Sanctity (40 page)

I knew what he meant; that he didn’t want me
to risk hurting anyone especially since in his mind it was
completely avoidable.  He carefully kept me from knowing the
full truth but I suspected that he went out before I would wake and
take care of this unfortunate necessity.  He seemed determined
to keep me from witnessing it or being a part of it in any
way.  It was always very personal and very intimate when he
shared himself with me afterwards. 

I sometimes felt a pang of guilt when I had
to use him this way but he wouldn’t budge on the matter.  I
tried not to let it bother me and I was so overwhelmed with being
able to love one another openly that I was, for the most part, able
to push it to the corner of my mind. 

Over the nights that were
wholly ours before we took our flight home Michael and I were like
any other new lovers.  We went to the movies and strolled hand
in hand; he brought me flowers and whispered sweet-nothings to me
whenever the mood struck him.  He was hopelessly romantic and
told me on our first night together that he had always dreamed
of 
courting
 me.

“Courting,” I teased him, “how old
fashioned!”

 “Not the way I’ll do it.  I am
going to spend every night from now until forever winning your
heart.”

Though I was sure he knew he already had it,
I ran a skeptical eye over him and he responded to the challenge in
my expression.

I had just woken up and he held his hand out
to me and tugged me to standing.  He gently stripped me from
my clothes and scooped me up.  He carried me from the panic
room and down the hallway to the bathroom.  It was shimmering
in the soft glow of a hundred candles; all notably enclosed in
glass.  There was a soft symphony playing in the background
and the bath was drawn; it beckoned with a glossy coating of
bubbles and scented oil. 

Michael set me on the edge of the tub and
kissed me.  He drew his t-shirt over his head and shimmied out
of his pants before picking me back up and gently settling me into
the heady water.  He glided in opposite me and sighed.

“Ah,” he whispered.  “This is one of my
favorite imaginings,” he gathered up one of my feet and massaged it
with smooth, firm strokes.  After a few minutes he kissed my
big toe and put that foot aside before gathering up the
other. 

I was grinning from ear to ear as he finished
up with the second foot, “You’d better be careful, I could get used
to this.  Think of all the years you’re indenturing yourself
to.”

“I have thought of them, many, many times and
I have something planned for every one of them,” he swam across the
tub to me. 

He was impossible to resist and I savored
every moment.  When it was over the minutes ticked by. We
slowly regained our composure then Michael brushed me with a quick
kiss and stepped from the bath.  He hastily showered then
handed me out of the tub so I could do the same.  While I
washed and rinsed he stepped away to get dressed then returned as I
finished up.  He carefully extinguished the candles as I
wrapped myself in his robe then he motioned me toward the
bedroom.

He had bought a couple of outfits for me and
laid them out on the bed.  Since he looked quite casual, I
chose my outfit along the same lines.  Once I was dressed I
headed back to the bathroom to fix my hair and so forth.  I
didn’t realize it but it was the first time that I had looked at
myself in the mirror since Michael brought me there.  At first
I was not even sure it was me.  I studied myself turning my
head from left to right and back again. 

The changes were subtle but
significant.  I felt like I had never really seen myself until
that very moment.  Michael came and stood behind me and as I
gazed at our reflections I wondered how we would ever go unnoticed
with such an ethereal appearance. 

“People see what they want to see and nothing
more.  Look how beautiful you are,” he whispered as he stroked
my arm.  My stomach did an excited little flip as he touched
me.  “Come let’s go out for a bit,” he found my fingers and
wrapped them in his.

He turned me away from our reflections and
ushered me down the hallway.  He paused at a nearby closet and
took two leather jackets from within.  He handed one to me and
I shrugged myself into it.  As he smiled I couldn’t help
noticing the roguish expression in his eyes and wondered what he
was up to.  Michael opened a door at the end and flipped the
light switch.  It led to the garage and there was a small
arsenal of cars collected within.  We wound our way between
the cars and as we neared the far wall came to a row of
motorcycles. 

“I know how much you loved your first ride,
are you up for a second?” he entered a code into a nearby keypad
and the garage door opened letting in the sultry night air. 
Michael took a helmet from one of the shelves and handed me one as
well.  He grabbed a set of keys from a pegboard fastened to
the wall and walked up to a lumbering, black brute of a motorcycle,
“What do you say?” He straddled the bike.

When he started the motorcycle it emitted a
thunderous bellow which seemed doubly loud since it was still in
the garage.  I could feel the sound vibrating through the
floor as he revved the motorcycle once or twice before wheeling it
out into the driveway.  He grinned as he cocked his head
motioning me to hop on.  I happily trotted to where he was
waiting and sidled up behind him.  As I wrapped my arms around
his waist he pulled them tighter and kicked the bike into
gear. 

I remembered our first ride and how
frightened I was at how fast we were traveling.  It was on my
9th birthday; a special gift and one of our many nighttime
adventures.  In my mind it was my favorite present and I
cherished the memory for months on end and always wished for
another opportunity.  We rumbled along and drifted through the
streets at an easy pace.  Whenever he was not shifting or
braking he placed his hand on my knee and I could feel all over
again the happy serenity I felt all those years ago.

We had a lovely evening together and when we
got back to his place I nearly told him that I didn’t want to go
home.  That I wasn’t ready to resolve things with Charlie and
to have Margaret see me this way.  All I wanted was to share
night after night like that with him and to forget all the
hardships that were still ahead of us. 

“We will, Elayna, once this is behind us,
every night will be ours and I promise to make them just as
memorable,” he was holding my hands in his and turned them over
kissing each palm.  Or at least that was what I thought he was
doing.  “If you will have me, that is.”

I looked down, turned my hand over and though
I couldn’t imagine how it had gotten there weighting down my ring
finger was the most remarkable engagement ring I had ever seen.

I felt like my heart was going to burst it
was beating so hard and fast.

I don’t know why I doubted it but, “Can we
even do that?”  It seemed the strangest and yet at the same
time most natural thing in the world – getting married. 

“Of course we can, although…”

“What Michael, what is it?”

“Well, it won’t be anything more than
that.  You know…or maybe you don’t… we…”

I saw it in his eyes, “We can’t have a
family,” I finished for him.

He shook his head.

I was filled with regret as Michael conveyed
to me that children were an impossibility for us.  As I
searched his eyes, though, I knew our lives would be happy and full
enough as long as we were together.

“So will you?”

I threw myself around him, “How could you
even ask that after all we have been through?”  I took his
face in my hands, “Yes, Michael, yes I will!”

Somehow having the ring on my finger gave me
the courage I needed to overcome this one last obstacle in our
lives.  We readied ourselves the night Margaret called to let
us know everything was in order and took a flight home.  Since
it was early enough when we arrived we went straight to her house
from the airport.

I clutched Michael’s hand as we made the
final turn into Margaret’s subdivision.  Margaret must have
heard us pull in because the porch light came on as soon as Michael
put the car in park.  Suddenly I was a bundle of nerves and
that was the last place I wanted to be.  Michael sensed my
nervousness and took my hand to his lips, “It will be fine,” he
said encouragingly.  “Imagine what it was like when I first
told her about me!”

I was sure that must have been infinitely
more difficult.  Margaret had known for many, many years and
had had time to acknowledge and accept Michael’s fate so I was sure
my transformation would not be quite so shocking.  As I was
thinking these thoughts over she opened the door and I was
instantly overwhelmed by Margaret’s emotions.  She was so
happy to see me and know that I was safe and well.  There was
the underlying disappointment that my life had not turned out as
she had hoped but it was insignificant compared to the love I
sensed she felt for Michael and for me.

 It cheered my heart to know and I
hurried to where she stood.  I gently wrapped my arms around
her.  I had never been able to express my appreciation for all
she had done for me.  I had never been able to show Margaret
how much I loved, admired and respected her.  Somehow, I felt
like she was a part of me, too, the way Michael was and that I was
flooding her mind with all my heartfelt emotions and that she
understood and was grateful for the time we had shared.  She
never had a daughter and that was how she thought of me, had always
thought of me and always would. 

Michael was standing back watching the
display but soon began to covet the love he felt he was missing out
on and took us both in his arms.  Several minutes passed and I
sensed that Margaret was ready to head indoors to where we would
all be more comfortable.  Michael disentangled himself from us
and gathered Margaret’s hand on one side while I took her other and
led her inside. 

My lips trembled as I realized that Kaley was
not there to greet me as she had done for the past 10 years. 
There was no leash waiting on the table for a hasty walk to the
greenway and back, no massive head to rest on my knee hoping for a
scrap of food from my plate.  Michael released Margaret as she
took her seat and I settled into mine.  He placed a stool just
to the right and a little bit behind me as I sat across from
Margaret.  He rested his head on my shoulder and wrapped his
arms around my waist knowing that I needed a little comfort just
then.

Margaret was captivated, closely looking us
over, “I almost can’t bear to look at the two of you,” she turned
her eyes from one to the other and back again.  “You look
so…so majestic,” she breathed.

I could feel her wondering what we would do
now, what our next steps would be toward tying up our loose ends
and living this new life. 

“That’s why we’re here, Mother.  Have
you heard from Charlie at all?”

“No, Michael, I haven’t,” she answered.

“Hmm.  When was the last time you went
to Elayna’s apartment?”

“Not since Charlie brought me there after,”
she rubbed her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Mother.  We’ll find
him.”

“What are you going to do?” she sounded
worried.

I answered for us, “Apologize.  It’s all
we can do, really.  I can’t think of any way to make this
right.”

Michael and I took turns and it was wrenching
at times but we managed to piece together everything that had
happened for Margaret so she would understand where we all
stood.  Michael was careful to edit some of the details and
portrayed Victor in the most positive light allowable. 
Margaret was clearly saddened to learn that Victor was lost and
wondered if there was anything she could have done that would have
made things turn out differently. 

“Mother, it wasn’t your fault.  We all
need to accept responsibility for who we are and what we
become.  Victor knew who he was.  He knew he could have
reached out to any one of us at any time and we would have helped
him.  In the end he took a step towards redemption and I’m
sure he was sorry for all that he had done and that he didn’t blame
anyone but himself.”

There were several minutes of quiet as we all
reflected on the events.  Then Margaret asked if we had been
to Michael’s yet and if he had had a chance to look over the work
that was done. 

Michael glanced at his watch and nodded,
“Yes, I guess we should be going, just in case I need to make any
changes,” he stood up and kissed his mother’s cheek.

“Thank you Margaret.  Thank you for
everything,” I smiled and hugged her goodbye.  “We will see
you again soon.”

She smiled and hugged us each at the
door.  As we made our way down the walkway towards the car I
suddenly realized that we hadn’t told her about our
engagement.  I started to turn back, “She knows,” Michael
chuckled.  He bent to kiss me but paused midway.

“Michael?”

He looked around like he was searching for
something, “Huh,” he frowned then shrugged and kissed my
temple.

“What is it?”

“Nothing, I’m sure.  Let’s get home and
get you settled.”

I worried for half a moment but Michael
assured me with great confidence that I needn’t and helped me into
the car.

Michael inspected the room
and found little fault.  He touched up a thing or two and
together we brought a few furnishings from the guest bedroom and
arranged them in the darkroom.  It was an odd contrast; the
soft colors of the bedspread against the black, vacant floors and
walls.  I wondered if there were any way to make
it 
homier 
but also thought that I shouldn’t let it bother me since I
was completely unaware of the world around me when I was
resting.