RUSH (Montgomery Men Book 1) (18 page)

“What’s not enough?” The distance growing between us terrified me. “I don’t know where all this is coming from.”

He stepped forward again and gripped my face with his hands. I lifted my own hands to hold his forearms.

“I care about you, Kiera,” he confessed. “I’ve felt something for you since the moment I first saw you.” His eyes scanned my face slowly before settling back on my own pair. “But now every time we’re together, all I can focus on is the fact that I truly don’t know you at all.”

I had no idea where the hell this was coming from or what I had done or said to make him feel this way. But apparently I hadn’t been as believable as I thought.

“You hold everything back from me. I watch you crawl back into that shell of yours every time your past comes up.” He still held my face. “I want to know you, all of you,” he whispered. “I want the good and bad. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t trust me with whatever makes you fearful of a future with me.”

I wanted to tell him, but I’d come too far, and I couldn’t allow that darkness to find me again. No matter what it cost me, I had to keep my past locked away.

But maybe I could give him a piece of it to satisfy his doubts.

“I met a guy in college.” I took in a shuddering breath before continuing. “He was kind, sweet, and said all the right things. I was that stupid college girl that loved the attention from an older man.”

I closed my eyes, hoping for the strength to say only what was necessary and prayed it would be enough.

“We’d dated for close to two years before he ever laid a hand on me,” I whispered. “I was stupid and I stayed. I don’t know why, maybe it was fear. But I didn’t stop him. I didn’t ask for help. I just took whatever he gave and ignored the fact that I should have run. Until one day I decided I was worth more than the way he treated me.”

“You are,” Ashton said, and I opened my eyes to find him staring back at me with such intensity. “You didn’t deserve a life like that.”

“I’d finally realized that too. It’s why I left.” I had to play this out the best I could. I intertwined the lies with only a touch of the truth because it was all I could offer. One day I hoped I could tell him everything, but today wasn’t that day.

So I continued this half-true story as my hands shook and my heart ached with each word.

“So I packed up and left without warning. My family didn’t understand because in their opinion he was the perfect man. I’d lost all of my friends by then, so I didn’t have anything. This is why I don’t talk much about my past. It’s not filled with the kind of love and support you have.” This lie burned. My father was amazing, and had he known what kind of life I’d had, he never would have allowed it to continue. Even if it meant he’d be unable to get the care he’d needed.

Ashton stepped inside and wrapped his arms around me tightly before he pushed my door closed. “I’m sorry baby,” he whispered.

His apology hurt the most. He was a good man, he truly was, and I was a liar. He deserved better than me. I knew allowing Ashton into my life was the biggest mistake I could have made. But now it was too late to walk away.

ASHTON

I SHOULD HAVE FELT BETTER
about her confession. She’d let me in, even if it was only a little, but I still felt like shit. I’d forced her to dredge up the past and its ugliness.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Why was I so back and fucking forth with this shit?

I’d never in my life been so torn over how to act, and more importantly how I should feel. The need to know about Kiera’s past took over my heart, and even though I’d tried to fight it, it ate at me until I pushed her so hard she gave in.

Now as I lay in bed with Kiera’s head resting against my chest, her light snores filling the silence, my heart ached from the knowledge of what she’d been through. I wanted more than anything to be the man that wiped away all the hate from her past. And knowing some sick fuck out there had placed his hands on her in violence only made me want to push for more information so I could find him and make him pay.

Only I wouldn’t push. Kiera had given me enough. She wanted to forget that sadness, and I vowed I’d help her do that by filling her life with so much good that those memories faded away.

It was barely daylight, and the city just outside her window was already coming to life. I could hear horns blaring and the hustle and bustle of the early morning crowd rushing off to another day at the office, but I myself had no desire to move. I wanted to stay in this moment, wrapped in Kiera’s warmth and enjoy it for as long as she allowed me to.

Combing my fingers through her silky, brown hair, I became so lost in thought that I hadn’t noticed her waking until she lifted her head and her eyes locked on mine. She still seemed so lost, like she was trapped in the memories of last night and the things we’d shared and was unsure of where to go next. We hadn’t had sex after her confession, which was an odd change of events. Normally she and I had a hard time keeping our hands off one another. Instead I took her to bed and held her close in silence. I wanted her to feel safe, and that was the only way I could make that happen at the time.

But right now, I didn’t like the look on her face. It made me feel like we were right back where we began, when she didn’t trust me.

Without another thought I flipped her over and rested my body against hers. “Don’t look at me like that,” I told her, and she frowned.

“Like what?” she asked.

“Like you don’t know what to say. Like you’re scared I feel differently about you now.” That was the last thing I wanted. “I’m sorry I pushed you, but nothing you said last night changes my feelings for you. I want you to feel free to say whatever’s on your mind at any time and not worry that it’ll push me away.” I could see the turmoil in her eyes, even though she tried to hide it.

“I shouldn’t have pushed,” I whispered as I traced her jaw with my thumb. “But I did it because of the feelings I’ve begun to develop for you.”

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed hard.

“They aren’t something I’m used to, and I’d be lying if I said they didn’t scare me,” I confessed. She needed to hear this from me, and no matter how hard it was for me to say this, I had to tell her. “I didn’t want to be that guy who fell for the girl only to find out she wasn’t having the same thoughts. And I always felt your hesitation.”

“I am,” she whispered, her lips trembling. “I do. And I’m scared too, because I told myself I’d never be vulnerable again.”

“Baby, you are and will always be safe with me,” I said, hoping she could sense my seriousness. “I’d never hurt you.”

“I know,” she attempted to reassure me, but I could see the hesitation in her eyes.

“No you don’t,” I said, and she looked back at me questioningly. “But you will, I’ll be sure of that.” I’d make her see that I was telling the truth.

When I kissed her, her lips trembled against mine. As I attempted to pull back, she threaded her fingers together behind my head and held me to her. Sensing her need for closeness, I relaxed against her and touched her carefully and with ease. I kissed away her sadness inch by inch.

I gave her all of me, and in return she did the same.

Lost in each other, we gave in to our feelings and slowly let the previous night’s events fade from our thoughts. And when we were lost in the heat of our passion, I vowed to keep her safe from anyone who dared attempt to hurt her.

She was mine. Mine to protect.

“Are you sure about this?” she asked as the car came to a stop outside my parents’ home.

“I wouldn’t have invited you if I wasn’t sure.”

She had been a ball of nerves since we left my penthouse. My mother invited us and my brothers over for dinner. Apparently Knox and Beck both felt it necessary to tell my mother about the woman I was seeing. I hadn’t intended to keep Kiera a secret, but I’d hoped I’d have more time to prepare her before introducing her to my mother. Mom can be overwhelming at times.

This was only a way for my brothers to get her off their backs. If Mom was focused on me, she was less likely worry about them and their lack of exclusive dating. I’d have to find a way to pay them back.

“What if I say something stupid?” she asked as I reached out my hand to help her from the car.

I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Sweetheart, will you stop worrying.” When she stood, I pulled her close and circled my arm around her waist. “She’ll most likely be the one saying embarrassing things. And she’ll adore you, just like I do.”

She smiled, but I could tell she was still nervous. Over the last few weeks, I had learned the signs of each one of Kiera’s moods. Right now she was without a doubt looking for the quickest exit, only I wouldn’t allow her to run.

“I want them to know you,” I assured her. “I want them to know the woman that consumes me more and more each day.”

Her face softened and she lifted her hand to cup my cheek before rising up on her tiptoes to give me a gentle kiss.

I could be sweet and loving when needed, yet a side of me also loved to take control and dominate. Kiera told me on more than one occasion how she enjoyed all aspects of my personality.

Today called for sweet.

At least right now anyway.

I led her toward the front door of the ten thousand square foot home in Brooklynn where I’d grown up. My father was one of the most in-demanded plastic surgeons in the U.S., and people from all over the country came to his successful practice. He provided for my mother, and they shared the kind of love many people spent their entire lives searching for. Their relationship was the biggest reason my mother kept pushing her sons to settle down. She wanted for us what she had with our father, and while it was annoying, I couldn’t really blame her. She was a little over-the-top at times, but she loved us.

Before I could knock, the door came open, and there stood my brother Knoxville, holding a chocolate chip cookie and wearing a big smile. The man was the biggest damn kid I knew.

“Well hell, big brother,” he said with a wide smile. “We’ve been waiting for you and this pretty lady to arrive.”

He turned his attention to Kiera and his smile widened even more. “Excuse, me, sweetheart.” He was laying it on thick to get a rise out of me. “‘Pretty’ doesn’t do you justice. I’d have to say ‘gorgeous,’ or maybe—”

I could see the gleam in his eye. “Okay, Knox,” I said in warning, and he chuckled as he lifted the cookie to his mouth and took a huge bite. Stepping around him, I led Kiera past him, but not before offering an elbow to his gut and gaining a satisfying grunt from the knucklehead.

The loud shriek from my mother as she barreled down the hall toward the entryway made Kiera jump in surprise. “Let me look at you,” she said as she took Kiera’s hands in hers. “Oh, she is a beauty,” she offered just before pulling Kiera in for an exaggerated hug.

“She’s got you married with babies on the way in her mind right now,” Knox whispered as he stepped around me and walked toward the kitchen shaking his head.

“I’m so happy you’d could join us, honey,” she cooed, releasing Kiera from her embrace. “Ashton is so quiet about his life, so when Knox told me about you, I couldn’t wait to meet you.”

“It’s really nice to meet you too,” Kiera said as my mother scurried off with my girlfriend’s arm hooked in hers. Kiera looked back over her shoulder at me, and her worried expression from only moments ago had been replaced with one of joy.

It dawned on me that my mother hadn’t even acknowledged my presence, and on any other day that may have gotten a rise out of me, but not today. She’d given my girl a reason to smile, and that was a commodity that had been scarce lately.

I joined my family in the kitchen as they welcomed Kiera into their home. My father watched in admiration as my mother treated her as if she was part of our family. Knox only grew cockier as he walked past me every chance he got humming the wedding march. A few times I caught him holding his lower back with one hand while cradling his stomach, performing his best impression of a pregnant woman.

I ignored him, but instead of making him stop, his attempts to get a rise out of me only tripled when he moved in on Kiera and began showering her with even more attention than necessary. The fucker was laying it on thick, and I wasn’t the only one that noticed. My father stood back observing in silence, finding his son’s actions quite entertaining. My mother was so wrapped up in Kiera that she seemed completely oblivious to my brother’s antics.