And she didn’t realize how little she expected from him until he showed her what he would do—she was shaking in her own little world, eyes closed, mind scattered, thinking it would just be like this, she’d come back to the surface by herself, when Soren picked her up and carried her over to his chair. He sat down with Cate in his arms, still unable to talk, murmuring nonsense, and held her.
He kissed her forehead.
He stroked her hair.
He
held
her.
And he was there, watching her, taking care of her, as she came back down to earth.
It was more than anyone else had ever done for her. Anyone else she’d ever had in her life, and not just sexually, not just… It was more cared for than she’d ever felt before. This man who barely knew her paid more attention to her, took more care with her, than anyone else she’d ever met, loved, hated.
How can that be?
And that was when Cate Kennedy started to cry.
Soren didn’t freak out. Of course Soren didn’t freak out; he only held her tighter, stroked her back, kept her safe. And when she’d cried h>’d crerself out into his chest, he said this:
“You deserved nothing less.”
Like he knew.
Again
, like he knew.
Cate looked up into those insane blue eyes, and asked, “Did anyone ever do anything like that for you?”
And Soren Andersson blinked.
Soren freaking Andersson blinked
.
“Is that part of the debriefing?” he said, smiling.
“Hell if I know,” Cate said. “Maybe. My brain isn’t… Yeah, sure, why not.”
Soren laughed out loud, his arms tightening around her once again. She could get used to that.
“You might need some more recovery time before you can handle a debriefing,” he said.
“Hey, I’ll show
you
a debriefing, mister,” she said, struggling to shift.
Soren held her in place.
“It’s more likely to be the other way around,” he said.
It took a second, but Cate’s orgasm-addled brain finally picked it up.
Heh
. Debrief.
And then she remembered that giant, promising erection, and how he said he wouldn’t fuck her. And she
wanted
to debrief him, very literally, and very, very much.
Why
wouldn’t he fuck her?
Maybe it was insecurity. Maybe it was the rush of courage she felt after finally doing something she’d always been afraid to do—submit. Maybe it was just impulse.
But that was when Cate reached down and felt for Soren.
Soren groaned. Cate’s hand on his cock, even through his jeans, was almost enough to short circuit his brain and override his will power. He had never wanted
anyone
the way he wanted this woman, and she was naked, in his lap, and grabbing at his goddamn cock. He had just watched her writhe and moan and scream while he’d made her come over and over again, and the whole time he’d known he wouldn’t be able to bury himself inside of her, not today, because the fear he’d seen course through her at the thought had told him she wasn’t ready.
And now her goddamn hand was on his cock.
ize=fonCate,” he growled, and dug his hands into her soft, pliant flesh. That did not help. He wrapped his hand around her wrist and held her motionless instead. “You’re not ready.”
He saw the anger flash on her face, and wanted to smile. Her reaction to insecurity because he wouldn’t sleep with her was to fight. He liked that.
“I’m an adult,” she said.
“Yeah, I’m aware,” he said.
“I mean I am fully capable of making my own decisions,” she said hotly. “If you don’t want me, man up and say it, but don’t hide behind some sort of—”
“First of all, bullshit that you’re always capable of making your own decisions. No one is, at least not the right ones. We all do stupid shit because we all have issues and scars and whatever else you want to call it,” Soren said.
Fuck it. He wasn’t done. He lifted her up and set her back down so she was straddling his lap, which was even harder on him and his poor tortured dick, but which also meant she couldn’t hide her face from him quite as easily.
“And you’re trying to put distance between us now because you’re feeling freaked out at what I just did to you and how it made you feel by coming up with this completely fucking crazy idea that I don’t want you,” he said, letting his voice rise. He was tense. He couldn’t help it.
Cate’s hands dug into his shoulders. The heat from her naked body was palpable.
Soren took a deep breath.
“God
damn
you, woman, don’t you have any idea how hard it is for me not to throw you down and fuck you until you forget your own goddamn name? Do you have any idea how much self-control this requires? I am fucking
Superman
right now.”
Cate squeezed her thighs around him, and Soren almost lost it. She fought dirty.
“Don’t you tell me I’m not ready,” she said.
“You were afraid,” he said. He held her hands by her waist and looked her in the eye. “Deny it.”
She frowned, adorable little lines appearing between her brows, her hazel eyes almost glowing while that dark red hair fell forward over her face. Jesus. If he didn’t have the discipline of a Dom, he wouldn’t have a chance.
“I can’t,” she said finally. “Yes, I was, but I don’t…”
And then she wilted.
She stopped fighting, let herself fall into him. Soren let go of her hands and she brought them up around his neck, her hair brushing against his face.
“I don’t know why,” she said. “It’s not you, I don’t what it is, I—”
“It’s ok,” Soren said.
“It’s not.”
“It is. It will be.”
Soren let his hands slide softly over her naked back, feeling his way in this new territory. This had become very intense, very quickly. This was new for him. And it was exactly what he had signed up for, wasn’t it? This was what he’d seen in her all along.
He hadn’t felt his heart hammer in his chest like this since he was a kid.
“But I want you,” she said softly.
Oh
damn
.
Soren took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He’d denied himself before, hadn’t he? He’d managed it.
Not like this.
Didn’t matter. He had to. She had to trust him, trust that he’d do what was best for
her, that
he’d take care of her, no matter what he wanted.
He dragged his fingers down her back and watched her arch into it, her beautiful nipples rising in the air, everything inside him telling him to lay her down and take her.
“When you’re ready, it’s going to be more than you can handle,” he said.
“Tease,” she sighed.
“Careful,” he said. “I could entertain myself for hours seeing just how red I can get that ass.”
Cate smiled at him and bit her lip.
“If I told you I wouldn’t like that,” she said, “
would
that be a violation of the One Rule?”
He had created a monster.
“Try me and find out.”
Cate’s smile faded just a bit, only for a moment.
But enough.
Soren could practically see the gears whirring in that brain of hers, and he knew enough about women—and this woman in particular, though he knew it didn’t make sense—to know not to push her. Not while she was naked in his lap and trying to figure out how to say one thing without giving another thing away, the way women sometimes did.
“What happens if someone breaks the rule?” she finally said.
“I’m not one of those people who can’t see shades of gray, sweetheart,” he said. “I know people sometimes don’t have everything figured out. That’s different from deliberately lying. That’s the thing I have a problem with.”
“And what happens?”
Soren looked at her very seriously. “Then I’m done.”
Cate didn’t flinch. She didn’t even blink.
Then again, she was a lawyer.
“What about lies of omission?” she said, shifting her hips in a way that made his dick scream for more attention.
Yeah, definitely a lawyer.
“Same criteria applies,” he said, the tension registering in his voice again. He was going to have to come soon or he’d lose it.
This time Cate leaned forward, her forearms resting on his shoulders, her naked breasts so close to his mouth he could practically taste them. Hell, he would. His prerogative.
Unless she dropped a bombshell on him.
“What happens if you lie?” she asked. “Even by omission?”
Soren stopped and tore his eyes away from those luscious breasts to look into Cate’s shining, knowing, too-smart-for-their-own-good eyes.
“No one’s asked me that before,” he said.
“Because you do it all the time?” she said. She was smiling, but it wasn’t a happy question. Not angry, either, not accusatory.
Soft, somehow.
Gentle.
Soren realized he had to work to regulate his breathing. Who
was
this woman?
“Maybe because they knew there was nothing to tell,” he said.
“I call so much bullshit on that,” she laughed.
Soren shook his head. How could he get this across? How could he…fuck
it.
“The past is dead,” he said. “If it’s really in the past, it’s dead.”
She couldn’t know how literally he meant that, but he needed her to know it was true. He didn’t carry the past with him. It had changed him, and he’d dealt with that, but he worked hard not to carry it around, not to make other people pay for his past mistakes.
And it had worked up until now.
Dread blossomed somewhere inside him, dark, rotting dread, and damn it, he couldn’t ignore it now that she’d asked the question, that she’d made him think, that this amazing, beautiful woman was sitting naked in his lap and letting him see more of her than she’d ever shown to anyone else—what if he was carrying it around?
He’d needed Cate as soon as he’d met her. He’d needed to help her, to have her. It hadn’t made sense.
What if he was just trying to redeem himself for what had happened with Julia? Now that all that shit was getting brought up again, with his sister and the lawsuit.
“Soren?” she said.
“That thing, where you don’t have everything figured out yet,” he said, his voice thick, rough. “I’m doing it. The past is past, but…”
“It’s ok,” she said, and touched her fingers to his cheek.
“No,” he said. “It’s not. I’m in charge
here,
I’m running this show. I need you to know that I’m not going to do anything to hurt you, even unintentionally.”