Savage Autumn (34 page)

Joanna smiled to herself. “You have grown taller, Tag.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes, and where did you ever get that awful yellow print shirt?”

“I had outgrown all my other clothing so I…how did you know my shirt has yellow in it?”

Joanna picked up Tag’s hand. “I see that your fingernails
are clean. I remember Papa telling you that a gentleman never has dirty fingernails.”

Tag’s mouth flew open and his eyes lit up. Joanna saw doubt dance fleetingly across his face. “Joanna…can…you see?”

She slowly removed the gauze from her eyes and tossed it into the air. Their eyes locked and Joanna saw tears swimming in her brother’s eyes.

“Oh, God, Joanna, you can see!” He touched her face with a trembling hand and then hugged her tightly while they both cried tears of joy.

The long days of winter seemed to stretch endlessly before Joanna. She was finding out of what it felt like to be living in limbo. There seemed to be no future to look forward to and the past was too painful to dwell on. One day followed another to mark the passing of time. One way for her to pass the time was to ride Fosset when she was allowed out the gates of the fort.

It was a moderately warm morning. The wind had died down and the sun was shining brightly through a break in the clouds. Joanna and Tag were riding outside the fort with Simon and Farley in attendance. Fosset was prancing about and tossing his mane, enjoying the exercise.

Joanna’s eyes would often turn northward and she fervently wished she could point Fosset in that direction and ride back to Windhawk.

Farley pulled up beside Joanna and let out a long spew of tobacco juice. “It ’pears to me that winter is passing. I seed some green grass down by the creek yesterday.”

“Yes, it is not nearly as cold as it has been,” Joanna agreed.

“I figure you are thinking ’bout him, ain’t you?”

Joanna didn’t have to ask whom Farley meant. “Yes, I rarely think about anything else.”

“I ’spect there be worse ways to live than the one them Blackfoot lead.”

Joanna looked at the dear old man. “You miss that life don’t you, Farley?”

“Yep, I ain’t denying it. This here life’s got me feeling boxed in. It gets so a fellow can’t breathe with so many people hemming him in.”

“You can never go back, Farley. You know what Windhawk would do to you.”

“I’ve been studying on that. He didn’t kill me afore; I doubt he would now.”

“Windhawk left you, thinking you would never make your way back to civilization.”

“Is that what you think?’

“Yes, of course. I remember thinking how grateful I was at the time because he let you live. But he left you for dead when he took your horses.”

“Now that ain’t zackly true. He left me with blankets and food. He knowed I would make it out all right, he just wasn’t thinking to make it too easy on me. He kinda like paid me back for helping you get away from him.”

“How do you explain the fact that he threatened to kill you that night?”

“Oh, he’d a dunit all right if you hadn’t of changed his mind. That man wasn’t ’bout to do me in when he seed how you was agin it.”

“I could never have shot him, Farley. He never forgave me for pointing that rifle at him.”

“He knowed you weren’t gonna shoot him. Hell, Joanna, me and him both knowed you couldn’t pull down on a man.”

Joanna shook her head. “I wish I’d never left him in the first place. If I had known then what I know now…”

Joanna’s voice trailed off and Farley studied her face. He saw regret and heartbreak in the depths of her eyes. “I ’spect there’s been a many of us who have leaped into the frying pan without
out thinking. You’re mighty young to be living with a mistake. Ifen you want to go back to Windhawk, I’ll take you.”

Joanna smiled. “There is no going back, Farley; there is only forward.”

“Seems to me the good Lord made our legs for walking backwards as well as forward. It’s just a mite harder in reverse, that’s all.”

Joanna couldn’t help but chuckle. Farley was a dear, loveable character, and he seemed to have a wise saying for any given situation.

She saw Tag racing toward them, and gave Farley a signal to drop the conversation.

“Joanna, guess what?” Tag asked excitedly. “Simon and I saw a robin, and he says, spring can’t be far away.”

Joanna smiled at her brother. “Yes, Tag, I believe spring is in the air, but unless I miss my guess those are rain clouds on the horizon and I don’t plan on getting soaked. I think it would be wise if we returned to the fort.”

The four of them rode swiftly back toward the fort in silent companionship.

Kate and Colonel Jackson were attending one of the officers’ wedding, leaving Joanna and Tag alone for the evening. Tag had been restless ever since they had returned from their ride that morning.

“What should we do, Joanna? Can’t we leave here now that spring has come? I don’t like it here at the fort any more,” Tag said, slumping down in the chair and staring at the ceiling.

“I don’t know, Tag. I just don’t seem able to decide on anything about our future.”

“I wish we could go back to Windhawk’s village, Joanna. I was happy living with the Blackfoot.”

“Didn’t you miss the life we had in Philadelphia, Tag? Or perhaps you would like to return to England? England would probably be the safest place for us to go right now,” Joanna said thoughtfully.

“No, not England. Someday when I’m older I’ll have to go
back to Philadelphia, but until then, I wish we could stay with Windhawk.”

Joanna shook her head, not knowing what to say to Tag. She wished more than anything that they could return to Windhawk, but it just wasn’t possible. She was relieved when there was a rap on the door and she didn’t have to answer him. Standing up, she crossed the room and opened the door, and to her surprise, saw Harland standing outside with his hat in hand looking very uncomfortable.

“Good evening, Captain. I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

Harland cleared his throat nervously. “I wonder if you would allow me to come in and talk to you, Joanna?”

“Yes, of course,” she said, moving aside so he could enter.

Tag nodded his head at Harland and then quickly asked to be excused. He didn’t like Captain Thatcher coming to see his sister. He could tell that Harland was interested in Joanna and in Tag’s mind, Joanna was still married to Windhawk.

“Won’t you be seated, Harland?” she offered.

Harland nodded and then sat down. “I was elated to learn that you have your sight back, Joanna. I can only imagine how wonderful it must be for you to be able to see after living in darkness for so long.”

Joanna looked at him, puzzled. “Yes, it’s wonderful.” She sat down in a chair, wondering why Harland had come to see her.

Harland noticed the way the violet-colored dress brought out the color of Joanna’s beautiful eyes. Now that he was here, he felt nervous and uncertain. He had rehearsed over and over what he would say to her tonight, but now the words seemed to stick in his throat.

“I heard about what happened between you and Miss Maxwell, Joanna. It must have been a terrible ordeal for you to go through.”

She lowered her lashes. “I…was not prepared for Claudia…It’s over now. I would rather forget all about it.”

“If it is any consolation for you, I understand many of the ladies berated Miss Maxwell for her conduct and they stand ready to defend you.”

“I find it really doesn’t matter what Claudia says about me.”

“I’m glad you feel that way. It’s best not to put too much importance on anything Miss Maxwell says.” Harland looked uncomfortable for a moment. “There is something I would like to ask you and I hope you won’t think I am prying.”

“If I think you are, I will tell you,” she said smiling.

Harland leaned forward. “Joanna, is it true that you were married to this Windhawk?”

Joanna was taken off guard by his question, and it took her a moment to recover. “I was…and still am Windhawk’s wife.”

“That answers my second question then. I was going to ask if you love him.”

Joanna raised her head proudly. “Oh, yes, I love him. Do you intend to condemn me for that?”

Harland saw the defiance in her eyes. “No, Joanna, you completely misunderstand me. I have an entirely different reason for asking.”

Joanna was ready to do battle if need be. “What could be your reason?”

“I find that I feel more for you than just friendship. I have for a long time. I came here tonight to ask you to be my wife,” he blurted out.

Joanna looked astounded. She hadn’t expected this turn in events. “Harland, I don’t know how to answer you. I don’t know why you would make such an offer unless you pity me.”

He stood up, then moved to her side and knelt down. “Pity…Joanna. The only one I pity is myself, because I am hopelessly in love with you. Haven’t you guessed that by now?”

Her face lost its color as she read the truth in his eyes. “Harland, I like you very much, but I could never marry you!”

“Why, Joanna?” He reached out and took her hand. “Tell me why?”

“In the first place, I’m already married,” she reminded him.

“That marriage was dissolved when Windhawk left you at Fort Union. Give me another reason,” he persisted.

“I love Windhawk, Harland. I have nothing to give you but my undying friendship.”

“I would marry you, knowing you don’t love me, Joanna. Perhaps in time you would grow to love me.” Harland pulled her into his arms and was relieved when she didn’t resist. Nor did she resist when he lowered his head to kiss her.

Joanna wanted to feel something for Harland, because if he could stir her emotions, perhaps she could forget about Windhawk. Harland’s lips covered Joanna’s in a kiss that was tender and sweet. She willed herself to love him but the feeling didn’t come.

Harland raised his head and stared at her, but he read only sorrow in her eyes, and knew that she had been totally unmoved by his kiss. He also knew in that moment that she would never belong to him.

“What will you do, Joanna?”

“I have not yet decided.”

“If you ever change your mind…” His hand drifted up to touch her glorious red-gold hair.

“No, I’ll never change my mind, Harland, but please try to understand, I love Windhawk.”

He touched her face softly. “Windhawk must be someone special if he has won the heart of someone like you.”

“He is special, Harland. I wish you could come to know him as I do.”

He smiled slightly. “I doubt that he and I would ever be friends, Joanna.” Harland stood up and smiled down at her. “I saw you before he did. Pity I didn’t press my suit earlier.”

Joanna stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for the proposal. I think I needed to feel that a man still thought me attractive.”

“Joanna, I don’t know why Windhawk brought you to Fort Union, but you can bet it wasn’t because he didn’t love you.” Harland gave her a wink and walked to the door. “You are letting a prize catch get away by not accepting my marriage proposal,” he said lightly.

“I know that, Harland. But my guess is you won’t dwell too long on my refusal.” She laughed. “There are too many lovely women who pay a marked attention to you.”

Harland stepped out into the night air and pulled the collar of his coat about his neck. He had an ache deep inside that would take time to heal. He knew he would not soon forget the hauntingly beautiful Joanna James.

Joanna stood silently for a long time. Had she been a fool not to accept Harland’s proposal? No, it would not have been fair to either of them if she had consented to marry him. She loved Windhawk, and Harland deserved a woman who adored him.

She went into her bedroom and lifted the lid to her trunk thinking she would sort out her clothing. It was time to gather her belongings together. The day would soon come when she and Tag would have to leave the fort. Many of her gowns were in need of repair since she had been unable to see to mend them.

Seeing her mother’s jewel chest, Joanna picked it up and lifted the lid. There were many valuable diamonds, rubies and emeralds inside. Someday Tag would be able to sell the remaining jewels to fight Uncle Howard for his inheritance, she thought absentmindedly.

Suddenly Joanna caught her breath. With trembling hands, she reached into the jewel case and removed what to her was more precious than any of her mother’s jewels. It was Windhawk’s bear-claw necklace! The one he had given her to seal their marriage. No one but Windhawk could have placed the necklace in the jewel chest! Joanna remembered giving it back to him, and she knew that until a few weeks ago, the necklace had not been in her mother’s case! There was no way it could have gotten there unless Windhawk himself had placed it there. But how? And when?

Windhawk had been in this room! There was no other way the necklace could have gotten into her mother’s jewel case. She remembered what he had said to her the night he had given her the necklace. She remembered Windhawk’s exact words as if they had been etched on her heart.

“Each time you see this necklace, Joanna, it will speak to you of the love that burns in my heart.”

Could this mean he still loved her? She held the necklace lovingly to her face. Was this proof that Windhawk had never stopped loving her? Tears of happiness blinded her as she ran out of the room, searching for Tag.

Joanna found her brother sitting at the kitchen table, sampling some of Kate’s gingersnap cookies.

“Tag, go and find Simon and Farley! Tell them I want to see them right away!”

“What for?” Tag asked, cramming the last bit of cookie into his mouth.

“I’ll tell you when we’re all together. Hurry, Tag, we don’t have any time to spare!”

Tag saw the excitement in his sister’s eyes and wondered if Captain Thatcher had anything to do with her happiness. Before he could ask, Joanna shoved him toward the back door. “Hurry, Tag, this is important!”

Farley had always felt uncomfortable when he was inside a house. He had grown too used to the open spaces and was beginning to feel confined. He twirled his coonskin cap around in his hand, nervously, refusing to sit down on the fancy couch beside Simon.

Three pair of eyes watched Joanna expectantly, wondering why she had called them together.

She faced them, smiling. “I have made an important decision and I want each of you to know about it. I have decided to return to Windhawk!”

Simon looked at Joanna as if she had lost her senses. Tag jumped up and shouted. “We’re going back, Simon! Did you hear Joanna, we’re going back to the Blackfoot village!”

“Have you thought this through, Miss Joanna? Do you fully realize what you are going back to?” Simon asked in bewilderment.

Joanna beamed at Simon. “I do. I am going home to my husband.”

Farley’s laughter crackled. “I was wondering how long it would be afore you came around to that. What took you so long?”

“I had to have a gentle nudge,” she said, holding up the bear claw necklace.