Authors: Charlotte Swanpol
Chapter 4
Joshua tried to get me to listen to him, to listen to his bullshit explanations. I didn’t want to hear any of it. None of it mattered. The damage was done. I could never trust him again. Out of all the people to cheat on me with, he had to choose Emily? The one person that would hurt me the most. He called, he texted, he showed up at my house night and day with flowers. My parents wanted to get a damn restraining order with how much he kept showing up. He showed up at my dorm over and over again. He wouldn’t stop.
Finally one day, I had enough. I screamed at him, telling him that he had broken my heart and I never, ever wanted to see him again. Then I keyed his car and sliced his tires while he watched. He called the police and I had to spend a night in jail.
I ended up having to pay him for the damages, making me hate him even more. But I was happy I ruined his precious car. Hopefully he would learn a lesson.
I leaned back against the door, letting the horrible memories wash over me. I shuddered. I never wanted to feel that way again. I haven’t let anyone in fully since that happened and I don’t plan to. I know there is a man for me out there but I will know when I have found him and it hasn’t happened yet.
Emily tried contacting me a couple of times and then stopped. We have never spoken again. I heard she moved to New York, getting out of shitty Connecticut. Lucky her but I didn’t give care where she ended up. I would never forgive her. She knew how much I had loved Josh.
I heaved myself off the floor. I checked my driveway, and then headed outside to get the wine from my car. I saw a note stuck to the driver’s door. It read:
“Bella- I am sorry, so sorry. I know what happened in the past was awful, unforgivable. But please talk to me. I have a lot to say to you that you wouldn’t hear before. Please. I am still madly in love with you. You are the girl of my dreams. Love Josh”
My mouth dropped open. The girl of his dreams? And he was still madly in love with me? How could this be? He fucked me over by having sex with Emily. None of this made sense.
I crumpled the note, threw it in the car, grabbed the wine, and headed back inside.
I popped open the wine and decided to drink straight from the bottle. Fuck Joshua Bennett. He probably just wants something from me. If he loved me that much, he would’ve come back years ago. I am twenty-seven now. We ended when I was twenty. Where the fuck has he been the past seven years?
I drank and drank the wine while sitting on my couch until the room went black.
The next morning, I was so disorientated I had no idea where I was for a few seconds. Then everything came rushing back.
Fuck.
Joshua was here in my driveway last night.
I ran to the bathroom and threw up everything from last night.
My head was throbbing as I rested it against the cool bathroom floor. I should’ve never drank that much but I was trying to dull the pain. Remembering everything from my past was awful. Seeing Joshua was awful. I needed my girls.
I pulled myself up from the floor and staggered back to the kitchen. I downed two ibuprofen, put on some coffee, and called Liz.
“Hey sugar, what’s going on?” Liz answered on the first ring. “I was going to call you to see how your visit went yesterday.”
“Hold on, I need to get Chloe on the phone too.” I sounded awful.
Liz knew it right away. “Jeez, Bells, you sound awful. Are you sick?”
“No I am hungover as hell and had the worst night.” Finally Chloe answered. “Hey what’s up Bells?”
“Hi Lovie.” I answered. “Liz is on the line too. I wanted to talk to both of you.”
Chloe knew something was wrong, I could tell from her voice. I heard her gasp. “Are you okay Bella? You sound horrible.”
“I know, I know I sound horrible. I had a good time with my parents; I even escaped seeing any Bennett at the liquor store Hailey runs. Well until last night at least.” I heard both of them breathe in, waiting to hear what I was going to say.
“Joshua was in my driveway when I got home.” I said.
Liz was the first to scream. “What? Joshua Bennett? The Joshua Bennett?”
“Yes.” I whispered.
“Are you okay, Bells? Do you need us to come over? I can bring some coffee and muffins.”
“Yes, that would so wonderful.”
“Okay be right over. Liz, I’ll grab you on the way.”
The call ended and I waited by the window for my girls to arrive. I didn’t know what to do with all of the thoughts swarming through my head.
About twenty minutes later, Chloe and Liz came over, armed with coffee and muffins.
“Okay spill it girl. This is insane and my head is spinning. Whoever would've have thought that Joshua Bennett would have shown up here? How did he even know you lived here?” Liz said.
“Apparently when I went into the liquor store, Hailey saw me somehow, though I never saw her. She told Joshua I had been in town and this is where it gets crazy.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “He figured I was in town to visit my parents because there is nothing else I would be there for, which is true, so he staked out at my parents’ house while I was visiting, and then when I left, he followed me home. He was able to cut me off to get ahead of me, ending up in my driveway before me.”
Liz and Chloe just stared at me with their eyes wide. Their mouths hung open a bit.
“Stop catching flies you two and say something to me.” I said.
Chloe shook her head and spoke first. “So what did you say to him?”
I gave them the play by play up until I woke up this morning. I told them what the note said and both were in shock. “Wow,” Liz exclaimed. “I can’t believe this. What does he think he can just follow you here and say sorry and everything will go back to what it was? What nerve.”
I nodded in agreement. “I know, I don’t know who the fuck he thinks he is. He hurt me so bad. So unbelievably bad. My world shattered when I saw Emily having sex with him. That whore.” Tears began streaming down my face as I remembered the scene once again. I have replayed that scene in my head so many times and I always ended up in tears.
Chloe rubbed my back as Liz stroked my hand. “It’s okay, Bells. It’s the past. Just keep mourning and eventually the wound will heal.” Chloe smiled at me and continued. “And ignore him, resist him. He’s only trying to make himself feel better by saying sorry. I wouldn’t trust the whole madly in love with you thing.”
I nodded as I listened to what she said. Underneath it all, the fire we had stirred and flickered a bit. I can’t believe it is still there after everything, after all of these years. But it still is there. I feel he was, or is, my soulmate. But I don’t see myself ever moving on from what happened.
Could I?
Chapter 5
Days passed since Joshua had showed up in my driveway. And every day, flowers or chocolates, or some type of romantic gift showed up at my doorstep. I refused them all, sending them away.
On a Friday a few weeks later, a number I didn’t recognize called my phone. I let it go to voicemail, thinking it was someone probably wanting to sell me something for my business.
They left a voicemail which I promptly listened to.
I dropped my phone...
It was the Harbor Town hospital. Joshua had been in a bad car accident. He was in a coma. They didn’t know if he was going to wake up or not. His parents were out of the country along with his siblings. No other family was around. I was on his list to call.
I ran from the room and drove as fast as I could to the hospital.
When I got there, I was directed up to ICU. I didn’t tell anyone I was going, afraid of them saying I was making a mistake. I probably was but it would feel wrong not to go. He was in a coma for God sakes, someone needed to come.
The nurse told me a drunk driver had hit him head on the highway, going about 70mph. He had a lot of broken bones, some bruising, and some internal bleeding. They put him in a coma so they could stop the internal bleeding and just in case he needed emergency surgery. They planned to wake him tomorrow afternoon as long as everything went smoothly. So far he had improved, the bleeding had been controlled, and his vitals had been getting stronger.
“What he really needs right now, sugar, is someone to hold his hand and talk to him. Some comfort and support. It goes a long way when someone is fighting to recover.” The nurse said to me as she squeezed my hand and left me alone with him.
He looked so small and sad in the hospital bed, tubes everywhere, and bruises all over him. It was the worst I have ever seen him. He was usually so strong and sure of himself so to see him this way was quite disconcerting.
I reached for his hand and squeezed it. I stroked it and told him what’s been going on in my life since I left Harbor Town.
Next thing I knew, a nurse was shaking me awake. “Hunnie, you fell asleep a while ago. I didn’t want to wake up but visiting hours are over now. You are welcome to come back in the morning.”
I nodded and headed down to the cafeteria. I called both Liz and Chloe and filled them in on what happened. They both agreed I did the right thing. I felt drained and exhausted. I tried to eat some soup but I couldn’t. I threw it in the trash and left, looking for a hotel to crash for the night.
The next morning, I rushed to the hospital, hoping for some news. When I got up to ICU, the nurse from yesterday told me he had moved to floor five after he had woken up this morning. He was doing better than they had expected.
I followed her directions to the floor he was on and took a deep breath when I got to the room. I leaned my head against the wall trying to decide what I would say. I am just here for support because no one else was around? I still love you too? I hate you and just want to cut all ties? I didn’t know anymore, I felt so lost and confused.
I opened the door and there he was, eyes glued to the TV though I doubted he was paying attention. He looked over when I entered and his mouth dropped open slightly.
“Bells? What are you doing here?” He asked me, as his eyes lit up.
“Well the hospital called me and told me what happened and that you had no family in town right now so I came to see how you were.” I shrugged, not being able to look into his eyes. I knew if I looked into his eyes, or even near his face, I would be doomed. I could feel that electricity pulsing through us, pulsing through the entire room. After all this time, it was still there, hot and strong. I tried to ignore it, thinking of what he had done.
He smiled. “Thank you. I really appreciate it. I don’t even remember what happened except for what the doctors and nurses tell me. They said I should be thankful I am alive.”
I nodded. “Yes, that is what they told me also.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. I was at a loss for words.
He ran his fingers through his hair. His arm tattoo peaked out of his hospital gown. He was still so damn sexy, I could feel my knees start to shake. “Listen Isabella, we have a lot to talk about. I have a lot I want to tell you, explain to you.” He stared into my eyes with an intense hunger, and I could feel desire pooling into my belly. Flashbacks of our sex sped through my head at warp speed and I am almost jumped into his arms. “I…I am so sorry for the way things played out, the way they ended. But I think if you just give me one chance to explain, just one chance, maybe I can fix some things.”
I felt butterflies swarming through my stomach, making me want to throw up my free breakfast from the hotel. “I don’t know Josh; I don’t think it would be a good idea.” I told him. “I just can’t go through that type of pain again.”
He reached his hand out to me and I took a step closer. “Please Bells, please.” He begged. “Just hear me out one time. One time, that’s all I ask.”
He leaned up a bit further, the pain registering on his face as he grabbed my hand in his. He lifted it up to his mouth and kissed it, and I jumped back. “Josh,” I whispered. “I just don’t know. I don’t trust myself around you. I need time to think.”
He nodded. “Okay that’s fine, think. But please really consider it.” He wrote down his phone number with a pen and paper that was on the side table and handed it to me.
“Well I am glad you are doing better, but I must be heading back now. I have to make sure everything is okay with my business.”
“I hope to talk to you again, Isabella. And thank you again for coming out, I really appreciate it.” He smiled warmly at me and I walked out before I let go in front of him.
I ran to the bathroom, locked the door, and leaned against the door, sobs escaping my throat. Why? Why me?
A few days later and I took Joshua up on the offer. I wanted to hear what he had to say. I highly doubted it would change my mind but I needed to know. He met me at a coffee shop near my house and after getting some coffee, we sat in a corner booth. He still looked roughed up since the accident but definitely better than when he was in the hospital.
“Well what do you want to say to me Josh? What could you possibly have to say to me that would justify you sleeping with my best friend?” I glared at him. I didn’t mean to be angry but it just bubbled to the surface.
He sighed, his eyes filling with sadness. “Emily’s father competes with my father down at the country club. They compete with golf and tennis matches. Well, my father, being the shithead he was, had an affair with one of the female employee’s at the club. Emily’s father found out about it. He promised to keep it a secret as long as my dad let him win more. This went on for a year or so. Emily always had a crush on me. I am not sure if she ever told you.” He paused, looking at me. I shook my head. I never knew that. She never told me and she hid it well.
He continued. “Well she did. Her father told her about my father’s affair. She hung it above my head, blackmailing me with it. She told me if I refused to have sex with her, she would tell my mother. I didn’t know what else to do. My dad tried to pay her off but she wouldn’t have it. I told her no so many times, that I loved you, but she wouldn’t let up. She showed up at the house that day, with evidence- pictures of my father with the other woman, and threatened if I didn’t have sex with her right then, she was going to print those pictures and distribute them everywhere. I had no idea what to do. I knew that it would tear apart my family and devastate my mother. I sat her in the living room and called my dad and he asked me if I could just get it over with. So I did.” He hung his head in his hands. He spoke again without lifting his head.
“I am so sorry Bella. I didn’t know what else to do.” He looked up. His eyes were glistening. He reached over and grasped my hand with both of his. “That was the only time. That one time no matter what she or others might have said. And there were never any others. Sometimes I talked to other girls at parties but I never did anything sexual with anyone but you. And I know I became distant when you went away to college but I didn’t know how to deal with how strongly I was missing you. It was intense, our love was intense, and I got scared. So I pulled away. I was so young to be feeling so strongly but I did and I didn’t know what to do. I was such a fool. Since then there has never been anyone that made me feel like you make me feel. Yes, I have enjoyed many women. I’m sure you heard I turned into a bit of a playboy. But it was all just a distraction to avoid thinking about you. You are my other half, my soulmate, my love. I would never do anything to hurt you again. I am a much more mature and a much more powerful man than the boy I was back then. I want to make it up to you, to show you the love I have for you. Please, Bells.”
I sat there listening to everything Joshua said and I had no idea what to do, what to say, or what to feel. I was in complete shock. I whispered, “Emily…she really did all of that?”
He nodded, looking me straight in the eyes. “She did. She was an evil girl. She put on a good front though; I can understand how you were under her spell. But underneath it all, she was the devil.”
I shook my head. I looked down at the table, trying to breathe slowly, in and out. His confession just rocked my world on its axis. I suddenly stood up. I had to get out of there.
Josh looked up at me. “Bells, where are you going?”
“I just have to go Josh. Thank you, thank you for explaining everything but I need space. I need to process everything.”
“Okay, I understand. But please, Bells, I am telling the truth. My father said he would tell you. He knows how much I love you.”
I nodded and before I could burst into tears, I turned and left.