Rock Chick 07 Regret (51 page)

“Eddie likes you too,” Ava told me and I saw through the mirror her eyes were on Jet.

“Aces!” I cried, excited that Eddie liked me, heck, excited that
anyone
would like me.

Daisy giggled her Christmas bells giggle.

Jet got closer to me. “He’s a little worried about you though.”

I finished with my lip gloss and looked at her as I shoved it back in my pocket (this was hard, my skirt was
tight
).

“Worried?”

“Yeah,” she replied and I realized with some surprise that she was being serious.

“Why on earth is he worried?” I asked, forgetting, for one shining moment, that my life was one devastating trauma after the other.

“He doesn’t know, can’t put his finger on it,” Jet explained. “He talked to me about it and he wanted us to make sure you’re okay.”

Daisy and Ava got closer and I looked at them. They all looked serious now and my happy buzz slipped a notch.

“You know, sugar, I been through what you been through,” Daisy told me.

My confused eyes moved to her.

“You have?”

She got closer. “Was workin’ at Smithie’s, it’s a strip joint. Marcus part-owned it back then. I didn’t know him but I saw him come in every once in awhile. After a show, one of the customers raped me behind Smithie’s. It wasn’t as bad as what you went through but it was bad.”

At this announcement, I felt my face pale as my happy buzz vaporized.

Daisy went on, “Smithie and Marcus found out and they flipped. Smithie doubled up on bouncers and made it policy that all the girls were escorted to their cars after we closed. And Marcus, well… that’s when Marcus and me got together, kind of. It wasn’t like he asked me out but, every day after it happened he sent me bouquets of daisies. Every day. For weeks. Until my house was so filled with pretty flowers that it was hard to keep my mind on ugly thoughts.”

I stared at her, my heart hurting for her then I whispered, “I
knew
I liked Marcus.”

She smiled at me, reached out, caught my hand and held it tight.

“When he decided the time was right, he came at me. It was tough on me and I made it tough on him but he never gave up, he kept comin’ until I gave in. And I’m glad he did.”

“You have to know,” Ava put in before I could process what Daisy said. “That what it is with these guys is different than what it is with other guys. It’s different than what it is with the kind of guy who would hurt you, either what that man did to you or how other men can tear you down. They come on strong because they
are
strong not because they’re jerks or anything.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I said, “Okay.”

“Hector’s a good guy,” Jet told me and I looked at her.

It hit my drunken brain what they were saying and I felt my shields go up automatically.

“I know,” I replied.

“You have to let him in.” Daisy squeezed my hand.

Oh no.

Just.

No.

They didn’t get it. They probably couldn’t. They weren’t me.

There were two sides to this coin. The one side was me and the fact that Hector was likely too good for me. The other side was life as I knew it, that I couldn’t trust anyone and that nothing worked out for me, it couldn’t, I was who I was and I deserved whatever Hector had in store for me, using me then leaving me behind.

Maybe a girl who’d had friends, whose mother hadn’t been murdered while protecting her, whose father hadn’t kept her imprisoned in a beautiful mansion her whole life, a girl who hadn’t been brutally raped, could trust, could understand.

But that girl wasn’t me.

I couldn’t tell them
any
of that.

I wanted to.

But I couldn’t.

Because they wouldn’t get it.

“We’re okay,” Pretend Sadie promised on a smile.

They all stared at me.

“No, really,” I said.

“You’re holdin’ somethin’ back,” Daisy accused.

“No, I’m not,” I lied. I was drunk but not drunk enough to share. I’d done enough sharing. Sharing was only going to get me in deeper and I was deep enough as it was.

Ava looked at Daisy then at me. “You’ll want to run, to keep yourself safe. I know the feeling, we all do. Listen to the voices of experience and move beyond this faster than we did. It’s worth it, I promise.” I nodded but she got closer. “Seriously, Sadie, it’s worth it. I promise,” she repeated and I knew she knew that, the way Luke held her that night. And I was glad she had that, she was sweet.

But that was never going to happen for me.

I wanted it, more than anything in the world, to know Hector was putting his arms around
me
. But he wasn’t. There was no “me”. He was either putting his arms around “His Sadie”, a creature that didn’t exist, or his latest conquest.

Simple as that.

These were good women, they’d never been taught that lesson.

And I hoped they never learned.

I pulled in my lips and pretended to think about it.

Then I nodded.

“I don’t –” Daisy started, staring at me closely.

“Let her alone,” Jet cut her off.

“But –” Daisy went on.

“Give her time to think,” Jet interrupted again and looked at me. “You need to talk, anytime, day, night, whenever, you call one of us. We’re here, Sadie. Always.”

I pulled my lips in and didn’t have to pretend or force the tears that were shining in my eyes at what she said. I was wishing this could be real, could be my life but I knew it couldn’t.

Unable to speak, I just nodded again.

“We’re done here,” Jet told Ava and Daisy.

“We’re not done,” Daisy pushed.

“We’re done,” Ava announced firmly.

Daisy dropped my hand but only to cross her arms on her chest.

“I’ll be watchin’ you,” she warned.

I decided to set this firmly aside and go back to the enjoying the drunken portion of the night.

“Okay,” I told her like I could care less.

Jet smiled at Ava.

Daisy narrowed her eyes at me.

We heard Stella’s voice and I knew the band was going to start again.

“Rock ‘n’ roll!” I shouted, whirled and used that as my excuse for escape.

I threw open the door, flew out of the restroom, got two steps into the hall and slammed into something solid.

Hands came to my upper arms, I looked up and all my breath left me in a rush.

“Jerry?” I whispered, not believing my eyes or my fucking terrible luck.

I mean, seriously!

Why me?

Out of the frying pan and into the fire!

I looked again but my eyes did not deceive me. It
was
Jerry, one of the henchmen in my father’s gentleman army. Tall, blond-haired, blue-eyed, good-looking and, normally, mostly silent. He’d disappeared the minute the DEA moved in and I hadn’t seen him since.

“Sadie,” Jerry replied.

“Who’re you?” Ava said from beside me.

“Stand back, now.” Daisy didn’t care who he was and at her words all the girls got close to me.

Jerry ignored Daisy. “Your father’s got a message for you.”

My eyes went wide.

Then my back went straight and my chin went out.

All right.

I’d had
enough
.

This was
not
happening.

I’d had a tough day. A tough week! A tough fucking life!

I was going to take no more.

“Is that so? Well I have a message for him too,” I snapped back.

Jerry’s hands went tight on my arms, so tight, they hurt.

“Quiet and listen to me.”

“Last warning, stand back.” Daisy got in closer.

I ignored her and leaned in. “No, you listen to me. No messages, no nothing. My father doesn’t exist anymore. You tell him that.” Then, for good measure, I used one of Hector’s badass lines, “Got me?”

Jerry ignored my fairy princess/bimbo groupie badass and returned, “Sadie, I’m
warnin
’ you, Seth is
losin
’ patience with you.”

Ice Princess gave him a Chill Factor Sub-Zero Glare. “Do I look like I care?”

He leaned in and we were nose-to-nose right before he said threateningly, “Girl, you better care.”

“Take your hands off her.” I heard Eddie say from behind Jerry and I looked around to see him standing there, feet planted wide, arms loose at his sides and looking unhappy.

Jerry let me go and turned to Eddie. Then he gave an amused hoot.

“Detective Chavez,” Jerry said in an ugly voice. “Now I’m confused. I thought it was your brother who was tappin’ her ass.”

I gasped.

“Uh-oh,” Ava said from beside me as Eddie’s body went visibly taut.

Jet, Daisy, Ava and I huddled as Eddie warned Jerry, “You got one second to disappear.”

“Yeah?” Jerry taunted, pretending to look around. “You sure you wanna try to get a piece of me? I don’t see Nightingale at your back.”

“Eddie, let’s just go,” Jet put in.

“Move away,” Eddie told Jet, not taking his eyes from Jerry.

“Eddie –” Jet kept trying.

“Jet,” Eddie clipped and that was all he had to say. Jet shuffled us all back, we moved as one in our Rock Chick huddle, all of our eyes locked on Eddie and Jerry.

“Fuck, you think you can get a piece of me.” Jerry sounded amused.

Eddie didn’t say a word, he didn’t move, his eyes didn’t leave Jerry.

“This is gonna be fun,” Jerry went on and Eddie still didn’t reply, pushing Jerry to ask, “You gonna stare at me all night?”

Eddie still didn’t move.

But he did speak.

“No, I’m gonna ask you what Townsend would think if he knew you been
meetin
’ with Donny Balducci.”

What?

Jerry and Donny?

No way.

Jerry’s eyes narrowed. “You been watchin’ me, spic?”

I gasped again, this time angrily.

“Oh Lord,” Ava muttered.

“What did he just say?” Jet asked, her voice trembling.

“Stand down, Jet, I think Eddie’s got this covered,” Daisy told Jet, pulling the huddle back another few steps.

Eddie had gone silent again but the air had changed, it became heavy and very,
very
scary.

Jerry waited for a reaction to his racial slur and, when none was forthcoming, he (stupidly, if you asked me), decided to create one.

His arm reached out, he planted his hand in Eddie’s chest and I saw him give a shove.

I stared and my mouth dropped open.

I was certain he’d given a shove but Eddie’s body didn’t move.

No kidding, it didn’t move an inch.

Solid as a rock.

I watched surprise slide across Jerry’s face, surprise I was pretty certain sure was mingled with a hint of fear as Eddie encouraged in a low, menacing voice, “Keep goin’.”

“Fuck you!” Jerry clipped and immediately threw a punch.

Quick as a flash, Eddie ducked but came up, body cocked to the side and swinging, he landed a fist in Jerry’s stomach and I heard Jerry’s awful grunt.

“Oh for goodness sake, we’re
missin
’ Stella,” Daisy said as if Eddie’s fight with one of my father’s henchmen was akin to an annoying traffic delay on the way to a movie and I looked at her, mouth still open. She was digging in her purse (not all Rock Chicks went purse-less) and she came out with a stun gun.