“No.” Billie keyed in the next station. “You will not keep me posted.” Her head swirled with questions. Someone lied, obviously. But who?
The disc jockey chuckled. “When your girlfriend hints about going ring shopping, I like to play this little ditty. Seems to work for Jet.” The speakers blared Jet singing, “
I
ain’t
your man; no, baby, not the one you’re looking for
.”
“It’s a radio conspiracy!” Anger dissipated her tears. What had he said about the universe giving you things when you’re ready for them? “Well, it’s giving me a hell of a clue now, isn’t it?” She blew her nose and focused on the road ahead--the dark, empty road.
Twenty minutes from home, her cell buzzed.
Zinta said, “I couldn’t wait to find out. Are you there? How’s it going?”
Going, going, gone. “I’m on my way home.”
“No.”
“Apparently Stu sent the tickets.” Saying it helped harden her heart.
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Sure, it does. He wanted maximum coverage, and I happened to be on the list.”
“You can’t be serious. He sounded so anxious to see you again.”
“I’m not surprised. His career’s on the upswing. Mine’s at rock bottom. Ironic, huh?” Using his words made her break into tears.
“Oh, sweetie, don’t cry.”
“Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve been so emotional. My immune system’s off. Too much stress, I guess.”
Zin faded. “What? I’m losing you.”
Zinta wasn’t the only one. “I’ll call you tomorrow.” Billie clicked off her phone, then the radio, and drove the rest of the way in sweet silence.
Arriving home, Mom came out to the kitchen. “You’re home early.”
“Yeah. I didn’t stay.” She poured a glass of milk.
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m exhausted. I think I must have a bug or something.”
Her mom eyed her. “You’re tired. And emotional. And sick early in the day. Could it be a nine-month bug?”
Billie collapsed onto a chair. “No. I mean, yes, but… God. No.”
Mom squeezed her shoulder. “We’ll take a trip to the pharmacy tomorrow, hmm? Then go from there.”
Go from there? To where?
“Don’t stay up too late.” Mom trudged to her bedroom at the back of the house.
“Goodnight.” Billie went upstairs and lay in bed, fingers tracing her belly. A baby? Excitement and fear made her queasy. She could do it alone, if needed. She’d freelance from home. Writing, editing, blogging. Whatever it took. She’d take care of the baby and herself.
* * * *
What a night. Jet’s opening act went so well, the headlining band asked them to return to the stage for a few songs. He nearly burst with the pressure of being forced to wait. What if she left again?
Afterward, he strode to the trailer, intent on leaving.
Stu grabbed his jacket sleeve. “The fans, man. Give them some love.” He inclined his head toward the girls leaning over the gate, reaching for him.
Shit.
He plastered on a smile and rushed through signing autographs. His smile faded after about the thirtieth photo, the girl snapping gum with her cheek pressed to his. “Sorry folks, gotta go.”
Inside the trailer, reporters waited.
“You’re kidding.” He turned to Stu.
Stu shrugged. “Ride the wave, baby. You’re at the top. If you blow them off, you won’t stay there long.”
Through clenched teeth, he muttered, “Fuck.” Stu was right. His life hadn’t been his own in too long. He blew a breath and forced a pleasant expression. “Who’s first?”
An hour later, he’d had enough. “I need a car.”
“We have no car.”
No more stumbling blocks. He turned to the crew. “Anyone have a car I can borrow? There’s a grand in it for you.”
A roadie rushed forth. “You can use mine. It’s not fancy or anything, but it’ll get you there.”
“That’s exactly what I need then. Where is it?”
The guy led him out to the parking lot. Jet signed a few more autographs as he walked. When the roadie stopped at a beat-up compact, his hopes fell. “This?”
With a sheepish shrug, the guy ran a loving hand along its door. “Yeah, it’s a great car.”
Shaking his head, Jet blew out a breath. Maybe he should take a taxi. But this guy looked like he needed the money. Hell, he needed a new car. “Gimme the keys.”
Grinning, the roadie dug them from his pocket. “It turns over a little rough but once it’s going, it runs great.”
The engine chugged to life, and dread washed over Jet. “You’re sure it won’t leave me stranded?” Bad enough he had no idea where the hell these back roads could end up. No GPS, either.
“I’m tellin’ you, it’s cherry.”
He couldn’t help but laugh.
Cherry
wouldn’t have been his description. “All right. If you’re right, I’ll give you two grand. If you promise to put it toward a new car.” He rumbled out of the parking lot. At least he’d thought ahead to Google map her address from here. Turning onto Hershey Park Drive, he floored it, and it backfired. “God, help me.”
* * * *
Hours passed, drifting in and out of sleep, then birds twittered. Light edged the horizon. Headlights swung up the driveway. A car door slammed, and someone banged on the front door.
Creeping downstairs, she peeked out the window. Her heart fluttered.
Jet stood on the porch. He knocked again.
She yanked open the door. “Jet.”
His cheeks appeared flushed, his eyes alight as he looked her over. He spoke in a rush. “I’ve been driving around this damn countryside all night looking for you. What kind of a place is Berrysburg? There’s no town, no landmarks. You should have warned me you lived near a town named Pillow.”
She couldn’t tell if his words were rushed by excitement, irritation or nervousness. “You came here to yell at me for living in the country?”
“I’d hoped to see you at the concert tonight.” His gaze swept over her.
She tugged her tee shirt down over her drawstring pants, conscious of the few pounds she’d gained. Her head swirled, followed by her belly. She couldn’t let him lead her on again. “Look, you should leave. Go back to Julie.”
Shifting his feet, he moved closer. “Julie? What are you talking about?”
“The girl you want so badly. Is she waiting in the car?” Her mouth puckered.
No. You will not cry in front of him. And where the hell did he get that
junker
?
His brows twitched together. “No. She’s on her way to New York.”
And he thought he’d been lost--if someone asked right now, she couldn’t say which direction was up. “Do you have a concert there?”
He let out a sharp breath. “I’m completely confused. I didn’t come here to talk about Julie.”
“Are all men crazy? Or do you all think women are crazy enough to put up with your crap? First Everett, now you. You make it really difficult to tell the difference between real and unreal.”
He glared and stepped closer. “You’re back with Everett? Is that why didn’t you come tonight?”
“No. I went to the concert.” She hugged herself. “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I won’t be writing about it.”
“I don’t care about that. I wanted to see you. Why do you think I asked you to come backstage?”
A laugh escaped. “To humiliate me?”
“What?”
Had he taken acting lessons? He seemed sincerely surprised. “They wouldn’t let me backstage.”
His brows furrowed. “Who wouldn’t?”
“The guard. And Stu. He said he sent tickets to all the reporters, and I could wait for an autograph if I wanted. He threw away your note. If it was your note, and not some photocopy sent to all the media outlets like he said.”
“That son of a bitch.” Whipping out his cell, he dialed, strode off the porch into the yard. The conversation lasted less than a minute, building in intensity until he signed off with, “You’re fired!”
Walking back, he appeared more relaxed. “I should have done that years ago.”
“You fired him? But things are finally going well.”
He winced. “No thanks to him.”
“What about the tour?”
His voice softened. “Forget the tour.”
Had he gone insane? “No. Everything you wanted, all you’ve worked for, is within reach, and you’re willing to throw it all away?” She couldn’t let him.
“I don’t need Stu. I had to fight him every step of the way.”
“Right. Like you fought him about Julie.”
“Stop bringing up Julie! If you want to know the truth, yes, I intentionally let Julie stay until the final show.”
She threw up her hands. “Finally. The truth.”
“I let her stay so I could eliminate the others. I knew Julie didn’t care about me. And I care nothing about her.”
“Now I’m confused.” More than ever.
“Why do you think I drove all night to see you?”
“I…” Why had he?
He took hold of her shoulders. “After I met you, it didn’t matter who any of them were. Don’t you see?”
She stepped back, afraid to hear whatever he was about to say. Unable to breathe until he said it.
Gathering her in his arms, he said softly, “I want you. No one else. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat… When I’m not with you, I feel hollow inside. Only you can fill me with what I need.” After searching her face, he pressed his lips to hers.
She gave herself over to it, let herself drown in his kiss. She might have heard her mother’s footsteps in the hall, but couldn’t let go, couldn’t risk him disappearing.
His lips brushed along her cheek, to her ear. “I’ve missed you so much. There’s so much I need to tell you.”
Stiffening, she remembered. She had a lot to tell him too. He wouldn’t want her once he learned her news. “This can’t work.” If he didn’t hate her before, he would after hearing.
* * * *
Rocking her, Jet crouched to her eye level. “Of course it can. It’s perfect now.” He had her in his arms, and wasn’t about to let go.
“No, we’re in opposite places.”
“Aren’t you the one who said: It’s not easy but when you care so much, invest so much of yourself, it makes it all worth the effort?” Those had been her words. He’d thought about them every day since hearing them.
He cupped her jaw. “I’m emotionally invested. Completely. I’m crazy about you.”
Tears welled, and she sniffed. “Jet--”
No more pretending. “Jerry. Call me Jerry.” His real name.
Nodding, she whispered, “Jerry.”
“No fair. You never told me yours.” He frowned in an attempt to appear serious, but couldn’t hold back a grin. He’d wondered for months.
“Willamina.” She heaved a dejected sigh.
Somehow, hearing her name filled him with joy. He rocked her in his arms. “That’s cute. Jerry and Willamina. A little long for the answering machine, but…”
She clutched his jacket. “I can’t… This isn’t--”
“Real? It’s more real than anything I’ve ever known, Billie.” He kissed her again. “Can we take a walk? So we don’t keep your mom awake?”
Nodding, Billie grabbed her jacket and stepped into her flip-flops.
Light rimmed the horizon, red and orange and pink clouds ablaze.
“Red sky at morning…” she let the sentence drift.
“Sailors take warning,” he finished. “Gotta expect some rocky seas, babe.” Nothing they couldn’t weather together.
She shivered, a tear streaked her cheek.
He pulled her to him. “Hey, don’t cry. It’s going to work out. You’ll see.”
“I can’t,” she blubbered.
“What’s wrong? You need to stay and feed the chickens?” he joked.
“I wish I could stay. Mom’s selling. She can’t take care of it all.”
Glancing around, he could have whooped. “Perfect.” He couldn’t have picked a better setting.
“How is that perfect?” Irritation seemed to prick her completely awake.
He linked his arms around her. “I’ll buy it.”
She blurted, “You don’t know how much she wants.”
“Doesn’t matter. I have some money put away.” He knew it would come in handy.
“But she’ll hate you for it.”
Was she testing him? Or really trying to drive him away? “Nah. I’ll let her live here. I’ll build a little cabin, maybe an A-frame. How many acres?”
“A few hundred.”
He shrugged. “See? She’ll never even have to see me. Unless she wants to invite us for pot roast.” It really did sound perfect. So why did she look so miserable?
* * * *
“Stop it.” Struggling from his embrace, Billie couldn’t reconcile Jet with Jerry.
“Why? I want to be with you, Billie. Don’t tell me you don’t want that too.”
“I don’t know. It’s happening too fast.”
Tell him you love him, you idiot!
His shoulders slumped. “Don’t make excuses. If you don’t love me, say so. If you’re afraid it’s too much work, then I’m going to fight you on that. I’ve been looking for you my whole life. We’re good together. Good for each other.”
“That’s what scares me.” She’d never known anyone who understood her way of thinking before she voiced her thoughts.
He ran his hands along her sleeves. “Tell you what. Whenever it scares you, you come to me. I’ll hold you until you’re not afraid anymore.”
After she told him what she needed to say, he might be the frightened one. She had to tell him. No, she’d work up to it. “When I was a little girl, I‘d come out here to my tree house whenever the world felt too big and crazy.”
“Where was it?”
“Over there.”
“I’ll build you a new one. Big enough for two. They make them for adults now. Did you know that?”
Oh God. Her litmus test. Had Zinta clued him in? Or did he really read the real Willamina?
Cupping her palm to his cheek, she asked, “Are you sure you’re for real?”
“I only feel real when I’m with you.”
“I know. Me too.” Before she fell into his arms again, she had to tell him. “But I have another reality check for you. A big one.”
“Hit me.”
Just say it and be done with it. “There’s a good chance… I mean, I think I am… pregnant.”
His eyes widened, his mouth agape. He stammered, “Are you sure?”
“No. But I’ll find out tomorrow. Today, I guess.” In a few hours. She gulped hard. “Mom’s taking me for a test.”
“I’ll take you.”
Her jaw quivered. He might want her to get an abortion. “If I am, I’m keeping it. No matter what.”