SAHM I am (25 page)

bride’s maid
in the photos…>

GROAN! Boo hiss! A pun, my father always says, is the lowest form of humor.

Seriously, though, Dulcie, she’s going to have her wedding pictures in the bathroom?

Z

Yep. I don’t know what’s worse—that, or her idea of having Morris, dressed in a white tuxedo, ride down the aisle and onto the stage on a white horse swathed in marabou and sequins to “Ride of the Valkyries.” She says it’s more biblical to have the groom travel down the aisle because in Bible times, the bride always waited for the groom to come get her. So
if she actually gets her way on that, we’ll have the normal processional, and then we’ll all wait onstage while poor Morris appears on his noble steed.

Evidently, Shoji is letting them use all the theatrical lighting, and most of the musicians have offered to play, as well, as their gift to the happy couple. It’s going to be a show you won’t want to miss. Or maybe you will…*sigh* Why can’t I have
normal
relatives? At least I will look a little less like a giant wad of buble gum in my dress. I am beginning to discover my inner drinking straw….

Dulcie

Hi, Dulcie! I was going to comment on the theological error of your mother expecting her fiancé to ride down the aisle on a white horse. But then I started thinking, “Oh, wait a moment, she’s just exaggerating for emphasis.” So, I’m
not
going to say anything, except that the picture you painted in my mind made me laugh. See? I am learning to have a sense of humor!

Phyllis

Alas, Phyllis, my friend…this time I was being
totally
serious. She really intends to do just that.

Dulcie

Oh, dear. I’m so sorry to hear that. My deepest sympathies.

Phyllis

Hey, Dulcie! This sounds like fun! Any chance you could arrange a bus tour for us? :)

Z

Definitely can’t have a Branson-style wedding without a bus tour!

…this isn’t funny! It’s humiliating! She just sent me an e-mail saying that Shoji is so excited about the wedding that he wants to make it into a videotape to sell in their gift shop! This is awful. What’s next? Yakov Smirnoff officiating the ceremony?

Dulcie

Dulcie dear,

I just had the most wonderful idea! Since this wedding event is becoming rather large, I could use some help. You are so organized and efficient, and with your artistic eye for decorating, I think you would be just the person. I was wondering if I could count on you to be my wedding coordinator.

I know you’re also going to be in the ceremony, as well as taking care of McKenzie, but this wouldn’t be so much work. Just decorating the theater and the bathrooms, directing the rehearsal, cueing the processional, that sort of thing. Please? It would mean so much to me to know I have someone dependable taking care of those little details for me.

Thanks, sweetie,

Jeanine

I don’t know, Mom. That sounds like a huge job. Wouldn’t it be better to ask someone in connection with the theater? I’d have no idea where anything was or what the rules were. And I must have you fooled—I’m neither organized or efficient.:)

Dulcie

Of course the house manager will be helping you with whatever you need. I’ve already set that up. You’ll be just fine. Don’t worry about a thing.

Love,

Mom

Mom, I really don’t think this is a good idea. What am I supposed to do with the girls while I’m setting everything up? And during the rehearsal?

Dulcie

Dulcie dear, don’t worry. I have that all taken care of. You remember Diana, Tom’s cousin? Well, she’s coming and she said she’d be
delighted
to take care of your children while you’re busy.

I’ll send you a schedule of everything in a few weeks. We have to have the ceremony early enough on Saturday morning so that they can set up for the matinee show. And then, I just confirmed the booking for White Water for our reception! Won’t a water theme park for a reception be fun? We can all run around in our bathing suits and play, if it’s warm enough. I’m going to have a special bridal swimsuit made. Would you and Becky like bridesmaid swimsuits, too?

Oh, and one more thing—for the bridal processional, since Morris is coming in on a horse, I thought it would be fun to do something a little different for us gals. So instead of walking down the aisle, we’re going to be let down from the ceiling! You and Becky will have beautiful sparkling stars, and I’m going to have a crescent moon twined with flowers. Unique, don’t you think?

Gotta go—meeting with the photographer later this afternoon! TTFN (that means “Ta-Ta For Now,” like Tigger, get it?).

Mom

—into being my MIL’s wedding coordinator! And it’s going to be a nightmare. I *should* just give up and sell you all tickets. At least I’d make some money off my utter degradation and humiliation. Did I tell you she decided that Becky and I will be lowered onto the stage from sparkly
stars?
What if I break the cable? I’d just die of embarrassment….

Dulcie

Ros, darlin’, I
am
a Mother—no quotes necessary! As far as religion, well, Frank got it in his head that we need to go to church on Easter Sunday. But there’s a big egg hunt for the kids that morning, and I don’t want to waste a perfectly good morning sitting in church just to appease his conscience. I know I won’t get any sympathy from you, since you think warming a pew and listening to a sermon is the most fun a person could possibly have, but since you asked
what our plans are, I guess you can put up with my griping. :) I don’t see why we even celebrate Easter—church, eggs, bunnies. It’s ridiculous. But the kids love their Easter baskets, so I guess as long as
somebody
is having fun…There ya go.

VIM

Beloved Believers,

Is there any time of year that is as sacred and wonderful as Holy Week? The blessed week we set aside to remember our Lord’s great sacrifice for us. The world has tried its best to turn this wonderful celebration into a carnal, materialistic excuse to consume chocolate bunnies, but I know that all of you strive to keep the focus on our resurrected Savior.

Let’s talk about the special things you do in your family to commemorate this highest of all holidays.

We make resurrection cookies. I’ve attached the recipe and instructions/symbolism to this e-mail. Every ingredient and even the order of making the cookies is all symbolic of the events of the crucifixion and resurrection. My children love making them every year, and they are an easy and wonderful treat.

May you each be blessed by His resurrection,

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

Sometimes God speaks through little kids! Madeline came home from school today, said hello to me, and went straight to Darren, who’d just come in for a mid-afternoon snack. (The guy eats more than our cattle!) She looked up at him with her big brown eyes and said, “Guess what, Daddy?”

He squatted down, elbows on knees, and said, “What, Squirt?”

“We read a really cool story in school today.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh. It was about a family who adopted a new kid. Adoption is when you make a kid part of your family even though they were born in another family.”

I didn’t even dare look at Darren’s face. I figured he’d accuse me of setting him up for this. He didn’t say anything for a second, and then asked, “So what’d you like about it?” His voice sounded sort of tense.

Madeline didn’t notice. “Well, I was thinking on the bus about it. And it’s sort of like God, you know?”

“God? In what way, Squirt?”

“Well, you know, like how God made us part of His family—when we’re born again. That’s what they say at church. So, are we adopted, Daddy? Are we?”

I could hear Darren blow out his breath, like he’d just put a newborn calf on his back. “I guess so, Squirt.”

She ran off squealing and jumping. “Yay! We’re adopted! We’re adopted!” Then she ran back to Darren. “We should adopt some kids, you know, Daddy. A whole bunch. Then maybe God can adopt them, too.” Then she was off again, singing some made-up song about how God adopts everybody. Funky theology aside, it was pretty cute. :)

Darren stood up and went back outside without saying anything. But now this evening, he’s still really quiet, and he has that look on his face that he always gets when something is eating at him.

So pray, please. I think God might be doing something here.

Brenna

Oh my goodness, Brenna, that made me bawl my eyes out! I’m going to print out the e-mail and tape it up by our desk. You don’t mind, do you? Tristan is working late tonight, but I’m going to show it to him when he gets home. He’s worked late almost every evening the past two weeks. I hate tax season!