SAHM I am (10 page)

…AND YOU HAVEN’T REPLIED YET! If I don’t get either an e-mail or phone call in the next thirty minutes, you’ll be
connecting
all right—WITH YOUR
WIFE’S
EMOTIONS! And believe me, I will leave an impression on your intellect that you won’t soon forget!!!

So, please, sweetheart…ANSWER ME!

The Woman Who Taught You Everything You Know About Love And Romance (who is apparently an abominably bad teacher),

Dulcie

Ladies,

I am completely overwhelmed at the number of responses just this morning to this week’s topic! You all are a very literate bunch—our loop messages read like the bestsellers book lists for Christian women. Everything from parenting books to devotionals, and marriage books to Bible studies. I’m in awe—really!

I especially applaud Connie in her choice—Jane LaDrudge’s book is a must-read for any woman. My recommended book is
Motherhood, Inc.: Tips for Household Management from Corporate America,
written by Dominique Powers. It basically teaches you how to transform yourself from frazzled housewife into corporate-style domestic executive, arranged around an easy-to-follow eight-month schedule. I discovered that, even with all my organizational effort, I still only came in at the five-month mark.

Month Six is “Creating Upstanding Team Contributors Out of Slouching, Grouching Children”—now MY children are hardly the slouching, grouching kind, but there’s some challenges even for us in this chapter. For example:

It’s not enough simply to create a chore list and hand out rewards or punishments based on what is or is not completed.
No! Today’s businesses demand teamwork and initiative from their employees, and so should you as a mother. Any child over four years old can be included in your M3 (Monday Morning Meeting) and should be allowed to give their insight into what must be accomplished that week. It is up to you, then, as the Executive, to delegate duties according to skill and ability level.

It is also a good idea to give each Team Member a Periodic Review—so named because many mothers have found that timing the review to their monthly cycle is a good way to remember it. At the Review, you help them evaluate the contributions they are making to the family, compare it with their annual goals, and guide them toward defining ways they can improve, or exceed their achievements.

Isn’t that just WONDERFUL??? I don’t know how I managed to live for so long without a book like this!

Rosalyn

Dear Loop,

As a woman who has earned a master’s degree in English, I can’t help but admire the general bookish-ness of our group. However, the topic this week is NOURISHING the mind and soul, not merely EDUCATING it. The offerings so far
are comparative to ingesting nothing but mineral supplements and vitamins, powdered protein drinks and bottled water. Extremely healthy, yes, but food (nourishment) is supposed to be nutritional AND ENJOYABLE.

There is a veritable buffet available of God-honoring, encouraging literature—meaning novels and shorter stories—that will provide our minds and souls with worthwhile lessons as well as much-needed relaxation and, dare I say…
entertainment.

Blessings,

Phyllis

Dulcie,

Don’t have time right now to get into it. I’ll be in meetings the rest of the day. Call you this evening.

Tom

Madeline’s teachers agree. You go, girl!

Brenna

Dear Darcy,

Tom is worried that you’re mad at him about the books we sent him. He’s in a meeting with my step-dad right now, the vice president of the company. I am his executive administrative assistant.

Sorry, I tend to get sidetracked. Please don’t be mad at Tom. We all like him a lot. Well, Kelly thought he was kind of weird when he wanted to borrow her book, but then she thought it was cool that he read books like that since most guys think they’re silly.

Justine figured any guy who reads romance novels must be not only very comfortable with his masculinity but also know a lot about women. So she found him in the cafeteria on his lunch break to ask him what to do about her boyfriend, Eric, who can’t handle commitment.

Kelly and I thought Tom would be annoyed to be bothered by Justine. (She’s nice, but she can be a little pushy.) But he was very sweet. He told her that she should wait for a guy who loves the idea of committing to her. Because she deserves it.

She said Eric is always talking about needing his “space” and wondered if Tom ever felt like that. Tom said that everybody needs alone time, but that he hates being away from you because he loves you and his daughters so much.

Justine came back to her office and just cried. But it was good, because then she broke up with Eric. Kelly and I wondered if Tom could give us some advice, too. We’re planning to find him on his lunch break and see if he will talk to us. You don’t mind, do you? We never met a guy who actually
could explain men to us, or who was even willing. It must be because of those romance novels. We thought sending him some more would be the least we could do to say thanks, and he said he didn’t have any more space in his hotel room for them.

You’re really lucky, Darcy, to have a guy like Tom. If I ever find one like him, I’ll marry him, even if the idea of marriage does scare me. So that’s why I hope you aren’t mad at him. But how could you ever be mad at a man like that?

Sincerely,

Michelle Ostler

…and just remember this:

I LOVE YOU.

Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to put some of these books aside for you? We could read one together when you come home this weekend…*wink*

All my love,

Dulcie

Domestic Darlings,

I can hardly believe it’s THAT time of year again! Time to run to the craft and discount stores in search of just the right decorations for turning our homes into Christmas wonderlands. Remember last year how we all made life-size nativity murals entirely out of organic material? The Rose Bowl parade had nothing on OUR works of art!:)

This year, instead of a group project, I thought we could share individual ideas of how we like to decorate. I know it may seem early, but the days will fly quicker than you can imagine. I started my annual Christmas quilt this past June. I always do all the piecing and quilting by hand, and then I donate the quilt to our local homeless mission to give to a needy family.

I have heard that Dulcie is a former interior decorator, so I’d love to hear some nuggets from her. Everyone, join in! Let’s create some Christmas cheer.

Deferentially,

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

Hi all,

It’s true. BC (before children) I was an interior designer. I worked for Nebraska Furniture Mart in their custom design gallery. I wanted to have my own design business, but Tom and I got married soon after I graduated with my degree. McKenzie came along a year later, and then the twins after that. So I don’t know if I have anything to offer in the line of decorating advice. I’m pretty rusty.

And my ideas might not work for your personal tastes. We live in a 1940s Cape Cod house, so I’ve chosen a retro cottage look as my decorating style. My Christmas decorations tend to be eclectic and nostalgic—like something you might see in the movie
White Christmas.
Attached is a picture of my vintage Christmas ornament collection. Collecting something is the best decorating advice I have—that way your husband will always know what to get you for Christmas! :)

Dulcie

Dulcie is absolutely right—go simple! And I’m speaking as an artist, even. There’s no reason to do life-size nativities or fancy projects every year unless you really enjoy it.

Of course, I should talk—my children have wall murals painted in their bedrooms. Seamus and Griffith have van Gogh’s
Starry Night
on their wall, and I painted George
Seurat’s
A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte
(complete with the original pointillism) in Cosette’s room.

This year I’d like to get over to the glass blowing studio and work on mouth-blown ornaments for my family. I took a summer apprenticeship on glass blowing in college but haven’t done it since.

However, my point is that I’m incurably fascinated by art. So I create art whenever I have the chance. Most other people aren’t going to want to do anything that complicated. Follow Dulcie’s collecting advice, or a no-fail project like spice-dough ornaments or a corkboard card holder. You’ll have the most fun if you aren’t stressing about it.

Z

I am in awe of Dulcie and Z’s artistic talents. I have none. Zip. Zilch. I don’t even like going to MOPS because I hate doing craft projects. I’m probably the only person in the world who actually failed art in fifth grade.

It’s interesting to read about what you all did before you had children. All I have is what I
dreamed
about doing before I had Madeline. It might sound trivial, but I always wanted to be an image consultant and personal shopping assistant in some big city like New York or someplace. Fat chance of that happening now, huh? Maybe I can squeeze it in around feeding the chickens or rounding up the cows….

Not that I regret marrying Darren. I don’t even really regret having Madeline. Sometimes, though, I wish I’d had a
chance to do some of the things I imagined myself doing. Even if it had been only for a year, like Dulcie. Or when I can make time for it, like Z.

Brenna

Brenna,

I never planned on being a pastor’s wife. In fact, even after I became a Christian I was very suspicious of organized religion. Jonathan is the last person I’d ever have thought I’d end up with. But when you love someone so much, dreams have a way of reorienting themselves around the life you build with that person, at least to some extent.

However, I still have a deep desire to complete my PhD and become a university professor in English. Two children and the demands of being a pastor’s wife tend to keep that dream from becoming reality.

For me, one of the hardest parts about being a SAHM is watching my husband pursue his goals and rearing my children to be able to chase after their dreams, while my own seem to be sitting on a dusty, forgotten shelf. Maybe I’m just selfish, but why is it that mothers are expected to wait until half their life is over before being allowed to consider the desires of their own hearts? I love my children. I love my husband. But there are days when I feel like I am living their lives instead of my own. And I have a feeling that some morning, after they’re grown or gone, I’m going to wake up
and realize my life ended a long time ago, that Phyllis Lorimer died without anyone—including me—noticing.