Ryker (25 page)

“I kept getting into trouble, so they sent me to a camp here. It was supposed to help troubled teens.”

“Oh. Do you still have family in North Carolina?”

“I have no idea. Maybe. Doesn’t really matter, does it?”

I totally disagreed, but I remained silent.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you think it matters, but it doesn’t. Okay?”

“Okay.” My voice was meek.

“When are you going to get it? How many times do I have to tell you that I lost everything that day? Maybe you don’t understand me at all. Maybe we don’t understand each other.”

I was about to tell him I did understand and that I was sorry when he said, “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”

He peeled off his shirt and shorts and looked beyond edible, but he didn’t seem to want to be with me anymore.

“Do you want me to leave?” I asked.

“That’s your choice. If you want to crash here, that’s fine.”

Tears threatened, and my hands clenched. “Crash here?”

He got in bed. “Yeah, ya know, so you don’t have to drive home. You’re welcome to stay.”

“Ryker, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.”

He turned over and punched his pillow. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help.”

“You said you needed me.” My mind whirled with what he was insinuating. Did he not want me anymore? Had I crossed a line?

His eyes closed, and his breathing picked up. “I’ve done fine on my own.”

On his own? What the hell? “Well, guess what? You’re not on your own anymore. You have me. If you want to shut me out, fine, but I’m not going to stop caring. I love you, Ryker, and the sooner you realize what that means, the better it will be for both of us, especially you.”

The sheets moved as I got off his bed. He turned to look at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes. Part of me wanted to slap him, and part of me wanted to hug him.

I opened his bedroom door. “You want to protect yourself, and I get that, but I need to protect myself too. I’ll leave now. Let me know when you’re ready to acknowledge what we are and that we’re in this together.”

The door closed behind me, and I exhaled. My composure returned. I made my way downstairs and grabbed my purse. The air had cooled off. Aside from the crickets, it was silent. I unlocked my car.

I felt as if I was on auto-pilot as I navigated the darkened streets. My mind was reeling. What the hell happened? No, that was a stupid question. I knew exactly what had happened—I happened.

I pulled into the lot of our apartment building. I couldn’t wait to get inside. My bed was calling me. I just wanted to curl up, fall asleep, and forget what had happened. My apartment was dark and felt very empty.

Once my feet landed on my bedroom carpet, I flipped on the light. I sighed, grabbed my pajamas out of the drawer, and got ready to end that day. The sheets were cool, and my hand involuntarily went to the other side of the bed. The sadness I felt for what Ryker had been through was immense, but I couldn’t let him think he could discard me. Leaving him was the hardest and smartest thing I’d done.

Coffee. I smelled coffee. Was I dreaming? I opened my eyes and saw Ryker sitting in the chair next to me.

“What are you doing here? You scared me!” My hand went to my chest as I gasped. I also wondered how he’d gotten into my apartment. My eyes adjusted to the light peeking through my blinds, and I saw that his face was sad. “What’s wrong?”

He climbed into bed behind me. “I’m an ass.”

“No, you’re not."

"I am. You were trying to be there for me, and I pushed you away. I let you leave."

“For almost ten years, you’ve carried around this secret. You’ve dealt with pain and loss all on your own. Your family left you and hurt you. But I’m not leaving you. I won't hurt you.”

He kissed my shoulder. His body warmed mine. “I know, and I don’t want to shut you out. I don’t want to lose you. When you left, all I could think about was you. I’m terrified that I’ll lose you too. Can you understand that? Everyone I love, I lose.” He kissed my shoulder again. “Please look at me, Faith.”

I turned and faced him.

He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know you won’t hurt me. I’m not used to having you yet, but I want to get used to it. Will you let me?”

My eyes met his, and I saw hope in them. “Of course I’ll let you. What I won’t let you do is try to break me. Since I’ve met you, I’ve felt every emotion known to woman-kind. I’d like to focus on the happiness for a change.”

He licked his lips. “I promise to make you happy.” He kissed my neck. “To make you smile.” His lips were next to my ear. “To make you orgasm every day of your life.”

I bit my lip. “You promise?”

“Yeah, Dude, I promise.” He covered my body.

“Ryker?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t call me Dude.”

“That I can’t promise.” He laughed. “Let’s work on those orgasms, shall we?”

We made love for the rest of the morning, and he stayed true to his word. I decided to make him breakfast while he showered. I was going to join him, but at the rate we’d been going, I needed a nap, and I had only been awake for a few hours.

There was a knock on the door. I was surprised someone was visiting us that early, and I opened the door and was shocked to see Tyf and Max outside. Before I could ask Tyf why she’d knocked and didn’t just use her key Max pulled me into a hug.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yes, why?”

“Why? Ryker woke us up at three a.m. asking Tyf for a key to her apartment. Never mind that I was asleep and totally disoriented, but I didn’t know you’d left. I almost came with him.”

That’s why she didn’t have her key.
“I’m sorry he woke you guys. We had a misunderstanding.” Tyf rubbed Max’s arm. “Honey, it’s fine. She looks happy.” She walked by me and tossed her purse on the sofa. “Is that coffee?”

“Yeah. Help yourself. I was just making breakfast.”

Ryker walked out of my room whistling. “Hey, Max, Tyf. Sorry about last night.”

Max grumbled something incomprehensible, and Tyf smiled. They sat at the table while I finished scrambling eggs and making toast. Tyf poured coffee for everyone, and we ate. It was peaceful. I loved peaceful.

Ryker set down his fork. “I need to tell you guys something.” He stood and wiped his hands on his shorts.

I could tell he was on edge. He was making me nervous.

“What’s up, man? Are you okay?” Max asked.

“Yeah. No. I’m trying to be. Faith is helping me.”

“You’re making me nervous. Are you sick?”

“I’m not sick. I have a story to tell you. I should have told you already, Max, but I didn’t feel as if I could. Like I said, Faith is helping me realize that just because we aren’t blood doesn’t mean we aren’t family. You
are
my family.” Ryker sat back down and took a sip of his coffee. “I lived in North Carolina before I moved here. I want to tell you the reason I left. Max, you know I lived in foster homes. This is why.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I had a little brother. His name was Jimmy...”

As he told the story, Tyf and I listened with tears in our eyes. Max wasn’t far behind us.

Max’s fingers were woven together, and his hands rested on the table. “I’m sorry, Ry. I don’t know what to say. I wish you would have told me sooner, but I understand why you didn’t.” Max sniffled and looked straight into Ryker’s eyes.

Ryker shrugged. “I didn’t understand it myself. I still don’t. Faith is helping me realize it was an accident, but Jimmy was the best part of my family. He looked up to me. He needed me, and I let him down. Nothing has compared to losing Jimmy.” He looked at Max. “You’re the closest thing I have to family.” He took my hand and kissed my palm. “You and Faith, you’re all I have left. What if you looked at me differently because of this, and I lost all of you? I couldn’t take that chance.”

Tyf rose and hugged Ryker. “I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I’m even sorrier for the years you struggled with this alone. We may not be the best of friends yet, but I’m here for you too. You’re a strong man. Try to remember that.” She sat on Max’s lap.

Ryker’s expression made me realize that he was finally coming to terms with what had happened on that horrid day. Should he have watched his brother instead of screwing around? Yes. But he was starting to understand that he didn’t deserve to punish himself by not letting others get close to him. He had begun to understand that he wasn’t alone.

“I need a smoke. Faith, will you come with me?” He held out his hand, which I happily took.

We walked outside, and Ryker lit a cigarette and blew out a long stream of gray smoke. The air was still. No one was outside. I saw bright, beautiful flowers along the walk. The sun was shining, and it was peaceful.

Ryker turned to me. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t do anything. That was all you in there. I had no idea you were going to tell them everything.”

He flicked his half-smoked cigarette into the parking lot. “That
was
you in there. It was us. You make me feel like I can conquer anything.” His hands reached for mine, and he placed them on his chest. “Feel that?”

I smiled. “Your heart?”

“Yeah. It beats because of you. Faith, you’re my composer. You make the beats stronger, you give them purpose; you give me purpose. I want you by my side as we write the best love song, our song. We’re not ready to get engaged yet, but I promise that you’re the only one for me. I love you.”

My eyes widened. “I promise you’re the only one for me too. You’ve always been the only one.” My hands traveled up his chest to tangle in his hair. The man who had driven me crazy for so many years loved me, and I loved him. I pulled his head toward mine and kissed him. “There, sealed with a kiss.” I giggled.

His hand disappeared into his pocket and pulled out a string of some sort. I looked at what he was presenting to me.

“Jimmy loved the arcade,” he said. “He always wanted money to play the claw game. I didn’t want to tell him hardly anyone ever won. He was so determined, and who was I to argue? He finally won this plastic shark tooth necklace.” Ryker laughed at the memory. “I must have given him close to fifty bucks over the years for that game. I could have bought him twenty of these with that money, but when Jimmy finally won, to see his face light up was priceless. He wore this every day.

“When Jimmy died, the hospital gave me his belongings. I knew my mom would take them, but I needed something of his. I saw this and took it out before anyone noticed. I know it isn’t an expensive piece of jewelry, but will you take this as a promise from me? A promise that I won’t bail on you. I’ll talk to you about everything, and every time I say ‘I’m sorry,’ I’ll do my best to make sure I don’t make the same mistake again.”

My body trembled as he clasped the necklace around my neck. “This is better than anything you could have bought me. I’ll cherish it and you forever.”

Before I knew it, he was devouring me. I felt every ounce of love he had for me. I needed him. No, I
wanted
him. My hands crept up his shirt and stroked the toned muscles I loved. I grabbed the soft cotton and pulled it off of him.

My breathing became ragged as my body throbbed. “Ryker… those daily orgasms you promised?”

“Yeah?”

I licked his neck. “They come in multiples, right?”

“You better believe they do.” He grabbed my waist and lifted me as my legs wrapped around him. He carried me into my apartment and toward my room.

“Where have you guys…” Max must have noticed where we were headed because he didn’t finish his thought.

As my head lowered into Ryker’s shoulder, he said, “Round two. We’ll be back.”

I was finally getting my shit together. Faith was helping me understand I deserved to be happy. I honestly believed she knew me better than I knew myself. That was why I needed to make sure I made her that promise. The look on her face when I gave her Jimmy’s necklace was better than sex. Yes, better than sex.

I lay next to her and looked at her. She didn’t realize I was staring at her. I was in awe of her. How could the woman who I’d tried to make hate me love me?

She snickered and said, “I see you looking at me.”

I tickled her sides. She brought her knees up and squirmed, so I straddled her thighs to keep her still. My lips involuntarily made their way to hers.