Authors: Jessa Hawke
Sarah wasn't the kind of person that would treat Ben poorly because he didn't know all the big words that she did, and that was even more important than the rest of it. Because, as smart as Ben was, he wasn't the kind of “smart” that the university seemed to breed. Ben couldn't bring it up in class, even his Sociology classes, without getting dirty looks and snide remarks, but he knew it to be true. The university, and academia in general, liked to create little version of what liberal institutions thought were good thinkers; not that Ben was conservative at all, but he made an effort to avoid all party lines. So Sarah used some of the words that the rest of them, and that Ben didn't use intentionally. So it was a good thing that Sarah wasn't the kind to scoff at others different from her, because that seemed to be standard operating procedure for most of the college kids who had never been anywhere but their home time, then Ames, Iowa, to pursue their four year.
As Ben rode his motorcycle back towards Ames, the sun to his back. Ben had gone out for a Friday afternoon ride to think about things and had ended up thinking pretty much exclusively about Sarah. It wasn't that he was infatuated or anything, it was more that he was afraid of being rejected, or not being rejected and let down. This was hard for Ben to admit to himself. He liked to think of himself as a strong person who didn't need anyone else, like a kind of rugged individualist who made his way through society the same way he made his way through the sands of Iraq and the forest of southern Iowa when he was a kid. But that just wasn't the case and it was becoming more and more clear by the day that Ben needed some kind of companionship. Or at least that was what he had worked out in his mind during this ride, although during other rides he'd come up with a contrary answer.
But this time hadn't been like the others where he'd decided he didn't need anyone or anything. This time he'd really thought about it, had turned over the entire situation in his mind a few times, then turned Sarah and himself the same way—his inspections always more thorough while he was on his bike than if he was stationary. Sarah seemed like she would make an excellent friend, if nothing else. She certainly wouldn't have a hard time holding Ben's attention, he knew from experience. He just hoped that he held similar sway over her. Ben knew that even though he was a few years older than everyone else he was still very attractive to the females around campus, many had told him as much. He also knew that he was very attractive to many because he wasn't like the rest of the people with their stuck up attitudes. Ben liked to think of himself as a regular person even though his experiences marked him as different from everyone else. He liked to think of himself as someone who wouldn't turn their back on anyone, a person who was comfortable and secure enough to hang out with anyone and do anything. And for the most part this was completely true. But what he had trouble doing was charming people he didn't actually like, so he knew that he needed to spend some time with Sarah outside of class to see if they would really hit it off or not. Because it was one thing to get along in class, it was another thing entirely to get along during their free time.
When Ben walked back into his apartment, the entire first story of an old house that he rented for cheap, he picked up the slip of paper that had Sarah's phone number on it. He'd managed to obtain the number on the sly, from a member of the group she was in for a class project. He wasn't sure how she was going to react him texting her out of the blue, but that was what he was going to have to do. With so many of the young guys snapping at her heels around campus he'd never have the opportunity to broach her during school—if he did one of the young bucks was sure to do something stupid in an effort to ruin the moment. So this was what he had to do.
Hey, Sarah, this is Ben from class. I told one of your group members that I really needed your number to ask you on a date and he gave it to me. Soooo, do you want to hang out anytime in the near future?
Check yes or no. Or, alternately, ignore me.
Ben hit send and hoped for the best. Sarah's reply didn't come whizzing back through the air right away, instead he was left to his own devices for a few hours. To pass the time Ben smoked some weed and surfed the internet, reading up on what was happening internationally before growing board and doing push ups and sit ups to pass the time. Finally, an hour or so later, Sarah finally got back to him.
Ben texting me on a Friday night to hang out . . . hmmmmm. I'm not sure Ben. Do you think your bad boy persona would allow you to hang out with a nice girl like me ;)
Ben couldn't help but laugh as he read the text. It was so like her to get all cheeky in her response. It was much better than outright rejection so Ben was pleased with that at least. It left the door open for them doing something together, which was exactly what he wanted.
The sun hasn't set yet. Would you want to go on a motorcycle ride?
He shot back.
Certainly,
she replied.
The evening had turned crisp from the few hours before when afternoon had warmed the countryside. Now, even though the sun was still just barely in the sky, things had cooled down. Ben knew that he was going to have to keep the ride short if he wanted to keep both of them from shivering the whole way home. That kind of put a kink in his plans, because he knew that if he made haste he could make it to Ledges State Park not far to the southwest from Ames. Ledges was a great place to take people that didn't go there much; it was an arroyo that had ended up housing a stream, unlike most arroyos that are just gulches that flood every once in a while. The break in the flat Iowa terrain was the first thing people noticed. The next thing people noticed was how the rock had heaved itself up out of the ground in places, and how in others it had receded back into the earth.
Such geographic anomalies might be innocuous to those who didn't grow up in Iowa, but the states natives any deviance from the flat fields of corn and rancid hog lots was a God send. But now he wasn't going to be able to use that God send as a kind of ace, and instead was just going to have to make a quick jaunt around the town and hope that Sarah at least had fun and wasn't bored. Ben always had fun riding well. He wasn't the kind of biker who rode a crotch rocket or drove irresponsibly. He was the kind of biker that took care to be technically sound when he made turns, and to use his mirrors and signals before changing lanes. Some of the bikers he would occasionally rode with would give him a hard time for being so by the book, but Ben had known more than a couple bikers who had died doing something stupid, like taking a turn too fast or cutting off a big truck in traffic. Ben didn't even really like to ride in traffic, but of course he had to deal with it when it happened.
Ben leaned into a corner as he rode his bike, feeling the way that Sarah squeezed him tighter, almost as if she was snuggling up against him. He couldn't help but smile since he knew how much some women were turned on by riding a bike—it was just anatomy if you really thought about it, considering the bike vibrated like crazy and females had to ride with their erogenous zones pressed against the seat. As he leaned out of the turn that would take them back to town Ben wondered what they would talk about when they got back to his place. If she would want to spend the night, or if she'd want to leave after a few minutes of small talk. Ben didn't want to have the night end with her rushing off like they had done something wrong.
As they headed back to town Ben could feel Sarah's phone buzz, pressed up against him. It had gone off several times during the ride. It made him wonder if she didn't have plans for the night, and also made him search his memory for any sign that there might be another guy somewhere that she might be caught up in. Little did he know it was much more serious than that.
“What do you mean he hits you sometimes?” Ben said.
When they'd gotten back to his place Ben had asked her insider for a drink before she took off. He figured that he wouldn't press his luck with the whole, “Hey, baby, want to spend the night?” thing since that was just as likely to turn into a meltdown as it was to go well. Instead they had gone inside and he'd made them both drinks. Sarah had passed on smoking herb because she said that it just wasn't her thing on the weekends since it made her want to sit around and do absolutely nothing. So instead they'd had one drink. And then another. And even though Ben didn't own a TV they were both so entertained by each other that they didn't notice the dark that had set in outside the windows. It wasn't until around ten o'clock that Sarah realized, to her dismay, that she was late to see someone.
At first Ben had been quiet, but then he figured that he might as well know if there was another guy. So he asked. And she told him that there was indeed another guy, and the guy was in fact her boyfriend. Ben wasn't sure to react to the news about a boyfriend. He'd suspected that there might be another love interest in her life, but he'd never thought that the guy might be both her boyfriend and her abuser. But Sarah had made it clear.
“Yes,” she said. “He hits me sometimes. And I know it's fucked up and I want to stop it but somehow I still love him even though I know he's bad for me.”
“No kidding,” Ben said.
“But couldn't you be bad for me too, Ben? I mean, look at you, all covered in tattoos with short cropped hair. You don't exactly radiate the aura of someone that goes to church on the regular.”
Ben laughed at this, and was thankful that she was at least keeping her sense of humor about her.
“All right, all right, point taken,” Ben said. “But at the same time I'm not the one hitting you. Are you sure you're happy with this guy? I mean, if you are, maybe you could work it out? Not that what you are going through isn't a big deal and very serious, I just know couples that have worked through things like this. Although they were married, twice your age, and certainly not in college.”
Sarah looked at the floor as she spoke, as if unable to bring herself to meet Ben's gaze.
“I know, we are way to young to be having these kinds of troubles,” she said. “And to be honest we aren't technically dating right now, we are on a break and all that. But he still drinks too much pretty much every night and calls me up screaming about how I need to come back to him or I'll amount to nothing without him. Like without him, at least in his mind, I am literally nothing.”
Ben didn't know what to say, so he just sat there looking across his coffee table at her. He wasn't sure what she wanted, if she wanted him to help or just do nothing and be her friend. Or if she even wanted to be friends at all. Ben had to admit to himself that if she didn't want him to do anything at all then he probably wouldn't be able to be friends with her, he didn't like to surround himself with people that did nothing. He wanted to surround himself with people that had the courage of their convictions. He liked to think that he attracted those kind of people and repelled the rest, but maybe that just wasn't the case. And there was another option—that Sarah wasn't interested in him at all and was using him.
“So what would you like to happen?” Ben asked finally. “I mean, in a perfect world where you could have anything and everything, is there any particular outcome that you'd like?”
Sarah didn't hesitate to answer.
“I know it sounds harsh, but I want him scared. Badly. Then I want him told to leave me alone.”
Ben nodded and fell silent. There were several ways to do this. The easiest would be for him to go to wherever this guy was at and bounce his head off the concrete until he got it through his thick skull that he needed to never talk to Sarah again. The best way would most likely be the legal way, but it would be the hardest way for Sarah since she'd have to involve herself with the police, who would question her and do their best to decide if her accusations had merit or not. If the police found the accusations to have merit then the boyfriend, or ex if she was telling the truth about the break, would lose all of his rights to firearms and be arrested, charged, and later processed into the justice system.
But there was always the chance that the police would mess it up, or not care enough to do the right thing, and all of a sudden it wasn't so easy. Then Ben wouldn't be able to rough the guy up to get his message across without getting arrested because by that time the police would most assuredly know of his involvement and the abuser would be looking to cause the same legal trouble for him that Sarah had caused.
“Well, here is what I think you should do,” Ben said slowly, trying to think out each word individually before he said them. “I think you should call the cops either just plain old file domestic abuse charges, or just get a no contact order and wait for him to do something stupid like text you, then a restraining order. I know that might sound scary, and at times it will most likely be very uncomfortable, but if you go the legal route then you can just forget about him. Like it never happened, almost. But it won't be that easy, of course, as just forgetting.”
Sarah nodded.
“I just don't know if I can ruin his life, even though I think it's fair to say that he wants to ruin mine. I mean, doesn't a domestic abuse charge pretty much keep you from being a cop or anything like that? All that he wants to do is be a cop. Since he was a little kid all he's ever wanted to do is be a cop and I'm not sure if I can bring myself to take that away from him. You know? I just don't know if I'm that cold of a person.”
Ben knew it was time to bring the hard truth to bear.