Authors: B J Brandon
Reaching for her weapon, Melissa tucked it under her pillow while placing her backup piece on the side table. She placed her badge and cell next to her bed on the nightstand and crawled naked into the cool sheets. She was just too tired to dig out sleep pants and tank right now; all she wanted was a few hours of sleep. The soft sound of the air conditioner hummed in the background as a steady reminder that the Texas humidity was pushing against the windows where she had pulled the darkening shades closed so the rosy tints of the August morning light wouldn’t wake her until her cell phone alarm went off. She needed sleep, and prayed the nightmares would stay away after what she had seen the last several days.
Closing her eyes, Melissa evened her breathing and tried to relax her muscles. Taking one sound at a time, she eliminated them from her hearing so that all way left was the sound of silence ringing in her ears. Behind her eye lids, she could see bright lights going off and knew it was the remnants from the crime scene. If it took this much to help her sleep, what must it be like for those kids who were finally free? What kind of monsters slipped into their dreams and ripped the precious safety they needed away from them again?
If she had anything to say about it those kids would never suffer another bad day but she was realistic to know that wouldn’t be the case. Those kids would be lucky to find even a semblance of a normal life after the hell they had gone through. Even with the best doctors and carefully chosen homes she knew the kids had only a 50-50 chance of making it out without being totally scared.
Forcing the morbid thoughts back and working to gain her silence once more, Melissa finally relaxed into the soft mattress and allowed sleep to carry her away.
Saturday, Sept 11, 2004
Dear Diary,
My head hurts so much and I’ve got to make sure my sisters don’t hear me or they’ll tell Daddy. If he finds out, he’ll ask what happened then I’ll have to lie and that will just make things worse. Damn, not sure if staying in my room and telling my parents that I’ve got the cramps again was smart but I can’t move my neck very good, and the cold cloth helps.
I’m laying here with my head on my pillows trying to keep my sisters from hearing me cry. Otherwise, they will tell mom and she’ll be back in here again. Or Dad will come in and ask what’s wrong. I don’t want Dad to know that Momma hit me again. My neck hurts like a bitch, and I couldn’t go to the supper table in case Dad figured out what was wrong. There aren’t too many people I can trust to tell them what Momma does when she gets so mad at me when Dad isn’t home. They wouldn’t believe it anyway. Not the good Christian lady that Momma is.
I don’t want Momma and Dad to argue again over me. They don’t do it in front of us, not anymore. Dad said they go to the Mesa to talk but when they came back the last time Momma’s eyes were red from crying and she wouldn’t talk to me for days. I knew then it was my fault.
The cold wet rag on my back of my neck helps some with the swelling and the ache where I fell and hit it when Momma knocked me against the windowsill. I know she didn’t mean to get so mad but she was really angry this time and she hit me pretty hard. I know I saw stars for a few minutes after she left. Guess I need to be more careful and not piss her off so bad, but it’s not my fault that I asked if I could go to Prom even if I don’t have the dress. Momma said it was my fault I decided to spend my summer money on my Junior Year Book and school clothes instead of anything else this year but she doesn’t have the money to allow me to go to Prom. Yet, Sissy is going and Momma bought her a dress special. Guess that says who Momma loves best.
It’s because I like English and Science more, and tried to enroll in ROTC instead of tennis for my junior year of High School. Girls are supposed to do lady-like courses and wear dresses, no jeans and t-shirts. Their supposed to want home economics instead of wood shop and the yelling started when Momma found one of my journals for my writing. My English teacher told me if I wanted to write to keep the dreams alive but that is something Momma can’t stand to hear.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Dear Diary:
Momma was yelling again today before school, telling me how stupid I am and if I would just try a little harder to be like my sisters’ things would be easier. I love school, but English and Science are my favorite subjects; not music, art or home-ec, like her sisters and brother. One of my teachers keeps telling me if I really want it bad enough I could eventually be write;, create the worlds that float in my mind so that others would be able to read them.
Memories of my grandmother’s promises whispered in my mind. I miss my grandma so much; her smell, her joy. The times we spent learning how to manage my special gifts so I didn’t feel like I was drowning in tidal waves of emotions. Quiet times of reading, and laughter or chasing chickens out of their nests for eggs. Simple things that seem so long ago.
Something bad happened this week at school. The headache caused from my neck was killing me and I could barely concentrate on what the gym teacher was saying as all of the girls in my junior class gathered around the ex-tennis pro. For some reason she thought all of the girls should play tennis, no matter what their natural abilities. If they didn’t match to her standards they were considered unworthy and an outcast. I didn’t realize she was screaming at me until it was too late.
“Melissa McKenny, are you deliberately ignoring me?” the harpy voice cut into Melissa’s headache, causing her eyes to flinch and her head to throb even more.
“No ma’am,” I whispered, trying to sound properly contrite, but also hoping the contents of my stomach stayed down as it rolled from nausea the pain was causing. “May I go to the nurse’s office? I don’t feel well.”
“Oh good grief, get out of here. You’re worthless in the class!” The teacher shooed me away from the group, never looking back as I stumbled to the door trying to stay upright. My best friend, Debbie followed me, making a grab for my arm.
“Girl, are you ok?” she whispered, looking over her shoulder, then back at me.
“Headache,” was all I got out, keeping my eyes on the door as I tried to get out of the room before my stomach rebelled.
“Miss Lorner, I’m going with Melissa to the nurse’s office. She’s not doing well.” Debbie’s words didn’t penetrate my brain until we entered the locker room and Debbie pushed my down onto a bench. Suddenly my head was pushed down between my knees.
“Breathe!” A cool hand rubbed my neck but the instant it touched the back of my head I groaned and pulled away. “What? What’s wrong with your neck?”
Debbie was anything but stupid and immediately grabbed my hand, pulling it away from my neck, and gasped when she saw the dark purple bruises and felt the small bump on the back of my neck.
“What happen to you? Who did this?” Debbie hunched down and got in my face, forcing me to look at her.
“Can’t talk about it, Debs,” I whispered, “please don’t make me.” Huge tears finally let go and there was no way I could bank them anymore. The pain in my head was killing me. My best friend in the whole world was looking at me like I was a freak, and if anyone figured out what had happened my mother would be furious. Not to mention what would happen when my Dad found out what had happened.
“Someone hurt you, Melissa,” Debbie whispered, pulling me into her arms and rubbing my back. “It’s not your fault, never your fault.”
I’m sure Debbie had an idea of what happened but unless I confirmed it, nothing would happen. She knew my mother had a temper and wasn’t above taking it out on me when my Dad was either on the road for his work or not around, which wasn’t often of late.
“Come on, let’s get you to the nurse. Maybe she can give you something for the headache.” Helping me stand, Debbie led me down the hallway to the nurse’s office.
Thankfully, the nurse who was in the office this week was the nice one whom everyone liked. They had two that alternated weeks for the high school, and Ms. Lancaster was in her mid-thirties, tall and nicely built but always had a smile for everyone who came into her office.
“Ok girls, what’s going on?” Ms. Lancaster said softly as she helped Debbie guide me into one of the back rooms to lie down. She looked to Debbie first, realizing that something was happening when I groaned.
“Please take a look at her neck,” Debbie whispered.
“Debs!” I groaned loudly, trying to twist away when the nurse reached to touch the back of my neck.
“Melissa, what happened?” she asked softly, her fingers gently massaging the lump at the base of my skull.
“Nothing, just a headache.” I begged both of the women with my eyes to leave it alone as huge tears fell unchecked down pale cheeks.
“That’s not going to happen, sweetheart. Now tell me how you hurt your neck. Did you fall?” I shook my head, groaning again in agony with the movement. “Then what happened. Did someone hurt you?”
I know there was a look of terror on my face that must have shaken the nurse to her core. Abuse was something the school rarely saw and when they did it wasn’t talked about. Ms. Lancaster had spoken out to the student body about bullies and abuse and knew from firsthand knowledge that the current administration refused to get involved with family disciplinary problems. She had also seen bullying and other forms of school violence in the high school but it was hard to prove and even harder to get the kids to speak out against.
“Debbie, stay here with her while I get an ice pack.” The nurse patted my shoulder and gently closed the door so she could retrieve an ice pack from the icebox in her small office. Once she returned she wrapped it in a towel and placed it under my neck.
“Why don’t you go back to class and let Melissa rest. You can check on her later.” I had a feeling she wanted Debbie out of the office because she was sure the phone call she was going to make was not going to make me happy. She was also trying not to embarrass me any more than I already was by having to come to the nurse’s office.
“I’ll check on you after school. Remember, we have to get ready for our date tomorrow night with the guys. No skipping out.” Looking worried, Debbie headed back to class.
“Now, I want you to lay here in the dim light and let the ice work on your headache for a bit. I’ll check on you in a few minutes.” The nurse slipped out the door after placing a light blanket over Melissa’s legs and closed the door, making it blissfully quiet.
* * *
Melissa woke from the dream with a start. Sweat coated her body and caused her to shiver from the air conditioning of the room. She hadn’t dreamed about the incident in the nurse’s office in her junior year of high school in years. Shit, it was no wonder with the events over the last few days, coupled with being back in the Texas Panhandle after nearly ten years.
Getting out of bed, she swung her long legs over the side and looked at the clock. It was still dark outside, the hum of the cooling unit quiet in the room. It was too early to go for a run or use the gym downstairs. Melissa made herself get up and get a drink of water, use the facilities before forcing herself to go back to bed. The upcoming day would be another long one and she tried to force herself to get at least a few more hours of sleep.
She hadn’t come back to her hometown in a long time. With this case being as bad as it was, Melissa was perceptive enough to realize she was going to be walking a fine line if she wasn’t careful.
Being tired certainly isn’t going to help you, dumbass.
She hadn’t had any problems with nightmares in a very long time but it seemed this case coupled with the location was going to wreak havoc on her unique talents. She lay there for a few minutes, closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. In and out, slow and easy. She listened to the humming of the air conditioner, the creaking of the building as it settled around her, the soft moan of the wind outside her hotel window and let the night sounds sing her back to sleep.
Somewhere a dog barked in the distance. An upper floor toilet flushed. Counting sheep never worked for Melissa, but taking each sound, filtering them out until all she concentrated on was the actual sound of silence finally lulled her sleep. It wasn’t a deep sleep, but at least it was better than laying there counting the number of tiles and holes in each one until the alarm went off. Lord knew, she had done that enough times in the past.
The dream came in slowly, a flash of a still life picture of her parents the last time she had talked to them, her mother alive and healthy. Her mother’s dark brown eyes looked down at the copy of the graduation certificate in a Bachelors’ of Science in Criminal Justice she held in her small hands. The look on her mother’s face was shocking, as if the diploma for her daughter was a contaminated object instead of the marvel Melissa had completed. The look had cut right to Melissa’s soul and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her mother considered her the biggest disappointment of her life.
The night her mother actually passed Melissa’s father had called, all quiet and controlled to tell her about her mother’s passing and that it wasn’t necessary to come home for the memorial services. She had been on a case in the deep South, heat and humidity much like the Texas heat, had kicked her butt but they were deep on the case. So close to catching the ones they were after. The call had come the afternoon of the capture and Melissa had barely heard her father’s words.
“Your mother has gone to heaven, Melissa. There is no need to come home now. We’re having her cremated and her ashes sealed in an urn until I’m gone. Then, we’ll be buried together.” Her father’s voice, once a beloved and strong voice, sounded broken yet resolute.
She hadn’t been home since.
Pulling her thoughts from the past, Melissa forced herself to relax and closed her eyes once more. She desperately needed to sleep.