Authors: Jamie Deschain
“So can I still go to the movies tonight?”
“Absolutely not.”
“But Ma, I thought—”
“You thought just cause I gave you a reason for your anger that everything was cool? Uh-uh, you do the crime, you do the time, pal. Sorry, Sarah.”
“It’s okay, Mrs. Rossi. I get it.”
“Smart girl. You could learn a thing or two from her, Nicky.”
He walked me to the door with his arm still wrapped tight around me, apologizing for what happened and for not being able to make it to the movies.
“I don’t wanna go if you’re not there,” I said.
“Are you kidding me? Go, be a third wheel to Shakes and Angie. They’re downstairs waiting, anyway. Besides, it’ll get you out of the house.”
He had a point. As much as I hated missing the film with him, anything would be better than sitting at home for the night with the threat of another beating looming over my head.
I nodded, letting him know I’d go and that he wouldn’t have to worry about me. He kissed me, lingering against my lips for a while as we breathed each other in. The hairs on my arm stood up, and I felt the familiar tingling between my legs that happened whenever he was close. We’d yet to go all the way out of fear, but if this kept up, my fear would quickly turn to animalistic desire and I’d have no choice but to jump his bones.
“I do love the way you kiss me,” I smiled.
“I love the way you do everything,” he winked.
“Yeah?”
“Oh yeah.” His eyes lingered over my body, hungering for every inch of me. I could see it on his face and my nipples hardened from just the thought of him undressing me. I shuddered with delight and gave Nicholas one last hug before walking downstairs to meet up with Angie and Shakes.
If I had of known that the next time we’d see each other I’d be lying in a hospital bed, I would’ve kissed him one last time.
* * *
“You know he’s totally nuts about you, right?”
Angie and I stood in front of the bathroom mirror before the movie. Shakes was getting us snacks at the concession stand, and though I felt kind of bad for him having to pay for everything, I enjoyed my time alone with the girl who’d quickly become my new best friend next to Nicholas.
She was tall and thin, with two-toned hair the color of fire and ice that contrasted blazingly against her mocha skin. Long, thick lashes brought out her auburn eyes, and when she smiled it was with lips that were always a different shade of red every time I saw her.
“How do you know?” I asked, leaning against the bathroom counter, trying to pucker my lips like she was doing.
“You kidding me? I’ve never known Nicholas to have a violent bone in his body, but the way he pounded on that guy today? Why do you think we call him Saint Nicholas? Man, he’s got it bad for you.”
“His mom said it’s just his own insecurities, like maybe he’s afraid someone’s gonna steal me away from him or something.”
“No way,” Angie frowned. “Not a chance. You guys are perfect together.”
I smiled, leaning into her a bit to let her know I appreciated her saying that. I knew it in my heart of hearts of course, that Nicholas and I were meant to be together, but hearing someone else confirm it for me was just icing on the cake.
I watched as she applied another coat of lipstick. A shade that she said was called Pure Cherry. The stick glided flawlessly across her lips, and seeing my interest in it, she offered me some.
“No,” I said. “I can’t.” I glanced down at the counter, almost ashamed for not being able to accept her offer, but if my dad saw me with that on, he’d lose it.
“Hey,” she said, capping the lipstick and sticking it back in her purse. “It’s okay.”
She placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and wouldn’t look away until I met her eyes. I welcomed her understanding, if not a little surprised by it. She’d known about what went on at home for a couple of months now, but it never ceased to amaze me how good she was with it all. For the longest time I thought that if people knew, they’d shun me even more, but the way Shakes and Angie helped me through stuff was incredible. Even if it was with just a hug or a nice word, it meant more to me than anything, and I had Nicholas to thank for it all.
“How’s all that going, anyway?”
“Okay I guess.”
“Your father, he still…you know?”
I nodded, feeling the onset of my emotions starting to sting my eyes.
No more words were needed, so Angie wrapped her arms around me and held me close for a while, which choked me up even more. Before long, tears streamed down my cheeks. I wasn’t a sobbing wreck, and they weren’t really tears of sadness. It was just overwhelming to know that there were actually people who cared about me.
A pounding on the bathroom door startled us, making the two of us jump. Angie placed a hand over her heart, and I looked back at her with wide eyes.
Then we both heard Shakes shout, “C’mon, what are you doing in there? I got an arm load of popcorn and am trying to balance three Cokes. Help a brother out!”
“We’re having a moment!” Angie yelled. “Be out in a second.”
“A
moment
?” he yelled back. “Can I come in?”
“Not that kind of moment, you douchewad. Just go get us seats.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Angie and Shakes fed off of one another so much that it was hard to tell they
weren’t
a couple.
Give it time
, I thought, biting my bottom lip, because I knew Nicholas felt the same, and lately any thought of Nicholas sent my mind wandering to places beyond making-out with him.
“Come on,” she said, gathering up her purse and placing her hand on my back. “We better get out there before he eats all the popcorn. You okay?”
“Yeah.” I wiped my eyes with some tissue and threw it in the trash.
“No more of that tonight, okay? We’re gonna have a good time, just make sure you sit next to me and not Shakes, otherwise he’ll be talking in your ear all night. I know how to handle him, so it’s safer if I’m in the middle.”
“You got it.”
“That’s my girl.”
* * *
Since it was two on one, we ended up seeing
Love Sick
, and all the way home Shakes couldn’t stop badgering it for being an awful film.
“All that hugging and kissing and crying, man, you’d think it was something on Lifetime.”
“I dunno, I thought it was pretty good,” I said, beaming a wide smile to egg him on further.
“You would,” he said, shoving me playfully.
We walked down 45
th
and approached my building. I glanced up and saw the living room light on, and wondered for a moment if my father was home. Of course, wondering that made it feel like there was a big ball of lead in my stomach, so I slowed my pace as we made our way to the front door so they could drop me off.
“You need me to come up?” Angie asked, looking concerned.
I thought about it, but figured it would be okay. My parents knew who I was with tonight, and my dad had seen Angie enough times over the summer that I’m pretty sure he knew our friendship wasn’t a ruse for something more. Or at least, I hoped that’s what he thought. I had no reason to believe otherwise, because with all the hateful things he’d screamed at me lately, not a one had anything to do with her.
“I should be okay,” I said.
We hugged goodbye and they saw me on my way. When I got upstairs mom was sitting on the couch watching TV, and wouldn’t meet my cheerful greeting, let alone ask me if I’d had a good time—something she always did when I came back from seeing Angie.
Immediately my nerves became frazzled and the whole atmosphere around me changed. Something was wrong, but what? I didn’t see dad anywhere, but that didn’t mean anything, and I slowly made my way to my room, where I found him sitting on my bed. The lights were off and my window was open, and I watched for a moment as the curtains feathered in the breeze before noticing he had something in his hand.
Already I wanted to cry at just the thought of what he was going to do to me, and when he started to read from the paper my heart lodged in my throat and my breathing became shallow because I knew that he’d just discovered the truth.
“Her hair is like the softest cloud, and on my arm I wear her proud. When she looks at me my heart explodes, and I can see our path laid out on a winding road. The way I feel—”
“Daddy,” I cried, begging for him to stop, but he just stood up and loomed over me, not taking his eyes off the poem that Nicholas had given me over the summer. A poem I thought I’d hidden safely away.
Stupid, Sarah. How stupid can you be?
“The way I feel,” he screamed, “is unlike any other, and other girls hadn’t even bother, for this is the era of my one and only. The era of my girl Sarah.”
He looked at me then. I could see the volcano in him erupting behind his eyes, and watched with dreadful tears as he tore the piece of paper to shreds and let the pieces fall to the ground like they were pieces of my broken heart.
I barely had time to react before he cocked his fist and did something he’d never done before, and when I closed my eyes as my father punched me in the face, the only thing I could think about was Nicholas telling me he’d take care of me.
EIGHT
-
Nicholas
-
I sat on the couch with Helena watching some cartoon show, but my mind was elsewhere. Mom was at work and I was itching to find out how things were going with Sarah and the gang at the movies. It was killing me not being there, and as much as I wanted to blame it all on Mom, I had no one to be angry with except myself. I was the one who lost control and let that guy’s words get the better of me. I should have known something like that would have repercussions, but when he said those things all I could think about was making sure he never said them again.
And now I was suspended for a week and without my girlfriend. Damn, life is cruel.
Helena laughed and I glanced over at her, smiling. As much of a pain in the ass as she could be sometimes, it was moments like that that make me glad I had a little sister.
Who am I kidding though, right? She was only a pain in the ass some of the time. Most days we got a long pretty well, and lately when I saw her, my mind flashed to images of Sarah, and what it might be like to grow old with her and have a kid of our own someday. Crazy, I know, but when it came to her I could easily see myself popping the question sooner rather than later. I didn’t ever want to be without her. Morning, noon, and night, she was all that mattered in my world. Good grades and college, those things were a given if I could keep my head on straight. What mattered most was getting her out of that place she called home and making a good life for the two of us. Some place far away that didn’t remind her of any of that bad shit she’d been through. Hell, I would’ve move to the North Pole if it made her happy.
Helena, perhaps sensing how distracted I was, slapped me on the knee and told me to cheer up, so I stuck my tongue out at her, and before I knew it we were collapsed in a mess of arms and tickling fingers on the couch, making each other laugh.
Then out of nowhere she asked, “Do you love her?”
Talk about a reality check. When your ten-year-old sister asks you if you love someone, it’s kind of like a slap in the face. The funny things is, I didn’t even have to think twice about it.
“Sarah? Yeah I love her.”
She pinched her face up in mock disgust, and I grabbed for her nose. “Don’t worry,” I said. “One day someone will love you too.”
“Eww, I don’t think so.”
I ruffled her long dark hair and reached for my soda on the coffee table.
“But I like Sarah,” Helena said.
“You do?”
She nodded. “Yeah, she’s cool. It’s like, she gets me, you know?”
“Get’s you? You’re ten, what’s there to get?”
“Stuff. You wouldn’t understand. It’s a girl thing.”
“Oh,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
A commercial came on TV so I asked Helena if she’d like some popcorn, which she said she definitely would, adding, “You should beat up people more often, I kind of like having you around as my slave.”
“Slave, huh? I’ll show you slave!”
I picked her up by the ankles and lifted her into the air, bopping her head on the soft cushions of the couch. She squealed and laughed, begging me to put her down. I hadn’t planned on it any time soon, but when a frantic knocking erupted at the door, I got a sinking feeling in my chest that made me drop my sister and run to answer it.
I threw open the door and standing there was Angie and Shakes, looking like death warmed over. Angie had been crying and her eyes were all red and puffy, and Shakes had this look on his face like…well, like I’d never seen before.
The color drained from my cheeks and my mouth went bone dry. So much so that I had a hard time asking, “What happened?” and it came out hoarse.
Angie stumbled past me and into the apartment, starting to sob. When she saw Helena looking at her, she quickly spun around and tried to compose herself as best she could. Shakes followed her in and I shut the door behind them.
“It’s Sarah,” she said, her voice a trembling mess of nerves. “We dropped her off at her apartment after the movie and everything was fine, but before we could even get off her block we started hearing yelling. Shakes and I made our way back there and heard her dad, he was beating on her, and…” She trailed off in an incoherent mixture of more tears and heavy sobs that sent her chest heaving high into he air. I’d never seen her this upset before, ever, and it was all I could do to stop from grabbing her so she’d finish.
I couldn’t take it. My pulse was racing and it felt like there was a tornado in my stomach. I looked to Shakes for answers and he took off his ball cap and shook his head. “It’s bad, Nicky. She’s in the hospital. We saw them take her away in an ambulance.”
The strength drained from my legs and I leaned against the wall, sliding slowly to the floor as the tears began to fall. I remembered my sister was there and tried to keep it together, but when it comes to Sarah I have no filter, and even the weight of having to look after Helena while mom was at work wasn’t enough to stop me from losing it.