River's End (River's End Series, #1) (29 page)

“Hey Erin,” Ben said, his gaze glued onto the table, as was hers. Ben, no doubt, felt as awkward conversing with her as she felt talking about his dad with him.

“Hey Ben,” she said, her tone quiet. He finally raised his eyes to hers and a small smile turned his lips up before his cheeks went all pink. So did hers, but she managed the same strained smile.

Ian was sitting between the boys and there was no ignoring his scowl. He didn’t like it one bit. Ian suddenly stood up, his chair scraping across the hardwood floor. It was as if the chair substituted for the words Ian wanted to say.

“I have to get to work. See you out there, Jack.”

Minutes passed in uncomfortable silence. She hated Jack. Right then, she hated him far more than she ever hated Joey. At least, Joey never promised her one thing and acted like another. With Joey, she knew right where she stood from the get-go, and she never expected to be treated any differently. He didn’t flatter her with the illusion that she was anything but the stupid girl she was. She went to the front door and jammed her feet into the flip-flops she wore over there last night. She had to pass Shane who was still staring at her.

“I’ll walk you out,” Jack said finally, from behind her.

She turned her head. “Don’t even bother.”

She was outside in a second and leaned her head back into the front door as tears filled her eyes. She straightened up to rush down the steps when she ran smack dab into someone. She looked up and realized it was Joey before staring at him, open-mouthed. Holy shit, where did Joey come from? When did Joey come home?

“Erin?”

“Joey.” She brushed away her tears to hide them and smiled at him in a fake, bright smile. “Wh-when did you get here?”

“About five minutes ago,” he said as his eyes beheld her gnarled hair, before dropping down over her outfit and the pajamas he’d seen before often enough.

“Who now? Shane?”

Who as in who was she screwing now? She knew by his tone and the unashamed curiosity in his eyes. He didn’t even have to fully ask.

“Not Shane. Me.”

They both turned when Jack’s voice filled the silence between them. Joey stared at Jack, then down at Erin again before his face contorted into rage. “You’ve got to be shitting me, Jack. You said she was nothing but a parasite. Now what? I leave town and you start doing her? All that crap you gave me? And this is what you do the minute my back is turned?”

Erin wanted to sink into the ground. She’d often felt ill at ease in her life, but never like this.

“It’s not like that, Joe. Come inside, we’ll talk.”

He glared at Jack. “Of all the crap I’ve ever put up with from you, Jack. You always thought you were so much better than me. But look at you. Takin’ my sloppy seconds. Nice, Jack. Class act. I’m off, getting my ass kicked; and you’re getting your rocks off with my leftovers.”

Jack moved so fast, no one could have anticipated him. He had Joey instantly in his grasp. Briskly hauling Joey off his feet, he pulled back a fist before slamming it into Joey’s face. Joey grunted in surprise, as well as pain. Jack threw Joey back and Joey stumbled, but soon caught his balance. He turned on Jack, launching himself in an effort to tackle Jack off his feet. Erin screamed as Jack sidestepped his brother, then grabbed Joey and threw him to the ground before falling on top of him. They rolled over, their fists pummeling each other as the sickening “thuds!” of fist to flesh filled the pauses between grunts. Jack was much bigger, but Joey had newly toned, larger muscles, owing to his recent training. Erin screamed and yelled for them to stop when she saw blood.

The front door opened at her screams and out came Shane, followed by both of Jack’s sons. They stopped dead, in shock, staring at their father as he swung a fist into their uncle’s face.

Ian came running from the barn and Shane ran towards them too. They managed to both grasp a brother and tried to pull them apart. Jack and Joey were at each other, using everything they had, with almost superhuman strength as they tried to shake off Ian and Shane.

Finally, Shane and Ian won the struggle and managed to pull them apart. Instantly, as loud and violent as the front yard just became, everything turned deathly silent. All four brothers stared at each other, while Joey and Jack doubled over and were breathing hard. Blood was smeared over both of their faces and knuckles.

Erin had never seen a fight like that before. Any violence always scared her senseless. It made her think of her mother’s bad boyfriends, and hiding in the closet to avoid them. She wanted to hide now and couldn’t believe what was happening all because of her. She ripped two brothers apart. Two brothers, who were more like a father and son, were torn to shreds. Tears of shock and terror rolled over her face. As well as Charlie’s. With a loud hiccup, he ran off the porch, down the steps, and headed towards the beach as fast as his eight-year-old legs could carry him.

Ben looked like he was about to follow, but stared at his father, and then at his uncle.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ian yelled. Ian, the one who never yelled, and never raised his voice or even his eyes, it seemed. Ian glared at Jack and his voice was loud and upset.

She felt the eyes glaring into her. Shane glanced her way, but Jack didn’t. He jerked his shoulders from Ian’s grasp and rubbed his shirt on his bloody lip.

“He can’t shut his mouth. He thinks he can say whatever he chooses.”

Joey snarled at Jack. “It’s about her. Was it worth it, Jack? Was she worth it?”

Jack’s chest muscles flexed, and his shoulders tensed. Shane grabbed his arm. “Shut up, Joe. What the hell were you doing, Jack?”

“Erin. He’s doing Erin now and didn’t like me having her first,” Joey taunted.

Ben winced. She should have left, or hidden, anything to not get further involved. But she caused this and had to take responsibility for it.

Especially with Jack’s fifteen-year-old son, now nearly in tears and glaring with sudden awareness at his father. He seemed to realize in that moment, that his father wasn’t whom he thought he was.

Jack rubbed a hand over his opposite fist.
Damn!
His knuckles hurt. He wondered if he sprained it. He tasted the metallic, iron taste of blood on his lips. The fury that engulfed him only a moment before receded to the edge of his brain. He was back in reality, in the moment, and nearly groaned out loud as it hit him harshly.
What was he doing?
He just tried to kick the shit out of his little brother. And now, all three of his brothers stood in the yard, looking with complete amazement at him. He never lost his cool or his temper before. And for what? Like this? Making Joey bleed? He nearly groaned out loud for what he’d done. The sight of Charlie running down the road in fear finally sank into Jack’s remorseful brain.

Then Erin stepped between them, looking stricken, and worse, afraid. He scared her. He scared Charlie. He even scared Ben. He jerked his arm from Shane, now back in control of himself.

“Shut up, Joe. Your big mouth started all this.”

“No. She started this.”

Jack rubbed the bottom of his shirt to his lip and shook his head. “She didn’t start this. We started this, Joey. We had a lot of shit between us for years that we should have resolved long ago.”

Joey shook his head and tugged his arms from Ian. Ian released him, but kept an eye on Jack, as if ready to spring.

“So you were what? Resolving things with my ex fuck-buddy?”

“Stop, Joey,” Erin suddenly ordered as she whipped around. Then she had the sense to do what Jack should have done, and what he normally would have done had he been his normal, responsible self. She told Ben to go inside and wait, as he didn’t need to hear any of this. Then she turned to Jack, not Joey.

“You should be ashamed of yourself. You’ve scared both of your sons. You didn’t have to do that. You shouldn’t have reacted that way. I don’t know what you’re doing with me, but you shouldn’t have reacted that way about it.”

“He’s getting his rocks off with you, Erin. Just like he wanted to from the first time he saw you. Only you didn’t see him. Not at all. You wanted me. And big brother, Jack, couldn’t handle it. I had to leave for him to get noticed. No wonder he wants to beat the shit out of me.”

“Shut up, Joey. It wasn’t like that. Any of it. Including you and me. Why are you being like this?” Erin persisted.

He glared at her. “Because you took over my house, my ranch, and now, my brother? Fuck off, Erin. That’s all I want. For you to fuck off.”

Erin’s entire body shuddered as if Joey just shoved her. She never expected such a brutal attack.

Joey looked over Erin’s head. “You told me before I left that you’d pick me over her to leave the ranch. I told you it didn’t matter. But you know what? It does matter. Pick, Jack. Me or Erin. Who belongs here? Where does your loyalty really lie?”

Erin looked up at him and shook her head. Jack didn’t know what to say. He never expected Joey to say that. Or react like that. Why would Joey give him an ultimatum? It was stupid. Asinine. And Jack would be a damn fool to take the bait.

“You came home. You were surprised by what’s been going on between Erin and me. Thing is, Joey, so were we. You shouldn’t have said that about her. Not to me. And yeah, I shouldn’t have attacked you, but damn it, Joe. You can’t say things like that. I’m not choosing anything. Now, you’re just being an asshole.”

“What did she do to you, Jack?”

Erin was fading and wouldn’t look at him. Joey shamed her. Jack shamed her, although he didn’t mean to. He was an asshole this morning. When she came out, he had no clue of how to deal with her in front of his brothers and sons.

But the hell of it was: he
was
old enough, and mature enough, and had been around enough to know what he should have said and done. He knew better than that. Erin deserved better, and he not only told her, but promised her she’d get it. And what did he do? Nothing. He felt a strange calm suddenly overtaking him. As if the sunlight unexpectedly pierced through his chest, into his heart, his soul, and his guts.

He loved her.

The knowledge nearly made his knees buckle from under him.

She stood there, her head hanging, her hair a mess, and her face stricken. He did it all wrong. From the first time he saw her, she got through to him, through the years of grief and numbness that Lily’s death condemned him to. He didn’t deserve her, however, after how poorly he treated her.

His brothers were all waiting for him to answer and fix what he’d broken today. For him to say
something
.

He smiled and they looked at him even more oddly. Feet were shuffling. Erin raised her head towards Joey and Ian before she glanced at him.

“She made me fall in love with her, Joe,” he said finally after a long silence, while his eyes stayed firmly on her face. Her eyes rounded, her brow wrinkled, and her lashes blinked in confusion.

No one spoke. He’d never said anything like that in front of anyone. Even about Lily, his own wife. But Lily never needed for him to proclaim anything.

“So you see, Joey, I can’t let you stand there and repeat any of the filth you’ve been saying. I shouldn’t have attacked you, but you shouldn’t have attacked Erin. She didn’t do anything to deserve that. I’m sorry, Erin. For doing it like this, and for not saying so sooner. I’m sorry for making you feel like being with Joey was some kind of flaw in you. None of that should have mattered. The flaw was in me. You matter to me. And I was too scared to tell you.”

She didn’t respond at first, but her mouth was still open and her eyes wide. She shook her head and turned on her heel, running off towards her trailer. He deserved it. He deserved all of her hatred and suspicion. He’d been crappy to her. And that didn’t become clear until the moment he heard how his brother spoke to her. Then he lost it. He never realized what he was doing to Erin until he heard Joey doing the same thing.

His brothers stared at him in horror and he stared back. “I need to go check on my sons. Then on Erin. Then, Joe, you and I are having a nice long chat about this. At some point, you’ll have to apologize to Erin. And just so we’re clear:
don’t you ever talk about her like that again.”

He turned on his heel and followed Ben inside the house. Ben sat down, bracing his elbows on his knees with his head hanging down. He looked down at his knuckles when Jack came in. Jack let out a long, weary sigh. He knew he created a real shithole. He deserved their disdain. He quickly grabbed a towel and wiped his lip, then washed his hands. He took his shirt off and grabbed a clean one before approaching Ben.

“Remember all that stuff I told you about real men are those who accept responsibility? And not to fight because it makes you less than whoever is bothering you? I meant it, Ben. I was wrong just now, to do what I did to Joey. Believe me, I’ll be making up for it for a long time. I’m sorry I did that in front of you and Charlie. Can you ever forgive me?”

Ben looked up and his eyes were huge. He glanced at Jack’s knuckles. A bruise already appeared across them. “Why was Joey saying that stuff about Erin?”

“It had less to do with Erin and more to do with a power struggle between him and me. But I lost it, Ben. I was very wrong. No excuse, but I couldn’t listen to him anymore.”

Ben nodded. “I’m glad you did, Dad. Erin doesn’t deserve that. She’s… well she’s always nice to everyone here. I like her.”

Jack felt his chest expanding.
God.
His son was going to be a good man. Somehow, he did something right with Ben. His son had kindness, empathy, and integrity. Something he himself hadn’t been displaying of late.

“I like her too. The mistake I made is being too scared to tell her. And to face you and your uncles about it.”

Ben scrunched up his face. “Why? Why would you be scared of what we thought?”

“Because,” Jack paused as he ran a hand into his hair, “I don’t really know, Ben. It’s been a long time since I felt this way. Since… since your mother. It’s hard to admit and let go. I guess I didn’t know how to love anyone besides your mother. You know I loved her. Nothing can ever change what your mother was to me.”

Ben shook his head. “I know, Dad. I mean I think I know. It’s just, you’re different around Erin.”

“Different?”

“Happier. You smile more. I don’t think I’d care if you wanted to marry her or something.”

Jack grimaced at Ben’s declaration. God, from zero to sixty goes a teenager’s brain. He had so much to work out still, starting with begging Erin to forgive his shortsightedness. And marriage?
Jesus.
But he appreciated Ben’s unsolicited support and permission. Most teenage sons wouldn’t be as generous, especially after considering it was like replacing their mother.

He put a hand to Ben’s shoulder and squeezed. “Thanks, Ben. Look, Charlie ran off and I really need to check on him now.”

Ben nodded as Jack left the house. His brothers also dispersed. Erin’s trailer door was shut and so were her blinds. Jack itched to go to her, but Charlie needed him first. That was something Erin would have to get used to and let be, if she intended to date him. Right now, it seemed a big
if
.

He found Charlie huddled up on a rock, and knelt down beside him. He skipped the words and just pulled Charlie’s into his arms. Charlie stayed in a tight ball, but eventually, relaxed his body.

“I scared you, huh, bud?”

Charlie’s head nodded up and down on his arm. “I’m sorry, Charlie, for doing that. And especially in front of you. It was wrong, okay? Even adults do things they aren’t supposed to.”

“You hit Joey. You made him bleed.”

“I did. I did do that. It was a fight, Charlie. Not just me beating up Joey. He fought back.”

“Doesn’t make it any better, Dad.”

He sighed. Score one for his son. Of course, Charlie was right.

“No, it doesn’t. Look, Joey and I were fighting about some adult stuff. About stuff we let go too far and get too heated. It wasn’t right. It was…”

“About
her.
I hate her! I want her to leave and never come back here. You never hit Uncle Joey before she came.”

He cringed. Of course, Charlie would blame it on Erin. Almost as simplistically as Joey blamed it on her.

“Erin didn’t do anything, Charlie. Joey and I did.”

“She did that stuff with Joey. That stuff you said only happens when people love each other. Like you and Mommy.”

He did say that. He had the big sex talk with Charlie at the start of the school year after Charlie heard a very enlightening, but very wrong discussion of sex in the schoolyard. Jack explained that sex occurred between two people who loved each other, trying not to make it seem as gross as the initial description he heard of it implied.

“Well, if Erin did, so did Joey. Do you hate Joey too?”

Charlie bit his lip, and it took all Jack’s wherewithal to meet his son’s gaze as they talked. “No. I don’t hate Joey. But you do for that.”

“I hated Joey for saying mean things about her. And I should have handled it better, Charlie. I’ll never deny that. But your uncle was very wrong about what he said.”

“Are you now doing that with her?”

Sex.
Shit.
How does one answer an eight-year-old son about having sex? By lying? Charlie would see right through that and respect him even less. By admitting it? Really, no one ever explained that when he had kids, he’d be handing condoms to one son while confessing his sex life to the other.

“Yeah. I am, Charlie. But I love her. I love Erin. And it’s something you’re going to have to be okay with.”

Charlie frowned and shook his head. “I don’t want to.”

“I know,” he said, kissing his son’s forehead. Charlie didn’t remember Lily, and their family had always been all men for Charlie. He never shared his father with any woman, not even his own mother, so Jack got why he wouldn’t want to now. “But that isn’t Erin’s fault. Try to remember that, okay, bud?”

Charlie nodded and bit his lip before burying his head in the crook of Jack’s arm. He heard a noise and looked behind him. Erin was standing off to his left, in the pine trees. She had been listening. He stood up with Charlie’s hands looped around his neck. He needed just five minutes with her, but he couldn’t yet. Charlie was still too upset.

He gave her a tight smile as he passed her, and Charlie burrowed against him. He hoped she understood.

****

Erin wasn’t expecting to run into Jack. Not so soon. He was sitting on the beach with Charlie curled in his lap. They spoke quietly to each other. Jack brushed his lips to Charlie’s white, freckled forehead. And that stabbed her heart. He could be the sweetest, kindest, most tender man she’d ever known. She didn’t know too many other fathers, but the ones she did know didn’t hold, kiss, or comfort their eight-year-old sons. Not the way Jack did. She quietly moved towards the rock beach and finally sat down. She watched the low river going by. The day was already promising heat. She was glad she showered and put on clean shorts and a tank top. Her hair was now combed and pulled back.

She didn’t know what to think or feel. Horrified. Shamed. Embarrassed. Unwelcome. And yet, she wanted nothing more than to stay. Jack said he loved her.
To her
and in front of all of them, the men who so dominated her life nowadays.