Runaway Heart (A Game of Hearts #2) (13 page)

I opened my locker, ignoring her taunt. That was her way of communicating. Of getting things out of us.

But I wasn’t having it. Not about Ed.

I slid my jeans on under my towel, and then threw on a loose-fitting, plum-colored, V-neck shirt. After grabbing my bag, I closed my locker and left, the team’s jokes nipping at my feet.

TWO WEEKS WENT BY, CARRYING me into November’s biting autumn chill, and I still couldn’t shake the thought of Ed… something that had never happened to me before.

It wasn’t like I sat and pined away for him while eating pints of ice cream and watching reruns of
The Notebook
and
Sleepless in Seattle
. More like, he just popped in and out of my head at random moments when I was least prepared for it. Like when I was shopping the other day to stock up on my ever-growing pile of junk food, and reached for a box of Zebra Cakes.

Ed’s confused look appeared in my head, and then I had a fleeting thought to get his address through Maggie and send him a box.

Yeah… scary.

Or when I changed the sheets in my room and realized my spare set had a similar floral pattern like the one our tent was made of.

It was his hands on my body and the way he kissed me like he could never get enough that had me tripping over one of my teddy bears and stumbling into my dresser, leaving a God-awful bruise on my hip that hadn’t gone away.

I thought about calling Maggie, about asking her for advice, but with her business and her amazing daughter keeping her on the go, it felt almost wrong to bother her with something I didn’t even understand myself.

Needless to say, I needed to find a way to undo whatever Ed did to me, so I buried myself underneath working two jobs, which literally sucked the soul right out of me, with a side of strength and endurance training, and a sprinkle of trying to study for my upcoming finals.

Finals I was sure I’d flunk.

Classes proved hard to get through ever since my return because I spent the majority of my time fighting to keep it together. To keep my thoughts from straying to Ed.

My stomach twisted as I thought about the word document pulled up on my laptop back in my room that was still as blank as it was a week ago when we were given our assignment to be completed before winter break.

The more the days checked off on the calendar, the more I worried I might not be able to finish it. Stressed over having to drop the class… maybe even the rest of the year… to keep from hurting the GPA I worked so hard for.

“You’re running yourself into the ground,” Charlotte said as she followed me around on skates in the small diner I waited part time for.

“I’m fine,” I lied, wiping a table down for the next customer. Shuddering at the thought of the bathrooms I’d be scrubbing in four hours when my shift ended and I began the next at the skating rink.

“No, you’re not. You don’t party with us, you’re missing classes left and right, and you haven’t spoken to Cherry since the other night.” She was unwilling to budge. “And… and… look at your hair?”

I inhaled sharply.

“It looks like you haven’t washed it in days,” she shrieked.

I threw the towel in the bucket, scooped it up, and headed to the kitchen. “I’ve had a hard time concentrating lately. I’ll be better as soon as I know if I made the roster or not.”

“Bologna!”

I pushed through the swinging door, not waiting for her to follow as I let it go in her face.

She caught it with her palm, much too persistent for her own good, and then skated into the kitchen.

“Who are you?” Joe, the manager, asked as he looked up from his newspaper.

“A friend of Hannah’s,” Charlotte said sweetly, batting her lashes.

I dropped the bucket with a loud sigh. “Joe, I’m going to take fifteen, okay?”

“Sure,” he said with a shoulder shrug, his nose disappearing behind his paper.

Charlotte followed me out the back door.

“Did Cherry send you here?” I asked as soon as we were alone. The chilling November air struck my uncovered skin as I fought to get my arms through my jacket.

“No.”

Her response was a little too quick. I squinted at her.

“She’s worried. We all are,” Charlotte relented, her mouth tilting into a small frown. “In all the time I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you like this. You don’t smile anymore. You don’t go out. You just… work. Hard.”

“Yeah, well, money doesn’t grow on trees, Charlotte. I’m behind on my rent and my scholarship has run out. To be honest… I’m thinking about taking some time off. It’s just too hard to concentrate in class with all this stress.”

She looked down at her skates, biting at her lips. She wanted to say something… something more than what I probably wanted to hear. “You know we’re here for you, right? We’re a team. We stick together.” Her voice was quiet.

I sighed, leaning against the wall. “I know.” I felt like an asshole for being as closed off as I’d been. She meant well. They all did.

“I just… I’m used to dealing with things on my own. It’s easy to be there for everyone else, but when it comes to my shit… I just… I have my routine way of dealing with it.”

She met my eyes. “Maybe your routine needs a facelift.”

“Maybe,” I agreed, wishing the knot in my throat would loosen.

Awkward silence danced between us.

“You were my only friend when I first joined, Hannah. You made me feel like I was a part of the team, even when the rest were giving me shit because of my klutzy, ditziness. I might come off like an airhead, but there’s more to me than that. And you saw that. I have more to offer, and I hate thinking this is a one-sided friendship. Let me be there for you.”

Well, shit… there she goes with all the emotional mushy-gushy stuff. The stuff I’m not particularly good at.

My heart rolled into my stomach. “It’s not, Charlotte. You know that.”

Her eyes watered. “Do I? Because we don’t talk like we used to anymore. We don’t hang out. We just… skate.”

I swallowed down the guilt. Cleared my throat. “I’m sorry, Char. I didn’t mean… I never wanted to make you feel like that. I just…”

I looked past her as my eyes blurred a little.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” I admitted, my throat stinging.

She moved a little closer. “What do you mean?”

I closed my eyes so it’d be easier to admit the truth. “Cherry was right. There was a guy, and I’ve avoided the subject because of it.”

She didn’t freak out like I knew she wanted to. She kept her composure, trying to be the friend she wanted to be for me.

“What happened?”

I chewed the inside of my lip as I prepared myself for the onslaught of emotion I was about to be hit with. Ones I’d been avoiding since my time on the island.

“His name is Ed, and he’s basically everything I think I’d ever want in a guy. He’s funny. Charming. Sweet. Tender. Amazing in bed.”

“You slept with him?” Charlotte sounded somewhat shocked. She knew my track record. Knew I bounced before it ever got too heavy.

And here I had slept with him within one day of knowing him.

I was shameful.

I nodded, barely able to look at her.

“Wow,” she said, and I imagined all the awful things she must have thought about me. How I lost my game. Lost my mind. “He must be a really great guy then.”

That threw me off.

“He was,” I muttered, thinking about how he made me feel safe in the midst of the storm. “And I let him go.”

“Why?”

I shrugged. “Because, Charlotte. I don’t want a boyfriend.”

“You know, you still haven’t told me why,” she said, rubbing her arms. “Was it because of another guy? Did someone break your heart?”

“Something like that.” I barely got the words out as I thought about my father and how callous and cruel he was. Probably still was.

“But not every guy is like that, Hannah. You have to know that,” she said. “I’ve met plenty of guys who are great. And what about your friend Maggie? She married a guy who is great, right?”

She was one of those hopeless romantic types.

“Yeah.” I knew I couldn’t argue her point. “I just… it’s not something I can explain. It’s just what I feel. I’m not at a point in my life where I want a relationship. I don’t need it. I don’t need a man.”

“If that’s true, then why have you been so unlike yourself lately?” she countered almost quietly, as if she was a little scared I’d get mad at her point.

I bit my lip. Looked up at her. “That’s a good question. One I don’t want to know the answer to.”

“You might want to start considering it, Hannah.”

“Why?”

“Cherry is having a meeting tonight at her house. It’s not a party, so don’t worry. She wanted me to tell you to be there. I think she has the roster.”

My heart slammed against my chest. “Okay,” I said, my pulse pounding in my neck.

“Okay,” she said, somewhat sad. “I’ll see you there then.”

I’D PREPARED FOR THIS DAY for months—the day the roster was announced for the 2015 International Roller Derby World Cup.

Cherry held a piece of paper in her hand, waving it around as if it were the golden ticket from Willy Wonka.

In some ways, it was.

It was an out for those who made it. A new beginning. A great adventure.

It was what I had my sights set on for months.

“Okay, ladies,” she said, quieting us down. “I know you want to know who’s on this list just as badly as I do.”

“So freaking read it already!” Sarabeth shouted. The others joined in, hooting and hollering at her to open the damn letter already.

Her hands shook as bad as mine did. For a brief second, I almost wanted her to stop. Wanted her to throw away the envelope, because not knowing might be better than finding out I didn’t make it.

Because, what if I didn’t make it? What if all the training I’d done was for nothing? What if all the bruises and scars were an indicator I wasn’t good enough?

What if I didn’t get the chance to go overseas?

No, Hannah. That’s not why you want this.

Then why was my stomach in my throat?

“Oh my God! I told you!” Charlotte said as the girls crowded around me, shaking my shoulders and slapping me on the back.

“Wha—?” I asked, trying to catch up with what was happening around me.

“You made it, chick! You, Cherry, and Charlotte made it onto
Team USA
!” Harley shouted in front of me.

My eyes found Cherry across the room, who was surrounded by some of the other girls. She lifted her eyebrows at me, and then the corner of her mouth perked up.

Oh, shit. I made it. I’d be going to England.

My blood ran dry.

It’s a huge country, Hannah. The possibilities of running into him are about as probable as winning the lottery. That you don’t play, I might add.

But what if I did? What would I do? Run? Say hi?

Does it matter? You’re just going to go and play. That’s all you’re focused on. If you happen to run into him, then so be it. Thank the universe for being on your side and make the most of it.