow fit her in? She sighed because it was the first time in her dating life the man had the control and all she could do was… wait.