River Road (River's End Series, #4) (18 page)

AJ CALLED ON KATE a few days later. She was trying to catch up on her work. She had been neglecting most of it, but with the home office now and AJ always so busy, she had a lot more time to focus on it. Jack and Erin often invited her to dinner, and she gratefully returned the favor. It was still unnatural and strained between Jack so she and Erin usually talked nonstop for hours. She learned most of the relevant information from Erin, and all about Jack.

Sure, it was progress, except they still avoided the real subject matter: their mother. The only time her name came up was when an innocuous question about Kate’s life in Seattle was asked before comparing her answer to their lives in River’s End.

Her staff was flabbergasted when Kate didn’t return. The longest she’d ever been gone from work was when her father died. So after the first two weeks, her unforeseen commitment to staying longer in River’s End was pretty unheard of.

During that time, far removed from AJ, she calmed the hell down a bit. It was time to get a grip. They’d fallen into a short-term, intense tryst. Whatever one wanted to call it. Fling. Affair. Liaison. However, it felt much deeper than any of those words implied. That was the point; she needed to step back and let it develop more naturally, make it more real. So when he showed up at the front door, asking her to go out the next night, she nodded, but didn’t let him in. They didn’t kiss. Or touch. Or hardly even talk. Then, he turned around and went home as she firmly shut the door of the house.

They finally went out on a proper date for once: dinner and movie. The movie theatre was a half-hour drive and Kate realized after his complaint about her not listening to him that he was right. She hadn’t really listened to him. She simply responded to his body language as he did to hers. She never heard he didn’t want a sexual relationship. And though she never dated any man without sex being involved, she was willing to try. She hoped to better understand herself and wanted to do it only after they were a lot more established, if that would even happen. Maybe they’d fizzle out in the next day or week or months… who knew? Maybe without sex they would hate each other, or bore each other, or have nothing to say.

Maybe he’d find her pretentious and she’d consider him an uncultured bore.

That would have made the most sense, to be honest.

The date was beyond awkward at first. She dressed the way she usually did in Seattle and AJ dressed the way he always did. That was the first discrepancy. She offered to drive her car, but he refused, which prompted her to argue the logic that his truck was hard to climb into, especially while wearing a skirt. It was high without running boards and the torn seat stuck to her bare skin. But oh, no, he insisted on driving his truck, and they spent the first part of the date without talking. He was stone cold, and she was filled with annoyance at his macho-ness. His reason for having to drive his truck was ridiculous, and he accused her of trying to control him.

The movie eventually chilled them both out. They shared popcorn and drinks and went out to dinner at a casual grill. There weren’t a lot of choices in the way of restaurants. Not compared to Seattle, which she mentioned. AJ sneered that they probably charged a week’s worth of wages for one dinner. Kate rolled her eyes and smiled, sweetly informing him no, at least, not for her.

The ensuing conversation became stilted. After they finally pulled into the ranch, Kate jumped out, smiling and thanking him for dinner. He grumbled his thanks, since she paid for the movie before he could get to the ticket booth.

After that, they shared a few more dinners. Nothing more intimate ever happened. Kate even asked to attend church with him, and had gone twice now. She found, to her surprise, it was mentally stimulating. AJ was right; the pastor was pretty cool. First of all, she was a woman. Second, she was very progressive and awesome. She talked all about God and Jesus, but managed to relate them to the real world.

Kate really liked AJ. She liked his church. She liked his town. She was even starting to kind of like his ranch.

Despite his grumbling, bickering, and general annoyance, she saw someone who could captivate her interest, and match her in debates. It was exhilarating as much as it was surprising.

****

AJ felt like one giant, pulsating gland and it was all Kate Morgan’s fault.

Grumpy, annoyed, and downright unpleasant were only a few words to describe his current state of malaise.
Three years.
Maybe it was even longer than that. No sex with anyone. No one. Zilch. Nada. No sex at all. Of any kind. And now? Three freaking weeks, and he could hardly stand his own company. And it was all her fault.

Why would she suggest they date without having sex? She started it, heavily, and expertly. It wasn’t like Kate did anything gently or delicately. No, it was always headlong, full tilt, full… well, every thought seemed to turn dirty of late, but full-on Kate. And that’s what getting to know each other was based on. Now? Nothing. He could hardly stand being so close to her without touching her. Nothing. Not even a kiss hello. But he didn’t press her, or mention that whenever he was within three feet of her, he had to clench his fists to keep from grabbing her, pressing her against him and doing every inappropriate thing she used to invite him to do with that mouth of hers.

When she asked to come to church with him, of all places, he had no idea what to think. It was bad enough that she wore the impossible skirt again. Those things and others… drove him insane. He began picturing the first night with her, her comments about the torn vinyl on his seats made it hard for him to resist the urge to fling her over the bench seat and be done with it, then and there. But now? No touching, and lots of talking. As it turned out, strangely enough, there was rarely a lengthy silence between them anymore. They didn’t always agree and Kate, being Kate, never quit an argument, even if it ended in outright bickering.

Somehow instead of frustrating him, AJ found it exhilarating. Like the hottest foreplay he could imagine without touching. Keeping up with that brilliant mind of hers and her even fiercer tongue in an argument stroked his ego and filled him with a certain degree of pride. Not all women could do that.

But his frustration wasn’t about arguing or talking or being around Kate. It was about
not
being with her.

She was one kick-in-the-ass personality, whether or not he slept with her. He’d never been around a woman like her before. She could stand toe to toe with him, and be eye to eye. Other than her feminine inferiority in physical strength, she remained fierce and valiant from the tilt of her head, to the flint of her eyes, to the vertically straight line in which she held her posture.

And now, church? He waited in his truck for her to come out the first Sunday, as they had agreed upon. It wasn’t a date. No one went to church for a date. She wore an appropriate dress that was knee-length, featuring a floral pattern and a modest neckline. Seeing Kate so prim and proper was as much of a turn-on to AJ as she was the on the first night in her jean skirt and pink boots. He missed the pink boots. Most days, she worked inside the house so she didn’t wear them as often.

She sat next to him in the pew, holding her head high and gazing frankly around her as she studied every single person at the altar and the pews. She waited with curiosity for the pastor to come out and speak. When others prayed and closed their eyes, she kept her eyes open and watched everyone. AJ lowered his head as usual, closing his eyes and mumbling his prayer right along with the congregation, but he felt so proud and tall with Kate beside him. Turning toward her, he noticed her head was up and her eyes were open. Tapping her knee and jerking his neck slightly, he tried to urge her to simply lower her head. She did not; typical Kate. Head down, with his eyes open, he was unable to quit watching her. Her profile reminded him of a regal queen, her chin firmly up, her eyes wide, her short hair styled just so, and her makeup perfect.

A problem arose as AJ sat in church, where he was supposed to be listening, praying, reflecting and finding some peace. Instead, with Kate next to him, he could not ignore
her.
On the contrary, he became intensely aware of every time she slid her butt or swiped her hand over her skirt to keep it from bunching underneath her. His entire body responded with a jerk to attention. When her skirt rose up higher over her thighs, although still modest, he couldn’t stop staring. He repressed a wild desire to slide his hand up between her slim thighs and find the heat and moisture that he knew was waiting there. He began to think, almost obsessively, about whether or not she was wearing panties this time. 

He had to shift around when all his wondering began to make him uncomfortable.

She seemed completely oblivious to his attention as well as the direction of this thoughts.

Going to church became a trial at times. Once, it had been his escape, until she kept coming. Ever so politely, she’d shake the pastor’s hand afterwards, even asking a few questions about the day’s sermon. She never hesitated to admit she had little exposure to religion before then. They talked for twenty minutes the first time, thirty the next, and AJ lost track on the third. AJ never said anything more than hello to the pastor. Never mind that the woman had rekindled his faith and brought more comfort in his life than anyone had before. She inspired AJ to change, and find a better path and less rocky road to walk on. For so long before coming to River’s End, AJ longed to be different. He was searching without any definable object or goal. He didn’t know how to get to where he wanted, since he couldn’t say where he wanted to be. So he drifted, pointlessly, always alone, accountable to no one, and mattering to no one. For years, his life had been that way, so he abused alcohol, drugs, and clung to the adulation of crowds. No matter how many strange women and loud bars he frequented, they could not drown out his reality.

After first entering the quiet, tiny country church one Sunday when he was exceptionally bored and feeling hopeless, he was unsure why he wanted to go in there. The pastor was talking about God and His love, saying that He was with everyone, no matter who they were or what they may have done. AJ sat there, stunned. He had no idea what that felt like before. God? Jesus? Faith? Religion? They were just words to AJ until that moment. With giant question marks after them. But this pastor had reached something in AJ, and changed the question marks to periods over the course of the next several months. AJ stopped taking refuge in all his old vices and began to realize how his previous unhappiness and antisocial behavior only led him to prison. That’s what his faithless life had been before now. So being there that day in church changed AJ’s life. He wanted to clean it all up because he discovered a love for something beyond himself that would never leave or walk away from him.

Not like Kate.

He shook off the thought, but it kept creeping in. And making him angry.

And now? She was all chummy to the pastor who saved his life. He’d been unable to articulate his own experience to the one person responsible for it. He mumbled hello, with his head down, swiftly jamming his hat on his head to slip out as quickly as possible before anyone, the pastor especially, tried to engage him in small talk. He couldn’t deal with that. He was never raised or taught how to do it. There were no family get-together or dinners out with friends. He never had any occasion that required him to learn social cues and graces. All through his teens and twenties, he was drunk with rodeo crews in crowded honky-tonks. There was never any need for chit-chat or polite conversation. Look at how he fumbled with Kate. However, her oddly forward re-introduction to sex gave him back his voice, so he could be around her and still talk. Sex was one hell of an ice breaker, but in retrospect, it literally took that for him to even attempt to talk to her, or anyone.

Not like he wanted to make that his pattern.

Although in his youth, he tried pretty hard.

In all honesty, Kate was the first person with whom he had ever been completely, fully himself… and they actually talked, chatted, and socialized.

With the Rydells, he had no trouble discussing the ranch, the horses, the hay, or the work. He knew what to talk about with them. And he never did unless he had a ready subject. What could he say to Kate? His tongue grew thick when he was with her and no words formed.

Kate easily talked. To anyone and everyone. Never, not once did she seem unsure of what to say. In fact, she was usually overly sure of what to say. She was steadfast in her opinions. She was also friendly, confident, funny, witty, quirky, forward, and frustrating. In a word, she was likeable. And AJ was not.

All he had to offer Kate was sex. And now, that wasn’t even part of the equation. So he waited for her, biding his time until she was ready to go, and where did that leave him?

At the church. He would go back to church and the former quiet pleasure of his River Road permanent residence.

For now.

Because nothing was permanent. His future was still contingent on his job and his ability to mesh with the Rydells. They still had the power.

Surprisingly to AJ, Kate found the church invigorating and called it “an intellectual experience.”

AJ considered Kate’s presence in church a distraction. It took away the entire goal of why he came there: to strive to be clean, sober, and celibate. Kate’s long legs kept dangling next to him. Sure, they were crossed properly, but she liked to gracefully slip off her high-heeled shoe, distracting him sometimes to the point of not hearing the service.