Ryker (4 page)

He glanced at Faith’s house, which made my eyes look that way too. It was dark except for the porch light. I wondered if she was okay. I wished I could text her, but Max had given me her number for emergencies only. To me, this qualified as one; to her, it wouldn’t.

Max shut the door, and I sat there thinking about what he’d said. I needed to apologize to Faith, that much I knew. My radio blasted as I pulled away for a drive instead of going home. I took the winding road to Durand Beach. I hated the water and the power it possessed, but I was always drawn there like a magnet. Maybe it was because the voices in my head told me to face my fears, or because I wanted to punish myself. Whatever the reason, I needed to be there no matter how much it tore at my soul.

It was still warm out, and the breeze off the lake was welcomed. As I walked to my spot, my brain was on overload. How could I fix everything that had happened? I knew that my past was fucked up, and that it couldn’t be repaired. Some people are meant to go through life alone, and I was one of those people.

I stopped walking once I got to the large rock at the dunes. I slid down, grabbed my knees and brought them close to my chest in an effort to pull myself together. It felt as if my life was crumbling around me, and I needed to decide what to do. I stared at the water. It held such power. I’d felt that first hand when I was a kid, and it wasn’t something to be forgotten or fucked with. I lit a smoke and took a long drag as I looked to the heavens. A tear left my eye as the smoke disappeared—just like everything else in my life.

“So innocent.” With my eyes closed, I thought about everything that had transpired earlier. What was it about Faith? Was it her full lips, tight little body, quick wit, or a combination of them that drew me in? As I pictured her smiling, my smile grew. The last time I saw her, she hadn’t been smiling, and that crushed me.

I brushed the sand off my jeans as I stood to leave. It was close to four in the morning. I wasn’t the least bit tired, but staring at the water wasn’t helping me feel any better. I debated calling one of the women I referred to as stamps—lick’em, stick’em, and send them on their way—but even that wasn’t appealing.

When I got home, I tossed my keys on the table. I looked around and didn’t see a home, just a space to sleep. My place had never seen love, and I was fine with that. Well, I had been. Tonight it was bugging the shit out of me. I didn’t have a family of my own. I had the band, but I’d possibly alienated one of them tonight. Would I see Faith at tomorrow’s practice? Would she talk to me? How could I explain that I was scared without telling her why? No way would I do that. She’d never look at me the same way.

I kicked off my biker boots and stripped down to my boxers. I looked in the mirror and didn’t like the man staring back. Max knew me the best, but he still didn’t know my past, and that made me feel isolated. Confiding in someone was too terrifying, and my past was so horrible that I just couldn’t risk it. So I would go on about my business like always: distant, alone, afraid, and without love.

My pillow was cold, just like the nightmares that scared the shit out of me. I drifted slowly off to sleep, and in what seemed like no time at all, the sun was beating down through the wooden slats on my windows. On Saturday mornings, the band practiced at ten, so I rolled out of bed, took a quick shower, and got dressed. My worn-out Levis that hung low on my waist and a navy T-shirt would have to be good enough for today.

The drive over to Max’s made my heart race. I didn’t know what to expect. As I pulled up, my eyes caught his. Max was outside talking to Faith.
Shit.
I put the car in park and lowered my head, plus I took my time getting out of the car. Once I saw the look on Faith’s face, I realized what a real dick I had been last night.

I walked—no, strutted—over to them and tried to appear as casual as possible. “Hey, Max. Hi, Dude.”

Faith was poised and unfazed. She glanced over, and her eyes met mine. “Hi, Ryker.” She turned back to Max. “I’ll talk to you later. Thanks for the advice.” She kissed Max on the cheek and walked away. She turned toward me with a smirk. “See ya, Ryker, and don’t call me dude.” She smiled at me, which totally threw me.

I’ll never understand chicks.

Max chuckled as he tossed his arm around my neck. “You look like shit, bro. Did ya sleep last night, or were you busy?”

All I said was, “I got a few hours in.”

“Well, let’s head down and get playin’. The guys have been here a while.”

I nodded, and we walked into his house. “So what advice did you give Faith?”

Max shrugged. “She asked about going out with some guy she knows from school. Apparently he left her a message for her birthday. I always thought the guy was a bit of a douchebag, but what do I know?”

That news shouldn’t bother me, but it did. “Well, if he’s a douchebag, why don’t you tell her that?”

“I did tell her. She said that all guys are douchebags, and that’s when you pulled up.” Max laughed. “I guess you proved her point.”

Great.
“Yeah, I fit that criteria. I’ll apologize the next time I see her.”

“That’d be nice. Come on, let’s get inside.”

We walked down into the basement, and I sat at my drums. I couldn’t wait to beat on them in an attempt to get the thought of some guy asking out Faith out of my head. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised. By pissing her off, I had driven her away from me. That was my intent, but now some jerk was going to benefit from it. Max had better be wrong. The guy better not be a douchebag, or he’d have a problem.

Max grabbed his Gibson and placed the strap around his neck. “From the top…”

I got lost in the rhythms of the songs that we’d written. The guys are all I have: Max, Tim, and Jake. I’m okay with that, because I couldn’t ask for more. All I needed to do was be the best drummer I could and a friend when they needed me to be. These guys are great people and they’d accepted me, and that meant the world to me.

When in doubt, retail therapy always perked me up. My friend Tyf, Max’s ex-girlfriend, worked at my favorite store, and I needed a kickass pair of jeans. I had agreed to see the guys play again, and I was going with a date. When I’d texted Bobby to thank him for his birthday wishes, he asked if I wanted to go out. I told him the guys were playing at a local bar called The Pub, and he was all for it. We planned to be there around nine.

The mall wasn’t crowded since it was still rather early. I spotted Tyf right away and greeted her with a big hug. “Hey there, stranger! How are you?”

Tyf smiled. “I’m good. How are you? You look great!”

“Thanks. I need an outfit for tonight. Want to help me?” I knew Tyf knew her stuff. She’d studied fashion and was working her way up to becoming a buyer.

“Of course I’ll help. Is it a special occasion?” Tyf’s eyes went wide, and she put her hand on her forehead. “Oh my God! I missed your birthday! I’m so stupid.” She hugged me again, making me giggle. “Holy crap, you’re twenty-one! We have to go out. Where are you going tonight? Maybe I’ll meet you.”

“I’m going to watch Max and the guys. Would that be weird for you?”

“Nope, not weird for me. I don’t want to be a third wheel, though. I mean, if you have a date, I don’t want to be a tagalong.” She winked and grinned.

“You could never be a tagalong. I’m just meeting a friend. We went to prom together. He’s a really great guy, and he’s home from college. But we’re just friends, so don’t worry about it.”

She walked toward racks of denim, and I followed. “Okay, if you say so. If he’s so nice, why don’t you like him?”

I moved clothes around the rack as a distraction. I shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re friends. I don’t see him as anything more. He’s easy on the eyes and all, but I don’t think of him as someone I’d want to be with.” I pulled a pair of jeans off the rack and held them up. “These are cute. What do you think?”

Tyf eyes widened as she looked at me. “Yeah, they’re nice. Faith Bishop, are you still pining away for Ryker?”

I felt myself blush. I exhaled and relaxed my shoulders. “Is it that obvious?” My eyes found hers, and my smile vanished.

She shook her head. “No. Well, yeah, it is—to me anyway. Why don’t you go for it? I’ve seen the way Ryker looks at you.” She grabbed a couple tops. “Let me get a fitting room for you.” She unlocked a door and hung up my clothes.

The way he looks at me? How does he look at me?
I started changing. “Hey, Tyf?”

“Yeah, do you need a different size?”

I shimmied into jeans that were about a size too small, but they would stretch. I would just wear them all day to get them where I needed them. “No, the size is fine. What did you mean about the way Ryker looks at me?” I threw a top on and opened the door.

“Wow, you look great!” She made the twirl motion with her finger, so I slowly spun. “Perfect! You have the cutest body.”

“Yeah, okay. Me and my lack of boobs.” We giggled, but I really needed to know what she had been talking about. “Tyf, what did you mean? How does Ryker look at me? I was going for it last night and got shot down like a duck on
Duck Dynasty
.”

“A duck?” Tyf broke out in laughter, making me laugh. “He looks like a lost puppy around you, you goof. He’s like one of those racing dogs chasing the bone on the stick. He wants it but can’t reach it.”

I looked in the mirror and then back at Tyf. “Are you kidding? He does not think I’m some bone that he can’t get. He’s the bone I can’t get.”

Tyf and I looked at each other, realized what I’d just said, and burst into hysterics.

“Well, bone or no bone, you definitely need to buy this outfit. Pair it with some heels, and you’re as good as done.”

I nodded and after I was done changing back into my clothes, I followed Tyf to the register. She cashed me out and told me she’d meet me at The Pub around nine.

On the way home, I thought about going out later. Could Tyf be right? I shook my head. My overthinking was getting the best of me. Pulling into my driveway, I noticed Ryker’s car was still at Max’s. No matter how badly my body went on alert when I thought about that man, I needed to get back in the game.

I grabbed my shopping bag and headed toward my front door. The sound of a door closing made me look toward Max’s place, and there was the face I dreamt of. With my house key in hand, I was ready to unlock the door.

Ryker came jogging across the yard. “Hey, Dude, wait a minute.”

I stopped and looked at him.
Breathe, Faith, just breathe and be cool.
“What’s up?”

He ran his hand through his unruly blond hair. “Can I talk to you a minute?”

I nodded.

“I want to apologize for last night. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I mean, I meant the
happy birthday
part, but everything after that… I’m sorry.”

I stared at him. My brow furrowed, and out of nowhere, I said, “Are you referring to the ‘I don’t want you’
comment or the pole dancing?”

He recoiled a little. “Yeah, those. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Then it clicked. “Did Max put you up to this? I don’t need insincere apologies.” I turned my key and opened the door. “Is that it?”

He didn’t move. “I’m not being insincere. Yes, I talked to Max, but that isn’t why I’m apologizing.”

I started going inside, but he grabbed my elbow. My arm hair stood at attention, and my nipples peaked against my lace bra. I looked at his hand and then at him.

“I mean it. I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve my shit last night.” His eyelids lowered. “You don’t deserve it any night.”

“Do you want to come in?” My parents were at the Morrisons’ lake house, so I knew we’d be alone.

“Yeah, okay.” His voice was gruff and sexy as hell.

I placed my shopping bag and purse on the sofa and walked into the kitchen. “Want some juice or something?”

“No, thanks.”

I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and decided the best way to deal with this topic was to change it. “So how was practice?”

“It was good, really good. Tim got a call from Northern South. They wanted to get our gig schedule.”

“Shut up! Don’t they manage Blanco Diablo?” I was so excited for them, and I couldn’t wait to talk to Max.

His smile made his eyes look like emeralds in the sun. “Yeah, and they’re going to come to one of our shows. We don’t know which one, so we need to be great every time.” Ryker looked nervous. He never looked nervous.

“You guys are great. You’ll kill it, and they’ll love you.” I felt my heart race. “I mean, they’ll love the band. Why are they coming?”

Ryker smirked. “I knew what you meant. Blanco Diablo is going on tour, and they’re looking for a local band to open for them for a show or two. They want to pay it forward and help out.”

“Wow! That’s awesome. Good for you guys.” I looked at my watch. I was totally uncomfortable with him in my house.

He must have felt the same way. “Well, I’m going to get going. Are you coming to The Pub tonight?”

“Yeah, I am. I ran into Tyf, and she’s meeting us there.” I sipped my water.

“Tyf’s cool. Who is ‘us’?” Ryker crossed his arms and looked at me.

I looked at his tattoo and imagined running my tongue along the straight lines that circled his bicep. What the hell was wrong with me? After I blinked half a dozen times to get my mind off his ink, my voice returned. “I have a date tonight. Shocker, huh?” I laughed and started walking toward the front door. He was making my house feel smaller and smaller by the minute.