Authors: Jessi Gage
“What is it, Haley-girl? Let’s talk about it. I don’t want hard feelings between us.”
She shook her head and muttered something that sounded like, “It’s stupid.”
“Hey, if it’s a thought in this head–” He tapped a finger on her temple. “It can’t possibly be stupid. You’re the smartest person I know. And that’s no joke.”
She gave him big eyes filled with hope. He was such a shithead for making her question him like this. He should be her rock. Her daddy. Always.
“You can tell me anything, bug,” he said. “I love you more than anything. Your secrets are safe with me.” He crossed his heart. “Promise.”
Her eyes got shiny. “That’s just it. You say you love me, but you loved mom for a long time and then you just stopped. What if you stop loving me one day, too?” She blurted it all out in one breath and gave a little sniff at the end.
His heart split from top to bottom. Then it sank to his toes like Ahab’s ship. This was a much bigger problem than her hearing him blow up at her mom Sunday night. His brain zipped around in his head while he tried to summon a kid-friendly explanation of divorce, but he couldn’t come up with anything he and Deidre hadn’t told her when they’d split.
She looked at him like he could just as easily toss her a lead stone as a life preserver. Unfortunately, lead stone was more his style, since he sucked at talking about feelings.
“It’s different with kids than with moms and dads,” he said lamely.
Her gaze fell.
“I mean, your mom and I chose each other when we were young, but sometimes you don’t make good choices when you’re young.”
She frowned, and her eyes narrowed with offense.
“I mean, we were good together back then, but as we grew older we grew apart. What I’m trying to say is, you choose the person you marry, but you don’t choose the kids you have.”
Her face scrunched up, and her eyes got shiny.
“Ah, shit.” He wrapped her good hand in both of his. “I’m no good at this, Haley-girl. I can’t use words to prove I love you and always will. I don’t think anyone can do that. I think when you love someone, really love them, it’s more than just words you say. It’s what you do, you know?”
That earned him a wary glance. He pressed on. “I’m not a great man, kiddo. I get angry a lot, and I don’t like that about myself, but when I get angry, it has nothing to do with you.” He let go of her hand to wipe his sweating palms on his jeans. “I’m not a great man, but I’m trying to be a good dad.” Half to himself, he said, “It’s the one thing I work really hard at and never feel like I’m doing a good enough job.”
He pulled at his hair. He was such a screw up. He couldn’t even communicate to his daughter how much he loved her. No wonder every relationship he had went up in flames…or down the toilet.
“I think that’s what love is,” Haley said. “Trying your best for someone but wishing you could do even better.”
He met her gaze, and she smiled a big, bright, you-are-fully-forgiven smile.
“You want to take a nap?” she asked. “I don’t mind. I’ll wake you up for dinner. I hear hospital food isn’t that bad anymore.”
He shook his head, awed by his little girl. “Where’d you hear that?”
“Betsy McNeil had her tonsils out before camp started. She said hospital food is all healthy now, like there’s no French fries or pizza, more like meatloaf and spaghetti, but she says that stuff is just as good as her mom makes.” She frowned. “Maybe her mom isn’t a great cook, though.” She shrugged, dismissing the topic. “You should definitely take a nap. Want to come up here? There’s room for both of us.” She patted beside her.
He chuckled. “I must look pretty rough, huh?” He certainly felt rough. Maybe he should take a nap. He’d be driving her home in a few hours. He didn’t want to risk falling asleep at the wheel.
“Not rough. Just tired,” she said diplomatically. “Is it because of that pretty ghost?” She smiled like a goof, implying things she didn’t understand but knew were naughty.
His neck got hot. His first impulse was to deny he’d seen DG, but Haley was smart enough to see through it, and he didn’t want to violate her trust after newly reestablishing it. He cleared his throat. “Uh, it’s not her fault, but yeah, I haven’t gotten enough sleep the last couple of nights.”
“I knew it! You’ve seen her! I like her, dad. I think she really cares about you. Do you know who she is? Does she have a name?”
He shook his head–he didn’t think it would earn him any good father points to tell Haley he’d nicknamed her his dream girl.
She tilted her head in thought, then shrugged, dismissing the line of questioning. “It’s the nightmares, then. Isn’t it? That’s why you can’t sleep.”
“You ask a lot of questions.”
“I’m a kid. It’s what I do. And, I’ll take that as a yes. So, what are the nightmares about? Why do you get so scared?”
“It’s nothing, sweetie,” he said with finality.
She was not discouraged. “Hey, I bet the pretty ghost is like your guardian angel. It’s probably her job to help you work through something, and she can’t move on until she does. What would you have to work through, though?” she asked as though dubious her old dad might be interesting enough to have issues. She shrugged. “Whatever it is, I’m sure she’ll help you figure it out.” She patted his arm and nodded with authority.
The car accident flashed through his mind. He shoved the thought away as soon as he had it. “Where do you come up with this stuff, Haley-girl?”
Chapter 11
There came a point where a man couldn’t fight sleep a minute longer. Derek reached that point as he watched the headlights of Deidre’s beamer back out of his driveway. Dusk had fallen, and Haley was off to her mom’s to recuperate. He waved, shut and locked the front door, and went directly to his bedroom, where he landed face down on the bed.
His afternoon had been a sleepy blur. He never got that nap Haley had suggested at the hospital. Nurses had been in and out, there had been paperwork to fill out, he’d had to go to the cafeteria for his dinner, and when he’d had some down time, what Haley had said about DG kept him awake better than an injection of caffeine straight to the heart.
As sleep dragged him under, he didn’t know which he wanted more, for Haley to be wrong about DG being trapped with him because he had something to work out, or for her to be right.
If he had to have nightmares in order to see DG, he hoped he never had a peaceful night’s sleep again.
* * * *
The fog dumped DG in her usual corner. All her muscles felt like Jell-O after concentrating on getting back to Derek for what felt like hours. Sprawled on the floor, she let her body get used to having a hard surface underneath it before attempting anything as ambitious as movement.
Despite her relief at being back, disappointment closed around her like the heavy darkness of the room. She hadn’t been able to get here on her own. She’d heard other voices a few times, but never Derek’s. The fog truly was her prison.
Helplessness tried to overwhelm her into tears, but she refused to waste a minute outside of the fog feeling sorry for herself. She got off the floor and fell onto the mattress to wait for him. Looked like her wait was already over.
She could barely make him out in the darkness, but when her eyes finally adjusted, she found him fully clothed, boots and all, lying on his stomach with his face mashed into the pillow. Her gaze zeroed in on his back, a fist of fear around her heart. When she saw it rise and fall, her breath whooshed out in relief. Still, it probably wasn’t safe for him to sleep with his mouth and nose buried in a pillow. She threaded her fingers into his hair and turned his head so he could breathe better.
He gave a little snort.
She smiled. He was adorable in his sleep. His serious face smoothed to innocence, and she could almost imagine what he’d looked like as a round-cheeked, happy child.
But while she watched, his serene brow furrowed. The nightmares were coming.
She sat up and started stroking his hair, cradling his head in her lap and whispering to him. Maybe being there to comfort him right from the start would make the nightmares less potent. Within minutes, he was whimpering, proving timing didn’t matter. The dream dug in its claws and wouldn’t let go. His back arched, and he crossed his forearms in front of his face as if warding off a blow.
She shook him. “Derek, it’s me, DG. You’ve got to wake up from this. It’s just a dream. Please, wake up.”
His whimpers turned to cries filled with grief. “Daddy, wake up!” he said over and over again, and “I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.”
Her heart broke to hear the helplessness in his voice. She shook him some more and even tried slapping him, but eventually, she just wrapped her arms around him, pinning his arms to his sides, and held him as tear-filled sobs racked him.
She’d never seen the nightmare this strong. Could it be because of the exhaustion that had driven him to bed before she’d come? Whatever the reason, she couldn’t bear to see him suffer like this. She had to do something.
Sunday night, the first time she’d come to his room when Haley hadn’t been in the house, she’d dared to awaken him with pleasure. Giving in to her desire had freed her from her dread of the fog and the regret she’d felt after caution had cost her precious time with him. It had also made her feel incredibly close to him. Maybe that closeness could bring him out of the nightmare tonight.
It was worth a shot. Lifting up over him, she pressed kisses to his cheek and lips. She let her hands go from restraining to exploring and appreciating his strong arms and muscular chest through his shirt. She poured her affection and concern for him into physical contact, willing the nightmare away.
When he didn’t respond but continued to whimper, she began to feel awkward. Seeing him suffer made sex the very last thing on her mind. She was torn between stopping and pressing forward, but when she tasted tears on his face, she knew she had to break the dream’s hold at any cost. Pushing past the awkwardness, she put her mouth over his ear and said, “Derek, I love you. Please let it go. Let the dream go and come back to me.” At the same time, she worked the button and zipper on his jeans and dipped her hand inside to cup his soft flesh.
He paused in his sobbing as if straining to listen.
Encouraged, she let her fingers gently stroke, and kept whispering. “It’s DG, Derek. Remember? Your dream girl? I’m here in your bed with you, wishing I had you back. Please, let the nightmare go and come back to me.”
He hardened against her hand, but went back to sobbing and saying how sorry he was.
She tried again. “I love you so much.” She meant every word. “I’m waiting for you. All you have to do is let the nightmare go. Just let it go, and I’ll make you feel incredible.”
His sobbing stopped. “DG?” His eyelids still moved as if he were dreaming, but she was beating the nightmare back with her love.
“It’s me. I’m here, and I want you. I want you so bad.”
His brow furrowed with confusion. She imagined him looking around in his dream, searching for her. She threw caution to the wind and whispered in his ear exactly what she wanted to do to him. Then she scooted down and took bold liberty with his body.
* * * *
Rain beat down on Derek. A siren pulsed in the distance. He pumped the chest of the man he called daddy, counting to thirty before stopping only long enough to breathe into the man’s mouth. His stomach twisted with building dread as he worked. The CPR wasn’t working, but he couldn’t stop.
A voice whispered through the night. “I love you,” it said. At first he thought it belonged to the man, but when he strained his ears to hear more, he recognized the voice. DG.
He was dreaming, and she was trying to wake him up.
He wanted to go to her, but the dream felt too real, the compulsion to keep pumping the man’s chest too strong. If he stopped, he’d be doubly responsible for the man’s death. He had to keep going, at least until the medics arrived.
“I love you... I’ll make you feel incredible.” The words came with a gentle tug of pleasure to his dick. The dream turned from color to black and white. The rain still pattered around him, but he no longer felt drenched to the bone. He started to break free from the responsibility chaining him to the man.
“I’m going to suck you, baby. I’m going to give you sweet dreams.” The pleasure turned molten.
He hissed in a breath. The dream evaporated like steam from a mug of coffee. He opened his eyes to his bedroom and the press of DG’s hands on his hips. She had his jeans open and her lips wrapped around him. Hot. Her mouth was so fucking hot. A glint of naughty affection in her eyes punched through the dark.