Rush of Innocence (Rush Series #1) (19 page)

She
studied him, trying to decipher the truth from his words. “Who’s
Tiko
Mars?” she asked.

“I
don’t know, Trinity. Look, I have to be back in court soon. I am sorry you’re
hurting, but it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

Her
heart was pounding and her breathing was rapid. Her mind was spinning. Was he
telling the truth? She didn’t think so, but she just didn’t know what he was
lying
about. Maybe Rush just didn’t know how to let her down
easy, so he said things to make himself look less culpable.

She
dropped her gaze to her hands and her lips trembled. “I don’t know what to
believe… what to trust. I’m so confused,” she whispered.

Her
father stopped and pressed a kiss to her head. “I know, sweetheart. But you
know you can trust me. You’ve got a lot of important decisions to make
soon,
and…” His voice trailed off as a thought occurred to
him. “Trinity, where’s your security detail?”

“He
wasn’t at the gallery when I left for lunch.”

His
lips thinned. “Trinity, you were just attacked. It’s important for you to wait
for security.”

“I
know, Dad.”

Arthur
leaned over his desk and buzzed Mrs. Callie’s desk. “Get me the head of my new
security team, Lance Planter.”

“Trinity,
when Lance gets here, you have him take you home. Okay?”

“Don’t
bother him. I’m only going home. I’ll get a taxi right outside the courthouse.
I’ll be fine.”

“No,
absolutely not,” her father said.

“I’ll
be fine,” she said emphatically.

“Straight
home,” her father said, as he strode out of the office.

Trinity
took a moment to wipe her face and call for the taxi before she left his
office. She waved goodbye to Mrs. Callie and headed out. As she moved back
through the courthouse halls, she struggled to rein in her emotions.
You know you can trust me
, her father
had said. But hadn’t Rush sworn to her… begged her even to trust
him
and look how that worked out. None
of it made any sense. It was almost as if there was this huge piece of a puzzle
that she didn’t have, and the truth lay somewhere in between what her father
said and what Rush had told her.

She
blinked rapidly when she stepped through the courthouse doors. The brightness
of the sun after being in the dim hall of the courthouse made her nearly blind.
She took a moment to allow her eyes time to adjust. Across the street from the
courthouse, Trinity saw a taxi idling at the curve. She glanced quickly in both
directions and moved swiftly towards it.

The
squeal of tires drew her attention. If her mind hadn’t been so preoccupied, she
might have reacted quicker. But in horrified fascination, she watched as a
black SUV bore down on her. Her mind froze, trying to understand the situation.
At the last second, she turned to jump back. Before she had an opportunity to
move more than that, the SUV hit her on her side and flung her high into the
air. She fell to the pavement with a sickening thud. The SUV didn’t stop, nor
even slowed.

Chapter 11

She was lying on a soft raft floating in the middle of a lake. The
sun beat down on her skin, yet a cool wind blew against her, causing her to
shiver. She was cold. She looked far off to the shore, wishing she wasn’t so
far away. She turned her head to find her mother lying next to her.

“Are you cold?” her mother asked.

“I am,” she replied.

“Well, hold my hand; maybe that will
help.”

She tried to unfurl her fingers to
link them with her mother’s, but they were too stiff from the cold.

“Where have you been?” she asked her
mother.

“Here.
Waiting for
you.”

“I’ve missed you,” she murmured.

“I know. I’m sorry,” her mother
replied.

“I’m scared, mom.”

“Don’t be. Things have a tendency to
work themselves out,” her mother replied with a soft smile.

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Just be strong and hold on,” her
mother replied.

“Will you stay?”

Her mother sat up and looked away.
“No.”

“Why? I don’t understand. Did I do
something wrong?” she said with tears in her eyes.

Ignoring her question, and in soft
tones, her mother said, “It’s time to head back now. You ready?”

“No! I don’t want to leave you.”

Without another word, her mother
jumped from the raft. The force of the jump shoved the float towards the
far-distant shore. She watched the surface of the water for a long time,
waiting for her mother to reappear, but she never did. Slowly and sluggishly,
she began to paddle with her arms towards the shore. But it seemed no matter
how hard she tried, she just couldn’t reach it.

She was tiring and the shore was just
too far away. Defeat settled down on her like a weight. Numbly, she slipped to
the side of the raft, and taking one last deep gulp of air, she eased into the
inky water. The weight of her body caused it to sink gradually to the bottom of
the lake. Through the shimmering water, she could see bright splotches of
light. As weariness flooded her, she closed her eyes and melted into the
peaceful abyss.

***

Her head felt as if it were filled
with cotton. Her mouth was dry and her throat was on fire. She desperately
needed something to drink. She struggled to pry her eyelids open. It took her
several minutes to get them to obey her brain’s command.

She
was lying in a room that was somewhat familiar, but wasn’t her room. She
blinked slowly, trying to get her mind to focus and comprehend what she was
seeing. She could see the television mounted on the far wall, but it was turned
off. Somewhere close by she could hear a faint beeping sound. The sound was
comforting for some reason.

She
lay perfectly still, trying to remember where she was. But the effort was just
too great. Exhaustion caused her to close her eyes and she allowed her head to
loll to the side. In the far recesses of her mind, she remembered the dream
about her mother. She’d seen her mother’s face, knew it as surely as if she’d
just seen it yesterday. Weak tears slide out from underneath her lashes.

She
swallowed and was reminded of the severe burning in her throat. If she could
only have a drink of water she’d feel so much better. She struggled to clear
the fog out of her head. With considerable effort, she fluttered her eyes back
open. She began to blink her eyes rapidly as tears filled them again. Even
through the dimness of the room, she could make out Rush’s form. He was
standing with his back to her staring out the window, his hands buried deep
within his pockets, just like the last time she’d seen him at the museum. For
reasons she didn’t quite understand, she felt vulnerable and weak. She tried to
force the tears to stop, but it was almost as if she had no control over them.

She
ran her eyes hungrily over his form and wanted more than anything to be free to
go to him and wrap her arms around him. It finally dawned on her where she was
and why it seemed so familiar. Her heart seized in her chest. The last time
she’d been in the hospital, he’d broken up with her. The next thought that
chased through her mind was about being pregnant. Was that why she was here?
Had she lost the baby? With her chest heaving, she slid her hands down clumsily
to her lower stomach. She whimpered against the pain of loss.
First Rush, now the baby.
She didn’t know if she could
endure it.

Her
painful keening must have alerted Rush that she was awake. He moved to the bed
and gripped her icy fingers within his own.

With
tears sliding down her face, she begged him. “No… Please no…”

He
carefully crawled onto the bed with her and wrapped her in his massive arms and
held her. He kissed her head over and over. “It’s okay. The baby is fine. The
baby is fine and you will be also,” he murmured.

The
relief of his words only made her cry
harder. He ran his
hands soothingly up and down her spine and just held her. She eventually cried
herself out and exhaustion once again claimed her. In the comfort of his warm
embrace, she drifted back into the healing powers of sleep.

The
next time she woke, without opening her eyes, she inhaled his familiar scent
first,
then
felt the warmth of his body. She snuggled
into him, afraid to open her eyes in case it was a dream. She felt the brush of
his lips against her temple. She blinked her eyes open and froze as she
remembered his words,
the baby is fine
.
He knew about the baby. She tensed in his arms.

“Hey,”
he said quietly, apparently not wanting to disturb the quietness of the room.

She
swallowed and the familiar burn made her groan.

“What
can I do?” he asked.

“Water,”
she croaked.

He
started to rise, but she clutched his arms as her chest began to rise and fall
in rapid succession. “Please don’t go,” she begged him with her raspy voice.

He
pressed his lips against her head once more and she felt him shudder against
her. “Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m just getting you some water, okay?”

He
didn’t move until she gave a quick jerk of her head. He gently untangled
himself from her and stood, stretching the broad muscles of his back. Her heart
fluttered at what his knowing about the baby could mean. He poured water into a
cup with a straw and brought it to her. She placed the straw between her
parched lips and groaned against the fire in her throat. The effort of drawing
the water into her mouth seemed to ebb her strength, and she dropped her head
back down. She was just so tired.

He
sat in a chair next to the bed and retrieved her hands within his once more. He
stared into her eyes and smiled tenderly. Her chest burned with intense
emotion.

“Why
am I here?” she rasped.

“You
were hit while crossing the street. Don’t you remember?” he asked softly.

“No.”

He
brushed his knuckles against her cheek and her eyes once again filled with
tears. He’d been tender like this before… right before he walked away, leaving
Radcliff to scrape up the pieces and drive her home. She slowly rolled from her
side to her back, her entire body groaning in agony. She removed her hands from
his and immediately felt cold again. Her fingers began to tremble and she
clutched at the blanket covering her lower body.

“How
did you find out?” she asked.

He
rubbed a tired hand across the strained lines on his face. “I told the nurse I
was your husband. It was the only way they’d let me in here. The… uh, nurse
told me not to worry, that the baby was fine. You can only imagine my
surprise,” he said, his eyes fraught with accusation.

“I’m
sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t know how to tell you. We’d already broken up
and… I… I was afraid.”

“When
did you find out?” he asked.

“The night of the ball.”

“Why
didn’t you tell me yesterday at the museum? I could have protected you,” he demanded.

“I
don’t understand… how could you protect me?”

He
stared intently into her eyes with his jaw clenched, obviously at war within
himself. Stiffly, he rose from the chair and moved to stand as he had been when
she’d first wakened. He rubbed a hand against his neck.

“The
hit-and-run wasn’t an accident.”

She
lifted a hand to her quivering lips. “Why is someone doing this to me?” she
whimpered.

He
didn’t answer for such a long time, she was afraid he wasn’t going to. When he
did, his question was so far removed from the conversation, she struggled to
answer it.

“Have
you decided what you’re going to do about the baby?” he asked quietly.

“Do,”
she choked out, afraid of where he was going with this.

Again
he hesitated. “Are you… planning on keeping the baby?”

She
swallowed against his words and this time welcomed the lesser of the two pains,
the greater being the huge hole in her chest. “Please don’t take my baby from
me,” she begged raggedly.

He
jerked his head in her direction. “I wouldn’t take the baby from you. What kind
of monster do you think I am?”
 
He
laughed bitterly at himself. “I guess I know the answer to that.” He paused
before asking, “So, you’re not going to… get rid… of it,” he asked gingerly.

“No,”
she choked
out,
horrified that he’d even suggested it.

He
inhaled deeply, and with an intense straightening of his shoulders, he returned
to the chair he’d recently vacated. He reached for one of her hands and held it
once more between his own. “Promise me one thing, I beg you,” he beseeched her.

She
stared into his near desperate eyes.
“If I can.”

“No
matter what happens… please don’t keep my child from me.”

She
studied his face trying to understand his words, which were as ever, confusing.
“I won’t,” she promised.

He
exhaled and closed his eyes as pain washed over his face. With slow, gentle
movements, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers. He lingered only
briefly before pulling back. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Try to get some
sleep,” he said as he tucked her hair behind her ears.

She
stared at him for a long while. “Will you stay?” she asked, already knowing the
answer.

He
stared back just as intently, and his lips trembled slightly before he clenched
his jaw to stem it. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Her
chest felt hollow and on fire. She struggled against the pain of having this
particular Band-Aid ripped off the wound yet again. She guessed in some far-off
fantasy world, she’d hoped maybe he’d want to be a family with her and the
baby. But would she really want him that way? While she’d like to lie to
herself and say no, she knew she’d take him anyway she could get him. She
swallowed painfully again and slowly withdrew her hands from his.

Raising
her eyes to the ceiling, she whispered, “Rush, I really need you to leave now.
I need for you to leave and don’t come back. I won’t keep the baby from you,
but we’ll set up something through an attorney. I… I can’t have contact with
you. It… hurts too much. Promise me you won’t try to contact me again.”

She
stared straight ahead with unseeing eyes. After a few minutes, he leaned
forward and brushed a lingering kiss against her head. He patted her clenched
hands and whispered in reply, “Goodbye, Trinity,” before walking soundlessly
out the door.

At
his departure, she curled into a ball and stared dry-eyed at his recently
vacated seat.
Well, it’s just you and me
,
she thought to the little speck inside her belly. Tears trickled down her
cheeks. This time, she didn’t try to stop them.

***

The entire right side of her body was
covered in massive bruising. She ached from head to toe, but her baby was alive
and that was all that mattered. Her father insisted she have constant security
as she’d been attacked twice and vandalized just as many times. She didn’t argue
,
it wasn’t just about her anymore.

It’d
been two weeks since Rush had walked out of the hospital, and as she’d asked,
he’d made no attempt to contact her. She missed him. Missed what they’d had for
such a brief point in time. She wished he’d have told her what the problem
really was, but he’d always been so evasive. And now she was having a baby. Her
father talked to her continuously about getting rid of the ‘problem’ and now
she didn’t even argue with him, she just ignored his snide comments.

The
doctor had finally cleared her to go back to work and she went gladly. She was
thankful Gavin had not re-distributed her projects, so she had plenty to keep
her busy. She knew she needed to begin looking for her own apartment, but
everything seemed so hard and she was always so tired.