Room for More (4 page)

She didn’t even hear me. She was too busy staring down at the two laughing hyenas with that mommy glow all over her face. If anyone ever asked me to, it would be really hard to describe exactly what love
looks like
, but I got to witness it firsthand every time Kacie looked at her girls. The way she loved them made me love her more, if that was even possible.

A moment later, she came out of her Twinkie coma and looked at me, her eyes red-rimmed. “Seriously, thank you for this. You guys just made my afternoon a thousand times better.”

I grabbed her hand and pulled the top of it against my lips, not kissing it, but holding it there. We were at her work
and
with the girls, so I was trying to be respectful, but I needed to have physical contact with her.

We sat hand in hand, listening to the girls chatter about how excited they were to start school and what they were going to be for Halloween.

“Wait, you already know what you want to be for Halloween?” I asked incredulously.

Kacie squeezed my hand gently and winked at me. “It’ll change at least a hundred times between now and then.”

“What are
we
gonna be for Halloween?”

She frowned at me curiously but didn’t respond.

“Oh, c’mon! We have to dress up! I do it every year anyway; now I have a real reason,” I exclaimed, waving toward Lucy and Piper. “Granted, I might have to tame my costume ideas a bit, but I’m cool with that.”

The girls rattled off all of the princess names before moving on to farm animals.

“So what do you think
we
should dress up as?” I repeated.

Her eyes slid from the girls back to me. “I don’t know. What do you think—” She stopped talking mid-sentence and the color drained from her face as she stared at something over my shoulder.

“Kacie?” Following her gaze, I spun around in my chair, but there was nothing there. By the time I turned back around, her face had gone to the opposite extreme. Her cheeks were red and flushed as her eyes darted all over the room nervously.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?”

She looked at me, but her eyes didn’t meet mine. Her mind was somewhere else. “Yeah,” she stammered as she rubbed her face. “I’m okay. I think I’d better head back. Maureen just walked by and I don’t want her hating me any more than she already does.”

I didn’t say anything, hoping she’d elaborate. Instead, she gave me a fake smile and turned her attention to the girls, obviously not wanting me to ask any more questions.

“Let’s clean up so mommy can get back, okay?” Kacie stacked their soup cups and silverware on the tray and stood to throw it in the garbage. She was about five feet from the table when the tray slipped out of her hand and everything crashed to the floor.

“Stay here one minute,” I said to the girls as I got up from the table and rushed to help her. I reached for the soup cup in her hand and noticed she was trembling. “Kacie, your hands are shaking. What the hell is going on?”

Sighing heavily, she sat back on her heels with her shoulders slumped, looking at the ground. “It’s Maureen. I think she hates me.”

“Why would she hate you?”

“I don’t know. She’s just… so intimidating.” Her face lifted as her eyes finally connected with mine. “It’s hard to describe. This one person has your whole future sitting in their hands and they can either make you the happiest ever or completely squash you. And they have no clue how powerful they really are. Know what I mean?”

I reached over and tucked a wavy piece of hair behind her ear, “I know exactly how that feels.”

A small smile crept across her face. A real smile.

I needed that smile.

My stomach was still in knots as I kissed the girls and Brody good-bye.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay?” He squeezed my hand, concern evident on his face.

“Yeah.” I sighed. “Just wishing I were leaving
with
you guys. I’m jealous.”

“Go. Quit. Dozens of little Brodys, remember?” He wiggled his eyebrows up and down.

“Tempting, but I can’t. Independence, remember?” I lifted onto my tippy-toes for one last kiss. “I gotta go.”

The girls waved on their way out the door. I leaned against the wall and watched them for a minute as they passed through the extra-wide automatic hospital doors. The sun was shining bright outside and their dark silhouettes made their way hand in hand, out to the parking lot. They walked in slow motion, as if I was watching a movie. In that moment, I wanted to run out the door after them and jump in Brody’s truck, never having to go back to that damn hospital again.

While we were sitting at the table, innocently talking about Halloween costumes, Zach strolled down the hallway behind Brody. I don’t think he saw us, but it sent my nerves in a complete tailspin.

I felt like a sitting duck in that damn ER. At any moment, he could come in with a patient and I would be face-to-face with him again. And eventually, I would be forced to talk to him. Lauren had grilled me on why I hadn’t told Brody that I saw him, and though I knew I should have, now wasn’t the right time. Brody and I only had a couple days left of being together before his training started, and I wanted to enjoy them. Zach working at the same hospital as me would make him feel protective and edgy, and I didn’t want us going into our first season apart full of tension.

My running shoes clicked against the cold tile floor while I walked quickly through the hallway connecting the main building to the emergency room wing. I was so lost in my thoughts about timing and the irony of my life that I didn’t notice the big wooden door to my right swing open until Zach grabbed my arm and pulled me inside.

“Get the hell off me!” I snapped, jerking my arm free.

He pushed me into the janitorial closet and closed the door behind him, blocking it so I couldn’t leave.

“Was that them?” His face was panicked, his dark brown eyes drilled into mine.

“Was that
who
?” I responded, irritation dripping from my words.

“Them. At the table… our girls.”

My eyes widened as I fought the urge to lunge forward and strangle him with my bare hands. “They’re
my
girls,
not
yours,” I spat at him through clenched teeth.

“That was them, wasn’t it?” His voice was gentle.

“No, genius, I was having lunch with some other random six-year-old twins. Get out of my way.”

He crossed his arms across his chest and stood firm. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“
Why
?” I yelled incredulously. “I can think of five years’ worth of reasons. Now move it!”

“Kacie, please. I have so much to explain.” He took a step toward me, causing me to instinctively back up against the shelves of cleaning supplies behind me. “Can we meet up after work today? Just to talk? I’ll buy you a cup of coffee.”

“Coffee? You abandoned us for five years and you want to buy me fucking coffee?” My heart was pounding so hard I thought I might die of a heart attack right there. I grabbed on to the hem at the bottom of my scrubs so that I didn’t reach out and punch him in his damn mouth.

“I just want to talk to you. Please?” he begged with sad, pathetic eyes.

“Sure, we can talk—in five years!” I rushed past him and pushed the door open. “Eye for an eye, asshole!” I called back before the door closed.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks by the time I reached the ER, though I didn’t know why. I wasn’t sad. I was mad.

So. Fucking. Mad.

My hands shook so fiercely, I didn’t know how I was going to be able to insert an IV, check someone’s pulse, or even write my name for the rest of the day. I wanted to run. Run straight to the bathroom, splash my face with cold water, and regain my composure the best I could, but I was already late from my break. I slid quietly back into The Square and asked Darla to update me on patients.

“Nada,” she said, spitting pieces of chewed-up turkey sandwich all over my sleeve. “It’s been really quiet. Lady with a UTI in one, guy with a broken wrist in three. Let’s hope it stays like this for the rest of the day.”

I smiled at her, praying to all that is holy that what she said was right. No more patients today, at least not ones that have to come in by ambulance.

Darla’s eyes sparkled at something over the desk. I looked up to see Zach leaning against the counter, glaring down at me.

“This isn’t over,” he said sternly, pinning me to my chair with his intense eyes.

I swallowed hard and looked down at the desk, not wanting to make a scene in front of Darla. When I heard his footsteps fade, I looked up at Darla who was staring at me with her eyes as wide as they could possibly go.

“Don’t ask.” I sighed, dropping my head into my folded hands on the desk. “And you have bread hanging off your bottom lip.”

“You know by saying don’t ask, that means I’m definitely going to ask.”

“It’s nothing. Let’s drop it.” I sat back in the chair and crossed my arms.

“Or we can pick it up.” She giggled.

“You’re strange, Darla, but I like you.” I peered at her out of the corner of my eye.

“I like you too,” she said quickly as she took another bite. “Now spill it.”

“It’s nothing. He’s just… someone I used to know.”

Darla didn’t say anything. She just sat, staring at me and chewing loudly. It was then that I realized maybe she could give
me
information.

“How long has he been an EMT? Do you know?”

“Hmm…” Her eyes drifted up to the ceiling as she pulled her brows in, thinking hard. “It’s hard to tell because he may have worked for other companies before, but he’s been coming here for about a year I would say. Yes, definitely a year because he was at our holiday party last year. He came with one of the nurses he was dating.”

My stomach rolled. Not a jealous roll, but an annoyed, I-Can’t-Believe-He’s-Moved-On-With-His-Life-Like-Nothing-Happened kind of roll. This hospital was roughly thirty minutes from my house. He’d been thirty minutes away from us for at least a year. Had he ever thought about us? I supposed he could have assumed we stayed in Minneapolis, but he knew my mom was my only support system. He had to have known I’d go home. Then panic started to set in.

What if he’s going to stop by? What if he’s going to force me to talk to him, or worse, try to see the girls?

For a moment, I started to seriously consider quitting this job, saying “screw it” to my degree, packing the girls up, and moving far away.

“Hey! Did you hear me?”

I jumped as Darla’s bellow brought me back to reality.

“I’m so sorry, Darla. What were you saying?”

“You weirded out for a minute there. Does it bother you that he was dating someone?”

I scoffed. “No. Not
at all
.”

It bothers me that he still lives in Minnesota. I would prefer somewhere like… North Korea.

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, they broke up shortly after the holiday party. Apparently the girl he was with was caught making out with someone else in the bathroom at the party. Then she quit. That was it.” Darla reached in her lunch bag and pulled out a bag of cookies.

I swear all Darla does is eat.

“Anyway, that’s all I really know—other than he’s hot!”

I coughed, backwashing a mouthful of water back into my bottle.

“Sorry. You don’t think he’s hot?” She waited for my answer, but I was too busy choking. I just shook my head no. “That boy makes me want to turn into a jaguar.”

“A what?”

“A jaguar. You know, a woman who goes after younger men?” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“You mean a cougar?” I laughed.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s it. I knew it was one of those feline animals.” Shoving a cookie in her mouth, a devilish grin slowly crept across her face.

“What?” I asked nervously, unsure I wanted to hear the answer.

“I was just thinking about that sexy, young man and what he could do to this old pussy—cat.”

She giggled uncontrollably.

Barf
.

“Okay, I’ve heard enough.” I stood up and walked around to the other side of the counter.

“Where are you going?” Darla was still chuckling.