Running Home (21 page)

“Well
, I’m glad you are home, Carmen; let’s see what we can do to keep it that way,” he said kindly, as Carmen silently nodded her head, still looking down at the table. I could see the pain in her eyes, and I wanted to run over to her and wrap her up in my arms. But I didn’t. I sat on my side of the table and offered her a weak smile, as Derek placed a comforting hand on her back. A hint of jealousy started to overtake my thoughts as I watched Derek try and comfort the woman I loved.
I’ve got to knock this off.
We had to keep a professional side to this, and me running to her aid wouldn’t fly with the sheriff.

“So
, after reading the case, I can see why Officer Mason wanted to get you out of there. So here is the plan. We are going to need you to file all your personal information with the ladies at the front desk. I need your physical address, work address, contact numbers, things like that to keep on file.”

“I don’t
have a permanent address yet,” she stated softly. My heart about ripped out of my chest……… what did she mean by not having a permanent address? She fucking lived with me?

“She lives with me,” I blurt
ed out, staring at Carmen as tears filled her eyes.

“What are you talking abo
ut, Mason? She is staying with you?”

“She is living with me
, Sheriff,” I said meekly, realizing this wasn’t going to go over very well. Sheriff Ramsey slumped back into his chair and rubbed his hands over his eyes. I could tell he wasn’t happy with the living situation, and I prayed the relationship between Carmen and I stayed quiet now too.

“Alright
, well you are going to have to find a new place to stay. Walker, if you want to make this work, she can’t be living under your roof. Got that?”

“Yes sir, I’m s
ure we can figure something out,” I stuttered, trying to find my way back into his good graces.

“Hey
, why don’t we ask your mom if she could move into the old apartment?” Derek suggested. I didn’t want Carmen to move out, but if that would make this situation work, then so be it.

“Good thinking
, Raylon. How about you are responsible for arranging that? Is there anything else you need to share with me before we start talking logistics?” Sheriff asked, glancing back and forth between Carmen and I.

“No
sir, that is it. I have no problem moving out of Officer Mason’s house,” she commented, and my heart broke with the words she spoke. I knew it was in her best interest for things to work out, but the way she said it smashed my heart in two.

“Alright
, since that is taken care of, Carmen you are going to be responsible for checking in every other day with Officer Mason, and submitting to a drug test with Officer Raylon once a week. Is that clear? I already talked with your parole officer, and we are planning on either a phone conference or Skype every other week with myself sitting in on those. You will have to maintain your job the entire time you are on parole, and stay clean. Can you handle the simple terms, Carmen?” Sheriff Ramsey asked.

“None of it should be a problem
, sir. Thank you for your generosity and compassion to my situation. I really appreciate being able to come home and finish serving my time out where I belong,” Carmen said with elegance beyond her years. I couldn’t help but smile as she said those words. Even in these few days she really was moving forward with her life. The train wreck I had of a best friend was slowly fading away and a poised, composed, and adult version of the woman I loved emerged.

Sitting
across the table was my future. Even if it was far off in the distance, she was finally within my reach.

The meeting ended and I walked Carmen back out to the Bronco. “Did you have any problems finding the place?” I questioned as she stopped in
front of the driver’s door.

“Seriously Walker, did you forget that I grew up here too?”

“Oh yeah sorry babe,” I said with a smile.

“Don’t call me that Walker.”

A confused look came across my face.
What in the world was she talking about
? Reaching for her hand, she quickly pulled it away, taking a step back until her body pressed up against the Bronco’s door.

“Carmen
, what’s wrong?”

“We have to keep our distance
, Walker. Last night was a mistake, a stupid mistake. I’m sorry that I led you on, I really didn’t mean to. But we can’t do that; I have so much to work on in my life, and you deserve better,” she said softly.

“Carmen, last night wasn’t a mistake
, but I understand. I know you have things to work on and deal with, but I promised you wouldn’t go through them alone ever again. So we take a step back, it’s no big deal. I’m not going anywhere without you ever again, Car; you are my future, and I intend on waiting for however long it takes.”

The tears start to p
ool in her beautiful brown eyes. I know what she feels is real between us. There was no denying that we were meant for each other.

“I can wait
, Carmen, and I will wait. Once we have you fixed, then we can try again. Take all the time in the world; I’m not going anywhere,” I say to her, as she wipes the tears off her sun kissed cheeks.

“Walker
, this isn’t fair to you. I can’t tell you how long it is going to take, and you deserve more than I can ever give you. You mean more to me than anyone else in this entire planet, and I refuse to make you suffer as I try and navigate through my messed up life. Sometimes being broken isn’t a horrible thing.” She cried and climbed into the Bronco to shut the door.

“I love you
, Carmen,” I mouthed as she glanced out the window and started the truck. She offered me a weak smile, and pulled out of the parking lot. “I always will,” I said, my voice cracking as I watched her drive off down the road.

“Gone” NSYNC

Carmen

I tried to suppress the tears from rolling down my eyes as I drove back to the café. Things in my life were always complicated, and to think that someone like Walker and I working out was stupid. I wasn’t allowed my happily ever after, life for me didn’t work that way. That was one of the main reasons of leaving this little town; happily ever after didn’t exist for people like me. As much as I wanted to believe I left for something more, I know it was because of him. I want to be that perfect wife; have the two-point-five kids and the little farm. I want all of that with him, and deep down inside I always knew I could never give it to him. So I gave in to a moment of passion, lust, desire, and want. I let my heart win the battle over my head, and threw caution to the wind. Living in that moment with Walker was the best feeling in the entire world; it was everything I wanted and more. It wasn’t like when we were kids, getting drunk and doing things that best friends shouldn’t have done. Last night had everything right and wrong all wrapped up into a fiery package; that I signed, sealed, and delivered. I forget that the world isn’t sunshine and rainbows when I am with him; that nothing bad could happen to me if I let him love me. But the truth of the matter was the world is an ugly place. I need to be able to survive on my own; something that I’ve never mastered in my twenty four years of life. I wanted my best friend around, but space from it all was what I really needed.

I still had something to do at the café before it closed
, and I wanted to be the one to talk with Jenny about letting me rent the upstairs apartment. I knew staying with Walker wasn’t a great idea after our little incident last night, and having a separate living arrangement was going to be for the best.

“Hey
, Jenny?” I called as I walked in the back door of the kitchen. Hooking the keys on the rack by the door I wandered into the front of the store.

“Hey
, sweetheart, how did the meeting go?” Walker’s mom asked as she filled the front counter with more pies. I shrugged my shoulders and went over to the sink to wash my hands;
this was going to be an awkward conversation.

“Well we got
things figured out………. except one,” I paused.

“Well
, don’t leave me hanging there, missy. Tell me and grab those pies on the counter over there.” Jenny pointed behind her. My stomach turned, and heartbreaking thoughts crept through my head.

“Can I rent the upstairs apartment from you
, Jenny? I promise I won’t cause a problem,” I gushed out, gripping tightly to a fresh blueberry pie.

“Well
, first don’t murder the poor pie, and of course you can, sweetie.” I handed over the pie and leaned my body over the counter. Why couldn’t I pull my act together? “Carmen, it’s okay, I know you love him.”

My mouth dropped open and the room started to spin,
I thought I had that secret hidden!
Closing my eyes, I prayed that the room would stop moving; this was more than I could handle.

“Sit down
, Carmen,” Jenny instructed as she took my hand and led me over to a chair. “I know you love Walker; you have for years. And it’s okay to have those feelings. He has loved you the same amount of time. But sweetie, you have to do right by yourself before you can open up for a relationship. Carmen, you need to be happy before you can let someone else make you that way. Your life isn’t that big of a mess that you can’t salvage it now; look at how far you have come since you got home,” Jenny said as she held my chin in her hands. The tears silently fell down my cheeks as I sniffled to hold them back
. I thought I had all my bases covered, how can I be that transparent?

“Now dry your eyes;
you have a job and a place to stay. Walker will always be there for you, so when you are ready to pick up the pieces and move on with life he can be included. I wish nothing but the best for you and my son. You, Carmen, are worthy enough for his love; don’t shut the boy out.”

Taking a deep breath
, I looked in Jenny’s eyes. She shared the same warmth as Walker, a comforting affect that could calm even the scariest of storms.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” I said meekly.

Jenny just laughed, as we went back to loading pies.

“Well
, go get the rest from the back, and then we can clean up the kitchen. After that I can show you around your new place,” she said with a smile. I flashed a small grin back at the woman who helped me more than I could ever repay her; this is what family was all about.

We finished loading the rest of the goodies into the cases and I set out on cleaning up around the shop. It hadn’t been very busy today, so luckily it didn’t take me very long to get things picked up. Doing my best Cinderella impression while mo
pping the floor, I noticed a man walking down the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street.
That’s odd,
I thought as I squinted my eyes to gain a better look. If I hadn’t been gone for so long I would have said that looked like Carson. Laughing to myself I realized how crazy my messed up brain must have been. What in the world would Carson be doing in this rinky dink town? There was literally nothing here than the local DQ.

“What are you laughing at?” Jenny asked
, as she flipped the open sign over to closed and locked the front door.

“Nothing, apparently I did more damage to my brain then I thought.” I chuckled,
placing the mop bucket back onto the container.

“Oh
, Carmen,” Walker’s mom laughed as she shut the front lights off. I was lucky that I didn’t do any real damage during my drug binge; my body suffered but not my mind.

“You ready to check out the new place?” Jenny asked as she dangled the keys in front of her when I walked back into the kitchen. I gave her a huge smile and nodded my head. Even if I didn’t want to leave Walker’s this was the next best thing. I needed to survive on my own again, without going down the ugly road I chose earlier in life.

“Alright, this key opens the door, and this set opens the store.”

“I don’t need the store key Jenny,” I stated.

“Nonsense, Carmen. You are living right above this place, what happens if you need something from in here?” Jenny quipped, standing there with her hands on her hips. I knew she was going to force me to take them whether I wanted them or not. She wasn’t one that someone crossed; just smile and nod, then take the key.

“It still should be furnished, but you might want to grab some cleaning supplies
, since no one has lived up there since Walker.”

“Thank you, this means more
than you will ever know.” I ran into Jenny, wrapping my arms around the small woman.

“Just make sure everyone
sees that you’re worth it Carmen. You are special, and everyone needs to know that,” Jenny said firmly; she really was an amazing woman. “I’m going to get home before the husband starts invading my kitchen.” She smirked and opened the door. “Make sure you lock up, my dear!”

I couldn’t help but let a stupid grin come across my
face; this was a complete step in the right direction. I ripped off the apron and hung it on the hook by the door, rushing out the back I quickly turned to lock the kitchen door and ran over to the steps that lead to the apartment. I stood at the bottom of the staircase for a moment, glancing up at the door. This was another plus for my life, like a different option of freedom. I have never lived alone before. Between my grandparents, the stripper roommates, Cherri, and then my jail cell, I’ve never actually been responsible for my OWN space. I took that first step and ran the rest of the way to the door. My hand shook as I fought to get the key into the lock.
Come on.

“Need help with that?” A v
oice came from inches behind me.
What the hell
?

My head whipped
around at the sound of the voice. “What are you doing here Carson?” I never thought I would see him again, which was probably a good thing considering we did a ton of drugs together and he was my ‘connection’ to that world. His shaggy blonde hair was a little longer now, but his piercing green eyes were still slightly hidden from being constantly baked. Carson was typical surfer dude, not having any plans and his only goal in life was to live on the beach and feel good. I meet him at a party when I still worked for Vanity Affair. He was ‘selling’ one night and I had been looking to buy. A friendship was struck over the mutual infatuation with pills and from that point on he became my ‘dealer’, I knew he would always take care of me in that way.

“I’ve been looking for you
forever; you are a hard bitch to track down,” he slurred. Carson stood two steps below the landing; his body was rigid and tense. An eerier feeling swallowed my body; something wasn’t right with this situation. I watched as he flexed his hands at his side, the veins popping each time his hand opened and closed.

“Well
, you didn’t have to drive all the way out here just to say hi. I actually just got out of CIFW last week; spent two years locked up,” I said nervously.

My body wanted to run and my head screamed to get out of there. I weighed out the options that I had to work with. Pushing my way around him wouldn’t get me very far. Carson wasn’t an overly large man, but I had no chance of throwing my weight
and not tumbling down the stairs. My only other option would be to see if I could get inside the apartment and lock the door. I knew there was a phone inside, and I would be able to call Walker to come help. I tried to keep the panic from being shown in my eyes, as my body started to tremble and my palms were slick with sweat.

“I didn’t come to say hi
, Carmen; you left with a huge bill to pay. You know you can’t just walk away from something like that. I mean, come on you’re not stupid.” His voice was full of venom as he took another step to the top landing. This was going to be my only opportunity; this wasn’t a friendly visit.

Carson glanced around the building
, and I seized the opportunity to take a chance at getting inside. Twisting the key into the lock, I forced my body into the door and slid through the small opening, slamming the door behind me. My heart was pounding and I thought the plan was going to work.

The window of the door shattered when I slammed it shut,
sending shards of glass everywhere. I cried out as the tiny pieces pierced my skin; blood instantly started spilling down my arms.

“Really
, Carmen? Can’t we just do this the easy way?” Carson screamed as he thrust his hand through the broken window and flipped the lock, forcing his way into the small apartment.

My brain screamed run;
lock yourself in the bathroom and stay there. However, my body was in shock at the amount of blood spilling on to the floor. I couldn’t move; I was frozen in terror.

“Look what you did! All I wanted was money
, Carmen, a couple grand and I would have left. But now, I have to do things I don’t want to do; this could have gone way different.” Carson slammed the door behind him and the remaining glass from the door fell to the floor in a heap. My breathing started to labor as I panicked looking at the blood. I didn’t want to die this way. There was so much left unsaid between Walker and I that this couldn’t really be the end.

“Shit, look at this mess!” Carson growled as he started to pull the drawers open in the kitchen looking for something. I brought my arms to my chest, gently cl
utching them to the body as if I could stop the blood from flowing. Carson stormed back over with several dish towels; yanking my arms outward he began to wrap the towels around my arms tightly. The pain was unbelievable as he smashed the glass shards further into my damaged skin. “There, at least you aren’t bleeding everywhere now,” Carson exclaimed, as he ran his hands through is blonde hair.

“I can get you
money, Carson. Just give me some time,” I managed to say. The pain was taking over my body, and my mind was starting to get cloudy. I knew if I wanted to survive I needed to play his game. He wanted money and if I could make him believe I could get it for him it would buy me enough time till someone realized that something was wrong. I looked around for a clock and noticed the microwave flashed five-forty-three. Walker would be expecting me at home any time now; he would come find me. I just knew it.

“Do you think I’m stupid
, Carmen? I’m just going to let you go now looking like that?” He pointed to my arms in exasperation.

“
It’s fine, Carson; just some small cuts. I can get them cleaned up and then the mess, no one needs to know,” I begged. Carson started to pace around the small kitchen, mumbling to himself something incoherent.

He
rapidly stopped and poked his head out the door. “Let’s go,” he demanded and reached for my arm. I let out a cry when he clasped his hand around my forearm. “Fucking keep quiet, damn it; we have to get out of here.”

I kept my mouth shut
, as he drug me down the stairs and over to an old black Cadillac. “This wasn’t how it was supposed to fucking go. How can you be that stupid?”

“I can get you money
, Carson, please just let me work with you,” I pleaded through the tears.