Rose (7 page)

I put a hand on her arm, gently pulling it away from her face. She looks so despondent; it breaks my heart. I should have at least let her finish breakfast before forcing her to talk. “Honey, you don’t need to worry about any of that. You’ll stay with me until you have everything figured out. For however long you need to. We’ll get you some clothing today and whatever else you need.” She opens her mouth as if to protest, but I hold a hand up and stop her. “I know that things have been complicated between us for lack of a better word and a big part of that is my fault. At the very least, we are friends, and I hope that you can forgive me for disappearing from your life. We both, it seems, have things going on that we’re dealing with, and I deeply regret that I wasn’t there when maybe you needed someone.”

“Lia doesn’t know anything about the cutting,” she blurts out unexpectedly. “I’m asking you to please not tell her.”

I’m not really surprised at her revelation. Matt had indicated last night that Rose likely hadn’t told anyone her secret. “I would never share anything that you didn’t want me to. You don’t even need to ask. You two are so close, though, so out of curiosity, why haven’t you talked to her? Both she and Lucian have had their shares of issues, so you know she’s the last person who would judge you.”

She shakes my hand off and gets to her feet. I watch as she paces the kitchen for a few moments before looking at me. “I don’t want her to know how weak I am. You know what she’s been through. My God, she was abused, and then slept in a car after she left home. She found a way to put herself through college and graduate with honors. She’s the strongest person I’ve ever known. I may tease her, but truthfully, I’m in awe of her. Her opinion is so important. I couldn’t bear it if she thought less of me. Right now, I’m just not ready to take that risk.”

I would like to argue with her, but I don’t want to drive a wedge between us. Right now, regardless of how either of us feels about it, I’m all she has in the way of support. I know Lia would do anything for her friend, but it’s up to Rose as to how much she wants her to know. “It’s your decision,” I begin, “and I’ll leave it at that. But for today, let’s get dressed and beat the crowds to the mall. We should be able to find enough to get you by there, right?”

I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, but I think I see her wince before she nods. “That’s fine. And I’ll pay you back as soon as I get my first paycheck.”

I roll my eyes at her. “I’m not worried about that. Let me get your clothes.” She’s standing in the hallway waiting as I return with her garments from the dryer. “The pants aren’t in the best shape, but hopefully, they’ll get you by until we can replace them.”

She takes them from my hands and buries her face in their warmth, reminding me of a child. There are so many facets to this woman. I wonder if I’ll ever see them all. I’m entranced by her, which is not only dangerous, it’s damn near irrational. The last thing she needs is a man with issues of his own. She needs stability, and I can only offer her that in the financial form. Emotionally, I’m as fucked up as she is. She turns toward the guest room, then stops and looks at me over her shoulder. “Thanks, Max. I don’t know where I’d be today without you rescuing me last night.” Without waiting for my reply, she shuts the door softly behind her. I have to fight the urge to follow her. She seems fine, but it will be a while before I forget the sight that greeted me when I stepped into that bathroom and saw the blood. I may have been able to joke about it this morning, but it’s something that will haunt me for years to come.

I
deliberately keep
my thoughts blank as I shower and then dry my hair. I dress in my clothing from the previous night—and then I see them. There are holes in my slacks. Both knees were damaged when I fell.
I can’t go out like this. What if someone sees me? I’m a disgrace—a complete mess.
I’m frozen in place, on the verge of freaking out, when I hear a voice nearby. “Ready to go, sweetheart?” He moves over to stand in my line of vision as if knowing I need him. “You look beautiful and you’ll be the envy of every teenage girl at the mall with those ripped up pants. Very retro, Ms. Madden.”

I stare at him, slowly coming out of the trace I’d fallen into. I glance down at my clothing, before looking at him once again. He’s grinning as if we share some kind of inside joke. At that moment, I understand that he knows. On some level, he gets how hard it is for me to leave the house looking anything less than perfect. It’s been drummed into me my whole life. My only purpose as far as my parents were concerned was to look and act the part of a Madden. I’m like some brainwashed cult member who is trying to learn to think for herself. I clear my throat before saying, “Yes, well, haters gonna hate. Bring your wallet, Mr. Decker. I think I’m going to inflict some serious damage on it.”

He gives me a lazy grin that does crazy things to my body. “I have you covered, babe.” He waves an arm toward the doorway, adding, “After you, honey.” I wonder if he has any idea what the endearments that he uses do to me? Even though I know he means nothing by them, I still feel special; like maybe, in some small way, I do matter. Right now, I need to pretend he feels more than pity for me.

T
he ride
to the mall is light and easy. The conversation flows and Rose seems happy and relaxed. I’m not sure what was going through her mind before we left, but I could feel the anxiety coming off her in waves when I walked into the guest room to see if she was ready to leave. She was standing only inches away, but her mind was somewhere else entirely. Sensing she might be overwhelmed by the new wardrobe, I’d done the only thing I could think of. I’d stepped in front of her and diverted her attention. Luckily, it had worked, and she appeared fine now.

When we walk through the double doors of the shopping complex, we both freeze in place. I’m not what you’d call a window shopper. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I’ve been somewhere like this. My suits are custom made, and my casual clothing comes from what I’d classify as a men’s store. They sell a little of everything, but you’re unlikely to bump elbows with a bunch of teenagers while you’re there. The scene before me looks like barely controlled chaos. I have a feeling that if one false move is made, the place will erupt into pandemonium. A glance at Rose tells me she possibly has similar fears. She obviously isn’t a chain-store woman either, but we have no choice but to make the best of it. Fuck, I’m a lawyer who handles billion-dollar mergers while sipping coffee; this is nothing.
Don’t look like a pussy here. Man up.

Giving her a bright and what I hope is a relaxed smile, I take her hand in mine, not sure which of us needs it the most. “All right, sweetheart. Let’s go get you some clothes. Where should we go first?”

Her head swivels, taking in the area around us. She looks scared out of her mind. Shit. I thought this kind of thing was second nature to a woman, but I’d have to be with the one who is just as clueless as I am. “I—okay, let me think,” she stutters as she takes a step forward. Then she throws me under the bus by pushing me forward. “I’m with you so just pick one.”
Well, hell.

I straighten my shoulders as if I’m going to war, and we’re off. When I spot a store with women’s dresses in the window, I think I’ve hit the jackpot. “This looks good.” I point at a nearby grouping of chairs and say, “How about you check it out while I wait out here?”

She looks horrified at my suggestion. Her eyes widen as she gapes at me. “You want me to go in there alone?” I feel as if I’ve just suggested she enter the gates of hell.

I have no idea why I feel the need to apologize, but I do it anyway. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I thought that maybe you’d be more comfortable without me.”

Then I see the fire I’m so accustomed to burning in her eyes as she gives me a tug. “Oh no, Decker, you’re not getting out of this. I know you’re paying, but you’re also shopping. I don’t have a freaking inkling as to how to do this shit.”

“Don’t you do this with Lia?” I ask. “Isn’t it something you’re born knowing how to do?” I know that last line was a mistake when she glares at me.

“I may have a vagina,” she snaps, “but that doesn’t mean I’m some mall groupie.” Then she lowers her voice, sounding achingly vulnerable. “I’m never done this before, Max. I’ve had someone else picking out my clothing since the day I was born. My parents didn’t trust that I wouldn’t embarrass them.” She pulls on the tailored shirt that she’s wearing as tears glisten in her eyes. “I don’t know how to be anything other than this. Yes, I’ve shopped with Lia before, but that’s different. We were buying things for her. Do you know how I dress myself each day?” When I shake my head, she continues. “I have a notebook telling me which pieces to wear together. With every new wardrobe, I get specific instructions so I don’t screw it up. It’s like fucking designer Garanimals for adults!”

Her face is red, and she looks like a powder keg on the verge of exploding. I think carefully of a reply before I finally settle on, “What in the hell is a Garanimal?”

In an instant, she loses her defensive stance and bursts into laughter. “Oh my God, that’s all you got from that whole spiel? Garanimals are children’s clothing that come with little tags that make them easy to match up. And before you can ask how I know that, Lia suggested I buy some for Lara instead of the Valentino baby collection that I’d been planning to get.”

I wave my hand around me as I say, “So you have been somewhere like this before.”

She rolls her eyes. “It’s called online shopping, counselor. Something that we should have considered before putting ourselves through this.”

It’s downright pathetic how little it takes to turn me on. Her calling me “counselor,” has me imagining myself bending her over the witness stand while I go balls deep inside her wet heat. My cock is rock hard at the visual, and I attempt to nonchalantly put my hands in the pockets of my jeans, to create some camouflage. “Should we—um, give this a try?” I ask in a voice that sounds unusually high.

Almost as if she has a direct line to my thoughts, her eyes drop to my crotch and her cheeks flush. Any other woman would pretend not to notice, but not my Rose.
She’s not your anything; get that into both of your heads.
“What’s with the wood?”

I look away, feeling like a schoolboy who has just been busted. “You didn’t just say that,” I groan.

She shrugs her shoulders. “Answer the question, counselor. I mean I know all about the whole waking up with a stiffie, but shouldn’t that be over by now? I didn’t notice it at the house.” She wrinkles her nose and gives me a wary look. “You’re not one of those guys who gets turned on by the feeling of women’s clothing, are you? It’s not going to get you out of shopping with me, but you’ll need to carry a shirt or something in front of you to hide that thing. Geez, why did I never know this about you? All this time, I thought you were so straight-laced. We definitely can’t buy lingerie if you’re getting a boner from looking at a dress through the display window.”

By the time she finishes, my mouth is hanging up. I’m in such a rush to assure her I’m not a weirdo that I admit something I’d planned to keep to myself. “I’m hard because I’m with you. It wouldn’t matter if we were at a mall or fucking Toys-R-Us. It’s just the way my body reacts when you’re around.”

She looks nonplussed for all of a few seconds before she smirks at me. “I believe I’d keep your sexual references away from a kid’s store, counselor, but I like the general theme of your message.”

Now, I’m the one with a flushed face. Rather than wait on this train wreck to reach the station, I pull on her hand and stalk into the store we’ve been standing in front of for far too long. Unfortunately, I know as soon as I look around that there is nothing here for Rose. The place is packed with shirts and jeans that have what I guess are supposed to be fashionable rips and tears in them. If the bored-looking, bubble-gum chewing sales associate is any indication, we’ve landed in teen hell. Rose’s hand flexes within my own as we both stand uncertainly. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,” she murmurs behind me.

“Let’s go somewhere else,” I say as I try to pull her back through the door.

When she doesn’t budge, I look down to find her staring up at me. She shifts uncomfortably before saying, “I—um, do you think I could look around?”

For a moment, I think she’s joking, but a hint of longing in her voice tells me otherwise. Then it hits me. If what she told me earlier is any indication, she was never allowed to be young. She dresses older than her age, and I would bet money that she always has. I doubt she’s ever owned a piece of clothing like the ones surrounding us. “Sure, baby, pick out anything that you like,” I encourage as she moves timidly forward and begins flipping through the racks.

She spends well over an hour walking every inch of the store as if entranced. At the end of that time, she has only one pair of jeans and a T-shirt over her arm. She comes to where I’m standing a few feet away and says, “I know this will sound stupid, but I would very much like to get this outfit. But I don’t want to try it on here.”

“Okay,” I agree easily. “I’m sure you know what fits you, so it’s no big deal, sweetheart.” I point at the register. “Let’s go pay and move on to the next store.” She sets them on the counter, and I notice that her hands are shaking. Then it hits me. She wants the outfit, but this is the first time she’s picked something out on her own. Without saying anything, I drop an arm around her shoulders in wordless support and she snuggles into my side. Before I’m even aware of it, I’m dropping a kiss on the top of her head and feeling things that should have me sprinting for the nearest exit. My need to protect her is slamming up against the wall I’ve spent years carefully building around my heart.

As I sign the receipt for our first purchase, she takes the bag, holding it carefully in her other hand as if it contains a rare treasure. “Thank you, Max,” she says sincerely.

“You’re welcome, honey. Now, let’s see what else we can find.” She ends up doing the rest of her shopping in Nordstrom. A store that has enough of a high-end feel to make her comfortable. This time, she does take a stack into the dressing room. Then I find myself in the uncomfortable position of mentioning the undergarments that she hasn’t made any move toward getting. “Er—Rose, if you’re afraid that I have some strange panty fetish, you can relax. I know that you need underwear, and if it will make it easier for you, I can walk around the men’s section while you pick them out.” I pull my wallet from my pocket and take out my American Express card. “Here, take this and buy whatever you need. I’ll come back later on to see if you’re ready.”

She stares down at the card, then back at me before shaking her head. “Oh no, counselor, there will be no running. You’ve wanted to get in my panties for months, and you’re fixing to get your chance.” She drops her gaze to see if her words are having the desired effect on me, and dammit, as usual, there’s a direct line from her lips to my cock.

I put a hand on the nape of her neck and squeeze lightly. “You have no idea what you’re playing with,” I whisper in her ear. I’m gratified to feel her shudder.

I think I’ve taken the upper hand until she pushes back against me, wedging her ass against my groin. “Then show me,” she tosses over her shoulder before pulling away from me.

And just like that, she turns the tables, and I’m left wondering if I can remain only friends with the woman who is fast becoming an obsession to me.

O
utside of a few
rocky moments when I’d had some twinges of unease—to put it mildly—the mall had been strangely fun. It was obvious shortly after we walked in the door that neither of us was used to shopping with the masses. But it had turned out to be the distraction I desperately needed. I had always loved teasing Max and today had been no exception. Forcing him to help me pick out clothing in Nordstrom had been amusing, but the real fun had been the lingerie shopping.

I would never have guessed that such a confident man would turn into such a bumbling, blushing schoolboy when faced with a pair of cheekinis and a matching bra. When I hold up another set with a matching garter belt, he backs up so fast, he turns over a bin of clearance thongs, bringing the sales associate rushing over. Max drops to his knees to help pick up what looks like hundreds of pairs of skimpy underwear as he apologizes profusely to the motherly employee. She pats him on the arm when they are finished, and then gives me a wink before she walks away.

He surprises me by picking up a handful of boy shorts and pushing them into my arms. “I think these have more … coverage than the others.” I smirk as I add them to the small pile I’ve already amassed. The poor man. Obviously, he’s never seen a woman in boy shorts before. I’ve long been a fan of them, and of all of my underwear, they were the ones that had sent Jake over the edge the fastest. I would have to make sure that Max got a peek at some point. We’d see if he still thought they were a good idea then.

The many problems I had managed to forget during our trip come rushing back when we pull into Max’s circular drive and park. He gets out of the car and I follow slowly behind. As he is unloading my bags from the trunk of his car, I stand rooted in place. He gives me a questioning look as he walks up the few steps that lead to his front door. “If you think I’m carrying you in next, sweetheart, you’re sadly mistaken. Move that sexy ass now.” And with those few words, I am jolted into action. I have no idea how, but Max seems to have the uncanny ability to do and say the right thing. It was as if he knew I was teetering on the edge and tossed out the rope to pull me back in. I trail him into the house and down the hallway as he deposits my new clothing on the floor of my borrowed room. He points toward a set of double doors to the right and says, “There’s the closet if you want to hang everything up.” Then he gives me a sexy grin before adding, “And feel free to use the dresser to store your new array of panties in.”

I laugh at his sudden bravery in discussing my undergarments. “Wow, you’ve recovered nicely from the near stroke that you had in Nordstrom when I held up a simple piece of silk.”