Royal Holiday Baby (17 page)

She opened her mouth and her eyes deepened with an emotion that sliced through the steel vault around his frozen heart. That was what she wanted from him. His heart. What she didn't understand was that he'd lost the ability to give it three years ago.

He watched her pull back her emotions and close her mouth, whatever words she'd thought left unsaid. He felt the twist of the knife inside him again. The feeling always surprised him because he'd felt like he'd turned into a man who couldn't be reached.

 

Tina and Hildie wrapped donated gifts for the elderly. Tina shifted in her chair, feeling generally uncomfortable. She wasn't sleeping well and she wasn't sure about her future.
Despite the holiday music playing in the background, she felt a little cranky.

She tied a red ribbon around the tissue paper and reached for an indoor geranium kit and began to wrap it. “Do you think Zachary will ever be able to fall in love again?” she asked.

Silence followed as Hildie tied her own bow. “That's a tough one,” she said. “He had such a hard time with Jenny. She wasn't who she thought she was.”

“What do you mean?” Tina asked, searching Hildie's face.

“Jenny had problems. They seemed to get worse the further into her pregnancy,” Hildie said, tying a firm bow.

“What kind of problems? Other than her pregnancy?”

Hildie sighed. “I really shouldn't be talking about this, but the girl had some kind of mental problems. I don't think Zach knew about it before they got married. After Jenny died, though, it seemed her parents knew something. They blamed Zach for not watching her more closely. They even demanded that she and the baby be buried somewhere other than the Logan family burial ground.” Hildie shook her head. “Heaven knows he hovered over her night and day. After she got pregnant, she would leave the house in the middle of the night. We'd all panic and go searching to find her.”

“Oh my goodness. I had no idea,” Tina said, imagining how trying that must have been for all of them.

“Toward the end, Zach wouldn't go anywhere. She was about seven months along and started cramping and bleeding. We called Zach and he came right away. He took her to the hospital, but it was too late for Jenny. Too early for the baby. He blamed himself. The doctor said she had an undetected abruption. She started bleeding and didn't stop.”

Hildie wrapped a bundle of sudoku books and tied a ribbon around the top. “You're nothing like her,” she finally said.

“Is that good or bad?” Tina asked.

“Good,” Hildie said. “But you have to realize what a terrible experience that was for a man like Zachary. He's a man who prides himself on fixing things, on taking care of people. In his mind, he failed in the worst way imaginable. Thank goodness you don't have mental problems,” she said.

“Oh, I don't know,” Tina said, absorbing the information Hildie had disclosed. “Depending on the day, all of us can feel a little off center, don't you think?”

Hildie met her gaze and gave a sassy smile. “Speak for yourself. I'm always on target.”

“Show-off,” Tina teased.

Hildie just grinned, but Tina's mind was spinning with what she'd just learned. Her heart ached even more for how Zach had suffered. Was he so scarred, however, that he would never be able to love again?

“I
s there a reason we had to stop by the barn before going back to the ranch?” Tina called from Zach's SUV after she'd finished her latest appointment with the obstetrician. “I'm hungry.”

“Eat your crackers,” he said as he stalled for a little more time. Grinning to himself, he killed some time talking to his beauties in the barn while Tina waited in the car. It was for a good cause. She would ultimately be pleased.

Hearing her footsteps behind him, he wiped his grin off his face and looked busy.

“You hire people to take care of your horses. Why are you doing this?” she asked.

“I may hire people, but I still check on them. It's a good practice. And it's not as if Eve has had any spare time lately,” he added.

“True,” Tina said. “She's working crazy hours.”

“And she hates it,” Zach said.

“I wonder if my brother really would—”

Zach lifted his hand, finding the possibility untenable. Eve was the equivalent of his youngest sister. He didn't want to see her hurt. “Your brother is a bulldozer.”

“You may be underestimating Eve. She's pretty strong,” Tina said and sighed. “Can we please go now?”

Zach glanced at his watch. “Yeah, let me check the rest of the horses,” he said and slowly walked through the rest of the barn. When he was certain he'd taken enough time, he returned to escort Tina to the car.

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked. “You seem like you're out of breath a lot.”

“The baby's riding high. That's what Hildie says. Causes indigestion and short breaths,” she said, wobbling into her seat.

“Sorry about that,” he said.

“If she was riding low, I'd have to run to the powder room all the time,” she said with a shrug. “It's just part of pregnancy.”

“Would you ever want to do it again?” he asked, holding the door open.

She scrunched up her face. “I'd prefer to reserve judgment on that decision. This isn't the best time to ask.”

“When is the best time?” he asked.

“Maybe a year after the baby is born,” she said.

He chuckled and nodded. “I'll make a note of it,” he said and closed the door.

Climbing into the driver's side of the SUV, he took his time starting the engine and putting it into gear.

“Is there something wrong with the car?” she asked.

“No,” he said. “Why?”

“Because you're moving so slowly you're acting like you're doing an inspection on it.”

He swallowed a chuckle. “Just being careful. I'm carrying precious cargo.”

“Precious cargo that is hungry,” she said.

He drove into the back garage so she wouldn't see the other cars out front, then helped her out of the car.

“I guess it's a good thing that the doctor said the baby probably won't come until after Christmas. That means we can enjoy the holiday without worrying.”

“Speak for yourself,” he muttered. Zach couldn't stop worrying. He was losing more sleep with each passing night.

“What do you mean?” she asked. “The doctor says I'm totally healthy. You should rest easy and let me toss and turn,” she said.

Zach, however, saw the faint shadows beneath her eyes. The doctor said it was normal for her to lose sleep, but Zach wanted Tina and the baby safe and happy. He could tell Tina wasn't at all comfortable as she grew larger with each passing day.

“Even the doctor says he thinks she's a big baby,” he said.

“Hildie tells me that means she'll sleep through the night sooner,” Tina said, rubbing her back as she climbed the steps from the garage.

Zach opened the door and ushered her down the hallway.

“It's so quiet,” she said as they turned the corner to the den. “I wonder—”

“Surprise!” a chorus of voices called.

Tina blinked in shock at the crowd of men and women greeting her. She put her hand to her throat. “Oh my goodness, what is this?”

Keely rose and embraced her. “It's a baby shower,” she said and guided her to a wing chair. “We had to limit the guest list. A lot more people wanted to come.”

“I don't know what to say,” Tina murmured, glancing around, recognizing some of the faces, but not all.

“I'm Sienna,” a woman standing in the background said. “I'm Zach's sister. Haven't been here in a while, but I couldn't miss this.”

Tina automatically stood and stretched out her arms. “Thank you so much. I can't tell you what this means. Zach,” she said, glancing toward the doorway.

Zach immediately stepped forward and gave his sister a hug. “Thanks for coming. I know I've been difficult—”

“You always were,” Sienna said in a dry voice. “Daniel and I had a chance to talk before the party got started, but he looks a little distracted right now,” she whispered.

Zach's younger brother, Daniel, appeared totally focused on one of their neighbors, Chloe Martin. Zach remembered Daniel's past with the woman and lifted his eyebrows. “That could be interesting,” Zach said in a low voice.

“You're telling me,” Sienna said.

“Any chance you'll tell me what this is about?” Tina whispered.

“Later,” Zach said and brushed her nose with a kiss. “You have gifts to open.”

Zach slipped Tina a small sandwich before she opened the shower gifts because he knew she was hungry. He counted how many times she rubbed her back and how many times she insisted she was just fine. The correlation was one to three. Tina was not a whiner.

She alternated between princess mode and sincere delight throughout the party. A few times, she brushed tears from her eyes when she received homemade gifts of quilts, crocheted afghans and painted pictures.

He could see that she was overcome with the generosity and thoughtfulness of the attendees and it occurred to him
that she truly didn't realize what kind of affect she had on people.

“I don't know what to say,” Tina said, her voice breaking. “Who's the baby now?” she said as tears slid down her face. “You've all been way too generous.”

“You're the generous one,” Hildie said. “You just burst right in here and shook all of us up.”

“We have a few more gifts,” Keely said. “This one's from Ericka.”

Tina opened a package of a beautiful baby carrier and a bottle of French wine. “That's Ericka,” Tina said, with a laugh.

“And from Stefan,” Keely said, giving her an envelope.

Tina opened it and smiled. “One round trip charter to Chantaine on Stefan's royal jet.”

“I'll go,” Eve said, raising her hand.

“Those tickets are spoken for,” Zach said and met Tina's gaze.

Her eyes welled up with tears. “You have done too much for me. I'm humbled by your generosity. Thank you so very much.”

Deciding she needed a moment to gather her emotions, Zach nodded in Keely's direction. “Time for food?”

Keely took the cue and stood, clapping her hands together. “We have all kinds of wonderful food, punch and wine. Please enjoy.”

Zach took Tina to a small formal greeting room. “You okay?”

She took several deep breaths, her eyes wide. “I'm shocked,” she said. “I haven't even been here that long and look at what these people have done for me. Those homemade quilts and knitted afghans must have taken hours and hours of work.”

“You really don't realize the impact you've made,” he said in amazement.

Her eyes filled with tears. “I also don't know if I will be staying,” she whispered, clearly in agony. “I feel so guilty.”

Her admission felt like a hot poker in his gut, but he refused to give in to it. This night was about Tina and the baby. Not about him. “What you've given to this community has made a huge difference. Even if you left now, we would all be changed for the better.”

She took another deep breath and flew into his arms. “Oh, Zach, what am I going to do?”

This once, he wasn't going to try to tell her, because he was beginning to grasp that Tina had been pressured her entire life. She deserved the opportunity to make her own choices…even if it nearly killed him in the process.

Zach thanked everyone for coming. Daniel came to his side. “I'm headed out. Taking Chloe home.”

“She didn't bring her own car?” Zach asked, gently taunting his brother.

“Okay, I'm following her home,” Daniel said, shooting him a quelling glance. “Don't ask because I'm not gonna tell.”

Zach lifted his hands. “Good luck and Godspeed.”

 

Later that night, Tina nestled in Zach's arms. His strength never ceased to amaze or comfort her. She gazed out the window of his bedroom into a sky full of stars. “Did your parents love each other?” she asked.

“Huh?” he asked, half asleep.

“Nothing,” she said, not wanting to bother him.

He shifted and propped himself on his elbow. “No, what'd you say?”

“I asked you if your parents loved each other.”

“Yeah, they did,” he said.

“How do you know?”

“They were devoted to each other through thick and thin. He would have protected her with his life. She would have done anything she could for him,” he said.

“How do you know that?” she asked.

He sighed. “He worked three extra jobs when the ranch didn't bring in enough money for food or heat. He traded one of his favorite horses for a diamond anniversary band for their twenty-fifth anniversary.”

“That's romantic,” she said.

“She made him trade it back,” he said.

Tina gasped. “Was he insulted?”

Zach chuckled. “No. She was a very practical woman. He bought back the horse and got her a new refrigerator. She was a lot happier with that.”

Tina smiled and relaxed against him again. “It sounds like they had a deep appreciation for each other.”

“I think they did. My father held her hand when she died,” he said.

Tina's throat closed up tight. “That must have been hard,” she said.

“Yes, but he wouldn't have had it any other way,” Zach said. He stroked a strand of her hair from her forehead. “What about your parents? Do you think they loved each other?”

“Well, they certainly procreated,” she said with a laugh. “Two sons, four daughters,” she said. “I always thought their relationship seemed controlled and proper until she died. Now that I think of it, her passing may have broken his heart. He continued to rule, but then he became ill. He didn't fight it.”

“My mother always said to be careful about judging other people. They might be different on the inside than they seem on the outside. Same for relationships. I had to grow up before I started to understand that,” he said.

Tina thought about Zach's relationship with his former
wife. According to the outside world, he was a devoted husband, she a devoted wife. They had appeared normal, but Hildie had told her the real story had been different.

She put her hand over Zach's chest and felt his heartbeat against her palm. “After Jenny, did you decide you would never marry again?”

He paused a long moment. “Yes,” he said. “But you changed my mind.”

“Kiki and me,” she corrected. “Would you have changed your mind if I hadn't gotten pregnant?”

“That question is irrelevant,” he said. “You got pregnant.”

“It's not irrelevant to me,” she said, frowning.

“Stop thinking about things that don't matter. You're with me. You're safe, and our baby is safe,” he said.

Tina sighed. For this moment, that was enough. She closed her eyes and snuggled against him, falling asleep.

 

The next morning, Tina rose early to have breakfast with Zach's sister, Sienna. Sienna had already said she needed to leave today, so Tina wanted to maximize her time with her.

“Good morning,” Tina said as she carefully descended the stairs. Sienna was already seated in the den with her suitcase packed beside her. “You don't have to rush away.”

“Work,” Sienna said. “How are you this morning?”

“Feeling my largesse,” Tina said with a laugh. “Eat breakfast with me. I'm sure Hildie has already fixed something with enough calories to feed a family of bears.”

Sienna smiled. “She always did when I lived here. I'm sure she'll turn up her nose when I tell her I'm on a low-carb diet.”

“I think so,” Tina said as the two women walked into the breakfast room. “Morning, Hildie, you devil for deceiving me about the shower.”

Hildie tossed her a look of defiance. “As if you didn't love every minute,” she said.

“All of you did too much,” Tina insisted.

“If you say that one more time…” Hildie said in a warning tone.

“I'm going to throw up,” Sienna finished.

Tina blinked.

Hildie gave a nod of approval. “Well said, Sienna. Good to see you again. You're about five years overdue. Have a seat. Scrambled eggs, blueberry pancakes, crisp bacon and fresh fruit coming up.”

Sienna groaned. “Do you know how long I'll have to do the elliptical for this?”

“Get in line. I've been doing this for months,” Tina said.

Despite their protests, the two women enjoyed the sumptuous breakfast. Sienna leaned back and gestured at Tina's plate. “You didn't eat nearly as much as I would have expected with a little parasite in your belly.”

Tina laughed. “Charming way of looking at pregnancy. I have to eat small meals. She keeps kicking me in my diaphragm. Little bugger.”

“Ah,” Sienna said with a nod. “I like the way Zach acts with you. He treats you like fine china he wants to keep from breaking. Very sweet.”

Tina's smile fell. “He does that because of his first wife and how she lost the baby.”

Sienna gave a slow nod. “I wasn't around for that. I tried to reach out to him afterward, but he pretty much shut me out. It looks to me like things have changed with you around.”