Royal Bastard (18 page)

“I, thanks,” I said, grateful of this sudden turnaround and change of heart. I believe I had my mother to thank for that. He wasn’t going to write me off; he was actually going to set me free instead. I had a new, healthy respect for my father, given what I now knew about his relationship with my mother. He was a man hurting, and it must’ve been excruciating to see me do what I pleased while he had to forgo the love of his life for duty. It was like I’d been pissing all over his sacrifice all these years. “Be assured, I don’t plan on living off you for the rest of my life. I will make you proud of me.”

“I know that,” he said, giving me an encouraging smile. “You’ve got a good thing going, Edward. Keep it up… and for the love of god, don’t fuck it up.”

“Yes, sir,” I laughed. I didn’t plan on doing anything close to that.

He regarded me, as if he were contemplating saying something that seemed to be troubling him. “You know I saw your mother practically every weekend after she was diagnosed, up until the day she died. We would travel to one of the residences, one far removed from the city.”

I thought about her mysterious trips that I’d never really thought to examine till my father mentioned them, the ones where I would stay with the kind old lady that lived not far from us who enjoyed feeding me junk food for the whole weekend. Mum had never told me where she was going, but when she returned on those Sunday evenings, she would have a dreamy smile on her face.

“We would sit and laugh, talk about you and the past. And every time before we went our separate ways, I would lean down and tell her how gorgeous she was and how much I still loved her.” My father’s smile dimmed, a pained look crossing over his face. “Even when she had lost her hair, and I knew it was going to be the last time I ever saw her lovely eyes, I told her those words. She never said them back—wanting to spare me, I think—but I knew she loved me. I knew she felt the same way. Those feelings were so precious to me and not the type to go away.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, looking at me. “Don’t ever fail to tell that woman how much you love her every day, Edward. You never know; it might be your last.”

I cleared my throat then, a wealth of emotions bubbling up inside. “I’m glad you both found love, but I am so sorry that you couldn’t be together.”

“Me too,” he replied, looking out the window again. “Me too.”

I left him there, looking out the window as I went to do what my father could not.

R
ose Mathis
! If you don’t put down that tub of chocolate chip mint ice cream and get off your sorry ass, I am going to drag you out of this room by your hair.”

I sighed and dropped the spoon into the carton, giving my sister the eye. “I dare you to take this away from me.”

Harriet walked into my bedroom, her hands on her hips as she pointed at the carton I was holding possessively in my grip. “You are going to make yourself sick.”

“I don’t care,” I mumbled, looking down at the green, gooey mess. It was serving its purpose right now. For days I had waited, half hoping that Edward would arrive on his white horse and rescue the princess from her tower, declaring his love and pledging his heart. Okay, so it didn’t help that I’d been watching way too many Disney movies on Netflix, but I still secretly hoped it would happen.

“When are you going to quit moping over him, Rose? You said you were the one who ended it,” she said, sitting on the bed gently. “And god, you so need to wash your hair.”

“I’ve been washing it,” I grumbled, reaching to touch the wild nest it had become. I had just been sleeping on it wet, which always made it poof up. “What do you want?”

“Why did you leave him? I’m not going to take silence for an answer this time. Mum is frantic with all the secrecy, wondering why she can’t answer her phone.”

The pain lanced through my chest, and I set the carton on my bedside table, rubbing at my chest idly. I had asked myself the same thing over these past few days. Why would I leave the man I loved? Because I didn’t deserve him. Because I didn’t want to be the one to bring him to ruin, to have his life be stripped away from him because of my past. Edward deserved to be happy and to be finally accepted within his own family, which in light of his fundraising, was well under way.

“I have my reasons,” I finally said, my voice nearly breaking. I had cried out all of my tears over the past few days, and at some point I was going to have accept the fact that Edward and I were over.

Harriet sighed in frustration and laid a hand on my arm. “Come on, Rose. I’m your sister. You can tell me,” she said, trying the softer approach.

“His brother tried to blackmail me,” I forced out, thinking of the shame that my past had brought on. “He knows who my mum is.”

“That asshole,” Harriet swore. “It’s not your fault that your birth mum was the way she was. But we’re your family now, can’t they see that? And I wouldn’t change having you as a sister for the whole entire world.”

I gave my sister a faint smile, but knowing while what she said was true, it would still affect Edward and the royal family negatively if I stayed with him. My adopted mother had told me the truth when I was old enough to understand what she was saying, not hiding anything from me about how I came to this world. There had been tears shed of course on both ends, but at the end of our several long and involved talks over several months, I knew I was truly loved. They were the ones who had provided for me, who gave me an excellent life and loved me unconditionally.

But even though I was surrounded by love, my past would be the one piece of me I would never be able to outrun or alter.

Reaching over, I touched my sister’s hand. “I think he had his reasons, though. And I know, and I don’t regret it for one single day, either. But I can’t change the fact that I am the product of a druggie and a one-night stand. I can’t ruin Edward’s future.” No matter how much I wanted him in my life. I loved the man to distraction, and it was going to take a long time to get over him.

Harriet rose from the bed and shook her head, pity in her eyes. “I wish I could change your mind, Rose. In the pictures of you two, it’s obvious he loves you. You belong together.”

“I wish that were true,” I replied sadly. Harriet didn’t say anything but walked over to my closet and opened it. “What are you doing?”

“It’s Mum’s night, remember?” she said, pulling out a pair of jeans. “She will never forgive you if you don’t come to dinner and explain all this to her in person. She’s devastated, too, you know?”

“Oh god,” I moaned. I wasn’t ready to face her. I hadn’t talked to my mum, though her text messages had become rather insistent that I call her. Both Edward and I were out of the spotlight now, the tabloids none the wiser as to what was going on behind the scenes, though rumours were beginning to start. “I can’t face her right now.”

“You don’t have much of a choice,” Harriet shrugged, throwing me a shirt.

I sighed and caught the shirt. “Mum sent you over here, didn’t she?”

Harriet nodded and I groaned, burying my face into the soft cotton.

* * *

W
e drove
up to my parents’ house and I climbed out of my sister’s car with trepidation in my veins. I knew that this dinner was going to be hard, especially with the questions that I was going to have to answer. By all accounts the media had no idea that our engagement was over, but it was going to be just a matter of time before I would have to go public and announce that it was off. I knew that Edward wasn’t going to do it unless his family forced him to, of course.

But first I had, no I needed to, explain it to my mum and my dad. With a sigh, I walked up the walkway to my parents’ house, opening the door to the familiar smells and sounds of the home I grew up in. There had been many times after knowing the truth about my past that I had wished I had been their natural-born child, but the older I got, the more it didn’t really matter. Legally and emotionally, they were, by all accounts, my parents.

“Mum?” I called into the house, the smells of her famous spaghetti wafting through the air. “You here?”

A shadow fell over me and I took a step back. “Holy shit!” I slapped a hand over my mouth and bowed my head in respect. “So sorry, Y-your Highness.”

“Ms. Mathis,” Edward’s father replied, inclining his head toward me. I could so see the resemblance in his face, like Edward was staring back at me. The future king of England was a handsome man, his salt-and-pepper hair giving him a fortuitous regal air and scaring me half to death in the process. Was he going to have me thrown into some windowless dungeon somewhere? I mean, he was in the position to do that sort of thing. “Your parents are very charming.”

“I, they had nothing to do with anything,” I blurted out, feeling protective toward my family. I would go to my death for them. “Please, don’t bring them into this.”

He lifted up his hand and shook his head, causing my protests to die down. “Ms. Mathis—Rose—your family is perfectly safe, I assure you. Though I did send them on a quick tour of the palace so that we could have a few moments of privacy. I believe your sister is on her way to pick them up now.”

I turned around and looked out, noticing that Harriet’s car was indeed gone from the front of the house. Damn her, she had set me up; I’d been betrayed by my own sister! But I bet my mum was on cloud nine right now in the palace. Swallowing hard, I turned back to one of the most important men in England, who was regarding me with his hands clasped behind his back, wondering why on earth he was in my parents’ house like it was an everyday occurrence. “Can we sit?” he asked politely.

I nodded and followed him in the living room, taking a seat on the nearby chair. He chose to sit on my mum’s floral couch, his hands clasped on his knees. “Sir,” I started.

“Call me Richard,” he said, his smile warmer than the last time we met. “After all, I believe you are to be my future daughter-in-law. I also believe I owe you an apology. I regret the things I said about you the first time we met.”

The tears rushed to my eyes, and I forced them away, not wanting to be a bubbling mess in front of him. “I’m afraid you are mistaken. Our engagement was a sham in order to preoccupy the press. We won’t be getting married, so no need to worry about the bloodline.” Realising what I had said, allowing my mouth to run wild, I gasped. “I’m so sorry, Your Highness.”

“No, no,” he laughed, looking more and more like the man I loved. My heart ached at the resemblance. “It is refreshing that you can be so candid with me, Rose. And yes, there was a time I was worried that I needed to have my sons marry well. But I have never treated Edward any differently because of his own bloodline. My son is a strong man, one who carries the weight of his illegitimacy on his shoulders.” The Prince of Wales then looked down at his hands, a strange look coming across his face. “Recently I told my son a love story about his mother and myself. I believe he understands now that I loved his mother up until the day she died and that he was a product of a great love, not an unwanted mistake.”

I smiled, glad that he and his father had been brought closer together. At least some good was to come out of all this.

“The funny thing was,” he continued, returning my smile, “Edward gave up his path to the throne, Rose, doing something that I was far too afraid of.”

“No,” I whispered, a funny feeling in my chest. “H-he can’t do that. He deserves to be in that position.”

“Yes he does,” his father admitted. “I believe that Edward would’ve made an excellent ruler, god forbid anything should happen to Andrew. But he doesn’t want it, and he never has. I see that now and accept it. I am very proud of my son, Rose, but I am more proud of the fact that he would give it all up for the woman he loves. I thought it was foolish at first, that he was skipping out on his duty, but of course it’s the opposite. And it’s more than I was willing to do for his mother.” He then looked at me, regret in his eyes. “I know all about why are you aren’t with Edward right now, and I apologise that you feel your own past will create some stain on our family. We royals tend to be horribly traditional when it comes to protecting our own, and we don’t think sometimes.”

I let out a short laugh, thinking of all I had endured with this family over the last few weeks. That was an understatement.

“I want you as my daughter-in-law one day, Rose,” he continued. “You love my son very much, and that is all I could ask for.”

A tear rolled down my cheek, and I wiped it away, thinking of how stupid I had been. It didn’t matter what everyone else thought. I loved Edward and had left him. He was never going to forgive me.

“You do love him, right?”

I looked at the future king then, my heart aching unbearably. “I love him more than anything, Richard.”

“Well then,” he replied, standing, “what are you waiting for?”

I
threw
another rock in the lake, watching as it skipped across the water, just as my father had taught me to do years ago. When it sank I turned away, looking back at the house that had been in the royal family for generations. I had come to the royal family’s county seat for a few days of solitude with my father’s blessing. It was totally out of my character, but there had been a great deal of soul-searching going on. After my father’s confession about my mother, I didn’t quite know what to do. It almost felt like my father was playing a game of reverse psychology with me. Of course, it hadn’t helped that another bombshell had been dropped in my lap.

Andrew had pulled me to the side after my meeting with our father, a heavy burden upon his shoulders.

“What is it? I’m a little busy, Andrew,” I said when I bumped into him outside our father’s study.

“There is something you should know.”

“Something more about Rose?”

He shook his head and sniffed. “No. It’s more to do with the reasons why I did what I did. And you need to know before—”

“You already said, you’re my big brother looking after me. I get it, Andrew, I do. But I have to go… I have to go to her,” I said as I tried to skirt around him. I didn’t have time to waste. Another moment without her in my arms was a second too long.

“Edward, listen, please. I’m gay.”

I turned slowly around and saw the anguish that was all over his face, my heart lurching for him as everything began to slot into place. No wonder he’d done what he’d done. He pushed me hard to follow in his footsteps, encouraged me to stop fucking about and be a proper royal, and then of course what he’d done to Rose. He knew all along that one day after his reign as King was done he wouldn’t have any heirs to pass on the crown to. It would automatically fall in my lap, or my children’s if I weren’t alive.

I took a quick step towards him and he instinctively—after our last encounter—took one back away from me. But I was too quick. I got to him and pulled him to me, wrapping my arms around him. He stood frozen, and I held him tight before finally he relaxed and embraced me back.

“Shit, Edward, I thought you were going to hit me again.”

“Not a chance, brother,” I squeezed him again thinking of what he’d had to go through all these years—the hiding, the potential scandal… the fear? I couldn’t even imagine. But there was one thing I knew for sure: it didn’t change a single thing. He was still my brother, and I still loved him. “Thank you for telling me.”

We talked for the rest of the day. Rose would understand. Right then, I owed it to my brother to be there for him, like he’d been there for me all those years. He hadn’t decided whether or not to come out to Father, or the world, but I had a feeling that our father already knew. I could see that Andrew was struggling with the decision, had been for his entire adult life, but I made it clear that I would be behind him one hundred per cent whatever his choice.

I had my own thinking to do, too; I had to figure out, now that I knew what I knew, if it changed anything. I still of course loved Rose with all my heart, but didn’t I now have a duty to the country, too? Could I let it all end after Andrew, the crown jumping to some obscure relative far removed from the intended line of succession?

I skimmed another rock across the lake. My father, I guessed, would be proud; I’d worked through every single option and the consequences that might come of them, but in the end I said, “Screw it.” I still wasn’t going to give Rose up.

Once Andrew was king, and if he chose to share that part of himself with the world, then damn, I would fight right alongside him for his equal rights. It was the twenty-first century after all, and we could finally bring the monarchy into it! And just because he was gay, that didn’t mean he couldn’t have heirs. He and whoever he chose to spend his life with could always adopt. That certainly hadn’t hurt Rose, and hell, surrogacy was always an option, too.

With my mind made up, I didn’t want to waste another second, and I walked back to the house. It was peaceful here. I thought of how I really didn’t miss the sights and sounds of the city. This was a side of me that I rarely tapped into, some part of my mother’s family making me enjoy the tranquillity of the countryside.

My mum and I had lived on the outskirts of the city for so long before she had died, forcing me into another realm of life. I had forgotten that I actually enjoyed this. And it made me realise how I could do great things without ever becoming king. I was fine with that. I didn’t need to be in a position of power to help others, and that was rapidly becoming what I was destined to do. Rose had shown me that, and I would be forever grateful for her influence on my life and what she had done to make me see that. She had made me a better man, and I just hoped that she was going to allow me back into her world. I wanted to be the man she made a family with, the man who would give her everything she deserved in this life.

As I approached the house, I stopped in my tracks. A familiar form stood beside the car in the drive. My damn heart squeezed painfully as I drank in the sight of her, at first thinking she was an illusion I’d conjured up. But the flutter of her hair and her shy wave told me otherwise.

God, how I had missed her these last few days, multiple times throwing myself into the car with the intention of bringing her back here before I was ready, and perhaps before she was ready. She needed space, too, I believed. But now that she was here, she would be hard pressed to get away again. I wanted to be with her all the time. It was a scary realisation, yet I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I was drunk on her and only her now. Not the clubs, not the other women or the tomfoolery. There was just her.

“Hi,” she said softly as I reached her. She was dressed in a short dress that showed off her curves. My hands itched to touch her, and this time I wasn’t going to hold back.

I didn’t say a word or stop walking until she was in my arms. Her mouth opened with a gasp, and for a second I gazed into her eyes, then took her breath away again with a kiss.

“Hi yourself,” I said when I finally let her up for air. “How’d you get here?”

“The car—
duh!
” she laughed, holding onto me tight. “I had some help from Richard.”

“Oh, Richard is it now?” I teased, wondering what on earth my father had done. I would have never expected him to become directly involved in the relationship, but I was grateful he’d played a part in bringing Rose to me. I let her go and took her hand, and we fell into a casual walk. There was so much to discuss, so much I needed to say, but I wasn’t too sure where to start.

Rose looked around at the exterior of the house, the garden just beyond the drive.
“This is a beautiful place.”

“So, what did my father want?”

“He came to spaghetti night,” she grinned with a shrug. “Apparently my mum’s cooking is becoming widely popular with royalty. She is thinking of bottling the stuff.”

“I’m sure that it would sell like hotcakes with a picture of my father’s face on it,” I grinned back, thinking of how excited her mum must have been to have my father there. I was mere chump change next to him. I stopped as we reached the soft grass. “Rose, I am so fucking glad to see you.”

She looked up at me, her beautiful eyes glimmering with tears. “I’ve missed you, too. I’m sorry I left like that…” she said softly.

“I missed you more,” I said hoarsely, flexing my fingers, “but you could’ve talked to me.”

“I-I thought you were better off without my past hanging over you,” she replied, a tear coursing down her cheek. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you being dragged down and that I could be the reason your future was blemished. I didn’t want you to resent me for losing everything. And to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure how you truly felt about me.”

“And here I thought you knew me by now,” I said with a smile. “I don’t give a damn about my royal position. And if it wasn’t clear before now, I want you, Rose, only you. Nothing else matters.” In all my life I never knew what I was missing until she had come into it and corrected the error of my ways. Now she was all that I could see, and it was a fucking great view from where I was standing.

She bit her lip. “Well, I know that now. I love you, Edward. It’s why I did what I did, no other reason.”

Her words warmed the cold hole that was in my chest, and I drew in the first deep breath without pain I had felt since we had been apart. “The question is,” she continued, looking a bit unsure, “can you forgive me for being a total idiot?”

I gave her a grin then, moving quickly toward her and wrapping her in my arms again, the smell of her shampoo overwhelming my senses. “Don’t ever leave me again, I wouldn’t survive it,” I breathed into her hair, all of the worry and stress melting away. “I love you, Rose Mathis. You. I don’t care about the royal family, the money, or our pasts. All I care about is being with you.”

I felt her tears seep through my t-shirt, and I exhaled roughly, my arms tightening around her. “Marry me, Rose. I can’t let you slip through my fingers again. For real this time, though I want you to know when I put that ring on our finger, I did mean every word.”

She drew back, her trembling hand touching my cheek. I closed my eyes, the feel of her fingers on my skin nearly setting me on fire. “I’m not going anywhere, Edward,” she breathed. “I love you.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I replied gently, bringing my hands up to frame her face, my lips brushing over hers gently. “Will you marry me and live in this crazy place I call life? I’m not in line for the throne anymore, you know. So don’t worry, there’s no chance of being the royal consort… It’s just me.”

She scrunched up her nose and frowned. “Oh, damn. I better get back in the car then,” she said and went to turn away, but her giggle and playful smile betrayed her before I lost my mind. “That’s perfectly fine with me,” she replied with a laugh before searching my eyes. “Are you okay with that, Edward? Are you truly sure?”

“I am more than okay with that,” I laughed, my fingers stroking her cheeks. I was never cut out to be the leader of this country. I would leave that task in the very capable hands of my father and eventually my brother. I just wanted to be me, and I wanted her to be by my side.

“Yes, I will marry you,” she said, pulling me down into a kiss. I groaned and plundered her mouth with my tongue, forgetting how much she had fucking taken over my entire existence. I couldn’t function without her. I couldn’t live without her.

When we both finally came up for air, I pulled her toward the house. “Come on,” I said, a wolfish smile on my face. “We have some making up to do.”

She giggled as I led her into the house, her pull on my hand stopping me in my tracks as she looked around the foyer with wonder. “All of this history,” she breathed, looking at me. “I would love to photograph this place one day. It’s gorgeous.”

“I will take you for a tour later on,” I growled, tugging her along. It had been too damn long since I had tasted her skin, and I wasn’t about to let an ancient house stand in the way of making love to my future wife.

“You mean it?”

I looked back at her, trying not to let my sexual frustration show. Her eyes were sparkling with happiness, a glow about her that I hadn’t always seen. It made me feel like the luckiest damn man on the planet, the reality that she was going to be mine fully sinking in. I felt lighter than I had in days, the cloak of regret and some shame shaking loose off me. I had come to terms with how my existence had come about, how my father had been caught between duty to the country and the woman he loved and how much it hurt him to this day. It was a valuable lesson, but I had no intention of making the same mistake.

I tugged on her hand again, this time not in the direction of the bedroom I had first set out to get to. “Would you like a tour now?”

She gave me a saucy smile, leaning up against me to kiss at my neck. “No, I can wait. I want you.”

“Thank god,” I breathed, sweeping her up into my arms. She squealed with laughter and threw her arms around my neck as I strode toward the staircase that led to the bedrooms above.