Runaway Heart (A Game of Hearts #2) (12 page)

Her hand trembled in mine as I pulled her toward the back room.

“Ye all right?” I asked, coming to a stop inside the storeroom.

“No, I’m not bloody all right,” she answered, digging into her back pocket and pulling out a crushed pack of cigarettes and a lighter. “Fecking bloody arse skank. She’ll pay for this one.”

I stepped back, giving her some room as she shook out a cigarette and, with fumbling hands, managed to light it after two tries.

I had no idea what to say to the girl. In fact, saying anything at all seemed like a bad idea, considering she looked like a stick of dynamite about to blow.

She practically vibrated in place with anger as she puffed away at her cigarette.

“Would ye like me to take ye home?” I asked, unsure what the right protocol was for an enraged female bent on something close to a complete fucking meltdown.

Her head snapped up as she advanced on me. The hand holding her cigarette jabbing the air as she said, “Oh, I bet ye’d just love that, huh? Take advantage of the situation as it is. Maybe use it for your own purposes?”

“Whoa… hey, I’m just offering ye a ride—”

“On your dick? Not feckin’ likely. Sod off.” She stormed away from me.

“Hold on a minute.” I caught up with her as she beelined for the marked exit door in the back.

“Bloody men. All the same,” she mumbled, spinning around on me. “In case ye haven’t noticed, I’m not interested.”

“Good. Me either,” I all but bellowed back.

She rolled her eyes at me.

“I’m serious. Look, I’m offering to get ye home safely. That’s all. If ye want, I can go back inside and call for a cab.” It was bitterly cold in the alleyway as the wind cut through the buildings and neatly through my shirt.

“Why?” she asked, flicking her cigarette butt to the ground and pulling her arms against her chest, shivering.

“Why? Because, like yourself, I wasn’t expecting that,” I said, jerking my thumb toward the building behind me, “and I’d rather deal with your anger than have to go back in there and be forced to watch.”

Her eyebrow hitched up as she watched me for some sort of sign I was lying. “Fine.”

“Let me get Charlie’s keys. Be right back.”

THE HEAT SEEMED TO TAKE forever to warm up. My passenger as well.

“Do ye always rescue damsels in distress?” Her question pierced the silence.

I blew out a long breath before answering. “No. Truth is, taking ye home gave me a very valid reason to leave.”

“Like ye needed a reason,” she answered, snorting.

“True. However, I do work there. Leaving mid-shift is sort of frowned upon so…” I gave a half shrug, clutching the wheel tighter in my hands. Charlie would be looking for me. He’d be pissed to have to shut the pub down on his own, which served him right for pulling a stunt like that. I’d only said I thought maybe I should find a girlfriend, not that I wanted him to round up a room full of overly excited females and set them loose on me after working them up to a frenzy.

“So, what ye’re saying is ye don’t like willing and available women?” she asked.

“What I’m saying is I don’t like to be made a fool of.”

She huffed. “On that we can agree.”

“Guy’s giving ye a proper feel up so ye know what ye’re working with doesn’t appeal to ye?” I asked, baiting her.

She turned in her seat, facing me. “I don’t need some guy’s
thing
rubbed up against my ass like I’m gonna bend over and pave the way for him.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Pave the way, eh?”

She settled back in her seat, saying, “Ye’d think the way some girls act, they’d have a sign with an arrow that says ‘stick it here’.”

“I suppose that would be helpful to those who don’t know where it goes,” I replied, trying very hard to keep my composure in check.

She snorted a very unladylike response.

“So, tell me, how is it ye managed to end up at the bar knowing about the, er, entertainment?” I asked, slowing for a red light.

“I didn’t. My sister asked me to go out. She said it was ladies’ night. Half-priced drinks.” She smirked. “And, for once, I thought she was finally reaching out to me. Trying to understand me. That she accepted me and was making the best of it.”

“And everything was appealing until…?” I prodded her along, not entirely sure what she was getting at.

“What’s your name?” she asked, throwing off my question.

“Ed. And yours?”

“Violet. And everything was appealing until the strippers showed up,” she rolled on as the light changed from red to green. “Why is it so hard to accept people for who they are?”

I had no answer for that.

“I’ll tell you why. It’s because most people want to fit everyone in a category. If they fall neatly in place, all is well. But, the minute ye’re different… when ye don’t fit into one of their categories… it all goes to pot.” She emphasized her outburst by crossing her arms with a growl.

“So what ye’re saying is ye’re different? I get that.” I nodded along, still completely ignorant as to why she was so angry.

“And my sister thinks with a little work, she can change me.” Her finger poked the air. “Ha, bloody, ha!”

“Right,” I added.

“I knew it! Ye put off a good masculine air, but ye’re like me!” She beamed in my direction.

“Wait, what?”

“It’s okay, Ed. Ye won’t get judgment from me.” Her hands twisted in her lap.

“Judgment?” My foot slipped off the accelerator.

“For being gay. I mean, of all people, ye know how it feels to be different.”

My foot hit the brake hard, sending us to a skidding stop at the side of the road. A bubble of laughter broke free from the shock.

“Violet, I’m not gay.”

“Whatever ye say, Ed,” she answered with a giggle.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO YE LAST night?” Charlie asked as soon as I walked in the back door. “Sneak off with the girl ye helped down from the bar and gave ‘er a proper shag, did ya?”

I made my way to the bar, set to ignore him as best as I could, but Charlie wasn’t one to take to subtle hints and followed me, giving me a play by play of his night.

“Will ye shut your gob, man? I don’t care to hear it,” I interrupted.

Charlie just laughed.

The night passed by in its usual calm manner.

At closing, Charlie helped me wipe down the bar one last time before we turned out the lights.

“Never took ye for a prude, Ed,” he said, tossing the bar towel over his shoulder as he stared me down.

“I’m not a prude. I just don’t find much enjoyment from some bloke’s hairy ass shaking his sausage at me,” I fired back.

He smirked. “And ye think I do?”

I untied my apron from around my waist. “Ye’re the one who set it all up.”

“Yeah, well, I was trying to get your head out your ass. It backfired on me. End of story,” he answered, slapping me on the back.

“Do me a favor… don’t come up with anymore stupid ideas, yeah?” I hit the lights, plunging us into darkness before adding, “Because if ye do, I know how to kill ye off and make it look like an accident.”

Charlie shrugged my threat off. “So, about that girl from last night,” he said hesitantly as we crossed the dark confines of the storage room. “I mean, not that ye have to tell me, but I am curious. After all, ye took off with her in my car.”

I felt a bolt of defensiveness roll through me. “And I brought it back to ye.”

“After ye took off with her. So what happened?” he tried again, pushing the back door open.

The bitter wind cut through me like a knife, even with the thick, wool jacket I wore. Winter set in hard and wasn’t going to be letting up any time soon.

I didn’t answer him until we were inside the car and out of the biting night air. “Nothing happened. She was embarrassed. I took her home. That’s it.”

“So she has a boyfriend then?” Charlie asked, making his own assumption.

The car rumbled to life as I stewed over what happened with Violet the night before. It wasn’t like she’d be upset if I told Charlie. I mean, she’d told me without worry of what I thought. But then again, she’d also thought I was gay.

“She doesn’t have a boyfriend because she isn’t into men. Are ye happy now?” I blurted.

“Well, that’s a good reason for not sleeping with her, I suppose.” Charlie slapped the steering wheel as he laughed.

“Glad I can be a source of entertainment to ye, arsehole.” I never should have said anything and left him to think what he’d like.

Violet, after I’d set her straight about my own sexual preferences, had turned out to be a really cool person. She also decided, as I pulled up to the curb of her flat, that we should be friends. I couldn’t argue with that since I was in short supply of friends. Added to the fact she kept my mind off the heaviness by keeping things light. Kind of fun considering how we’d started off on the wrong foot from the word go.

And I would never have to worry about Violet getting hurt for wanting something from me I wasn’t able to give. Maybe that was why she took to me so fast.

Whatever it was, I was glad for it.

“WE MISSED YOU AT THE party last night,” Charlotte said as we sat in a circle inside the locker room, stretching before our bout that was only an hour away.

“Yeah, that’s the second boutmas Eve you’ve missed out on. Something’s gotta give,” Harley, one of our blockers, pitched in. She had an obsession with glitter and, by obsession, I mean she looked like she got into a fight at the local craft store in the glitter aisle.

She was a walking disco ball with stellar skills on the track.

Charlotte nudged my foot with her skate. “Johnny asked about you,” she said with a small, schoolgirl gossipy sort of smile. “He’s kept to himself ever since you caught him with that girl.”

Gag me. Please.

“Yeah, Hannah. That was like months ago, and he’s still strung out. What did you do to him?” Sarabeth asked as she painted streaks of eyeliner under her eyes to resemble a rainbow.

I stiffened my voice. “Nothing.”

“Right,” Myra added from somewhere behind me. “And by nothing, you mean you used your sweet, sweet charm and lured him in like the black widow you are. “

“No,” I said through my teeth, becoming increasingly annoyed by the second. “I told him upfront I didn’t do relationships, just like I tell every other guy. He must not have listened.” I leaned forward, stretching my hamstrings by touching my toes. “Besides, he was the one who moved on, and rightfully so, because I never gave him an inkling otherwise things would be any different.”

I pulled my arm across my chest, stretching the tendons as my stomach went sour at the thought of Johnny. At the thought of men in general.

Especially at the thought of a certain someone who haunted one too many of my dreams and didn’t bother to ask for my number as we went our separate ways from Rum Cay.

Not that I would have given it to him, because I totally wouldn’t have. Most definitely not. I was a hundred percent sure had he asked, I would have said no. Besides, international call rates were too expensive for my wallet.

I snorted at my boldfaced lie.

I knew we made it clear to one another nothing would come from our time inside the tent… even though we knew we were two like-minded people who could talk for hours until we fell asleep. Who could laugh at each other’s jokes and keep up with the dry sense of humor. Who could play around without fear. Who had
amazing
chemistry between the sheets.

Wtf, Hannah. You’re drifting again. He’s just a dude. Just a guy. Nothing more.

So why was it so hard to come to terms with?

“But there were so many other
opportunities
,” Charlotte said with an extended wink, “to move on from Johnny, or better… make him jealous.”

“Okay—A. I don’t do the whole let’s-make-him-jealous kindergarten thing, and B—I just wasn’t in the mood to be on the prowl.” I switched arms as I nudged the sinking feeling away that followed me around from the moment I boarded the plane. “And Johnny is just being dramatic. We went on a date and made out a bunch. Big whoop.”

Charlotte and Cherry both gave me a sideways glance.

“What?”

“Not in the mood? Big whoop?” Cherry repeated disbelievingly.

A few of the girls on the team giggled, stirring the angry pot in my stomach.

“Hanibelle Lecter… the man-eating, ass-kicking jammer? I am on the same planet, right?” Charlotte asked, re-tying the knots on her skates. “Since when are you not looking for the next victim?”

No matter how hard I stretched, the knots in my neck and shoulders wouldn’t give. “I have a lot on my plate.” I sounded a little more defensive than I intended.

Cherry didn’t buy it. “Right. No one told you that you
had
to be on the track every night practicing. You’ve practically lived, ate, and breathed the derby life since you came back from Rum Cay… which you still haven’t dished about, I might add.”

“Yeah, we want to know all the dirty, lusty, island details,” Sarabeth said, wiggling her eyebrows. A few of the other girls egged them on by agreeing.

I didn’t like how my stomach did a flip-flop at the mention of Rum Cay. As Ed’s face, hands, and lips sent tingles to every part of my body, followed by an increasingly alarming heart plummet.

“I told you. I went, saw my best friend marry the love of her life, got delayed because of the hurricane, and then came home. Nothing exciting happened, unless you count the witch pedaling by the window on her bicycle cackling, and the large amounts of alcohol I consumed a fun time. Then, yeah, it was a blast.”

I passed Harley’s jar of goopey hair product to Cherry, who made a gag face and handed it back to Harley.

“But didn’t you say the best man was stuck there too?” Charlotte’s high-lilting voice asked as she laid into a straddle stretch. She poked her head up to look at me. “Wasn’t he like English or something?”

I wanted to bury my head in the sand. “Yeah, he was stuck too, but nothing happened. We survived and went our separate ways.”

My stomach tightened as I did my best to ignore the uncomfortable, sad feeling nestled deep in my gut. It just wouldn’t go away. No matter how hard I pushed at practice and during the tournaments. He always managed to find a way to pop into my head at some point, throwing my game completely off.

Cherry’s face screwed up in bewilderment. “Nothing happened? You mean to tell me you were stuck with an English dude and large amounts of alcohol, and nothing happened? I call bull.”

I looked away, biting back the insults that brewed on the tip of my tongue. “Look, this isn’t dissect-Hannah’s-life day, okay? I told you, not that it’s any of your business I might add, nothing happened. Leave it be. Got it?”

Cherry knowingly looked over at Charlotte. “Oh no.”

“Oh no what?” Her tone felt like hot irons were pressed against my cheeks.

Charlotte looked at me with a bright smile. “I think I know why you’ve pushed yourself so hard.”

“And why’s that?”

“Avoidance,” she said.

I pushed to stand on my skates, my voice going dry. “No, Charlotte. I’ve pushed myself because I wanted to be at my prime for the World Cup tryouts last week. Everyone knows that.”

“You were named MVP at the bout last month, Hannah. You, me, and the rest of the league knows you’re golden when it comes to making the roster,” Cherry said, swiveling back and forth on her skates.

I grunted. “No one knows that for sure. This… this is my focus right now. This is what I have in my life… all I have… and I want to be at my best.” I tied the rainbow-colored laces of the skates Maggie gave me. “It’s a rare chance I want.”

“A rare chance held in England,” Cherry muttered under her breath. “Convenient the guy ‘nothing happened with’ came from somewhere over there, and here you are, pushing yourself so hard to get there.”

My tongue twisted in all kinds of irredeemable knots. “That’s… that has nothing to do with it,” I said, my voice high and cracking. “I never gave a second’s thought to the destination. Just the career that could come with making the USA team… in a sport that
is
being considered to join the 2020 Olympics, I might add. I am kind of in that in-between, don’t-know-what-I-want-to-do-with-my-life phase right now. This is a great chance at figuring out what I want to do.”

That felt like a plausible excuse. Totally believable. I threw in my most innocent look for added measure. Just in case.

Cherry saw right through it. “Right,” she said, her smirk growing, “and I swing for men only.”

“Ha!” Charlotte laughed. “Tell that to the girl I caught you lip-locked with in my closet last night.”

“Sorry. We weren’t ready to come out of the closet yet,” Cherry said with a devilish grin. “But back to the point.” She crossed her arms. “I think,” she said in a tone that told me she was about to lay it on me, “you’re just using derby as a way to hide from Mr. England and what
didn’t
happen during your time on the island.”

Ice coursed through my veins, freezing me on the spot, but she didn’t care.

“As your Derby Wife, I’m calling it like I see it. You know I’m right. You haven’t spoken about Rum Cay and, every time someone mentions it, you get this deer-in-headlights look and change the subject. Classic avoidance technique. You broke your own rules, didn’t you?”

I just stood there. Glared at her, angry that she’d pry. Pissed off that I’d been so obvious. Hurt that she’d push me this far in front of the rest of the team.

“Are you done?” I said, not willing to take any more of her shit. “We have a championship to win and worrying about something so insignificant isn’t going to do anyone any favors.”

“So it’s like that then? Still running away from anything that has to do with the big L word?”

I rolled my eyes, and then skated off before I said or did something I’d regret.

“GEEZ, HANNAH, YOU SMEARED THAT girl all over the track,” Charlotte leaned over to whisper in my ear as Rosie Cheeks announced our championship win for the season.

Sweat dripped into my eyes, covering my entire body. I let it sting rather than wiping it away. The lead jammer for the opposing team was good, but not good enough to stand against the anger Cherry had me feeling right before the match.

Okay… maybe it wasn’t entirely because of Cherry. Maybe I was really angry for letting myself go in the tent in Rum Cay. It screwed me up. Had me all twisted with wondering what he was doing. How he was doing. Why he hadn’t tried to get in touch with me through Maggie.

Because you made it clear relationships were a no-go.

And I still believed that. Still knew deep down I was better off this way, because even with Ed being a great guy, there had to be some flaw. Some misgiving that would show itself and then ruin whatever we could have had.

Either that, or maybe I was afraid that all my misgivings would have surfaced, and then he would have ran for the hills, leaving me just as alone as I was before he walked into my life.

We made our rounds around the track, high-fiving those who wanted it, and then I beelined for the locker room, not in the mood to socialize with the opposing team.

The games… the excitement… it just wasn’t the same since I returned from Rum Cay. It wasn’t just about fun anymore. I placed a tension on it by pushing myself to make it on the roster for the World Cup. I unintentionally sucked the fun right out of it.

What the hell was wrong with me?

You suck the love out of everything.

My father’s words always found a way to work themselves into every moment of my life.

By the time I was freshly showered, my team had made it back to the locker room.

“Good game.” Cherry took a seat on the bench in front of her locker. “You always perform better when you’re channeling rage.”

“I liked how you wiped the floor with two-thirds of their team,” Sarabeth said, shucking out of her skirt.

“They’ll be out there all night cleaning up,” Harley threw in with a rich, hearty laugh.

I don’t know why I wasn’t laughing with them. I felt… I felt… nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

“I’ll be sure to bring up Mr. England during the World Cup, because we all know you’re going to make the roster,” Cherry added, just not wanting to give up on it.