Sacrifice (17 page)

He felt stupid. He was stupid. Why he had even become involved in the entire situation was beyond him. There was a million and one things he could have done for Marcus in order to get the care he needed for his mother. It shouldn’t have been this job. But at the time it had sounded so easy.

“Get close to her. Get to know her. I need her father to finish up the plans for a certain shipment I need. But he needs a little persuading. She’s the one thing that I can leverage in order to have his cooperation. Everyone knows what happens when you don’t do exactly as Marcus wants…”

Sam remembered the conversation as though it had happened yesterday, when in reality it had happened several months before. And of course he had agreed to it as soon as he saw her. Maybe that’s what it all boiled down to. Had he fallen for her the moment he had lain eyes on her picture?

That seemed a little unrealistic. But was there another explanation? He had fallen for her. The more time he spent with her, the harder he fell. But it terrified him. What if it went wrong? What if he couldn’t protect her from Marcus?

Was that the reason he had gotten involved? His inability to leave the damsel in distress behind? To leave her to her own fate. He had wanted to protect her, keep her safe from harm. And instead what had he done? Gone and hurt her himself.

The look in her eyes that morning had nearly broken him. The second the words left his mouth he had known what she thought, known where her mind had skipped to. And he had caused the pain.

Pushing the front door of her apartment building open Sam made his way inside and climbed the stairs. What would she do when she opened the door. What would he tell her? He had to tell her the truth, he owed her that at least and maybe one day she would forgive him. Maybe one day she would love him the way he loved her.

He had no choice but to tell her the truth. He had sealed his fate where Marcus was concerned, once he got the letter it would all be over. He knew what Marcus was like. Knew what Marcus had done to Jackson, even if he couldn’t prove it. There was no way he would let Sam go quietly…

He paused outside her apartment door, the brass number twenty-one glinting in the artificial light. He lifted his hand and knocked. His heart hammering in his chest as he waited. Twice he stopped himself from turning away. Stopped himself from simply walking away from the door altogether. She deserved someone who could make her happy. Deserved someone who could give her everything in life that she wanted and Sam wasn’t sure that was him.

How could he promise her happiness when he wasn’t even sure if he could tell her the truth? He waited. Until finally the door swung inwards and she stood there, staring at him as though she had been expecting him. She stared at him and in her eyes Sam saw home. He had thought everyone he loved was gone. But with Natasha standing there looking back at him with her wide blue eyes he knew that it wasn’t true. With her he could be happy… He just had to let himself have it.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Natasha

Sam stood outside the door, a broken man. He wasn’t the man I had left on the beach this morning. There was something in his eyes that called to me, begged me to let him in. And I couldn’t help it. Whatever had happened to him had to have been terrible for him to look so forlorn.

I moved to the side without a word and held the door open a little wider. He moved in past me and stood in the centre of the living room. I didn’t know what to say to him. What could I say to him? I could berate him for the things he said to me. I could tell him he broke my heart… But I didn’t want to. I knew when I looked in his eyes that he already knew all of that.

“I know I shouldn’t be here… But I didn’t know where else to go.”

Something about his words raised alarm bells for me instantly. What did he mean by that?

“Sam, what happened?”

He pushed his hands over his face and over his hair, spiking it up so that it stood on end. I waited for him to tell me. It was probably nothing but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened to him, something that had shook him to the core.

“I went to see my mom… She’s been sick for such a long time. There was no one at the house so I rang her. Got told she had been taken into the hospital. I got there in time to watch her die… And the worst part…” His voice cracked and broke as the first trickle of tears spilled down over his cheeks.

I went to him, wrapping my arms around him and tugging him into my embrace. He clung to me, holding on to me as though I was the only solid thing in his life. The only thing he had left to cling to.

“The worst part was when she went… When she died… I didn’t even know it. I didn’t notice. I was too busy to see that she was dead.”

He pulled out of my grip violently and turned his back on me. I could see his shoulders shaking as he fought with his emotions. Struggled to push them down, to bury them inside himself.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my face against his back. Each shuddering breath he drew in brought him closer to a moment of calm. I didn’t say anything to him. There was nothing I could say.

Words were empty, meaningless. He had lost someone he cared about. Lost someone he loved. There were no words on this earth that could make that ok. No words that would bring him peace of comfort. All I could do was hold him. Hold him as he let out all of his pent up anger and frustration and his sorrow. He was filled with so much sorrow it broke my heart to see him spill it.

He turned in my grip and wrapped his arms around me and stared down into my face for what felt like an age. We didn’t need words in that moment. He could see everything he needed in my eyes and I could see it in his. We knew each other in that moment.

The moment Sam looked at me, I knew he saw me. The real me, not the one I pretended to be. He saw beyond my pretence to the girl beneath. The girl who cried herself to sleep at night. The girl who pushed people away, when all she really wanted was for someone to look her in the eye and tell her everything would be alright. That life wasn’t always pain. That living wasn’t always this difficult. That the ones you loved didn’t always leave you behind. In that moment, Sam saw me, and I saw him. And I knew without a doubt that I would love him and he would betray me.

And I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I would be the one who would end up with a broken heart. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I had him. I had him and he had me. In our darkest moments we were there for each other. And wasn’t that what love was all about?

“I didn’t know where else to go…” He whispered. “What I said today…”

I pressed my fingers to his lips and silenced him. “Don’t tell me. Don’t explain why you said it. You’re here now and that is all that matters… All that matters is that you came back.”

He kissed me then, his lips crushed mine. I could taste salt on his lips from the tears he had shed. He tangled his hands up in my hair and I let him. I wanted this. I needed to feel him close to me, even if it was only just this once.

He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist, pinning my body to his as he carried me effortlessly through the apartment to the bedroom. He pushed us both down onto the mattress and climbed over me. Our lips never leaving each other. We kissed with a passion borne of desperation, need and love.

I wrapped my arms around the nape of his neck, running my fingers upwards through his hair. We had done this before. Played a dangerous game of lust barely restrained but this time it felt different. The tension crackled in the air. His mouth travelled down over my neck to my collar bone. When he paused I felt myself freeze, I didn’t want him to stop, not now, not ever.

But he hadn’t stopped. He tugged my jumper off over my head, his hands going to my waist where he let the span of his hands cover my belly. He pressed down on me, his large hands travelling up over my abdomen to my ribs. When he reached my breast he paused and I sucked in a deep breath. He was so close. I knew that when he touched me there it would be explosive. I wanted his touch, craved it.

His hands moved upwards, his thumb grazing the underside of my breast. I wriggled beneath him, urging him to carry on. He lifted me quickly and unhooked my bra, the material falling loose before he tugged it down over my arms, leaving me utterly exposed to his gaze.

He traced his thumb up and over the edge of my breast. When he lowered his mouth to mine once more he palmed my breast making me writhe. The pleasure was intense. It felt as though I had never been touched there before. Never felt a real man’s hands on my body. And in a way it was true. Sam was the first man I loved. And he loved me back.

He continued to kiss me as his hands worked to free my jeans and slip them down over my thighs. He paused when he felt the lace edge of my knickers. His gaze travelling down over my body to the thin scrap of lace. He hooked his thumbs inside and slid it slowly down over my hips, down my thighs, revealing me to him. I wanted to squirm. To fidget but I held still as he took me in. Every inch of my body uncovered for him.

“You’re beautiful.” The words came out in a awe filled breath. I tried to cover my body with my hands, becoming suddenly self-conscious. He grabbed my hands and pinned them over my head.

“Don’t. Don’t hide yourself from me.”

He moved over me again, his knee pressing between my legs as he lay half on half off me. His mouth found mine once in a passion fuelled kiss. He bit down on my lip as his fingers found my core. Molten hot and more than ready for him. The denim of his jeans felt rough against the soft skin of my thighs as he delved one finger inside me. I jerked beneath him. My breath coming out in a whoosh as his thumb slid over my clit.

I arched up from the bed, pressing my breasts tight against his chest as he continued to slide his fingers in and out. First one, and then another and another. I felt stretched and full but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted more, needed more from him. There was only one thing that could satisfy me.

His fingers moved faster, as though he understood what I was about to ask him to do. It stole the air from my lungs and the words from my lips, leaving me panting. He swirled his digits back up inside me and this time I whimpered. He was drawing a sensation out of me. One unlike any I’d ever managed to achieve on my own. Bringing myself to orgasm was easy, but what he was doing felt like more.

I gasped and thrashed on the bed. The feel of his hand between my legs and roughness of his jeans pushing me higher. The heat spread throughout my body, spiralling upwards through my stomach and into my chest. I held my breath. My body struggling to stay in one piece.

“Come baby. Come for me. I need to see you come for me, Natasha. I love you…” The last three words were whispered against my ear but it was enough.

I cried out, my body wracked with spasms. I clamped down on him, holding him inside me. My body bucking and heaving as I whimpered and tears trickled from my eyes. I clutched at him as he pushed himself off the bed and ditched his clothes.

The faint sound of a foil wrapper hit the edges of my mind and then Sam was back, pressing his body between my legs as he eased into me. My body was taut, each nerve ending sparking mercilessly. As he pushed into me I cried out. The intensity of an orgasm and then having the man I loved fill was too much for my over wrought body to deal with.

He groaned as he sank into me, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. I pressed my hands to his face and drew him down to me. Our kiss sparking between us both as he moved inside me.

People talked about sex cliches all the time. That it never really happened the way they said it did in the movies. And I didn’t want it to. I wanted Sam, I loved him and that for me was more than enough. But the second we were joined as one, the moment he filled me completely it felt better than I could ever have imagined.

His kisses rained down over my neck as his thrusts increased. I gasped, the moment he hit that sweet spot inside me, my arms wrapped around his neck. I wanted to be closer to him, as close as I could possibly get my body.

“Oh, god, Natasha.” Sam sighed, burying his face in my neck, growling against my skin. Perhaps it was the simple fact that he had already made me orgasm, my nerves were still wired. He twisted his hips, finding a spot inside me that I didn’t even think existed. I cried out, noise rushing in my ears as the pleasure broke over me like a wave. I clawed at his back, my body struggling to find breath.

He stiffened inside me, his body sinking into mine, deeper than before and then I felt him. He roared, the sound muffled inside my pleasure filled head. He bucked against me as my body struggled to hold him.

Silence crept in around us once more. My ears finally popped and the sounds I had been missing flooded back in. I could hear Sam’s ragged breaths against my shoulder. His body pressed to mine. Or sweat soaked skin sticky from the exertion. 

Sam rolled away from me and drew me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head as I let my fingers trail down over the muscular wall of his chest. We didn’t need words. In fact words would probably have spoiled what we had shared. And I didn’t want to ruin the moment. I wanted to keep it, freeze it in time so I didn’t ever have to leave. Didn’t ever have to face reality.

Deep down inside I could sense something on the horizon, something I didn’t want to face. And something I knew would ruin everything. I could only hope I was wrong. But life was strange and lately it had become even stranger… 

“What happened here?” Sam’s voice rumbled in through my ear that was pressed against his chest. His fingers had moved lower to the scar across my stomach. I contemplated glossing over it, pretending as though it was nothing. But I knew he wouldn’t believe me.

“My last boyfriend… Daniel is what happened.”

Sam’s grip tightened on me and I could feel his jaw clenching, tension radiating from his core. “What did he do?”