RUIN (The RUIN Series Book 1) (6 page)

"Alexa says you're thinking about going for your master's degree."

I turn to stare at him the doorway of the bedroom. He's wearing jeans that are slung low on his hips and a t-shirt. The tattoos that cover his arms are a bright contrast to the stark white of the shirt.

"It's a thought." I smile at him. "If I stay at my job for six months they offer some incentives for school."

Noah nods and a small grin pulls at the corner of his mouth. "Alexa is really proud of you. I am too."

It's a compliment I couldn't have seen coming. I came over in the middle of the day with the hope that I'd avoid them both. I'm still struggling with what to do. Ben had texted me repeatedly all week asking for my forgiveness, wanting to talk to me. I've thrown myself full force into my work and a plan to grab the future I want, without a man attached to it.  Pursuing my master's degree was all I spoke about with Alexa when we had lunch two days ago. It wasn't only to get her opinion on my new plan to reclaim my life. It was to avoid bringing up the subject of Ben. A small part of me was still hoping, beyond hope, that he'd reach out to Noah.

"Do you need me to help you carry the rest of your things?" He nods towards the small cardboard box I'd packed full with the rest of my clothes.

"I can handle it." I arch my arm to show him my non-existent bicep muscle. "I may not have guns like you but I can get the job done."

"Guns?" He mirrors my pose and it's impressive. His body is almost identical in size and stature to his brothers.

"Can I talk to you about something, Noah?" It's hard for me to find the words from within but this may be my chance to gain a better understanding of Ben's reluctance to reach out.

"Anything." He pulls on the fabric of his jeans, giving him more room to sit on the edge of the bed.

I'm standing directly across from him. "It's about your brother."

His head pops up, the scar that transverses his cheek moves slightly as his jaw tenses. "Was Alexa talking about him again?"

"No." My hands tighten together in a knotted mess. "She hasn't brought it up at all."

I can't tell whether he believes me or if the words are being construed as my trying to protect my best friend.  "Why are you asking then?" he asks in a low growl.

He's intimidating. The tattoos and scar make him appear more menacing than he is. I've heard about the kindness in his heart from Lex. I've seen the way he treats her. He loves her more than anything.

I scratch my neck. "It's just that. Well, I..." I stammer.

"I don't like talking about him."

I pinch my lips together before I race my tongue over the bottom one. "I met him, Noah."

His hand reaches for the edge of the bed. He grabs hold of it and it's hard to tell if he's steadying himself against the wall of emotions that have hit him full force or if he's questioning whether he heard me correctly. "You met Ben?"

I'd imagined that moment when Ben's name would come out of Noah. Alexa has never offered his name when she speaks about him and I've always assumed it's because she doesn’t know it. He's only ever been Noah's twin brother when she's discussed him with me.  "Yes."

His eyes meet mine. "When?"

This is the point when I have to decide if I'll tell him about the first night. I'm ashamed that I crawled into the bed of a man I just met. I'm confused that the man turned out to be his brother. A brother who obviously caused him immeasurable pain based on his reaction to my confession now.

"Christ, Kayla." He jumps to his feet, his large frame looming over me. "Did you meet him at the hospital? It wasn't when you fell and cracked your forehead a couple of weeks ago, was it?"

I rub the wound on my head. It's almost healed completely now. The only lingering reminder is dull flashes of pain from time-to-time. "He helped me that night."

He runs his hands over his face. "I knew this would happen eventually."

"What?"

"That someone would end up in the ER and see him there. Have you told Alexa?" His hands jump to my shoulders.

I shake my head slowly. "I wouldn't do that. I wanted to tell you first."

He nods before he pulls me into an unexpected embrace. "Don't talk to her about him. She'll go down to the hospital and find him. That can't happen."

I pull back to look at his face. "Why not?"

"It's best this way." He takes a step back, his dark eyes catching mine. "He's done horrible things. He's hurt people."

"What people?" I push. "What did he do?"

"It doesn't matter anymore." He turns to walk out of the room. "Stay away from him, Kayla. Stay as far away from him as you can."
 

"Is Dr. Foster working?" Yes, that's right. I do not know how to listen when it concerns my own well-being. Everything Noah said to me has gone through my own personal filter and I've come to the conclusion that I need to know what the fuck is going on.

The woman behind the bustling information desk taps a few keys on her computer keyboard. "He's here. He's working in ER. It's that way." Her finger juts past me towards double doors.

"I know the way," I say back to her even though she's now barking an order to someone on the other end of a phone call.

I step through the doors into a world that is chock-full of noise, dozens of people sitting in an overcrowded waiting room and hospital staff milling about.

I know enough to not ask the women at the desk about Ben. I can tell by the crowd of people gathered in front of them that their hands are full. I came here to see him. I'll wait until he has a moment.

"Kayla?" His voice calls from the left as if on cue. "What's wrong?"

He's beside me in an instant, his hand flying to my hairline. "Is it your head? Are you still experiencing headaches?"

I stare at him, soaking in the image of him in a lab coat, a stethoscope strung loosely around his neck. I've never seen him like this. The night I was in the ER he was still dressed in jeans and a sweater. Now, he officially looks like a doctor. Where is the horrible person that Noah talked about? How can a man who has devoted his life to helping people heal be as bad as Noah says he is? "No, it's fine."

"Are you sick?" He motions behind me towards a nurse. "Let's get you into a room."

"I'm not sick." I lean closer to him. "That's not why I'm here."

He holds his hand up to stop a woman who is throwing numbers at him at breakneck speed. "I'm busy, Lynette. I'll be there shortly."

The huff that escapes her lips is audile. "We're very busy, Dr. Foster. Make it quick."

My eyes bolt to the side to her face. She's frustrated with his dismissal. She doesn't make eye contact with me at all.

"Give me a moment, I said." Ben's eyes don't leave mine. "This is important."

"Fine," she bites the word out in a hiss. It's obvious by her tone that it's anything but fine.

"Ben," I whisper his name quietly for no reason than to temper everything I'm feeling.  "You shouldn't have walked out on me the other night."

"Christ, I was an idiot about that." His hand clenches in a fist on his chest. "It wasn't right. I can't tell you how sorry I am. I panicked when you were talking about Noah."

"I talked to him about you."

His jaw tenses slightly. It shifts the structure of his face and a glimpse of Noah is there for an instant. "You told him I was your lover?"

I feel the word roar with full force to my core. Lovers? We haven't defined it. I hadn't. Ben had, obviously. "No. I just told him that I met you."

He nods his head slightly. "What did he say?"

"He knew you worked here." I point to the floor. "I told him you helped me when I got hurt."

He leans forward slightly, pivoting on his shoe. "He told you to stay away from me, didn't he?"

I nod. "I want to know why."

He pulls on the collar of his lab coat, adjusting it slightly. "I should be off by eleven but it's never that simple." His hand drifts to the waiting room.

"I understand," I say wishing that he could just walk away from his responsibilities here for an hour so he could explain to me what happened between him and his brother.  My entire being is telling me that the issue isn't as serious as Noah has made it out to be. I've been with Ben. I've felt the tenderness in his touch. I've been nursed back to health by him. I don't see the evil that lives beneath the surface that Noah claims is there.

His name wafts through the air over the public announcement system.

"I need to go." His lips brush against mine in a gentle kiss. "I'll text you when I'm done here."

He grazes past me in his rush to help others. Right now, at this very moment in time, I wish I was the one he was helping.

"I can't begin to imagine what Noah told you about me." He pulls off his suit jacket to lower himself into a seat across from me in a bustling mid-town bistro.

When Ben had called me late last night, I'd be wary of letting him come over. It wasn't out of fear for my personal safety. It was out of the clear knowledge that I'd want him. Noah's warnings hadn't crushed my desire for Ben at all. The only thing that had done that was his need to rush out of my apartment the other day when he felt cornered.

"Did you order something to eat?" His eyes scan the expansive menu.

I study his face briefly, marveling in how strong his features are. I know that he's not Noah's identical twin but there's no mistaking they're brothers. I wonder what it would be like seeing them standing side-by-side. "I'm not that hungry."

"We can split a sandwich." He motions towards a waitress standing near the cash register.

I sit in silence while he orders our lunch. My hands are sweating. Even though Alexa still knows nothing about Ben, I can't help but feel 'm betraying her. I spoke to her briefly on the phone this morning about having dinner together tonight. I'd balked at making firm plans because I wanted to see how my lunch with Ben would go.

"Tell me about Noah." He leans back in the wooden chair.  "It starts with him telling you to avoid me at all costs, right?"

The sarcasm dripping from each of the words is measurable. I can see the disdain in his expression. He disapproves of Noah too, but it's not the same. Ben's never warned me away from his brother.  "He did say that, yes."

"Did he say why?" He picks up a small glass of room temperature water that the waitress dropped off when she took his order.

I sigh deeply. "No, Ben. He wouldn't say why."

"You want to know why?" He sips a mouthful before resting the glass back down.

I do, don't I? That's why I'm here. I stare at him while I contemplate the gravity of the question. I don't really need to do this. I can get up, walk out and never look back. Ben Foster can become a distant memory and the secret of his silent feud with Noah can rest in peace. That would be the right thing to do. That would be the way to honor my friendship with Alexa and the man she loves.

"It started when our mother died."

The words are almost emotionless. His expression doesn't add anything to it either. They're just words that he's pushed out at me and now, I have to absorb them. Is that because he's a doctor and death is a natural part of his everyday life now?

"When did she die?"

"It's feels like a lifetime ago now." His long fingers tap a beat against the table. "It feels like yesterday."

"You were close." I know the assumption is based on the fact that he told me that Noah and his father shared a special bond. Maybe Ben loved his mother the same way. Maybe he was the shining light in her eyes.

"I took care of my mother." His eyes are empty. "I wanted to be a doctor because of her."

I smile at the knowledge. "She must have been lovely."

"She was beautiful and kind." His hand jumps to his chest. "She was sweet. She loved me very much."

"What happened to her?"

"She was ill for weeks before her death." His eyes dart up but move past me quickly, centering on a spot in the diner behind me. "The doctors said it was a virus. They sent her home."

"It wasn't a virus?" I don’t know what else to ask. I have no inkling of what it means or how it impacted her health. I have no baseline to judge by.

His eyes travel the path of the waitress as she drop off our lunch. I watch in silence as he takes a healthy bite of the sandwich. He motions for me to dig in, but I can't eat. I'm slightly miffed that he can considering the fact that we are embroiled in a serious discussion about someone he loved.

He watches me intently as he chews. No words are spoken between us. The conversation ended in the exact place I need and want it to continue so I wait patiently until he clears the entire plate.

"Kayla." He finally speaks. "This is very hard to talk about."

I nod. I know that it is. I want to hear it though. I need to understand the nucleus of his pain. "I know," I say quietly. "I care about you, Ben."

A trace of a smile forms on his lips. "I care about you too."

"What happened when she died?" I ask out of sheer need. I'm nauseous from the anxiety that is racing through me.

His eyes dart down to his lap. "She needed care around the clock. My father, Noah and I all took turns with her."

I can't imagine the pain that seeps into those who have to watch someone they love wither away like that. "That must have been very hard."

"The alternative was the hospital. She didn't want that."

"I understand." I'm trying to understand. I still don't have a clear idea of when any of this happened. The emotional strength of a fifteen-year-old boy is obviously much different than a twenty-five-year old. Judging by the depth of the fracture in Ben's family, I'm guessing she died when the twins were much younger.

"I was watching her the day that she died." He pushes his water glass aside so he can reach across the table for my hand. "I had a friend over."

He doesn't need to elaborate. It was a woman, or girl. The thoughtful gesture to hold my hand is telling me that.

"We were in the guest house when it happened."

I nod. I pull my free hand to my forehead. I'm uncomfortable hearing the pointed details now. I pushed for this. I need to accept it.

"My father and Noah were at a ball game. By the time they got home, she'd been gone for hours."

"You didn’t call them to tell them?" I ask the question without any thought. It just rolls off my tongue.

"I didn’t know." His eyes stare into mine. I see the emptiness in them.  "I was in the guest house, fucking some woman whose name I can't recall over and over again while my mother took her very last breath."