Sanctuary (Freaks MC Book 2) (21 page)

There must have been bars where, when a fight broke out, the combatants were quickly pulled apart. But this was the clubhouse, and these were The Freaks. Out of the corner of his eye, Samson could see money changing hands as the two men began slugging it out. He guessed that the smart money was on Tiny. Despite being five years older, he was quicker, had a superior reach and was in far better shape. Samson rarely went in the ring anymore, his weaknesses were too evident and too easy to exploit, and as a southpaw, the power of his punch was somewhat diminished. What he did have, though, was nearly ten years experience as an underground fighter. And cunning.

There was something else, too, that despite his rage, he was acutely aware of. Tiny was holding back on him. He knew his brother well enough to know he wouldn't miss the fact that his opponent's weight was unevenly distributed or that his left arm would drop slightly, and he certainly hadn't missed the grunt of pain as he fell back against the bar. Samson, though, gave no quarter. He'd sparred enough times with Tiny to know that body blows had little impact, but the fucker did have a glass jaw. He swung with his right, but Tiny was too quick and kicked his feet from under him. Immediately, he was on top of him, with his forearm pressed firmly against his windpipe. “Stay down, brother. Or I am going to have to hurt you.”

“
Fuck you, you traitorous piece of shit.” Samson tried to raise his head, only to find his airway further restricted.

“
I said stay down.”

Someone pulled Tiny off him and dragged him to his feet. Wolf handed them both a large Jack. “Do I need to know?”

Tiny shook his head and winced as the alcohol touched the cut on his lip. “Nah. Personal.” He threw the rest of his shot down his throat and clapped Samson on the shoulder. “Smoke?”

As soon as he was outside and away from prying eyes, Samson slid down the clubhouse wall with a groan.

Tiny smirked and passed him a cigarette. “She told you, then?”

“Yeah.” He didn't have the energy to speak.

“
Weren't happy keeping it from you, brother. But it had to come from her.”

“
I know.”

“
So why were you trying to break my face?” He wiggled a tooth. “You're paying to get that fixed, by the way.”

“
Dunno. Needed to hit something.” He ran his hand across his forehead. “She shouldn't have kept it from me. I'm her ol' man, it should've been me she turned to.”

Tiny squatted down. “She ain't exactly thinking straight, man.”

“That makes two of us.” He stood and tried to stamp the life back into his foot. “I gotta go home.”

~ oOo ~

Emma had been in the process of creating a flower garden in front of the trailer, but it was now just a neglected patch of land and the still overgrown back yard looked nothing like how he'd envisioned it would by now.

He'd been tempted to get rid of the goat. The damned thing was a pain in his ass, but despite the fact that Emma barely seemed to notice it anymore, he'd figured she'd miss it. So every morning, he got up, let it out of its hut, changed its water and cleaned out its bedding, and every night, he battled to get the fucking thing in again. Tonight, though, it could stay out. He was in no fit state to chase it around the yard, and he had other things on his mind.

Emma was in her usual place in the middle of the bed, curled up around the pup. She had cleaned the crap off the floor, but the dishes were still piled in the sink, and the place stank of stale tobacco. “Hey, baby.”

She looked up and frowned, then wordlessly got up, fetched the first aid kit from under the sink and, sitting him down, began to clean his face and knuckles. “Leave that, Emma. I'm okay.” He touched her hand, but she kept on dabbing at a cut just under his eye. “Emma!” She flinched. “Emma, please.” He took her hands and placed them in her lap. “Just stop. I'm okay.”

“Sorry.”

Shit, he hated that word, if he could erase it from the English language, he would. “Emma, look at me.” He pushed her hair away from her face. The scar had faded, but was, and always would be, visible. “I shouldn't have took off like that. It was a shitty, cowardly thing to do, but I'm kinda freaking out here. I want to make things right, but I don't know how.”

“I'm...”

“
No, don't say that.” He edged closer and laid his hand on top of hers. “Just listen, okay. I love you so much. You give me something I never knew I needed. Every day I see you like this is like a punch in the gut. I just want you back, baby girl.”

“
And what if the girl you fell in love with is lost for good?”

“
She isn't. I know she isn't.”

“
But..”

“
No, Emma. You are in a really bad place right now, but I'm gonna help you get out of it.”

“
How.”

“
I have no idea.” He lifted her hand to his lips and gently kissed her fingers. “I guess we could try talking.”

“
About what happened?”

“
Don't think I'm ready to hear that, baby girl. How about we start with why you could talk to Tiny about this, but not me.” She stiffened and he shook his head. “I'm not mad, but I am kinda hurt that you trusted him with this but you didn't trust me.”

She sighed. “Tiny was in the hospital and at the motel with me. The only time he left my side was when they were fixing up my face and when the doctor came in to...” She swallowed. “To examine me. I didn't have to explain anything to him. He just knew.”

“It should have been me. I let you down.”

“
No. No you didn't. I wanted to tell you, Deke. But I knew how much it would hurt you.”

“
Watching you shut down hurt me more.”

“
I know. I'm sorry.”

“
Just stop fucking apologizing, okay?” He cupped her face in his hands. “What happened to you isn't your fault and you don't have to protect my feelings. We will get through this. Together.”

“
Maybe we should... If we....”

He shook his head. “One day at a time, baby girl. You ain't ready for that, and I can wait.”

“What if I'm never ready?”

“
You will be.” He lay back and pulled her onto his chest. She resisted slightly, but allowed him to hold her. “I will have my little witch back.”

TWENTY

“He still don't look like a Genghis.” Tiny sat on the bench and laughed as Abi beat the hapless dog on the head with her stuffed rabbit.

“
I think Deke was hoping for something a little more wolf and a little less teddy bear.” Emma grinned. “I don't see that happening, somehow.”

They fell silent for a while, enjoying the unseasonably warm spring day and watching Deke trying to figure out the barbecue.

“Do you think one of us should maybe go and help him?” Beth snatched a worm from Luke before it made its way into his mouth and threw it in the general direction of the chickens, then lay back on the blanket and closed her eyes. “Well when I say one of us, I actually meant one of you. I'm too comfortable to move.”

“
Nah.” Tiny stretched out his long legs in front of him. “He's gonna set fire to himself in a minute. I got a pretty good view from here.”

“
I can hear you, y'know.” Deke leapt back to avoid a flash of blue flame. “I got it all under control.”

Beth sighed. “We're all going to get food poisoning.”

“Not me.” Emma laughed. “It's times like this I'm glad I'm a vegetarian.”

The impromptu get together had been Deke's idea. It would be the first in their new home, and he wanted Tiny and Beth to be their first guests. He also wanted to show off his brand new barbecue.

“Daddy!” Abi wailed as Genghis snatched the rabbit and took off down the yard. “Bad dog! Gimme my rabbit. Daddy. Tell him.”

“
Deke. Are you going to rescue the rabbit from your dog?” Emma reached down into the cooler, and passed Tiny another beer.

“
Why is he always my dog when he does something wrong? Genghis, get back here.”

Tiny frowned. “He been limping for long?”

“Since he got back.” Emma shrugged. “The idiot rode for twelve hours.”

“
He still not happy with leaving you?”

“
He's getting better.” She laughed. “Sometimes he can go for hours without calling.”

“
You're okay, though?”

“
Yeah, mostly.” She stood and held out her hand. “Come with me. I've got something for you.”

~ oOo ~

Deke handed the rabbit back to Abi and watched his brother and ol' lady as they walked towards the studio. He understood – really he did – Emma would always be more open with Tiny about the... About what happened. She didn't have to worry about hurting him, he wasn't going to freak out and jump on his bike because he couldn't stand to hear what she needed to say. Tiny had been there when she needed him. And while the big SAA wasn't exactly the sharing, caring type, for Emma, he was the best counselor she'd ever find. He listened, and if she wanted his advice, he gave it, in his usual blunt style.

What had surprised him was the friendship that had developed between the two of them. Maybe it shouldn't have; his brother had taken care of people all his life – his ma, Beth, his kids, his brothers – and now he was taking care of Emma. Something he seemed incapable of doing.

It had been Tiny who had frog marched her to her studio, thrust a paintbrush in her hand and told her to 'get fucking painting.' He'd been the one who persuaded her to get some sleeping pills and been the one to tell her it was time to stop fucking taking them.

He sat on the bench they'd vacated and grabbed himself a beer. Beth opened her eyes and squinted at him. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He tore his eyes from their retreating backs. “How 'bout you? You seem a little quiet.”

She smiled and turned to watch as Tiny and Emma disappeared into the studio. “I'm fine.” Her smile got wider. “I'm just a little tired.”

He knew that look. “You gonna share why?”

She shook her head and swiftly changed the subject. “Emma's looking well.”

“Yeah.” It would be a lie to say she was back to the way she was, but his little witch was back, even if she was a slightly faded version of her former self. “Thanks to Tiny.”

“
Give yourself some credit, Samson. I know that Emma and Joe have developed a bond – she brings out his paternal instincts – but it's your patience and love that has brought her back.”

He shifted in an attempt to get comfortable and lifted Abi onto his lap. “If it wasn't for me, she wouldn't...”

“Stop right there, Samson. What happened, happened. It's done, and beating yourself up over it won’t help anyone, least of all Emma. She's tough, tougher than you give her credit for. It's time for you to stop treating her like a victim.”

~ oOo ~

Tiny stared at the small canvas. “You really want me to have this?”

“
Yeah. I do.” She frowned. “Don't you like it?”

“
I love it, little one.” He kissed her on the top of her head. “Still can't remember the sunshine, huh?”

Emma shrugged. “I remember it. I just don't feel it anymore. Anton's not impressed, but Felix put me in touch with a new gallery, and they're selling like hotcakes. So every cloud, I guess.” Tiny put his arm around her shoulder, and she leaned against him. She'd never had a relationship with anyone like she did with Tiny. There was something implacable about him and a brutal honesty that she'd never encountered in anyone before.

She loved Deke so much that it made her heart hurt, but the pain in his eyes when he looked at her tore her apart, so she'd learned to pretend. She smiled and laughed. She ate, and when they made love, she pretended to feel what she'd always felt. Only when she was painting or with the big man standing next to her did her true feelings show.

“
Samson seen these yet?”

She shook her head. “He never comes up here.”

“You should show him. Ain't fair to keep this shit from him.”

“
What good would it do, Tiny?”

“
Ain't sure it'd do any good at all, little one. But Samson is your ol' man. He should bear some of the load.”

“
You looking to bail on me, big guy?”

“
Told you I'd be here for as long as you need me. That ain't gonna change.” He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“
You're a good man, Tiny Taylor.”

“
I ain't sure about that. C'mon, let's go see if your ol' man has cremated those steaks.”

~ oOo ~

Deke put his arm around Emma and watched Tiny and Beth load the sleeping kids into the car. She didn't flinch when he reached for her anymore, and would fall asleep in his arms, but she never sought out his touch, and although they fucked, he knew..... he just knew. “How about we leave all this till the morning. It's getting cold out here.”

“
Okay, I'll just shut up the girls and deal with the goat.”

“
I'll take care of it, baby. Go on in the warm.”

The goat lowered his head as Deke approached. Despite the burning that radiated from his thigh, he kept his stride even. Over the months, he and the goat had reached an understanding. They hated each other, and there would probably never be a clear winner in the war of attrition. While Deke was a big, mean son of a bitch, the goat was wily and would exploit any weakness or chink in his armor, and there were more that a few nights when Deke had admitted defeat and left the triumphant goat out all night. He grinned as it snorted and Genghis ran towards the house with his tail between his legs.

“So much for having a badass dog watching my back. Now.” He pointed to the goat. “It's just you and me. Emma's in the house and there ain't any witnesses.”

“Is everyone locked up?” Emma, began to scrape the leftovers into the bucket for the chickens.

“
The girls are. Fucking goat can stay out.” He crossed the kitchen and laid his hands on her hips. “Leave that and come to bed.”

“
It won’t take long.”

“
Emma.” He turned her around. “Leave it and come to bed.”

“
If you insist, big guy.”

As her hands ran across his chest, her smile was too brittle and failed to meet her eyes. Deke cupped her face in his hands. “Stop this, baby girl.”

“But I thought...”

“
You thought it was what I wanted? Of course it's what I want, Emma. But I want it to be what you want.”

“
It is.”

“
No it's not.” He pushed her hair away from her face and kissed her softly. “I know you, baby girl. You gotta stop pretending.”

“
I'm not.” There was no conviction in her voice.

“
Yes you are. We both are. No. Don't look away.” He lifted her chin. “Have you any idea how bad it makes me feel? I know this isn't what you want, but I pretend not to notice the look in your eyes and fuck you anyway. What kind of man does that make me?”

She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I want to want you.”

“I know.” He pulled her closer. “You don't have to do this for me. I can wait, baby girl. For as long as it takes.”

“
I'm not doing it for you.” She pushed herself away from him. “I love you so much, Deke. All I want is to feel what I used to feel before... before...”

He could tell himself that he was filled with an overwhelming desire to kiss her at that moment, but the truth was, it was the only way he could think of stop her from saying anything. It was pathetic and cowardly and he hated himself for it, but he couldn't bear to hear her say it.

For a fleeting moment, he felt her body respond; then, with her hands flat on his chest, she pushed him away. “You have to stop this, Deke. You want me to be honest with you, yet every time I try to talk about what happened and how it makes me feel, you stop me.” She reached up and touched his face. “The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but I need to say the words sometimes.”

He couldn't look at her. Turning his head away, he stepped back. “You deserve better.”

“Than you?” She shrugged. “No I don't. I was raped, Deke. The reasons why are irrelevant – women get raped all the time, for all sorts of reasons – but if we are to move on from this, you have to acknowledge it happened. If you keep pushing it away, the gulf between us will only get wider, and the assholes who did this will have won.”

“
I don't know how to make this right.” He began searching through his pockets for his pack of cigarettes – anything to avoid looking at her – and headed for the back door.

“
You can start by not running away all the time.”

“
I'm not.”

“
Yes you are. All you've done for months is avoid me.”

“
That's a ridiculous thing to say.”

“
Is it? I don't think so, big guy.”

“
I've tried to be here as much as I can, but I need to earn. You know that, baby.”

“
So why didn't you take up Bugs' offer of the VP position when Wolf stands down?”

“
You know about that? Who told you? Tiny?”

“
No, Yaz. She couldn't wait to tell me.” Emma may not have been yelling, but she was pissed and he didn't blame her. “I had to pretend that I knew all about it and was okay with you staying nomad, even though you had the chance to earn straight. I'm not okay with it, by the way.”

He'd thought that by splitting the nomad chapter, he could be home more, but he was away as much as ever. “I can't earn straight, baby girl. Not enough anyhow.”

“Bullshit. This has nothing to do with money. My paintings are selling, the house is almost done, we could get by on a regular wage and you could always top it up with whatever else it is you do. This is about you not wanting to be around anymore.”

“
I nearly killed my ass to get back to you. I hate leaving you, you know that.”

“
I know you feel guilty, and I know that when you're home, you spend more time in Seattle than you do here. Just admit it, Deke. You can't stand to be alone with me. Shit, you can't even look at me.”

Every word she said was true. When he was away from her, all he wanted was to get back home. But once he was here, he couldn't wait for the next excuse to leave. “That's not true.”

“Isn't it? You've spent more time away than you have at home for the last three months. This is the first time I've seen you for weeks, and you invite Tiny and Beth around, despite the fact that you're planning on taking off again the day after tomorrow.”

“
I'm a nomad, baby. You know how it is.”

“
You're a coward who's too chicken shit to face up to what happened. You keep coming home hoping that I'll have somehow fixed myself, and when you realize I haven't, you turn tail and run. So I pretend in the vague hope that you'll buy it, and stay.”