There
was still fear,
there was still anxiety. Lola wondered if that would ever
entirely
go away.
She slept with the light on in her room, the door opened.
Lola had nightmares every night. She
didn’t like to be alone in the house and Blair accommodated as best she could.
Lola
knew she might not be able to fully trust a human being again, but she also knew if she could, it would be Jack.
She
turned the car off and
hit the button to roll
up the windows. It was dusk, a grayish pink cast to the trees and grass.
The rock was
larger than life, the person lounging on top of it even more so.
Her pulse tripped just looking at him. Jack was on his back, head propped on arms. Lola got out of the car, staring at his profile as she walked toward him, taking in the straightness of his nose, the way his hair hung in his face.
A green shirt, jeans, and boots made up his outfit.
The air was humid, hot, and mixed with Lola’s emotions, made it hard to breathe.
“Hi,” she greeted quietly
, putting a hand on the cool jagged stone
.
Jack didn’t look at her, didn’t move. “Hi.”
Not exactly the acknowledgement she’d expected. “Where were you today?”
“What do you care?” Jack sat up, his face blank as he turned toward her.
Lola couldn’t
believe the way he was acting
, like she was
bothering
him.
“I was worried. I—“
“Don’t be.”
Sharp pain went through Lola.
She took a step back, stumbled over a broken tree branch.
“What’s going on, Jack?
What happened? Is it your father?”
He jumped to his feet, body stiff as he looked at her. Jack’s expression was closed, his eyes cold. “I said not to worry about me. Now run along to your new life, with your old friends. I want to be alone.”
She hated that tears pricked her eyes, made a ragged path down her cheeks.
“Jack. Please,” Lola beseeched in a barely audible voice.
She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to push the hurt away.
Jack turned
from her
. “Look. I get it. You’re okay now. You have your aunt and your friends. Sebastian. Just go, Lola.”
“I don’t…understand,” Lola
sobbed,
her heart breaking.
He whirled around, eyes flashing. “I helped you through a hard time. You’re better now. You don’t owe me anything. You don’t need to feel obligated to me or like you need to seek me out.”
Lola reached for him; he brushed her off. “
Jack
.”
“I
saw
you, Lola.” A muscle ticked in his jaw as he glared down at her.
“I saw you and Sebastian. I went to your aunt’s house after school and I saw you
and Sebastian
on the porch
.”
Lola frowned, uncomprehending.
Then she remembered the hug and kiss. How cou
ld she explain to Jack
it had
n’t been anything he should worry about
?
“And maybe it wouldn’t bother me so much, if I knew. But I don’t. I don’t
know what
‘s going on with us. I don’t know what I am to you. And it’s
killing
me.”
J
ack’s voice was stark with pain.
She never wanted to hurt him; never wanted to cause him pain.
“It didn’t mean anything,”
Lola
said in a voice that wavered. “We’re just friends, Jack.”
“Yeah.
And what are we?
Nothing
, right?”
She gasped at the
anguish
those words elicited.
Jack was everything to her.
Everything.
Jack swore at the look on her face. “I’m sorry, Lola. I didn’t mean that.
I’m no good at this stuff.” His shoulders slumped and he turned away. “I’m no good,” was a whisper that reached Lola’s ears.
She closed her eyes, those words causing
unimaginable pain
within her. Lola took a deep breath, opened her eyes, and reached for Jack.
“You’re better than good, Jack, you’re the
best
,” Lola said with conviction, never meaning anything more.
All it took was the barest of touches and he responded.
Their bodies collided, their hands all over each other, his lips on hers, her lips on his. Fire ruptured between them, consumed, took over.
Lola couldn’t think. She didn’t want to think. It was amaz
ing the way Jack made her feel. Her body was aflame, her pulse chaotic. Lola could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage.
Please don’t end.
Don’t let this feeling end.
His scent mixed with sweat, became even more int
oxicating. Jack pressed her against the rock, his body meshed with hers. A low moan sounded in his throat as she pressed even closer
against him, wanting to be as near
to him as she could get, wanting to be part of him.
Love you, love you so much.
The kissing and touching continued until Jack finally pulled away. “We have to stop,” he said, breathless.
Lola blinked, in a fog. “What?”
“We have to stop
, while we still can
,” Jack said slowly.
“Right.
Of course.”
Lola moved around him, shaky and
disoriented
.
They didn’t look at each other for a time. Lola struggled for control, wanting to blurt out her feelings for him, knowing it wasn’t the right time, even as she thought it might be the
only
time.
“Three more weeks, Lola.”
She faced him.
“Until?”
Jack swiped a hand through his hair.
“Until I’m done with school.”
Lightning
swift
alarm froze her.
“What happens then?”
He wouldn’t look at her. His throat convulsed. “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking…”
No. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to hear it. From the way Jack was acting Lola could tell it wasn’t good, not for her.
“Thinking?”
She held her breath, not moving.
“I don’t want to be like my old man. I don’t want to end up a
loser
drunk who works at a factory
my whole life
. But there’s my sister too. I can’t leave her with him.” Jack
squinted
his eyes at the sunset, his features striking against the pink hues.
Jack tugged at a lock of Lola’s hair.
Her scalp tingled. “I think…I want…I’m going to enroll at the community college
in Lansing
.”
Lansing was a city about thirty minutes from Morgan Creek that was triple the size and had its own two year college.
Lola’s breath left her in a whoosh and dizzy
ing
relief crashed over her.
She tossed her head back and laughed.
The scowl on Jack’s face quickly erased all mirth from her face. “You don’t think I can do it?”
Lola touched his face. “Oh, Jack, I have nothing but faith in your ability to do anything you want to do. I just…I was worried you were going to say you were moving away or something.”
“What?
No.
I’m not leaving you.” As soon as the words left his mouth Jack winced and looked away.
“Good.
I couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing you,” Lola said softly.
They shared a long, heated look.
Eventually Jack broke eye contact. “It’s going to be hard.
Going to school, working, taking care of Isabelle.”
He leaned against the rock. “I’m moving out of the house. So is Isabelle. She’s going to stay with me.”
Such burden for one person.
But Lola loved him all the more for his unwavering dedication to his sister.
“Where?”
“My boss
, Jared,
has an apartment above the garage. It’s small, but decent. He’s going to pay me less to stay there, but I’ll make it work.
Isabelle is going to get a part-time job to help out.
He told me I could stay there for free, but I’m not going to take advantage of him. He’s too good to me as it is.
”
Warmth flowed through her into a tender smile. “I’m so proud of you, Jack.”
He avoided her eyes and hunched his shoulders. “Thanks.”
Jack cleared his throat
and glanced at her
.
“When are you moving out?”
“As soon as school’s out.”
“And your dad?
Does he know?”
His lips twisted. “No.”
“Are you—“
Jack straightened. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
The light was fading and Jack’s features were
partly
in shadow.
Lola wanted to ask him what he’d meant by his earlier words. He had to know what he meant to her. Didn’t he? What did Jack think this was between them? She had to tell him. Lola inhaled slowly, gathered her courage.
“Jack, I—“
“
What are you doing this weekend?
She closed her mouth. Why did he keep interrupting her? “
No plans. Why?”
“
Curious
.
Thought maybe you’d be hanging out with Rachel or Sebastian.
”
“No.
Maybe.
Not that I know of.”
Lola sighed. “Did you ask for a reason?”
“Nope,” was his curt
response.
The silence was strained and Lola wondered why. It frightened her.
“Okay. Well. I guess…I’ll see you later.”
Lola turned to go, glancing back at Jack. He had his head turned away.
What is going on?
Lola fumbled with the door handle,
unease
making her fingers clumsy.
She looked up, wanting to run to Jack and throw her arms around him. But his back was to her.
Lola drove off, feeling like she was losing a part of herself and she didn’t understand why.
What had changed
between them
?
14
The day was overcast and dreary; a lot like Lola’s thoughts. It had been a few days since she’d seen Jack.
Much too long.
Lola m
issed him so much it was scary.
Countless times she’d picked up the phone, intending to call him, and
instead she hung
it back up. She didn’t know what to say. You didn’t just blurt out over the phone for the first time you loved
someone
.
It had to be done with tact, in person.
Hard to do when
he appeared to be
avoiding her.
She sat at the kitchen table, staring out the windows to the gray skies beyond.
“This is for you.” A brown photo album was placed on the table before Lola.
“I thought you would
like
to see these.”