Runaway Love (9 page)

“WHAT THE FUCK IS HER PROBLEM, SCOTT?” I walk over to Scott who’s drinking whiskey. He looks up at me with sad hazel eyes and shrugs his shoulders. Why is he moody and drowning his sorrows in alcohol?  I’m the only one who should be emotional!

“What can I do for you, Grace?” The weariness in his voice catches me off-guard as I sit on the bed next to him. I watch him down his drink in a big gulp before pouring even more.

“I’m here because I need to know what you want from me,” I respond, unsure of myself and my feelings. I don’t know if I’m ready to hear his response.

“What do I want from YOU? What do you want from ME?” Scott’s eyes blaze like he’s about to lose control. I don’t care. We have to settle this once and for all. Now.

I stand up and start pacing the floor. I look straight at him as I explain, again, through gritted teeth, “You left ME! You changed your last name so I couldn’t find you. I hated myself for so long because I thought you didn’t want me! You know what you did to me!” 

He stands up in an instant and places both his hands on my face to make sure I can’t look away from him. “Grace, I cried so much when I couldn’t see you. I was in England being a complete asshole. I desperately wanted to come back for you, but my contract was so fucked up at the time that I had to follow what they told me to do! I had to choose between you and my career! I obviously chose my damn career over the love of my life, and I’ve regretted that decision every day of my life! Look…” He releases his hold on me to lift up his shirt.

I gasp as my eyes settle on the left side of his chest where there’s a tattoo. It’sa drawing I drew of my name with a heart dreamcatcher. I had given him my special drawing on his seventeenth birthday, right before he left Ms. Allen’s. I had wanted to give him a piece of myself to take with him so he’d never forget what he was coming back for. I reach my hands out and trace the tattoo like I’m in a trance. I look into his eyes and see such sadness behind all the tears that are falling down his face. I can’t believe he tattooed a piece of my heart onto his body!

I kiss his lips and taste the whiskey he’s been drinking. His wet tongue enters my mouth so deeply and intensely that I start to moan from everything I’m feeling in his kiss. Scott’s assault on my mouth is rough with a little bit of passion, so different from Tony’s passionate gentle kisses. Oh no! Tony! I pull away quickly and walk away to look at myself in the mirror. I place my fingers on my lips, and Scott comes up behind me and starts kissing my neck. I feel the heat between us, the longing and desire. The need. I’ve always wanted to know how it would be to have sex with Scott, but can I really do this? Can I really betray my husband?

“We don’t have to do this, Grace. I understand that you’re married.” I lock eyes with Scott, and I can see us like this forever. If only things were different! I turn out of Scott’s arms and sit on the bed. Scott kneels in front of me and slowly unbuttons my pants as I lie back on the bed. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I need it. I need the love from Scott that I so deeply miss. He was supposed to be my savior, not Tony. Maybe it’s time for me to give Scott the chance to prove he can be everything I need… I’m so involved in the conflicted thoughts in my head that I don’t realize Scott already has my pants and shoes off until I feel him kissing my thighs.

“If you want me to stop, Grace, just say the word and I’ll stop.” Scott doesn’t wait for my reply, but continues kissing up my thigh until he realizes I don’t have any panties on. He lets out a low growl. I feel his warm tongue licking my pussy so slowly and with so much passion that I’m lost in ecstasy. I’m grinding my pussy into his face as he finds my clit and starts sucking on it. He grabs my hips to bring me closer to him. I start moaning, the pleasure is so incredible. Scott pulls away and looks up at me, licking his lips.

“Don’t stop… please…” I moan out.

“I’ve always wanted to know how you taste, and you taste so sweet. My God, you’re so fucking sweet and wet, I could be down there all day. But, I also want to explore the rest of you, baby.” My insides are screaming for his touch. Yes, this is what I’ve been missing all my life; Scott is what I’ve needed!

Scott stands up and undoes his pants while I take off my shirt and bra. I’ve never seen Scott’s cock until now, and my mouth must’ve been open too long because he gives me a hard kiss and pushes me back down on the bed. He cock is so thick that I don’t think I’ll be able to take all of him. I crawl up on the bed to make room for him as I tell him that I want him to come in me. He kisses my neck, and I feel him pushing on my entrance. He gently places my left leg on his shoulder so he can slide into me. I pull away, but he pulls me back closer.

“Don’t run, Grace. I’ve wanted to feel you over my cock for so long.” He waits until I catch my breath to start fucking me with long and deep strokes. I don’t know how many times I come, but I scream Scott’s name so loudly and often that my voice goes hoarse. Scott pounds into me like he’s going to lose me again, and I completely understand because today is going to be the last time this happens. Tears start to roll down my cheeks. I feel Scott beginning to reach his climax as his body tightens and he tells me he loves me as he comes inside me.

Scott slides out and pulls me onto his chest as I cry. Am I crying because I just cheated on Tony? Or am I crying because I finally have Scott, the man whom I’ve waited to come back and save me but never did? He changed his name, moved out of the country, and left me behind! I jump out of Scott’s arm and quickly put my clothes on before I run out the door with Scott yelling for me to come back. I run out of the bed and breakfast and down the street as quickly as I can until I spot a bar. Yes, this is what I need: a place to drink and forget everything.

I walk into a dark, dingy place that looks like a biker bar, and I find a spot in the corner at the bar. It’s smoky from cigars and smelly from unwashed flesh, but I don’t care - I need a drink. The long-haired bartender with a shit load of tattoos stands in front of me asking what I want to drink. I tell him I want the strongest drink they serve and make it a double. He nods and comes back with a strange brown liquor that’s so strong that it would burn hair on my chest if I had any. I don’t care. After the first couple swallows, I don’t feel anything, so I continue ordering more doubles until the bartender cuts me off.

“Pretty red head, do you need me to call someone to pick you up?”  I look at him and start laughing and crying like I’m a mad woman.  I hear my phone ringing in the background, but I ignore it. The bartender comes around and pulls the phone out of my pocket. I jump off the barstool and fall on the floor.

“Don’t you fucking touch me! I can handle myself! Nobody loves or cares about this fucking red head!” He helps me back on the barstool, and I cry some more. Next thing I know, Kim’s in the driver’s seat, and I’m slumped over watching her drive me back to Tony-Savior. The last thing I remember saying is, “Please tell Tony I was with you.”

I wake up the next morning with the most painful headache. I barely make it to the bathroom to throw up. Ugh, I feel like shit! I turn the shower on and drag myself under the hot spray. I need to get this vomit off me. I sit on the bench in the shower and let the water pour over my aching body. How did I get home last night? I remember Scott and a long-haired, tattooed bartender. I finally summon the energy to stand up and wash myself before the water turns cold. I go back into my bedroom and hear my phone ringing. I see Kim’s face, but I ignore her call. I just can’t handle talking to anyone right now, my head is so messed up. I jump when the door opens, and Tony walks in with water and aspirin.

“I heard you moving around up here, so I figured you probably need this. I hear you were quite the party girl last night!” Tony says this with no judgement in his voice, just loving concern. I think I love him a little bit more in this moment! Tony sets the water and aspirin on the nightstand and lies down on his side of the bed. 

“Don’t you have to be at work? Why are you home?” I question brusquely. He gives me a surprised look, and I realize I shouldn’t have used that harsh of a tone. But, it already came out of my mouth, and I can’t take it back.

“I took the day off because I’m worried about you. I’m your husband – that’s my job, baby.” Tony then takes a deep breath before he continues, “I also wanted to know what’s going on with you to make you start drinking this heavily again.”

Ugh, this whole take care of me shit! I don’t even respond to him because I’m so upset by his words. I glare at him before I get up, storm out of the room, and slam the door. I really regret slamming the door when my head begins pounding and the world spins. I somehow make it downstairs and dramatically, but gently, flop on the couch and turn the television on. I want to throw up again when I see what’s on the screen: fucking Maxine and Scott holding hands, walking into a restaurant for lunch. Scott is laughing and beaming like he and Maxine don’t have a care in the world. How can he do this to me? He made love to me last night then turned around and had a good time with another woman less than twelve hours later? Who is he?!?! I turn the TV off and throw the remote.

“YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I HATE YOU!” I scream as loudly as I can. I’m so angry, I can’t even cry. I need to drink. No, I need something else… I feel my old patterns about to start. I find my stash of sleeping pills that I hid in the back of a kitchen cupboard, and I take one or two or three before Tony comes to check on me. I lie down on the couch and cover myself with a blanket, even my head. I don’t feel like being bothered by anyone.

I wake up feeling so groggy that I have no idea where I am, what day or time it is, or even what my name is for a moment. I know I shouldn’t have taken those sleeping pills with alcohol still in my system, but I needed to get away from everyone and everything. I didn’t try to kill myself, I know that for sure; I just wanted to escape for a while. I blink several times and my surroundings finally come into focus. I’m in my bed with Tony holding me like he’s afraid he’s losing me. Is he?

This reminds me of the day when I came home to Tony’s apartment incredibly drunk and screaming in pain from the heartache Scott caused me. I had gone straight to my room without acknowledging anyone, but Tony followed me. I yelled and called him every name in the book, yet he never left me. He laid on my bed with me, pulled me close, and held me until I fell asleep. Allison had come home and seen me and Tony in my bed together. She started fussing and yelling at Tony. I remember her calling me a crazy bitch who was worthless because I was hooked on drugs and alcohol. It was true, but Tony didn’t like it one bit. She told Tony she was going to leave him if he didn’t get rid of me.

I’ll always remember Tony’s response: “That will be the best thing you can do because Grace will always come first in my life.” I cried the hardest that night. I heard Allison slam the apartment door, and Tony came back into bed with me.

Tony has always here for me, even when I was going through the darkest times. I can’t go backwards with Tony; I can’t put him through that ever again. I want both Scott and Tony in my life, but I know I can’t because Tony is my future and Scott is my past. They can’t co-exist in this world. Maybe in another life, Scott could be mine, but I somehow have to figure out how to navigate the here and now without the love of my life.

I don’t know how long I sleep, but when I wake up again, it’s morning, and Tony’s bringing me in a breakfast tray.

“Good morning, Gracie,” Tony says with a little bit of apprehension. I sit up against the headboard, relieved I’m feeling a little better than yesterday.

“Good morning. I’m sorry about yesterday.” He shakes his head and bends down and gives me a kiss on the lips.

“Don’t worry about it, baby. I know you have a lot on your mind; I just hope that you can talk to me about it. Oh, Kim has been calling like crazy, so you might want to call her soon.”  I nod and start picking at my food as I watch Tony pop in an
I Love Lucy
DVD before he leaves the room.

I feel my phone vibrate next to me. I glance at it to see it’s a text from Scott.

Scott:

I hope you’re not mad at me about the other night. Please call me to let me know that you’re okay.

I hit delete without a second thought. Really, Scott? He wants to pretend he really cares about me? Why? To soothe his conscience? Make himself feel like he tried to help me? This is bullshit, and I don’t have time for him. I need to ignore him because I don’t want to hurt Tony. I really do want to talk to Scott about this thing with Maxine, though. God, I am so fucked up! I can’t make up my fucking mind! I call Kim instead of thinking about Scott because I know she has questions, and I owe her the answers.