SAHM I am (19 page)

I only have one goal for this year—bring my child (or children) home from Africa. And I don’t care, Rosalyn, if that isn’t specific or measurable enough for you. It’s not a dream, it IS a goal!

Actually, I can’t believe how organized I am being about all this. Usually, I’m just a muddle of spontaneity and Tristan is the one who is Mr. Mission Statement. But I actually put together a calendar for what we need to do and when, and I’m making checklists and budget tables and everything! Tristan keeps asking me for my driver’s license, just so he can make sure it’s me and not an impostor!

We chose our adoption agency—the one mentioned in the article I read on the plane. We’re sending in our application this week. I can hardly believe it, it’s all happening so quickly! I’m a little overwhelmed by all the work it’s going to take, but I’m excited to get started, too. The children are already bugging me, “Can the new kid sleep in MY room, Mommy?” and Cosette is practically pleading with us, “Please get me a SISTER!!! I have enough brothers.” Isn’t that cute?

Well, I’m off. I have to call around and find out who we need to work with to do our home-study—which evidently is sort of like a cross between pre-marital counseling and a house-buying inspection. I just hope whoever our social worker is doesn’t peek in our closets—she’ll run away screaming! :)

Z

…by Dulcie, who says I’ll feel better if I just talk to you.

The problem is, I’ve been feeling irrationally angry at you ever since you announced your plans to adopt. I know it’s wrong, and I don’t have any reason to act this way, but it’s just coming at a time when I feel like God is either punishing me or abandoning me, or both, and I’m not dealing with it so well.

You see, we just found out Darren is infertile. Aside from a total miracle, he won’t ever be able to father a child. And I don’t think we really know how to accept that right now. He’s questioning his manhood, and I’m ashamed to admit all the thoughts I’ve been having about “Well, if I’d married someone else, I could have had more children.” I love Darren with all my heart, but this is driving a huge wedge between us.

I want to adopt, but he won’t talk about it. Every time I bring it up, he just scowls and changes the subject. It’s just tearing me up inside. So when you announced you were adopting, I felt hurt and jealous. And then I felt horribly guilty because I know you haven’t done a single thing wrong. You have every right to adopt if that’s what you want to do, and it’s awful of me to resent it.

I know you didn’t realize any of this, and you probably wish I hadn’t told you. But in case I do or say something mean, which I’m trying not to, but if I do, I wanted you to understand why. You’re my friend, and I don’t want that to
change. It’s just going to take some time to work through this. I’m sorry.

Love,

Brenna

Bren,

I wish you’d told me ages ago! I’m so terribly sorry. I didn’t know you were suffering like that. Thank you for talking to me about it. How can I help you? I won’t talk any more about the adoption, if you don’t want me to. I don’t want to hurt you. Oh, Brenna! I could just cry thinking about what you must be going through! And Darren, too! Please tell me we’re still friends.

Love,

Z

You’re so sweet, Z. But there’s nothing much you can do. Thanks for asking, though. And please, don’t stop talking about the adoption. I can’t stand the thought that you all are hiding it from me or trying to protect me. I’ll learn to
deal with it, I promise. Of course you’re still my friend! Don’t you ever doubt it!

Brenna

Ugh! I feel rotten, guys. It never fails—as hard as I try to ignore Rosalyn’s lofty goals each year, by the end of the week, the entire discussion has me in a foul mood. I should go “no-mail” the week after New Year’s, just to avoid this very situation, but I’m so hooked on loop messages, I can’t stand the thought of going without for even seven days. So I read everyone’s goals (dreams, whatever) and always end up feeling like a complete failure.

Where is my life going, I ask you? NOWHERE! Z has her adoption, Jocelyn has the parenting classes, everyone seems to have something they want to work on or accomplish—except me.

I was so frustrated today! My house is a mess, and the second I begin trying to clean up, the phone rings, or the twins start fighting with each other, or McKenzie decides to bug me about something. I can’t get anything done! And I’m so far behind, I don’t even know where to start. And I can’t find anything, to save my life.

I was looking for the phone number of our plumber because I thought it was really high time we got our ice-maker in the fridge installed. We bought the fridge new eight months ago and never put in the water line for the ice. But the stupid little business card is lost in a mountain of papers
and bills, and I can’t seem to remember the guy’s name. If I had a household binder, like Rosalyn preaches, I’d have all that info in one place. But I keep thinking, “I’ll do that after I get this mess cleaned up, so I don’t have to search for all the information to go in the binder.” And does the mess get cleaned up? NEVER!

My life is going nowhere fast. By the time I get out of bed, dress, and have the children dressed and fed, it’s time to start lunch. And by the time lunch is over and the children are taking naps, I want a nap, too! Then it’s time to cook supper, and after the dishes are done and everyone cleaned up, it’s almost bedtime. And what have I accomplished? Absolutely nothing.

What is WRONG WITH ME?

Dulcie

You have preschoolers, that’s what! LOL!

Seriously, Dulcie, I felt the same way when my kids were that age, and still do at times. It does get better. But you might want to consider evaluating your daily routine and seeing what changes you could make to it. I have some worksheets from our parenting class that I could send you, if you’re interested. They might help you figure out how you could tweak things to work better.

Love ya!

Jocelyn

Dulcie,

Join the club, friend. Just join the club…

Phyllis

Oh no, you don’t! You aren’t going to lump me in with the rest of those organized, got-it-all-together people! I refuse. I won’t have it, I tell you! I wear my badge of disorganization proudly (when I can find it) and I won’t cross over.

Let me burn my charts and lists! I’ll erase the budget worksheet I created in Excel! Anything to convince you I’m not one of THEM.:) My life is going nowhere, too—don’t be fooled by appearances. GOAL SETTING, I DEFY YOU!

Stubbornly aimless,

Z

Z,

I’m disappointed in you. You forgot to quote the Bard! How about this:

“Come, lay aside your stitchery; I must have you play the idle huswife with me this afternoon.” (Coriolanus, Act I, Scene III.)

Phyllis

Corio-what?
I never even HEARD of that play! I guess you gals are just too cultured for this country hick. *GASP* I SOUND LIKE MY MOTHER-IN-LAW!

Brenna

Come on, Rosalyn! It’s been almost two weeks. How long are you fixing to give me the silent treatment for something
I didn’t do? I thought y’all were into forgiveness and love. I’m plumb sorry Mama and Daddy hurt your feelings, but you shouldn’t take it out on me. I have every right to have a successful career, great husband and wonderful kids. And you have the right to choose your own sweet family over a career, no matter what anyone else says about it. Now will you just get over it and e-mail me? There ya go.

VIM

Gracious Girls,

While I was visiting my sister during the holidays, a difficult thing happened. My parents, whom some of you know are not at all supportive of my decision to be a SAHM, made a very hurtful comment about it in front of all our relatives. Most of my life, they have compared me to my younger sister, and I’ve been—for some bizarre reason—found lacking. So how did I cope with this wounding and embarrassing situation? I summoned all my grace and held my tongue. I did not return evil for evil, but instead retained my dignity and compassion, remembering that Proverbs says never to answer a fool according to his (or in this case, her) folly. It’s so much easier to respond to unkindness with more unkindness. But I find that it’s truly better to “turn the other cheek” and be loving, no matter what. So let’s share some ways we can have “grace under fire.” Share a time you had to hold your tongue and preserve your dignity.

Gracefully,

Rosalyn Ebberly

SAHM I Am Loop Moderator

Tom,

I tried to call you, but you must be in a meeting. Listen, you need to contact me as soon as you can. Your mother called me, wanting to talk to you, but she couldn’t reach you at work, either. Please call me!

Dulcie

Dulcie,

What’s wrong? I called as soon as I could but you must be on the phone. And there’s no answer at Mom’s house. You’ve got me really worried. Listen, if you can’t reach me again, dial zero after my voice-mail message and ask the receptionist to page me. I hope everything’s okay.

Tom

Sorry, Tom. I was on the phone with Becky, and then the batteries in the cordless died, and I didn’t want to be stuck in our bedroom with the corded phone while the girls were playing down here, so I’ll have to tell you this in an e-mail. I’m sorry.

Your mother called this morning to tell me SHE’S GETTING MARRIED! TO MORRIS HASH! IN MAY!!! I talked to Becky, and she’s in shock, too. I mean, they’ve only been dating for a few months. And they’re acting like lovesick teenagers—and just about as stupid, I think! Anyway, call me. We’ve got to figure out what we’re going to do.

Dulcie