Royce (18 page)

“Fuuuuccckkkkk!” He said and banged his hand against the steering wheel, “Fuck that didn’t go well!  We didn’t accomplish a thing!”  He drove down the street and out the neighborhood and the only thing he was sure of was Michael hated him for what he’d done and he ran his fingers through his hair.  He was angry, sad and hurt that they hadn’t resolved anything and he wanted this to work out and from the looks of it they’d just made it worse.  He drove home, it was late, when he walked in no one was there to greet him but Duke, he came up and licked his hand, “Hey Dukey boy,” he said and scratched him on the head.  He could hear the kids upstairs getting ready for bed, loud footsteps and talking loudly to each other about this or that, apparently one was in one room and the other was in another and they were talking loudly so the other could hear.  They were a good brother and sister they got along great.  He walked into his bedroom and took off his clothes, Tammy was in the shower, he changed into comfortable clothes and went into the kitchen. 

Tammy had left a covered plate for him on the table, good he was starving.  Duke came over to him as he sat down, “Okay boy I bet no one took you for a walk did they?”  Duke was a big Golden Labrador Retriever with soft loving brown eyes, “Okay, I’ll let you out back for now okay,” he said.  He knew Duke, he was the one who took him for his walks every day, he needed to go out now is what he was trying to say, he let him out in the backyard he saw him run to the  back fence raise his leg and take a long leak.  He went back to his plate and uncovered it, it was a big bowl of Tammy’s chicken soup, it was her specialty, it was really pot luck as she described it. “When you live in a trailer park you don’t throw nothing away,” she’d said, “So at the end of the week whatever was left in the refrigerator went in the pot,” she said, so she’d been making this chicken soup since the day they’d gotten married, but now it wasn’t what was left in the refrigerator she prepared it as a meal, it had big pieces of chicken, sausage, carrots, peas, celery, it was very good and hearty. 

The only thing he’d changed for her was the bread, the first time she served it she laid out loaf bread from a bag on a plate and he asked, “What is that?”  “Bread silly,” she said. “Yeah, I know that but why is it on the table; don’t we have rolls or something?”  He’d never in his life seen loaf bread straight from the wrapper on the dinner table. “No, it’s all we have,” “Oh, well next time fix some rolls or something,” he said and she did.  She had a few trial and errors but then she found she liked French bread she spread with butter and garlic and toasted it in her toaster oven.  He uncovered a plate of garlic bread,
Tammy was a good wife,
he thought,
how was he going to tell her this, how was going to tell her Joy had his child? 

He wolfed down his food and then took Duke for his walk and as he walked all he could think was how this had turned so bad. 
It’s Friday, the weekend would give us time to cool off,
but as it stood right now he knew he was no closer in convincing Joy or Michael he deserved to be in Justin’s life and they were no closer into allowing it.  They didn’t want him around and that hurt, his heart was hurting and pounding in his chest wondering if he was doing the right thing, wondering if he should just let it go.

Royce spent the weekend thinking, and that Monday morning instead of going to the office he went straight to Joy’s.  She opened the door but looked away from him, “I didn’t expect you back,” and he could tell she was still upset.  “I’m sorry Joy, don’t be mad,” she looked at him, “Well I am, what the hell was that Royce?” 

“Don’t put all the blame on me, Michael was…”

“Believe me I know, I’ve spent the weekend fighting with him about it,” and she had. 

They’d argued all weekend at how he behaved and how he felt justified and he’d said some awful things to her, “If you’d just worn a fucking condom we wouldn’t be in this mess would we?”  And that made her cry, “And that smug ass Royce, 'He’s my son, he’s my son',” he mimicked Royce in a whiny voice and she hadn’t thought Royce had been smug at all, and, “He wanted to protect you, wanted to protect you my ass,” he’d yelled at her, so she’d been through it this weekend and the last thing she expected was to see Royce at her doorstep early Monday morning.

Royce had thought about what happened all weekend too, and couldn’t sleep wondering how bad the situation had gotten, wondering if she’d see him again or was the door and communication shut off completely so when the guard let him in he was ecstatic, but Joy wasn’t through with him.

“That was two men swinging dicks is all that was! Trying to see whose is bigger,” she said angry and she fixed her eyes on him, “And I’ve been with both of you so I know the answer to that one!”  Her anger rising and for the life of him he couldn’t help it he laughed, what she’d said was so unexpected he laughed, and she laughed too.  “Oh yeah, I hope it’s mine,” he said through his chuckles and she laughed, “A lady never tells,” she said smiling.  Before he knew it he took her in his arms and started tickling her.  “This always works.” She pulled away and ran laughing screaming, “Royce stop it!”  “No, I want to know, whose is bigger?”  He chased her and she ran in the dining room around the table and screamed.  He caught her and tickled her, “Royce stop,” she squealed. “Tell me,” he said still tickling. “Nooo!”  She yelled through her laughter and then they heard Justin’s cry over the baby monitor.  “See you woke Justin,” she hit him playfully on his chest; he jumped and laughed, “Me!  It was you doing all the screaming.”  They laughed and he followed her to his nursery.  “Hey buddy,” he picked him up and held him close.

Michael had been furious since the conversation with Royce and he’d seen how he affected Joy too.  He actually brought a tear to her eye when he said, "I
was only trying to protect her," and that pissed him off and he knew the truth.  Royce had it right, Joy did need protecting in The Club and he missed it, he didn’t see, all he saw was the business.  She was scared and vulnerable and Royce saw it and tried to help her, he created a mess, but Royce was there for her when he wasn’t and he was mad at himself for that. 

He was having fun fucking every woman he could, even Tammy, she opened up and let him fuck her, fuck her hard.  He’d had her quite a few times and each time he had her moaning and screaming with pleasure and he always left her lying naked on the bed wiped out as he went out the door, but Royce had known what Joy needed and for the life of him he couldn’t figure why he didn’t include a condom in that protecting.  It was like he went half way with the protecting; he protected her from others but exposed her to him and whatever he had and Tammy too, and he couldn’t figure that.  A picture of Royce on his knees crying his love for Joy came to mind,
when did he fall in love with her an is he still in love with her,
he wondered. 

He’d get the answer to that question soon enough, but now he had nothing but his anger to contend with, his anger at Joy, at himself and at Royce.  He couldn’t believe how he and Joy argued this weekend.  “What was that Michael?  I thought you were going to persuade him to see things our way and instead you went after him,” she yelled at him the next day.   She’d cried all night Friday and Saturday she woke up angry.

“I went after him!  You were there he provoked me!  He’s a prick and you know it!”  “Well it takes one to know one you were acting pretty prickish too!”  She yelled at him. “Are you defending him Joy, are you taking his side!”  “No, of course not!  It’s Justin we were supposed to talk about, his well-being, what’s best for him!,” she yelled, “And that didn’t happen, it was between you and Royce,” she was so mad, “And to fight Michael, oh my god, I can’t believe that!”  He was angry at her too, “Well guess what sweetheart if you’d only worn a fucking condom we wouldn’t be in this situation now would we!”  He’d yelled back at her and he would say that to her all weekend, first because it hurt her so bad.  She always cried when he said it and the argument was over, and the other was because it was true, a simple act is all it was, a simple act to wear a condom and she didn’t do it with that prick Royce. 

He was so angry and wanted to hurt her so bad that Saturday after all the arguing he took her in his arms that night, roughly took her and put her legs above her head, up against his shoulders, a position she wasn’t too fond of.  She was always scared in that position, that he went to deep for her, “Take it easy,” she always said and he did, he always did, he would go deep inside her and it felt so good.  He could feel her trying to take all of him and stretching to accommodate him, and he would be gentle and make it feel so good, but Saturday he wanted to hurt her, make her pay for his pain and he rammed inside her. “Michael!”  She screamed, “You’re hurting me!”  And he ignored her pleas, ignored her trying to get away, ignored her gripping his thighs and trying to push him off, “Stop Michael please,” she begged him and he rammed inside her, and the only thing he could say to justify his action was, “Why Joy?  Why didn’t you wear a condom?”  And he rammed inside her and heard her cry out, and when he was done she slowly got up and he saw her walking to the bathroom wiping her tears, and when she came out and laid down he couldn’t help it he took her in his arms, “I’m sorry Joy, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I’m sorry,” and he held her all night. 

Damn he loved her so much, this love was making him crazy it was hurting him so bad, and seeing Royce with tears in his eyes saying how all he wanted to do was protect her tore a hole in his heart because he should have been the one to protect her.  Another man shouldn’t think he needed to protect his wife, he should have done it, he should have been there for her.  He was glad this weekend was over, and even he knew he’d made it worse, that communication now between them might be over and who knows what was going to happen from this point. 

He sat at his desk, thoughts of this weekend on his mind, “Maybe I should call Royce and make amends,” he thought and then he thought better of it, he didn’t want to seem as if he were crawling back to Royce, if it wasn’t for Royce he wouldn’t be in this mess, if it wasn’t for Royce he wouldn’t be trying to persuade him to let him raise a child that wasn’t his, and he thought of Justin.  Despite of everything he loved the kid, he was a sweet baby.  He hardly ever cried and his little baby antics and laughter were infectious, he even found himself watching him, and the kids just loved him.  Lindsey tried to carry him around like a little doll but he was almost as big as she was and Deon let him do whatever he wanted to do him, he saw him let him pull his lip as Deon was playing and cooing with him, and Joy she was the best mother, always had been. 
I screwed this up
,
I’ll let things cool off today and then contact Royce and see where we can go from here
. 

Joy was surprised to see Royce that morning.  She’d had a rough weekend and after Friday she thought all was lost and that she’d never see Royce again, and for some reason her heart lurched in her chest at the thought of never seeing him.  Joy didn’t know if she never wanted to see him again, he was someone she enjoyed being with, he was someone she enjoyed talking too.  If things hadn’t turned out the way they had she could see him being a good friend over the years, but now it had gone south.  The talks went sour that Friday night and she didn’t know what to do about it.  She blamed them both; she thought both acted like assholes and neither really thought about Justin nor tried to resolve their differences.  But now here was Royce, bright and early this morning, apologizing and making her laugh, and she needed that after the weekend she had. 
I shouldn’t let him get too friendly with me though
, she thought after he’d been tickling her, but she smiled to herself about that too.  She remembered how he would tie her to the bed and tickle her with the tickler and she smiled at how he made her say the most outrageous things.

“Hey you can change his diaper,” she said and she sat in the pale green stuffed rocker and watched as Royce handed her Justin and rolled up his sleeves and then took him from her arms and changed his diaper.  She loved watching him interact with Justin, he cooed at him, he blew raspberries on his belly, like he did now, Justin was wiping sleep from his eyes and laughing. Royce changed him and handed him to her.  Her breast were aching to be relieved and she unbuttoned her blouse; she’d fed him now so many times in front of Royce she didn’t think about it, she opened her bra and her large swollen breast poked through. 

Royce watched, he loved this and he loved seeing her do it and he longed to have his lips on her erect nipple.  He knelt down beside her and watched as she placed Justin on her nipple and he stroked his hair as he sucked. “He loves his milk doesn’t he,” he said as he watched. “Yeah, just like a man,” she said and he didn’t know what she meant, but he took her free hand and brought it to his lips and kissed the back of it. “I’m sorry Joy, let’s work this out, I know we can,” he said.  Joy looked down at Justin, “We have too Royce,” then she looked deep in his blue eyes, “We have to for him okay, we have to do what’s best for him,” and she stroked the side of his face and into his hair as she looked at him.  Royce wanted to kiss her, but he said, “I know, I know we do,” all he wanted to do was work this out without hurting her.

He stayed a little while longer before he headed out to work, he felt good, seeing Joy made him feel good, he liked being in her presence, and Joy liked him being around too.  She knew they had to work this out, find a way that worked for everyone, especially Justin, but Royce coming over felt special; she saw the bond forming between father and son and she wondered would Justin have that with Michael?  Michael loved him she could see that, but he didn’t interact with him the way Royce did.  Michael didn’t act like a father who loved him, but Royce did and she could see he was growing closer and closer to his son.

Royce would see Joy the next day and the next.  He helped with Justin and spent time with Joy and he loved it. 

Joy had decided it was up to her to make him see.  Michael was too upset to be reasonable, so some days she told him she talked to Royce and some days she didn’t and she knew he thought she meant she talked to him on the phone.  He would flip out if he knew he was coming to their house, and that he came unannounced whenever he wanted to during the day.  She never set up a time with him, she never really expected him until the phone would ring and the guard would say, “Ms. Abrams there’s a Royce Harrington to see you,” and she’d always let him in.  She knew he wanted to see Justin, that since he discovered he had a son he’d been drawn to him and she couldn’t stop that or deny him that, it just didn’t feel right to do that to a person, but the more time passed and the closer he became to Justin she also knew it was getting tougher and tougher for him to see it her way.  She had budged on her part though, “You can see him but only over here, and no one has to know, not your family or anyone, will that work for you?”  She asked yesterday and she saw him mull that over, he thought about it and thought about it and then he said, “I don’t know Joy, I need to think on that okay,” she smiled that was a first.

She looked at the time, “I better get dressed,” she’d almost run out of time to get ready for the western fun day the school was having.  She’d volunteered after Lindsey begged her, “Please mommy, you haven’t been to school in a long time,” and she hadn’t since she’d had Justin and was breast feeding she found it hard not to feed him from her breast.  She really didn’t like pumping, she’d rather feed him straight from the source, it relieved her and he got fed all at one time, but she told Lindsey she’d be there so she pumped her breast, and filled up two bags full, “Man I make a lot of milk,” she said out loud.  She quickly took a shower and dressed in the western wear she’d bought a few years ago when Michael’s company had an event out at South Fork Ranch.

She looked at herself in the mirror; she had on tight dark blue jeans and a wide black leather belt with a big silver metal buckle of a cowgirl riding a bucking horse, a red plaid shirt and red cowboy boots and black cowboy hat to put on her head, “I’m so glad this still fits,” she said and admired her backside,
I like this look
.  She loved the feel of the boots, they didn’t look it but they were comfortable, satisfied she went to get Justin out of his crib, “Come on baby boy, it’s your turn.”  She bathed him quickly, and put on the little western outfit, and then the phone rang.

“Hello Ms. Abrams a Royce Harrington to see you.” “Send him in,” she said but she couldn’t visit with Royce now she had to go in a few minutes.  She put on her hat and the door bell rang.

Royce’s mouth dropped when he saw her dressed like that, “Wow, where are you going?”  “Oh you like, it’s Western Day at Lindsey’s school I promised her I’d be there, I hope you don’t mind Royce but you can’t stay long I’ve got to get going,” she said as she let him in and he kept staring at her, she laughed, “Why are you looking at me like that?”  “It’s just that you look like…just like a cowgirl should,” he said smiling, “You make me want to two step,” he held out his hand.  She laughed and took it, “I always wanted to two step, I tried once and couldn’t get the hang of it.” “Well that wasn’t me,” and he showed her how to two step, “Just follow me okay,” and she did and she had so much fun as he moved her around the floor and Royce smiled and looked at her, he just couldn’t take his eyes off her she was so beautiful.