Authors: Jessa Hawke
Even while separated, Ben and Olivia had been like parents to her, and the fact that they were nearly fifteen years older than her meant they viewed her in a parental matter by default. She was more like a big sister to Bradley than a nanny, something Roz had never counted on happening. She found herself tearing up as she hastily packed his favorite stuffed animals. As soon as she’d finished zipping the tiny blue suitcase closed, she heard the front door open, followed by the sharp
clack
of high heels across the polished tile. Ben poked his head through the doorway first, and his face broke into a soft smile when he saw Roz standing by Bradley’s bed.
“He go down ok?” Ben whispered. He gave Bradley his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes; they were identical when they laughed or smiled.
“Yes, on the way home. Didn’t even wake up when I brought him in. How did the paperwork go? All done?”
“All done,” came Olivia’s voice from the hallway. She moved past Ben to embrace Roz. Olivia was 5’11, and she looked more like an athlete or a dancer than an interior designer. Her milk chocolate skin was pulled taught of over a muscular frame, and she appeared far younger than her 38 years. No one knew she was a year older than Ben; everyone thought
he
was a cradle-robber. Olivia gave Bradley the drop of cocoa in his complexion, and the soft curl of his black hair. The family got looks when they went out, especially if it was just Ben and Bradley.
“You smell like cinnamon,” Roz said happily. “I’m glad you’re back.”
Olivia pulled back and gazed down at Roz, smiling gently. “Me, too. I missed you. And not just because of your grilled cheese.” The two women laughed.
“I’m gonna get Bradley, I think I hear him waking up.” Ben backed away from the doorway, looking at Olivia. “Tell her!”
Roz looked at Olivia as well. “Tell me what?” She watched Olivia sit on Bradley’s small bed gingerly, graceful as always.
“Well, we have two things we’d like to ask you. Not related, mind you.” She looked uncomfortable, as though she were afraid of offending her. She ran a hand across her neat bun. “First thing: we’d like you to consider staying on with Bradley and us full time…until Kindergarten, at least.” Olivia held Roz’s gaze, her eyes cautious. Roz felt her heart speed up, and she struggled to stay calm.
“I know it’s a big thing to ask,” Olivia continued hurriedly. “But we love.
Bradley l
oves you. It’s selfish, but we want to try to lock you down while we can. We understand if it’s too much to ask right now, but please take some time to think about it. You don’t have to answer right away.” She sighed and smiled gently after a pause. “That’s the first thing.”
“What’s the second thing?” Roz asked. Her voice sounded tinny and far away to herself.
“Much easier decision, we hope. We’d like you to come with us to the resort.” Olivia laughed at the shock on Roz’s face. “You only have an hour to decide, I’m afraid. The cab comes to take us to San Diego County in about two hours, and then we’re leaving you behind.”
“Who will watch the house?” Roz squeaked. She felt the color returning to her face as her mind tried to wrap itself around this new piece of information.
“If you haven’t noticed, we have an alarm system, and pretty nice neighbors,” Olivia answered.
“Also, we think we could use a break.” Ben came through the door way holding Bradley, who was blinking sleepily at the two women sitting on his bed. “You deserve to be rewarded. This is the perfect opportunity.”
“It’s not a bribe,” Olivia said quickly, and Roz understood why she’d been nervous. “We realize the timing is suspicious, but the idea came to us naturally She took Roz’s hand, and her face was shining with kindness and warmth. “You’re family, even if you don’t decide to stay with us for another two years. We’d love to start treating you like it.”
Roz felt a knot in her chest, and she struggled to breathe around it. A small sob escaped her lips, and she turned to Olivia and buried her face against her shoulder. The older woman pulled her into another hug, holding her as though she might break.
“Woz?” Bradley asked. His chubby hand patted Roz’s short red hair, and she looked up to find him peering at her, alarmed. Ben had walked over to the pair of them, and was gazing at her with some concern as well.
“I’m ok, buddy,” Roz promised, taking Bradley’s tiny hand in hers. He smiled and flapped his other hand in the air. A weight she didn’t know was resting on her started to crumble away, and she pulled air into her lungs. She looked around the room at the colorful drawings and posters of Elmo, the trucks and stuffed frogs and dollhouse he’d insisted he have for all of his toys. She’d shopped with him for all of it. This room was as much her influence as it was his. She wanted to continue shaping his life, but she also was starting to think she needed to shape her own. Finally, she spoke.
“Okay.”
“Okay?” Ben said hopefully.
“Okay, I’ll come to the resort. And I’ll think about taking a two year position
Olivia cheered, and Bradley let out a startled laugh. Roz felt a pocket of warmth in her chest break open and spill out into her bloodstream, consuming her with a gentle euphoria. She trotted off to her room---originally a guest room--- and quickly packed her small wardrobe and most of her toiletries in one suitcase. She was packed in under an hour, and she sat in her room for a few minutes, relishing the silence and the lack of movements. She brushed her hair out, and the soft red waves fell just above her shoulders. She studied herself in the mirror above her dresser. Her pale face, the spray of freckles across her shapely nose, the full pink lips she used to be teased for (by her lipless sister). She looked younger than 24, and she was fine with that; she wasn’t fine with feeling like some strange ageless creature that had been stagnant for so long that time no longer had meaning. She wanted to accept the position partially for that reason; having the next two years of her life planned out would give her structure, a purpose, maybe lend her some drive. But should she stay in a place just because she was too afraid to break away and carve out her own purpose? Sharon’s words scarred her more deeply than she’d first realized, and Roz’s life had so far been a series of careful, measured steps as close to comfort as she could manage. She had a bachelor’s degree in Art history, but she’d never pursued her own line of creation, believing it to be the sort of dream Sharon would look down upon. She still did drawings and sketches nearly every day, but most of them ended up in the bottom of a box in her closet. She hadn’t shown anyone but Bradley in 2 years.
She had a thought then, and it sizzled in her brain like a lightning strike. The resort had an art building; what if she took classes there while visiting? She could explore the part of her that had been lying dormant for so long, and figure out what she truly wanted to do. She felt numb, and Roz had a feeling that this wasn’t normal. People were supposed to have passions and dreams; why was it still so hard for her to reach for hers?
A knock on the doorframe startled Roz out of her reverie. She turned to see Olivia standing in the doorway, holding her heavy purple suitcase in one hand. “Cab’s here,” she said cheerily. Her brow furrowed as she took in Roz’s expression. “You ok?”
Roz nodded and stood, pulling on the handle of her rolling suitcase so she could tug it across the carpet. “I’m fine, just processing everything.”
“I get it,” Olivia said. “Just try not to get too lost in your head. This vacation is about fun. Just relax!”
Roz chuckled weakly as she followed Ben and Olivia out of the house. Bradley brought up the rear, pulling his little Toy Story suitcase behind him triumphantly. Ben had most of his real luggage.
The ride to the train station was short, and the train ride excited Bradley so much that he worked all of his energy during the first half hour and promptly fell asleep. Another cab ride to the resort was smooth, and the city fell away as the wound through vineyards and grassy hills toward the property. Roz listened to Ben and Olivia’s happy chatter, marveling at how strong their bond seemed to be after going through hell. She felt another pang of sadness, and squeezed her eyes shut against the incongruous feeling. What was wrong with her?
The cab deposited them in front of a stately cream-colored building. It looked strangely like a miniaturized version of the white house, with its sprawling, manicured lawn and row of wide windows. Several cottages were off to the left and right of it, and roz could see the pools in between the houses, huge and sparkling. The houses were all painted in pastels, and the sidewalks were done in matching squares of sky blue, cotton candy pink and soft yellow. Roz felt like she had been placed in a child’s Barbie Resort set. All that was missing was Ken.
Just then, a tall man emerged from the French doors holding an elephantine gift basket and a colorful packet of paper. He wore a crisp green polo shirt with
Hartman Hills
stamped on his left shoulder in bold cursive script. His jeans were dark and neat, but it looked like he bent and lunged in them a lot; the knees were beginning to wear away.
His angular face wore a dazzling smile, and he had thick black hair styled to resemble a casual bed-head. Roz was sure the whole look took him an hour. He had a shadow of stubble across his broad jaw, and his eyes were nearly the same shade of crystal blue as the pools. It was like looking into a glacier, and the effect should have been chilling; instead, Roz felt herself wanting to sink into his gaze, unable to look away. He stopped in front of them and offered his hand to Olivia, who looked the most authoritative most of the time. She removed her arm from Roz’s shoulder and shook hands with him, smiling broadly, apparently feeling as charmed as Roz. Ben cracked a smile as he took his hand, and he was beaming by the time the man released it.
“Artie Hartman, Co-Owner and Director of Activies. You must be Ben, Olivia, and Bradley!” His voice was sonorous, smooth and low like the first key on a piano. His eyes came to rest on Roz. “I’m sorry, and you are…?”
Roz felt her throat close up, and she looked at Olivia in alarm, who swiftly took over. “This is Rosamund Ortega, our nanny and…sort of surrogate daughter.” The smile she gave Roz cracked the sheet of ice that had seized her vocal chords.
“Roz,” she squeaked, then cleared her throat. “Just Roz.” She took his hand, pleased that her grip was firm. Her sister taught her how to give good handshakes when she was ten. She said a silent thank you to Sharon in her head.
“That’s a beautiful name, Roz.” Artie’s eyes held her gaze, and he squeezed her hand once before letting it go. Roz could hardly hear anything for the blood pounding in her ears, and she felt heat rush to her face.
Dammit, he’s gonna see that,
she thought mournfully. But she was too happy to care; he might have just been being charming,
“Thank you,” she mumbled, lowering her eyes from his. Thankfully, Artie moved on to Ben and Olivia, offering them the shrink-wrapped basket full of snacks, wine, juices, coloring books, toiletries and spa materials. Roz watched the muscles in his forearm bunch as he clasped his hands together. His smile really was infectious; she felt her cheeks roll up as she studied his energetic stance.
“Here is your welcome kit, and here is your welcome packet. ” He handed Olivia the colorful booklet. “You’ll find your loose itinerary, which you are free to move around with the help of our concierge, who is available to you at all times.” He smiled at Bradley, who had become bashful and was hiding behind his mother’s legs. “Everything is flexible so that your little guy doesn’t get tired out or cranky, and if you ever need some alone time, you can leave him with our day care center. We have trained nurses and aides on staff, a four to one ratio for caregivers, and even a petting center. ” He spoke quickly, but his tone was layered with genuine excitement. Roz realized then that he loved running the place; this was his passion.
“Did you hear that?” Ben chirped to Bradley. Bradley didn’t take the bait; he clutched Olivia’s legs tighter, refusing to speak. Artie decided to move on.
“Actually, I can give you guys a tour now, and have your things taken to cabin seven, which is right next door.” Artie gave them each a warm smile, and Roz had to fight to keep from giggling like an idiot.
“Can we get settled first?” Olivia asked. “I’d like to familiarize Bradley with everything so he can relax.” Roz felt her heart sink a little; she’d been looking forward to hearing Artie speak more, and her face must have showed it. Olivia looked at her, and her eyes narrowed for a fraction of a second; Roz almost thought she’d imagined it. Then her face smoothed out, and she spoke again, her voice casual. “But you can show Roz around. I’m sure she’d love to see the grounds. “She shot Ben a look pregnant with meaning, and it passed between them so fast Roz was again impressed by the strength of their bond.
“Absolutely! I was telling Roz about how deep those pools were,” Ben added, scooping Bradley up in his arms and throwing him over his shoulder. “I should get this guy changed into trunks, come to think of it. I’m sure he’s just dying to swim. Deep, deep, down.” he finished dryly, and winked at Roz.