Running on Empty (32 page)

“When I called you here, it was to help her.”

“She can’t make any decisions in the state she is in.”

“You’re completely taking advantage of her vulnerability.”

“When I called you here.”

“When I called you here.”

“When I called you here.”

I can’t believe it. He lied.

Everything that Blake has said to me was a lie. Everything I thought I felt was a lie. Everything is a lie.

Hand shaking, I reach out and throw the door open. I look right at Blake. He stares back at me, guilt radiating from his eyes. It makes me want to vomit.

“Harlow, take the girls please.” My eyes don’t leave his.

“Alex–”

“Now Harlow!” I break my glare from Blake to look at her. “Take them. They don’t need to hear this. Take them anywhere but here. We’ll talk later.”

She bows her head in defeat and closes the door as she leaves the room. Blake and I continue to watch each other. I drum my fingertips anxiously against my armoire. Not a word is spoken until we hear the front door shut.

“Alex –”

My hand shoots straight up to his face, signaling him to be quiet. “I don’t want to hear anything but the answers to my questions right now.” Once I’m confident that he isn’t going to start rambling like a bumbling fool, I lower my hand.

“Is your dad even retiring?” I watch him shift back and forth, apparently looking for an acceptable explanation. No answer.

“Blake, is your dad even retiring?” I glare at him until I get an answer.

“Eventually,” he finally manages.

Is he
serious
with this shit?

“Like now? Is that why you came back?” My heart is pounding in my chest. I’m about two seconds away from having a full blown heart attack. There’s no way my heart can beat any faster.

“No. That’s not why I came back.” Blake takes a step toward me and I automatically take a step back. “Stay right there. I don’t want you near me.”

He stops. “You’ve got to hear me out Alex. This isn’t fair.”

“
Fair
? Are you
serious
? You’ve
got
to be freakin’
kidding me.” I laugh at his audacity.

“Really, Blake, you’re right. It’s
not
fair. How
fair
do you think it is that I let you into my life, into my
heart
, only to find out nothing you’ve said has been the truth?
How fair do you think it is to give yourself
completely
to someone who was just using you to get laid? That doesn’t sound
fair
to me. But hey, at least you conquered your conquest. Right? Congratulations by the way. Would you like me to make you a t-shirt?”

Blake slams his hand on the side of my armoire. I move back until I hit the wall.

“You’ve
got
to be kidding me! You believe that? After all we’ve been through, after all we’ve shared, you honestly believe that shit?” He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. “No, I don’t think you do.”

I angrily throw my hands up in the air. “I know that I don’t believe a goddamn word that comes out of your mouth! You’ve been lying to me since the day you got here. Our whole relationship has been rebuilt on lies!”

“You want the God’s honest truth, Alex? I’ll give it to you.
I
contacted Harlow when I found out about Derek. I wanted to check on you, because no matter how upset I was, I still loved you and I wanted to make sure you were okay. From that day forward, Harlow and I stayed in touch. She would give me updates about how you were handling things. She made it sound like you were struggling, but you were getting through it. When you told me how bad it was, I had
no
idea. That’s why I was so pissed that night we discussed Derek’s death. I should have been there for you, and I wasn't. I wasn't ready to face you and I’ll never be able to take that back. That kills me.”

His eyes hold mine as he continues.

“Yes, Harlow asked me to come back. She was worried about you, Alex. She thought that if I came back here, somehow I might be able to get through to you. That you might be able to move forward in your life, learn to let go and live your life again. And even though I was obviously still upset at you...at myself, I came back. For you. To help you.”

I shake my head. “
Nope.
Not good enough, Blake. Listen, I get that you were worried about me...which makes you no different than anyone else in my life. I get that you didn’t want to come here because you didn’t want to deal with my grief. I also get that you feel some ridiculous need to
help
me. Yes, I get all of that. But know this. I’m
not
your charity case. I don’t
want
you here and I don’t
need
you here. I’ve been doing it on my own,
without
you, for a while now. So, if you don’t mind, just get the hell out of my house!”

Blake stalks toward me and, finding I have no route for escape, I stand my ground and throw my shoulders back. We both stare fiercely at each other, refusing to be the first to break. He finally lets out a defeated laugh. “So this is it, huh? This is where you push me away? This is where you just give up because you’re scared? This isn’t about the lies, is it, Alex? You want to yell at me, to
hurt
me by saying things you don’t even believe, in order to keep from getting hurt yourself. I get it. I do. But I’m not a punching bag, Alex. I love you, but I refuse to be treated like this. I’ve lived my entire life being hurt as a result of your thoughtless actions and I’m not going to do it anymore. I didn’t come back here for this.”

His statement only fuels my anger. I hit that wall behind me with the palms of my hands.

“I never asked for you to come back!
You
wanted to march in here and save me from my miserable life! Well, guess what? I can’t be saved! Get. It. Through. Your. Head.” I press my finger against my temple with each word.

Blake watches me closely, then exhales a long breath. He rakes his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. He steps closer to me and leans down to look me directly in the eyes.

“Well done, Alex. You’ve just managed to push me out of your life. I’m gone. But let me tell
you
something before I go. You want to live your life safe. You don’t want to feel anything for anyone. You don’t want to get hurt again…I understand all of that. But you can’t continue to live that way. Stop punishing yourself for something that was completely out of your control. Stop punishing your
girls
for God’s sake.”

As soon as the statement leaves his mouth, I can’t control myself. The anger finally consumes my body. I feel nothing but adrenaline as I deliver the blow to his face with my open hand.

Blake takes a step back and cups his jaw with his hand. His eyes reveal a flash of pain before they go vacant. His face is now completely void of any emotion…his walls rebuilding just as quickly as mine. After a second or two, he lets out a long breath and shakes his head in disbelief as he steps towards my door.

“Well, it’s clear you’ve made your decision. There’s nothing left for me here now. Nothing I want anyway. I’m letting you go, Alex, but for
your
sake, I really do hope you find your way back to the Alex I once knew. Because what you’re doing now, just seems like such a lonely way to live the rest of your life.”

With that said, Blake Morgan walks out of my bedroom, out of my house, and out of my life.

And I remain alone in my room.

Knowing deep down that
I just made the biggest mistake of my life
.

It’s been three weeks.

I miss Blake. I miss everything about him. I miss the way he makes me laugh, the way he holds me when I cry, the way I don’t have to pretend with him. I know the girls miss him too, especially Rylie, but they haven’t asked me about anything yet. And honestly, they’ve seen me cry enough this lifetime, so I prefer to avoid the conversation until they decide they want to have it.

Missing him definitely isn’t easy…by any means. But missing him without Harlow to make me laugh, well, that just sucks.

I’ve been attempting to avoid Harlow, which is pretty much impossible. I mean, we do work together, so for now my work days consist of walking through the front door of Prestige, mumbling a hello, darting into my office, and shutting my door. I stay in there until we have an appointment. I get into professional mode, conduct interviews with Harlow by my side, then walk back into my office and shut the door again. I’m not sure I can handle another dramatic exit from my life, so at this point I might as well be the first to cut the proverbial cord.

At least that’s my plan until one day in the early afternoon Harlow storms into my office, dramatically throwing my door open and slamming it closed. Mouth wide open, my eyes follow her as she grabs one of my office chairs, moves it in front of the door, and parks herself in it. Crossing both her arms and legs, she doesn’t say a word. She just continues to bore her eyes into mine, waiting for me to ask her what’s going on. I refuse to give her the satisfaction, so I begin to whistle as I doodle on my paper trying to look busy. When I have run out of room on my paper, I start straightening my desk. I open my drawer, still feigning a cleaning routine, only to see the note Blake left on my desk after our wonderful first exchange. My heart aches as memories play out in my mind. I shut the drawer pretending nothing’s wrong.

Like a lion to the gazelle, Harlow evidently senses my weakened defenses when I opened that damn drawer, because as it shuts, she clears her throat. “So, how long is this going to continue? How long are we ignoring Harlow? Huh? It’s been
three
weeks, Alex. Would you mind sharing with me when you’re planning on ending this stupid ass tantrum!” She uncrosses her arms and leans forward. “I’m just asking because I would
really
like to put it on my calendar. Maybe even put together a celebration.” She pauses. “With a lot of alcohol.” After another brief pause she adds, “And strippers.”

The stripper comment catches me by surprise, as I’m sure she intended, and a slight smile breaks across my face. I continue looking down, hoping she doesn’t notice. My pens are now in groups based on color.

“Alex, seriously. This is ridiculous. Talk to me.” I look at her and tilt my head as I raise my left eyebrow at her. I’m so tired of being mad. Knowing I’m about to cave, I attempt to keep my mouth in as straight of a line as possible while speaking. “What would you like to talk about? My celebration? If so, I would like to go on the record as saying that if you’re going to have strippers…get that guy Tony…remember? The one from Australia. He was hot!”

I watch her face as relief floods her features. She leans back in the chair. “Alex, I’m really sorry.”

“You should’ve told me, Harlow,” I say, placing my elbows on my desk and folding my hands underneath my chin.

“I was going to tell you, remember? But I didn’t want to upset you before Rylie’s big surprise, so I was waiting until after the party. Then I ran into
dickhead
and I decided to go off on him first. In retrospect, I should’ve probably discussed it with you first.” Her mouth moves to the side and looks down at her fingernails as she contemplates. “Yeah, that would’ve definitely been more advantageous for me in the long run.” She nods and continues her murmuring.

“Harlow! Focus!” I shout at her. I have watched her do this before; I could literally be sitting here for
days
watching her go back and forth with herself.

“Oops! Sorry. Anyway…Yes, I should’ve told you. Honestly, I didn’t know there was anything going on. I asked him here to help you as a
friend
. That’s all. I was worried about you and nothing I was doing was helping. So I figured maybe there was something
he
could do since you two were so close, for so many years. I never really expected anything to happen romantically. I just said all that stuff early on to aggravate you. Because I happen to find it very entertaining…as if you didn’t already know that. I had no idea either one of you had actual
feelings.
Hence
my slightly overdramatic reaction to all of this at Rylie’s party.” She pauses to straighten her skirt.