Gran shook her head. “I’m not sure. No one has heard from him since Emmaline’s disappearance, at least none who have mentioned it.”
She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything. If she did, would she have been more willing to tell us? I start to share it with her, but when she looks at me, I can see all the pain and death on her face in a way she concealed before. I don’t want to add to it. I can’t tell her. Not yet.
“Connie needs to know,” I say instead. “You have to tell her about Emmaline and the demon blood. No more secrets, Gran.” She nods slowly. “And I’m telling Carter.”
“You can’t,” she says. “Every time you put yourself out there, it’s dangerous. Things have not changed so much that they won’t care.”
“I love him. I don’t want to hide.”
Suddenly, all of Emmaline’s words make complete sense. She tried to fit in and she was lost, so she changed herself. I was lost too, before Carter and all this news. I keep trying to fit too, but I won’t, because I am not like everyone else. I am different. I’m some part demon, without essence.
Some part related to the demon who killed my family. To the demon who has my powers. I don’t even know how to process that. I do know that my parents’ death, my losing magic, was far from random. It was planned.
“I promise it will be okay,” I say to Gran. I say the words, but even I don’t think I believe them. How will it be okay? I’m a demon. Carter said we were in this together, but I doubt this is what he had in mind. What if he walks away from me when he finds out what I am?
Once Pop was home, I tried to call Carter and he didn’t answer, so I left. I had to get out. The walls were closing in and I couldn’t lose it in front of them. I do what I always do when I’m stressed: I go for a run. The volume is up as loud as it will go. My feet pound the pavement in a dissonant tune with the rock music. Some angry dude is screaming words into my ears that I can’t understand and it’s just me and the noise.
The whole reason any of this has happened all goes back to Azsis. I really want to find him now.
The song ends, another one comes on. I run, not even listening to the words. The words are lies; a story put to music so they sound better.
I know my grandparents were protecting me, like they always do, but they need to learn that I don’t need protection. I need honesty. They knew—or at least suspected—that I had demonic power. They never told me. If they had, everything would’ve been so less complicated. Or more complicated maybe. I don’t even know.
Gran wanted to talk about it some more now, but I couldn’t. What would I tell her?
The sky is graying around me, but I keep going.
The music screams sharp and shrill notes into my ear. I run harder, faster against the wind as the music builds. Carter’s eyes flash in my head. He’s something solid. Carter and me in the alley, the way it feels when his hands are on me, when he’s kissing me and my heart is racing, when he laughs and calls me Pen and does all those annoying things that I hate to love. Carter is solid.
What if he says he doesn’t want me now?
I didn’t want him before, but the thought of losing him is too much. I gasp in air, choking on a sob. My head spins, my heart races, and I have the urge to vomit. I stop quickly, gasping for breath, hunched over. I can’t do this without him, but I don’t want to. Not now.
I pull the earbuds out of my ears and tuck into a clearing between some houses. My phone is all sweaty from being stuffed around my waist, but I pull it out to call him. I have a text from him from an hour ago. He must’ve sent it right after I left the house.
Hope it went well with your gran. Have to go somewhere. Be back in time for our test. I love you.
Defeat fills my chest. If he’s going out, then I have to wait another day to tell him. Our test is tomorrow. It will have to be after that. Sobs pour out of my body and I sink to the earth. I’m a freaking demon! I’m the one thing I’m taught to hate and the only person I want to hold me and reassure me is gone for the night. I’m supposed to be strong—I want to be an Enforcer—but right now, I feel lost.
I give myself five minutes to cry. Then I have to go home and somehow be the Penelope who believes everything will be okay. But this is not going to be okay. Not ever.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I wake up before my alarm—though “waking up” is the wrong term after my lame excuse for sleep. I got maybe two hours and they were both restless. My mind wouldn’t stop thinking about all the things Gran told me. I’m a demon. My entire family…demon blood.
I check my phone. There’s still nothing else from Carter. My stomach sways at the thought of him, at what will happen when I see him later. In a few hours, we have to take the Partner Final, which we’ll pass because we are the best thing since spray-on butter, and I will start a new chapter of my life. Hopefully, with Carter—if, of course, he doesn’t freak out that I’m a demon. Half demon. Well, one-seventh demon—or something. I’m not a math person.
And I guess if he does, then I’ll at least have passed my test. I can still find my demon, learn more about the Restitution, get my magic back, and put all this behind me.
I really hope he doesn’t freak out. He loves me. That’s enough, a lot more than some portion demonic. Right?
I pull my hair back into a ponytail as someone knocks on the door. Connie stares back at me, her eyes swollen and her cheeks red.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, pulling her into my arms. She just starts sobbing, which is probably not the first time this morning from the state of her. “What happened?” I whisper against her ear.
She shakes her head as we sit down on my bed. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I know what’s happened. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m wrong. I hope I’m wrong.
It’s only a couple minutes before she pulls away, sniffing and apologizing. I grab her hand. Her big eyes focus on me. “I talked to Thomas,” she says softly, “about what Gran told me. About you, us.”
“Oh, Con. I shouldn’t have said it was a good idea to tell him.”
She wanted to tell him the same way I am going to tell Carter. Connie and Thomas have been together for two years, so I think we both thought it would be a good idea. I wanted that to be a good idea, because I want that happy ending so much for Carter and me. For all of us.
She shakes her head. “We talked through it all night. I just got home. He doesn’t…” She pauses, taking in a breath so she doesn’t cry. “He doesn’t think he can risk it. With his family being so—” She waves her hand around the air.
“Hoity-toity?” I supply.
Connie nods. “He swore he wouldn’t tell anyone. Blood oath and all. He said he loved me, but he couldn’t risk his parents’ finding out, for my sake. All of our sakes, I guess.”
I bite my lip. I want to say that he’s covering his own ass. It’s not about Connie or about us. He’s guarding his future, being selfish. But if I hadn’t insisted that Gran tell Connie the truth then she wouldn’t be heartbroken right now. Not everyone needs the truth as much as I do. Maybe I shouldn’t have decided for my sister, but is the dark the best place to be forever? I don’t think so either.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
She shakes her head and stands. “I’m just going to sleep.” She takes about two steps from across the room and looks back at me. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I watch her go down the hall to her room and once she’s closed the door, I grab my bag and my phone and leave for the Nucleus House. Mostly because I can’t handle the waiting, and because I don’t want to talk to anyone else. Maybe I can get some practice in before the test.
Ric holds the heavy bag as I lay another round of abuse into it. Maple shakes out her hand beside me, taking a break. We have one hour until the testing starts and Carter isn’t here. Carter hasn’t even answered his phone. I’m still upset about Connie, and Ric and Maple are staring at me like some alien life form has taken over my body. I throw another punch.
“What?” I yell at Ric.
He raises an eyebrow, wordlessly scolding me like a child. “You’re wound up, Penelope. You better relax a little, and fast, before you spring loose and take out someone’s eye.”
I shake my head, but I know he’s right. Maple trades spots with Ric and holds the bag while he warms up, and I start my cool-down.
“Where’s the boy toy?” Ric asks me.
“Not here yet,” I say. I’m waiting for him, waiting to feel it—to have the magic start thrashing inside of me—but there’s nothing. And that makes me more nervous than I’d like to admit. I step away and check my phone. Nothing. “Do you think he’s okay?”
Ric sighs. “He’s pretty good at taking care of himself. When’s the last time you talked to him?”
“Yesterday afternoon,” I say. “He had a phone call and he was going to see—” Poncho, about Kriegen. Kriegen had been hidden from the database, the same way Azsis was. They might be connected, too. And if they’re connected, then Carter needs to know what he’s looking for. I have to find him and tell him.
“I know that look. What are you doing?”
“I’ll be right back,” I say, grabbing my bag off the floor.
“The final is in forty-five minutes,” Maple calls out. I don’t need her to remind me.
“It won’t take long. I promise,” I say. Ric doesn’t look like he believes me, but I run out the door. I really hope I can keep all the promises I’ve been making.
The library is dark, but the door creaks open and I look around and don’t see anyone. The only light comes from Poncho’s desk lamp.
“Poncho?” I call. There’s no movement. No sounds. I expect monsters to jump out of the shadows and eat me any moment now. That doesn’t happen. How am I nervous about shadow monsters but not about real ones?
There are some books lying open on Poncho’s desk. I run my hand over one of the pages. “Poncho, are you here? I’m looking for Carter.”
There’s no response. Not even the hum of a computer or the purr of a cat. Where is he? Does he leave the library? I mean, he’s always here. He was the last one who saw Carter so he has to know something.
I move away from the desk and walk toward the stacks. There’s no way I’m going down one of those because I don’t have time to get lost in the dark, so I stay in the main lobby and poke my head down an aisle to call for Poncho. The third time, there’s a huge thud, a hiss, and I turn around to see Hyde the cat pouncing out of the room.
“Stupid cat,” I mutter, as I walk to recover the mess of books he’s made. One by one I place them back on the desk, spreading them out so a page is open. Poncho’s not going to like that they’re out of order now, but it’s all I can do. The last book has a wrinkled page, and I smooth it out.
That’s weird.
I read what’s written there out loud. “There is one who seeks the same as you and one who hides the truth from you. Only when the two meet, shall the lost be found.”
That’s what Vassago told Carter and me the day we met him in the bar. And it’s here in this book? That doesn’t make sense. Why would it be in this book?
“You’ve put them in the wrong order,” Poncho says. I jump half out of my skin. My heart’s racing when I look at him. He squeezes beside me, placing Hyde down on the table and switching the position of the two books.
“Almost though.” His face is serious and then he smiles. “Can I help you?
I press my fingers to my temple. I can almost feel time slipping away. “Do you know where Carter is? Yesterday you called and he was coming to see you. I haven’t heard from him since then.”
“He hasn’t come back at all or he hasn’t come back to you?” he asks. I don’t respond. Poncho debates for a moment, and then sits in a chair. I sit next to him. Poncho stares off into the distance, fingers grazing the spine of another book.
I try again. “Carter said you knew something about Kriegen. He came here yesterday to talk to you about it. Do you know where he is now?”
Poncho’s eyes drift back toward me. “Yes, he came here. I found some information.”
“About Kriegen.”
Poncho smiles. “I did well. He really wanted to know.”
“Yes, I’m excited. We both are. I’m sure you worked hard—”
“He’s been looking for his mother for years. I’m glad I found it.”
I shake my head.
His mother?
“No, no. He said the information was about the demon, Kriegen.”
Poncho looks confused. “His mother.”
“Where is he, Poncho?”
“He said he wanted to find his mother,” he says, standing up. This is getting me nowhere. I stand, but Poncho’s already walking away toward the cat. I walk too, but toward the door. I need to find Carter. Poncho’s words have me worried. Something is wrong. I can feel it.
I look back over my shoulder and something catches my eye. Poncho’s pant leg is caught in his shoe, exposing his sock. A sock with a red stripe. I do a double-take to make sure, and it’s definitely there. Poncho looks toward me, and when our eyes meet, the color is a familiar shade of green.
I don’t walk. I run to find Carter.
The Partner Final is in twenty minutes, but I don’t go that way. I go in the opposite direction, to the supply closet. If I’m going find a demon without magic, I’m going to need a whole lot more than the salt in my vial. Carter said Poncho was giving him information about Kriegen. Poncho said it was about his mother. That red-striped sock said a whole bunch of other things that I don’t even know how to explain. All of them say trouble. I need to find Carter.
Kriegen is the key. I find Kriegen, I find Carter. And, thanks to Emmaline’s little tryst with a demon, I think I know how to catch one even better now. With dessert, better known as me.
This is certifiable, but I push salt-crusted iron daggers in my socks anyway. And salt pellets in my pockets. A nice pistol in my waistband. A salted, iron army knife in my bra strap. You can never be too prepared. I grab a bow and arrow off the shelf and sling them around my shoulder. I’m halfway down the hall when Ric shows up and grabs my arm.
“What are you doing?”
I shake my head and try to pull away, but his grip on my arm is tight.
“I have to get him back.”
“Get who?”
“Carter. He’s in trouble. I need to help him.”
Ric shakes his head. “Penelope, you have to be at the test.”
“It doesn’t matter. I can’t test without him, let alone pass, and he’s not here. He wouldn’t miss this.”
“But—”
“I have to find him, Ric. I love him,” I say. I realize I’ve never told Ric that before—how much I love Carter. He lets go of my arm and stares at me. I’m wasting time, trying to explain all this to him. I just need to go.
“I can go with you,” Ric says, stepping in front of me.
“No. You have a test to take with Maple,” I say, shaking my head. Ric starts to protest, but I will not let him miss this. One of us has to succeed. “Now get out of my way before this bow makes good friends with your colon.”
I move past him. I’ve already wasted more time and I can’t afford to do that. I start to run when his voice echoes down the hall to me. “Where are you going, at least?”
“To hell!”
I stand in the alley where all this started and hold my breath. Part of me keeps hoping that Carter will step out of the shadows like before, but I know that’s not what’s happening.
My blood drips to the ground. I wrap the piece of bandage over my arm and tie it tighter. The blood keeps seeping through. I probably should’ve thought through cutting myself a little more—but there were demons a mile back, and I had to figure out a way to make them follow me.
It’s been like ten minutes. If this doesn’t work, plan B is a lot more dangerous. Carter probably wouldn’t even approve, which says something. Not that he’d like this one either. I put on my jacket to hold the bandage tighter, even though it’s hot and humid out here and it’s barely 10:00 a.m.
I smell them before I see them—demons. Four of them.
“Well, lookie here,” one of them hisses. They’re all in human bodies, and this one is some punked-out teenage kid with blue hair and a nose ring. I make a mental note that the spiral nose ring can be used to my advantage if needed. I wonder if the demon would feel that. “It’s a little witch.”
I smile and grip the bow around my shoulder. “I’ve been called worse.”
A girl, some poor Non who looks like she could’ve been a model at some point, hisses at me on its approach. “You sure are a pretty thing,” it says.
“I’ve been told.”
The third companion, in the form of an Asian boy with a polo and brown loafers—probably the last thing he expected leaving the house was to be possessed or he would’ve worn better shoes—sniffs the air. “And you smell good. Powerful.”
“I’ve heard that one before, too,” I snap, crossing my arms. The girl hisses at me again, but I don’t respond. “I’m here to negotiate.”
“Now, I’ve never heard that one before,” the fourth one says with a smile, stepping into the only empty space around me. It’s a really, really tall basketball player type. The glare in its eyes also warns me that it could probably rip me in half.
Good job picking them, Penelope.
“I’m looking for Kriegen. We have a mutual interest we need to talk about,” I say. All four of them laugh at me, and worry creeps into my chest.
“Kriegen doesn’t
talk
,” punk kid demon says with a smile.
“Yeah, Kriegen is more of the ‘rip your heart out and eat it’ kind of leader,” the tall one says.
I laugh, which sounds more like a squeak when it comes out. How can I spin this? Spin it, brain.
Think
.
“I’d like to rip her heart out and eat it,” the girl says, gesturing to me.
“She does smell really, really delicious,” the brown loafers boy says.
That’s it
.
“Which is exactly why you should take me to Kriegen. I believe your leader is looking for someone who smells ‘really, really delicious.’ Right? I think that’s part of this witch hunt.” All four of the demons raise their eyebrows at me, like they’re debating.
“You know I’m right. All the hours you’ve put in, what would it be like to get the prize? Just take me in. What’s the worst that can happen?” I ask. The demons look at each other. “Go ahead, talk it out. I’m not going anywhere.”
The demons huddle together and I hear pieces of their conversation. Words here and there, but they’re all talking at once. I’m not sure where all this bravery has come from. All I know is that I need to save Carter, and these nimrods are the only way I can get anywhere near Kriegen.