Sanctuary (Freaks MC Book 2) (30 page)

EPILOGUE

Deke Samson was not a man who scared easily. He’d spat in the eye of death more times than he cared to remember and had never once been afraid. But now, as he gazed at this tiny girl in his arms, he was terrified.

The fear had been building for months, ever since Emma had announced she was pregnant. At first it was just for his wife; despite the fact that she’d had an uneventful pregnancy, he’d known he was smothering her.

Every night he’d lie awake, fretting over a million nightmare scenarios. He knew things could go wrong. Tiny’s twins had nearly died, and
even now at eighteen months old, little Alice still wasn’t completely out of the woods.

Emma wasn’t young, At nearly forty, she was considered old for a first-time mom, and that scared him. What if her body couldn’t cope with the rigors that a pregnancy entailed? What if the kid was born with a disability? What if….? For night after night, he worried.

He never shared his fears, afraid that somehow by vocalizing them, they would become a reality.

All the time, while he fretted and drove her nuts trying to keep her safe, his wife blossomed. She didn’t suffer from morning sickness or any other of the awful side effects he’d read about in the books she‘d bought. And once the first couple of months of crazy were out the way, she became more serene than he’d ever known her.

Despite this, he couldn’t relax, not when she insisted on carrying on as normal. He’d accompanied her for every scan, every doctor’s appointment, went with her to the store and all but banned her from parties at the clubhouse - someone might bump into her, and the atmosphere was too smoky - and watched her like a hawk whenever she went to events at the gallery.

Obviously, he wouldn’t take her for rides and only fucked her because she was horny as hell, and threw tantrums if he refused her, which he figured would be bad for the baby.

He quit smoking, refused to have coffee in the house and checked that everything she ate wouldn’t have an adverse affect on their growing child. If he had to go on a run, would call her as often as possible, and, on more than one occasion, had cut the trip short because she hadn‘t picked up the phone and he was freaking out.

As the months went on, instead of relaxing, he grew more and more irritable. His brothers tiptoed around him. They were tough, but Samson was tougher, and most had been on the receiving end of his moods.

As her due date grew closer, his anxiety increased as he scoured the baby books that she never seemed to read. What if something went wrong? What if Emma bled to death, or the baby was starved of oxygen? Why the fuck was she so calm all the fucking time? Did she not realize how dangerous giving birth could be?

Even riding didn’t help. The growl of the engine did nothing to silence the noise in his head, and at times he’d have to pull over as the feeling of panic overwhelmed him.

If he’d thought her pregnancy was bad, it was a walk in the park compared to the actual labor. Again, it had been drama free; Emma had managed without pain relief and there was none of the screaming he’d envisioned. Despite this, it nearly killed him. He paced the room, yelled at the nurses, begged her to take something for the pain, until Emma had told him to calm the fuck down, or get the fuck out.

Never in his entire life had he felt so useless. The only thing that kept him grounded was the knowledge that soon it would be all over and he could relax.

At two minutes to midnight, Charlotte Jayne Samson entered the world, weighing a healthy eight and a half pounds. He watched as the midwife passed his daughter to her amazing, beautiful mom and waiting for the feeling of relief to wash over him….. And waited.

Emma looked up and smiled. “You going to say hi to your daughter?”

He nodded mutely and took the baby from her. Immediately, she opened her eyes and made a snuffling sound. “Shhh, baby girl.” He swallowed as the waves of emotions washed over him. She fell silent at the sound of his voice, and with a shaky grin, he passed her back to his old lady. “I’m just gonna go out and make a few calls, I won’t be long.”

“
Okay, tell Beth I’ll call her as soon as I can.” She ran her fingers across their daughter’s downy hair and smiled. “We really did it, Deke. We made a person.”

“
Yeah, we did.” He bent and kissed her softly. “Although you did all the work.”

She smiled. “And you did all the worrying.”

Beth answered on the second ring. “Samson?”

“Hey baby. Or should I say Aunt Beth.”

She laughed. “Congratulations. Are mom and daughter okay?”

“Yeah, they’re just perfect.” He swallowed and fell silent.

“
Samson?”

“
I’m still here. I just…” He sank on to a nearby bench.”

“
What’s wrong, big man? They are okay, right?”

“
Yeah, they’re fine. It’s just… I’m just.” He took a deep breath. “I’m fucking terrified, Beth. What if I fuck it up? What if she hates me? Shit, I sound like a real pussy here.”

Beth laughed. “Oh babe, you don’t sound like a pussy. Of course you’re terrified. Having kids is scary.”

“So when does it stop?”

“
I’ll get back to you on that one, but I’m guessing when you’re six feet under.”

“
Shit.”

“
It‘s all part of being a parent, Samson. When they’re babies you worry that they’ll stop breathing. When they’re toddlers that they’ll fall or swallow something. You worry while they’re at school. And if you think it gets easier when they hit their teens, well think again. We worry. They keep us up at night. We beat ourselves up when we fuck up. And trust me, you will fuck up. It’s worth it, though. The first time she smiles at you. Those first steps. Her first word.” She chuckled. “When you walk her up the aisle. Those are the moments that make it all worthwhile. You and Emma are going to make great parents, I guarantee it.”

“
Thanks, Beth.” He laughed. “You made me feel a lot better. I think.”

Mother and daughter were fast asleep when he got back to their room. Ignoring the first rule of parenting - let sleeping babies lie - he picked up his daughter and, sitting down on the chair next to the bed, held her against his chest. “Hey, little bit. We’ve been waiting a long time for you. Ain’t sure I‘ll be the best dad in the world, but I'll try real hard to be. That woman over there, she’s amazing, strong and smart. An’ I swear, you will never get a better mom. You’ve got more aunts and uncles than you could ever need, and every last one of them will lay down their life for you.” He kissed her downy curls. “Welcome to the family, Charlotte. You're in for one hell of a ride.”

THE END