Ryker (29 page)

“Well, go ahead,” I said. “Spit it out so I can get back to my friends.”
Yes, you bitch, I have friends and a life, no thanks to you.

To say she was squirming would be an understatement. She still wasn’t explaining herself, though. I had had enough.

I started to get up when she blurted, “When your dad died, he wasn’t alone in the car.”

I sat back down. “Okay. So?” It was like pulling fucking teeth.

“My sister was in the car with him. You were only two years old, so I don’t expect you to remember her.”

“So my aunt was in the car with my dad. Why?”

She shook her head and rubbed her temples. “My sister wasn’t your aunt.”

I’d entered the Twilight Zone. “Your sister wasn’t my aunt?”

“No. That’s what I’m trying to explain.”

“Well, you’re doing a pretty shitty job of that. Just blurt it out already!” I sensed the other customers’ eyes on me, but I really didn’t care.

“Maybe I should start from the beginning.”

I ran my hand through my hair. “Just tell me what the fuck you’re talking about!”

“Ryker!” Faith’s hand went between my shoulder blades.

“No, Faith. I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about.” I looked at my mom. “Go on. Explain.”

“Okay. This is very difficult for me, so please just let me say what I need to. Then you can decide what comes next.”

I nodded and waved in a “go ahead, the floor is yours” motion. I laced my hand with Faith’s.

“Like I was saying, you were two when your father got into that horrible car accident, and my sister was with him.”

“The sister who wasn’t my aunt. Was she adopted or something?”

“No. She wasn’t your aunt. She was your mother. I’m your aunt.”

My chest tightened. “What?”

“You were too young to go to the hospital to see them, so I watched you. She didn’t go as quickly as your dad. She fought to stay alive, probably for you. She was my older sister, and I miss her every day. You have to understand what a horrible time that was. My brother-in-law, and then my sister.” She wiped her eyes with a napkin. “When she passed away, their will named me your guardian. I intended to tell you that when you were old enough, but you kept calling me mom. I didn’t have the heart to tell you I wasn’t. Then I married Royce, and we had Jimmy, and you became a challenging teenager.” She slowly shook her head before looking at me. “I’m really sorry, Ryker, but when Jimmy died, I blamed you. I just couldn’t cope with the fact that I’d lost my son.”

“So you gave me up?” I said. “I thought you were my mother! I’ve been living all these years thinking my mom gave me up, but she didn’t.” That was when it hit me. “That means Jimmy wasn’t my brother. He was my cousin. Oh my God! How could you be so heartless? How could you lie to me, and to him, for all those years? What kind of person does that?” Tears were streaming out of her eyes, but I didn’t give two fucks. I stood, and so did Faith. “Where is she? Where’s my mom?”

“She’s with your dad.”

I shook my head. “No, she isn’t. I visit him when I visit Jimmy. She isn’t there. Her name isn’t on the stone.”

She wiped her eyes again. “She’s on the other side. Your father wanted your mom buried with him, but it’s a family plot. So we had her name engraved on the other side of the stone. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Are you kidding me? This isn’t something you can be sorry for, and believe me, I know what it feels like to be sorry. You told me a lie.” I let go of Faith’s hand and leaned on the table. “You were my mom, that’s how I thought of you, how I still think of you, and you let me go. I lost Jimmy too, and my heart breaks every day; he was my brother regardless of blood. My soul carries the burden of his death and you allowed me to do that all on my own. I just wish you would have told me the truth; maybe that would have helped me understand how you could have let me go so easily. When I think of the hell I’ve gone through for years, and have finally been able to talk about and begin to heal- and now I find this out!” Faith put her hand on mine. My heart was racing, and my brain was on overload. “I don’t know if I can forgive you for this.” I stood and Faith followed.

She nodded and looked at Faith. “It was nice meeting you, Faith. I’m happy that he has you.”

I practically dragged Faith through the crowded restaurant and led her outside. I dropped her hand and grabbed my cigarettes. I lit one and leaned against the building.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I could help you.” Her voice was like an angel’s.

“Yeah, I’m sorry too. You being here helps me.”

Faith touched my shoulder. “I’m so stunned and I can’t imagine how you are feeling. When I think about how many people she’s lost, it’s really sad. But, she could have handled it differently. How could someone do that?”

I shrugged. “Who the fuck knows? All I know is that woman isn’t who I thought she was, and I’m not sure how to process that. What kills me is I never even mourned my mom. What must she think of me? I’ve visited my dad, but never her, and she was right there. Holy shit, Faith.” My cigarette burned down to the filter, so I pitched it.

“Your mom knows you were deceived. Remember when we were on the beach and I was looking at the sky?”

“Yeah.”

“I said that the stars had seen everything?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, your mom is one of those stars,” Faith said. “She knows what you’ve been through. She loved you and fought in that hospital bed for you. This was an injustice to her too.”

Faith was right. “Let’s get back inside.” I opened the door as my mom, or I guess my aunt, was walking out.

When she saw me, she stopped. “Good luck with your band. I saw your picture on a flyer at the store. You were always a wonderful musician. I’m glad you stuck with it.”

Does she want me to reply? Well, too bad.

“Jimmy…”

My blood boiled. “What about him?”

She exhaled and began to cry. “He loved you very much. Sometimes I think he loved you the most out of all of us. You
are
his brother, Ryker. Maybe not by blood, but my son looked up to you. I’m sorry for calling you a killer. You didn’t kill him.” A soft sob escaped her. “You should’ve watched him more closely, but it wasn’t all your fault. When we all used to go to the beach, Jimmy would kick the ball by the water all the time, and Royce and I let him. He loved that water. It really only takes a minute. You were a kid too, and… I’m just sorry. I reacted out of pure grief. When your mom and dad added me to their will, I promised to care for you as my own, and I didn’t. Not only did I let them down, I let you down. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but I do forgive you.” Her lips pressed into a small smile as she nodded at Faith. “Love him. He deserves it.”

We watched her walk away.

Faith tightened her grip on me. “Ryker?”

My girl’s eyes were sad, but all I could do was shrug. “Let’s go back in.”

Max and Tyf had ordered for us, so when we came back, we had steaks already. I cut into it and started eating. My mind was reeling. I noticed Jake, Tim and Michael hadn’t said a word, and weren’t really paying attention to us.

I looked at Faith, who was just picking at her food. “Please eat.”

“What happened? Do you want to talk about it?” Max’s tone was laced with concern.

Faith didn’t say anything.

“Yeah. The woman I thought was my mom was really my aunt. Apparently, my mom died after my dad, and since I was living with my aunt and she had legal guardianship over me, she decided not to tell me the truth. Which means Jimmy wasn’t my brother. He was my cousin.”

Tyf put her hand on mine, which surprised me. “Your mom didn’t give you up. That’s what you need to focus on. She’d be so proud of you, Ryker. I just know it.”

“I agree.” Faith leaned over and kissed me.

I’d had enough of talking about the past and my aunt. “We all set for tomorrow night?”

They caught my not-so-subtle hint to change the subject.

Max nodded. “Yup. We’re good to go. We go on at eight, and Blanco Diablo will be on at ten.”

“I’m so happy for you guys!” Faith said. “Just think—the guy who made me mud pies, wore pretty feather boas, and put me to shame when it came to hula hooping is the lead guitarist for the hot band Raging Urge!”

He tossed a fry at Faith, and we all laughed.

“Aww, my man wore a feather boa? How pretty you must have been.” Tyf batted her eyes at him.

Max snickered. “Fine, you all laugh, but I had to deal with Faith being all gaga over this dickhead.” He pointed at me.

I laughed, and Max’s fry made its way back to him, courtesy of Faith.

Faith said in her best pouty voice, “I was not gaga. I just thought he was cute.”

Silence. We all stared at her.

Max let out a loud, “Ha!”

We all started laughing again, including Faith. That was what I needed, they were what I needed, and they knew that.

“I love you guys,” I said. “Thanks for having my back. It means a lot. More than you’ll ever know.”

Faith leaned over and whispered, “I love you more every day.”

After we finished eating, we paid the tab and went back to the hotel. Faith and I got ready for bed. Seeing her crawl in next to me filled my heart with a love I’d never known.

Her head rested on my shoulder. “I was so proud of you tonight.”

As I stroked her hair, I asked, “Why?”

“Because you could have really lost it with your mom or aunt, and you didn’t. That says a lot about you. Do you want to talk about it?” I wasn’t sure what to call her; the entire situation is heartbreaking.

“I don’t know what to even think. I’m so confused. My entire life has been a lie. Who knows how different things would have been if she’d told me all of that years ago. Even if she’d waited until I was thirteen or whatever. I wasn’t a trouble maker. I just enjoyed pushing boundaries. I felt like she ignored me, so I tried to get a reaction.” I shrugged. “Just makes me sad.”

“You do enjoy pushing boundaries. Look at us. You always try to get a rise out of me. Max never understood why, and it confused the hell out of me too.”

“I think I just wanted you to tell me that you loved me, and I was scared you never would, so I pushed you away. I needed to control that, I guess. My mom—I mean, my aunt—never told me that.”

“Well, I plan on telling you I love you until I can’t anymore. So you don’t ever need to worry about not hearing those words from me.” Faith yawned.

“Thank you, Faith.”

Her breathing became even, and I could tell she had fallen asleep. My mind was going a mile a minute. I thought about Jimmy. What would he have thought if he’d known I wasn’t his brother? I smiled. Nothing. He would have thought nothing of it, because he was my little man and I loved him.

Walking into the club to play before Blanco Diablo was a dream come true. Their bus was parked outside, and I couldn’t help but wonder if that would be us someday. I thought about Faith. Would she want to tour with us? No way in hell would I leave her. She was my rock, and I needed her.

The bar was getting packed as we set up our gear. Max did his fine tuning, and I banged away on my drums. Faith and Tyf were at a table in front of the stage, perfectly positioned so we could see them. Faith’s smile was so genuine, just like the rest of her.

Mark, the owner of the bar, came to the stage and introduced us. The crowd clapped, but they didn’t have the same excitement as our hometown crowd. We played our first song, which was one of our newer ones, and everyone started to warm up to us. By the time we were done, we were getting the whistles and applause we were used to.

All of a sudden, the volume of the cheering increased. When I looked up, I saw Jamie Ray, the lead singer from Blanco Diablo, walking in. He sat with another guy and watched us. We hadn’t planned on playing any more songs, but Max turned to us.

He said, “Okay, guys, let’s do this. Show them what you got, and play your heart out.

“I’d like to present the members of Raging Urge. On bass, Jake Benson.”

Jake played notes that were low and downright sultry, making the girls scream as he leaned back to support his bass with his hips.

“On keyboards, Tim McDonald.”

The crowd cheered, and Tim showed his skills up and down the board.

“On drums, Ryker Jeffries.”

Faith’s screams resounded over everything else. I winked at her and went into my jam.

“I’m Max Morrison, and we’re Raging Urge. Thanks for coming out tonight. Up next is Blanco Diablo. Thanks for having us, guys.” Max bent to pick up his beer and raised it toward Jamie. He was the best front man and PR our band could have.

Tim and I made our way through the crowd, and some people, mostly women, asked for our autographs. That was cool, but I wanted to get to Faith. When we reached our table, she gave me a hug.

“You guys were awesome! Did you hear the crowd go nuts? Just amazing, Ryker, that’s what you are. Purely amazing.” She kissed me hard.

If the women in the bar hadn’t know I was taken, they sure as shit knew now. That was fine by me.

We stayed and listened to Blanco Diablo. They were fantastic, as always. Being able to play with them was so great. After they were done, we thanked them. Their manager told us that they would be in touch because they wanted us to open for them again someday. Max about shit his pants. Out of the four of us, he was their biggest fan.