She didn’t want to cross-examine that comment.
“Is that why you started dating Roxanne?
Because you were hurt?”
“Partly.
”
He looked toward the street.
“
I mean, Lola, we were together all the time, since we were kids.
And then,
bam
, out of nowhere, you did
n
’t talk to me anymore. Only it wasn’t out of nowhere ‘
cause
I’d just confessed to you that my feelings for you were changing and I thought we owed it to ourselves to test out dating.”
Lola looked at her
tennis shoes
. “Only I said I didn’t think it was a good idea.”
Sebastian sighed.
“Yeah.
There was that.”
A sad smile formed on his lips.
“Like I said, at first I was mad, hurt, and acted like I didn’t care you were avoiding me.
I kept my distance too, nursing my wounds.
”
“Dating Roxanne,” she interrupted dryly.
He ignored that.
“
But, after a while, I really missed my friend. And that’s what I realized you would always be; my friend.
From the way you were acting, I thought it was too late for us, that we couldn’
t go back,
that
you hated me.
”
“I’m so sorry, Sebastian.”
“It doesn’t matter now. I wish I had known, Lola. I wish you had told me what was going on. I could have helped.
My mom
and dad
too.
You’re like their
kid to them too, always have
been.
”
“He said he would hurt you. I couldn’t risk it.”
Sebastian stared at her, finally nodding. “I understand why you did what you did. I don’t like it, but I understand. I would have done the same, if it meant protecting you.”
They were silent,
both
digesting their exchanged words.
“Can I ask one thing?”
Lola glanced at him. “Sure.
Anything.”
“Why wasn’t it a good idea? I’m curious.”
How did she answer that? Lola trailed a hand along the back of a wicker chair, choosing her words carefully.
Maybe at one point, for one fleeting instant of craziness, she had thought of Sebastian as being possible as more than a friend, but Jack had completely wiped out any such notions with one surly look and mocking comment.
And Lola was more prone to think it had been loneliness and longing for her friend more than anything
that induced the insane thought anyway
.
It wouldn’t have worked. Sebastian was too much of a friend to think of any other way.
“We grew up together. You were like my brother, Sebastia
n. I’ve seen you pee yourself.
You’ve had my puke on you.” Lola smiled when he shuddered. “I guess, we were
too
close, if that makes sense. It’s hard to be romantic with someone who knows all the disgusting things you’ve done throughout your childhood. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah.”
He laughed. “It does.”
Lola was beginning to feel more like herself again, just standing there talking with Sebastian. It was wonderful.
It wasn’t the same as it used to be, but that was okay.
“So.
Rachel, huh?”
Sebastian shoved his hands in his pockets, conspicuously not looking at Lola.
“
She’s a good person. We’ve always been friends.
She’s sweet,” Lola
added
approvingly.
“As opposed to?”
One eyebrow lifted.
“Not going there.”
“Probably best.
”
Sebastian looked at her.
“So.
Jack, huh?”
Her face burned.
“Yes,” she said, back straight, eyes trained on Sebastian.
Sebastian raised his hands and backed away. “Hey.
Whatever.
I don’t know him. I’ll have to trust your judgment.”
Warmth trickled through her veins. Lola grabbed Sebastian and spontaneously kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
The door opened.
“Hi, guys.”
Blair smiled at Sebastian and turned to Lola.
There was a smudge of flour on her cheek and
white
handprints on her yellow top.
“How was your day?”
It was a simple question. There was nothing significant about it; nothing to cause such a response in Lola. Her eyes watered
and her throat tightened
.
“That bad?”
Blair sighed and reached for her, rubbing her back.
“No. It…was…fine,” Lola said, trying to steady her voice.
“Then why are you crying?”
Lola laughed and cried at the same time.
“I don’t know.
Because no one’s
asked me about my day in a very long time
.”
“
Well, expect it now.
Lola, there is someone here to talk to you.” Blair gave her a look. Lola’s heartbeat picked up. “It’s a social worker.” And her stomach plummeted.
Not
her mother
.
Not Jack.
“Oh. Okay.”
Sebastian touched her arm. “I’ll see you tomorrow. You’ll be fine,” he added as he took in her features.
She didn’t feel like she was going to be fine. Lola felt like she was going to throw up. Or pass out.
Or maybe both.
Lola
took a deep breath, held the hand Blair offered, and followed her inside.
*
**
By the end of the visit, Lola was exhausted. She’d had to retell the events that had landed
Bob
in jail. Each word had been like a stab of pain to her chest. The social worker had been nice and apparently Lola would be seeing Alice Johnson, the social worker,
for
weekly
visits
for some time.
An attorney had been appo
inted to her case as well. Lola wasn’t exactly sure what his role was; he’d said something about
looking out for her best interest
s
. She was confused because she’d thought that was what the social worker was doing too.
Then there was the Child Protective Service worker
who was
perform
ing
the background checks on Blair to make sure she was fit to be Lola’
s guardian and
Lola was safe in her care.
It had b
een a huge relief to learn
she wouldn’
t have to testify in court.
Lola never wanted to see
Bob
Holden’s ugly face again.
But her mother…
it hurt so bad
Lola couldn’t breathe when she thought of her.
Lola blinked her eyes as tears formed and tried to focus on her homework.
“You okay?”
She looked up at Rachel’
s concerned face
.
“Of course.
I just…this question
is
hard.”
“So hard it brings tears to your eyes?”
Rachel leaned across the bed and peered at the Home Economics book. “There aren’t any questions, Lola. It’s a picture.”
Lola snapped the book shut and tossed it to the side.
She wanted to talk to someone, but didn’t feel comfortable unloading all her doubts and fears on Rachel. It didn’t feel right.
It
was
weird
trying to pick
up exactly where she and Rachel had left off.
Lola wasn’t that girl anymore.
It
was
like trying
to wear
a shirt that no longer fit. Had she completely outgrown her old life and friends?
“Do you want to talk? Maybe you would feel better.”
She did want to talk, but not to Rachel, and she felt bad about it.
Lola shook her head.
“Okay.
I can’t force you to talk if you don’t want to. But you would feel better if you did.”
Rachel waited, but when Lola didn’t answer, she said, “Since you don’t feel like talking, I’m going to because I
do
feel like talking.
”
Lola looked up, curious.
Her friend tapped a pencil against a textbook. “So…there’s this
guy I like.
And I think he likes me. But I’m not sure how someone else fits into the whole thing.” She glanced at Lola.
A smile stretched Lola’s lips.
“Should I be concerned that you’re smiling?”
“Of
course
not!
This is a smile of happiness, Rachel.”
“Oh. ‘
Cause it looks kind of demonic.”
“Probably because I’m so out of practice.”
They laughed. Maybe it wasn’t so hard to pick up where they’d left off. Lola just had to open up and
let
her friends
back in.
“Is it Sebastian?”
Rachel’s blush gave it away.
“I would
love
it if you two dated.”
“Really?
Thanks.
”
“Oh yeah.
You’re much better than Roxanne.”
She grimaced. “I can just imagine how she’ll take the news. Probably send me hate mail or something.”
“If you’re lucky that’s all she’ll do.” Lola pointed to her healing chin.
“I still can’t believe she did that.”
“Indirectly.”
Rachel rolled her eyes.
“Yeah.
She’ll probably
indirectly
run me over with her car or something.”
They laughed again.
Rachel glanced at the clock on the nightstand. “I should get going.
I promised
my little sister
I’d watch a movie with her tonight.
I’ll see you tomorrow.
” She hopped down from the tall bed and gave Lola a smile.
Lola
smiled, drawing her friend into a hug. “Thank you.”
Rachel hugged her, pulling back to ask, “For what?”
“For mak
ing
me
laugh, for talking about
happy things instead of letting me wallow in sad ones.”
“Don’t you know by now, Lola? That’s what friends are for.”
Once she was gone, Lola sat cross-legged on the bed, eyes on the
recently
hung drawing across the room.
Looking at it made her warm and happy; put a smile on her face.
Everything was looking up.
Lola didn’t want to jinx
anything
by thinking things would stay that way.
She closed her eyes,
thoughts stuck on
Jack. She had to see him.
*
**
Lola couldn’t believe she’d let her take the car. Throughout
the course of every
day she was stupefied any number of times by the way Blair treated her. Or didn’t.
The
smallest acts of kindness
felt like pampering to Lola
and were enough to bring tears to her eyes
. And every time Blair didn’t yell at her
or hit her
for something
Bob
would have, she felt a little lighter, a little more human.