Role of a Lifetime (12 page)

Chapter 29

"Ow!"

"What?" Kelly asked, concerned.

"Oh shit, ow!" Zoe said, sitting up on the couch and flapping her hand around.

"What?" Kelly asked again.

"Oh god, I'm an idiot, I bent my pinkie back, yow!"

Instantly there were five people standing around them, asking what happened and offering help.  Zoe kept insisting she was fine and Kelly found himself pushed to the edge of the group.  He knew it wasn't his fault.  They had spent days practicing with the stunt coordinator.  And on this take he had barely touched her, as they had finally moved on to shooting the close ups on their faces.

Another staff member pushed past Kelly with a bag of ice.  He heard Zoe say something about how she didn't need ice and they could continue but the mob didn't move away.  Kelly sighed and stepped further back.  He would be happy when the movie was done and they were almost done.  He was sick of playing the role, even though the director and producers kept telling him he was doing a brilliant job.

"Alright, let's go, you okay Zoe?" the director asked.

"Yes," she said.

Everyone cleared out of the scene and Zoe and Kelly got back into position.  Kelly waited for the signal to start but it didn't come.

"I guess we're taking another break," Zoe said motioning behind Kelly.

He turned and saw the director writing something on a digital clipboard.

"Yep, your hand okay?" Kelly asked her.

"Fine, it was dumb, all those times you shoved me and I managed to hurt myself just falling over.  Maybe you should just shove me again.  What?"

"What what?" Kelly said.

"You made a face."             

"I did?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm just," Kelly paused, thinking about how he felt about it, "sick of my character, I guess.  Really sick of him."

"Well, he is pretty loathsome."

Kelly didn't say anything.  Loathsome didn't cut it.  He couldn't imagine shoving or hitting Zoe for real.  Jesus, she probably weighed close to a hundred pounds less than him.  It would be like hitting a child.  Hitting a child as hard as you could.  It was disgusting.

Kelly couldn't even count the number of people he had "killed" on screen, but somehow it just wasn't the same.  Maybe it was the material.  There was glory in taking out the bad guys, even brutally.

"Kelly?"

"What?"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I just," he didn't want to talk about it, not with Zoe.  He had considered talking about it with Holly but she kept saying she didn't want to know anything about the movie so she could really enjoy it when she saw it for the first time.  Besides, it was stupid, it was just a part in a movie.

He decided to change the subject, "I think, aside from your finger that is, it's going really well."

"Yes, I think so too, but you're changing the subject."

"Yeah."

"Look, my acting coach tells me to use everything, so if you're uncomfortable with your character, use it.  Think about how lousy he must feel, but he can't accept it so he externalizes and takes it out on the world in general.  Oh and me in particular," Zoe finished with a smile and Kelly realized she was right.

"Thanks, now if we could just get back to," Kelly didn't finish as he saw that the director had now called in several other people to confer with.

Zoe followed his gaze and laughed.

"Are you going to go to Aspen?" she asked him.

One of the producers was planning on hosting a long weekend at his house in Aspen, once the production was over.

"I don't know, probably not," Kelly said.

"Oh you should go, the house is amazing, it's like ten thousand square feet, plus all the guest cottages, you have to see it to believe it.  Do you ski?"

"Yes I do, but I kind of like surfing better."

That was true but the real reason Kelly wasn't planning on the ski weekend was he wanted to go back to New Hampshire to see Holly again as soon as he could.  They spoke and/or Skyped every day but he hadn't asked her to come back out to California.  Most days he was on the set for ten to fourteen hours.  They had to do some scenes on location so that took him out of town, sometimes filming started at 4PM or later, if that was when they could use the venue.  Three weekends had been devoted to filming at a school since that was the only time they could get permission to use it.

"Well you should think about it, it would be fun," Zoe looked over at the director and sighed.  "Oh, they'll kill me if I get something to eat won't they."

"I don't know," Kelly said, "You have that horrible pinky injury.  Need nutrition to heal." Zoe laughed and he added, "Maybe if we just head to the lunch table they will see us and call us back."

It worked.  They got back to work and the rest of the day was very productive.   On the way out that night Kelly bumped into Stuart, the producer who owned the, apparently impressive, homestead in Aspen.

"You going to come to Colorado when we're done Kelly?" Stuart asked.  "They got another two feet of snow today, boy this is killing me to be stuck here right now, I haven't skied yet this year."

"Umm, you think it's okay if I bring someone?" Kelly asked.

"Oh sure, the more the merrier, I'll put you down for one of the guest cottages," Stuart said, "How'd it go today?"

"Good, I think," Kelly said.

"Well I got to go watch the dailies now, I guess you'll find out tomorrow.  But we're really happy Kelly, with you and Zoe both," Stuart said and headed off down the hall.

"Thanks," Kelly called after him.

He checked his phone on the way out to his car.  Too late to call Holly now, but they could Skype in the morning.  Hopefully she liked skiing better than surfing.  He could live with that.

Chapter 30

"Good morning."

"Hi," Holly said, smiling at the screen.  Kelly looked like he had just rolled out of bed, which he probably had.

That made her think about the last time they had been in bed together and she felt herself blushing.  She looked down at her video feed in the corner of her laptop screen, but wasn't sure if she could tell.  On screen Kelly yawned and she smiled.  She wanted to curl up next to him, in bed or out, and feel him wrap his arms around her.

"Sorry," he said, when he finished yawning yet again.  She watched him take a big gulp from his coffee mug, "Listen, I have to talk to you about something, well I have an offer actually."

She was used to this.  Kelly was working long hours on the movie and he rarely called her from the set.  He said it was a little different from the action stuff he usually did because it was so character driven.  More time actually acting and less time waiting around for the shots to be set up.  So when they talked sometimes he had to get right to the point and then leave.  She missed their long conversations though, but she supposed once he was done things could go back to normal.  Well, normal for them anyway.

"Okay," she said.

"Stuart, he's one of the producers, he invited everyone to come out to his place in Aspen for a long weekend and I wanted you to come meet me out there."

"What?"

"It's a huge house and there are guest cottages too, apparently.  Do you ski?"

"Well," Holly said slowly, "I have gone skiing, I don't know that I'm any good at it, really."

That wasn't the issue.  She couldn't go to Aspen.  She couldn't go anywhere.  She had to stay home in case Lia needed her again.  Holly started getting stressed out just thinking about traveling that far away again.

"Holly?" Kelly asked her.  She looked at him and it was like he was right there, but he wasn't.  He was very far away and the moment Holly knew eventually would come, and had been dreading, had finally arrived.  He said her name again and when she didn't reply he continued, "Look it was a lot of fun when you came out to LA for the premiere.  Right?  You had fun, right, I mean, I know you had to go home for Lia, but before that it was fun, this will be the same kind of thing, okay?"

"Kelly," Holly said, "You know, I owe you an apology, I knew, when I got home from LA that...this wasn't going to work.  I should have told you then."

"What?"

"I can't fly out to Aspen to...see you."

"I'll get you the ticket."

"No, that's worse, actually, ewww, I mean, I can't, I don't do casual, ugh."

"Is that why you left, after?" Kelly asked.

"No, it was Lia, and what you and I did, it was fun, it was, I don't regret it, but at the same time it was a mistake, sort of.  We shouldn't have, I don't think."

"Holly,"

"It's all my fault and I'm sorry, I should have told you weeks ago but"

"This is it?  You're really going to end it like this?  On Skype?"  Kelly sounded like he couldn't believe it.

"Well we never see each other, so yeah, on Skype, I'm sorry."

"Holly, just come to Aspen, it'll be fun, okay?"

"No, Kelly, I'm not coming to Aspen to sleep with you," Holly grimaced a little bit when she said it but quickly decided it was the right approach.  If she tried to explain why she couldn't leave Lia, even though Lia was away at school, even though it was only for a couple of days, she would, have to, well, explain it.  And she definitely wasn't explaining that.  Her mind made up, she soldiered on, "I'm not going to be the woman you sleep with when you're between movies Kelly.  I won't."

"Holly,"

"I'm not doing this Kelly, I won't be a casual...hook up partner for you."

"Holly,"

"I should have told you before, that was wrong, I'm sorry. "

"Holly,"

"Goodbye Kelly," she said firmly and ended the video call.

She sat staring at the screen but didn't touch the laptop when Kelly called back immediately.  It's your own fault, she told herself miserably, if you had done the right thing before, she stopped herself.  You can't change what you did but you can do the right thing now.  And the right thing was for Holly to be there for Lia, if Lia ever needed her.  Ever.  She would put her daughter first, always, that's all there was to it.  And a relationship with a guy, any guy, but especially one who lived three thousand miles away was detrimental to that commitment.

Her cell phone rang in the charger and even though she was pretty sure that it was Kelly she checked anyway.  When she saw it was in fact him, she ignored the call and went to change into her pottery clothes.  On the way out to the barn she decided it was time to make another full set of stoneware.  She hadn't sold one in a while but usually with a little bit of time and money spent on promotion it would sell and she could usually count on some follow up orders as well.

She worked for the better part of ten hours then spent some time sketching out some possible designs for the glazes.  The whole time she worked she stomped out every little thought of Kelly that came into her mind.  And there were a lot of them.  She loved him.  She really did.  Too bad.  He was a good guy.  So what.

When it was finally time for bed she kept her mind busy figuring out how long it was going to take her to fire all the pieces, the kiln wasn't huge by any means.  She was almost asleep when the feelings came creeping back.  There are worse things than being alone, she told herself firmly.  Much worse.  She made herself focus on the one thing she hadn't wanted to think about and when she was done crying over that she was ready for sleep.

Lia is what matters, she thought right before she drifted off.  And you can't forget that, ever.  Look what happened the last time you did.

Chapter 31

"Well guys, we have some work to do," the director said, "I'm not going to sugar coat it, we need to redo the scene we've been working on, we need more intensity, more ummm."

Kelly and Zoe waited.  Kelly wasn't thrilled to hear about redoing the scene, but that was more about the fact that Holly had dumped him a couple of hours ago, on Skype, for Christ's sake.  The only thing that he really wanted to be doing right now was hitting the heavy bag at the gym.

"You," the director turned to Zoe, "You're scared, but you're also feeling guilty.  Like you blame yourself for this.  And you," he said turning to face Kelly, "your character is beyond redemption, sure, but what happened to get him there?  Use that, we want to see the damage behind the anger.  She" he pointed to Zoe, "hurt you and you hate her for it, but part of you still loves her and hates yourself for that too."

"I can do angry and hurt at the same time," Kelly said grimly.

Zoe nodded, "I get it."

The director turned away and started yelling for everyone to get in their places.

"You ready?" Zoe said smiling at Kelly.

"Yeah, I got it," Kelly said shortly and watched the smile fade from her face, "Sorry, just getting into character, let's keep the small talk to a minimum today okay?  I need to focus."

"Sure, fine," Zoe said.

Kelly knew as well as anyone that fine rarely meant fine, especially when it was said like that, and he felt bad.  It wasn't Zoe's fault.

"Sorry," he said and Zoe winked and smiled at him.

"Gotcha," she said.

"Oh, screw you," he said, laughing.

"Was that scared and guilty?" she asked.

"No, more like hurt and hating yourself for still loving me, you should work on that."

"Okay, I will."

They got started.  It had been an immense relief to laugh but Kelly didn't have any problem summoning up some less cheerful thoughts to get into character.  He just thought about Holly and his mood darkened a lot.  It was a relief when the day was over and he didn't have to act anymore.  Then he realized he was still acting, he was just acting like everything was normal when it wasn't.  Then he just wanted to get out of there and go home, where he could be miserable without anyone around to bother him.

Stuart was coming in, presumably to watch the dailies, when Kelly was heading out.

"Hey Kel."

"Hey Stuart."

"How'd it go today?"

"Well, you'll see I guess, but I think we amped up the intensity like you guys wanted.  If not, well, let me know, we'll keep doing it till we get there."

"Alright, good to hear."

They continued on their opposite ways.  Kelly was almost to the door when something occurred to him.  He turned and called down the hall.

"Hey Stu."

"Yeah?"

"About Aspen?"

"What about it?"

"You can forget the plus one."