Authors: Janet Dailey
'No!’ His fingers dug hard into her shoulders as he seemed to control the urge to shake her. ‘No! I had to make sure he lived. Hate can drive you on the same as love and if hating me can bring him back from the clutches of death, then let him hate me. Let him live on it and thrive and sleep on it, but let him do it alive!'
He let her go, the violence of his release almost throwing her on the bed, before he stalked from the room. Within a few seconds Danny rushed in, his youthful face drawn and pinched as he gazed at his sister with anxious eyes. She was still standing clutching the bedpost that had saved her from falling, the tears streaming unrestrained down an otherwise silent face. Seeing her brother, she reached up and wiped the tears off her face while she turned to walk to the window.
'What happened? What did he do?’ Danny asked tensely.
'Nothing, Danny,’ Coley answered hoarsely. ‘It's me. It's what I've done ... to him and to Uncle Ben.'
'I don't understand.’ Danny walked over to her side trying desperately to read the expression on her face, but there was none.
'No, I know you don't,’ Coley replied, a little smile curving the corners of her mouth as if to show him that she was all sight. ‘If you don't mind, Danny, I'd like to be alone.'
Puzzled and still concerned, Danny gave in to her wishes and left his older sister alone in her room.
Within a week, Ben's condition had stabilized, as the doctor put it. In Coley's terms, it meant that he was out of danger and on the road to recovery, still weak but capable of blustering if the occasion demanded it. During that week, Jase had not so much as put one foot inside the invalid's door. Several times Coley had heard him asking Aunt Willy about Ben, but he never looked in for himself. And he usually had morning coffee with the nurse, an attractive woman in her late twenties. Yet never once did he ask Coley about Ben, even though he knew she spent a great deal of time with him, reading to him when he wanted her to, or just sitting and talking to him. Jase didn't value her opinion too highly, she decided. And she couldn't blame him. After all, hadn't she misjudged him often enough, once when he was physically trying to save Ben's life and again when he was trying to give him the will to live.
And Ben, he was too proud to ask for his grandson, but Coley could tell that he was expecting Jase to come and see him. It just tore at her heart the way his eyes would light up when the door to his bedroom opened and how that light would go out when someone else walked in. If only Jase would come to visit him, Coley felt sure everything would be all right.
Coley patted the neck of her horse Misty before shooing him out into the paddock area. The early morning ride had been a good idea in one way, she did feel a little refreshed. She meandered slowly to the house. The doctor usually came in the mornings and she was completely superfluous with the nurse there. At least the ride had given her something to do in between lunch and breakfast. In the afternoon she would sit with Ben and again for another hour or two in the evenings. In some small way she felt she was making up for bringing on the attack and being useful at the same time.
It was only mid-morning, but she would have plenty of time for a shower and change before she went down to help Aunt Willy and Maggie with lunch. The sound of her boots on the wooden veranda floor seemed too loud in the already hot and languid stillness. Coley opened the door to the house and noticed that Maggie had already gone around pulling curtains and shades where the sun beat mercilessly against the windows. The semi-gloom was almost refreshing after the brilliant Texas sun.
Farther down the hall came the echo of boots and the click of a door opening. Momentarily Coley hesitated at the bottom of the stairs. The doctor had probably come and gone already. Perhaps she should check to see how Ben was. She debated briefly, glancing down at her dusty boots and Levis before deciding that she would look in on him, if only for a moment. She knew how aggravated and on edge he was after a visit from the doctor. Aunt Willy always spent the mornings in her garden and Maggie would be busy with lunch. Then she remembered the sound of footsteps in the passageway. Possibly someone was there with him now, but she'd look in, just to be sure. As quietly as she could, Coley walked down the hallway to Ben's room.
The door to his study was open and Coley walked in, glancing hesitantly at the half-opened door that led on to his bedroom. When she heard Ben's voice, Coley turned to leave. Someone was with him so there was no need for her to stay. Then she heard the other person speaking. It was Jase. Suddenly she had to know what they were saying and tiptoed towards the half-opened door.
'...All right, don't sit down,’ came Uncle Ben's gruff voice, ‘if it pleases you to tower over a sick old man.'
'You may be sick and you may be old, but you are a man, Ben, so don't seek sympathy with me,’ Jase replied quietly. ‘I thought I'd bring you up to date on the ranch.'
'Well, I don't want to talk about the ranch right now. That surprises you, doesn't it?'
'Nothing surprises me.'
'I wanted to talk to you about Coley.’ At Ben's words, Coley straightened, her body tensed as her mind raced trying to anticipate what he might be going to say about her.
'Coley?’ Suspicion laced Jason's voice.
'Yes, Coley. She's fallen in love with you, you know?'
Her heart was beating so hard against her rib cage that she was sure its pounding could be heard in the other room.
'And you're wondering what my intentions towards her are?’ Jase drawled. The indifference of his voice stabbed at Coley. ‘Isn't that my own personal business.'
'It could be,’ Ben replied mysteriously. ‘What I'm more curious about is your feelings towards her.'
'Do you think I might be playing around with her?’ Jase asked. ‘Let me assure you that I'm not. When she first came here, she was extremely shy and very young. She's matured a great deal.'
There was a pause as Ben evidently waited for Jase to continue. ‘I believe you're attracted to her,’ Ben declared finally. ‘Have you ever considered marrying her?'
'I've played along with your game long enough. Before I answer any more of your questions, I think you'd better tell me what all this is leading to’ Jase replied sharply.
Coley could hear the rustle of papers followed by a short silence.
'This is a deed to the Slash S made out to me,’ Jase finally spoke, his voice deceptively quiet and ominous. ‘I think you'd better start explaining.'
'It's really quite simple. If you marry Coley, the ranch is yours. All it requires is my signature on the bottom and Willy's and Maggie's as witnesses.’
Coley bit down hard on her lip to keep from crying out. The humiliating discovery that she was being dangled in front of Jase as another pound of flesh that must be extracted from him before he could earn his forgiveness was choking at her throat.
'Why?’ Jason's cold voice penetrated icily into the adjoining room.
Coley's eyes were clenched tightly shut, the tears forming tiny drops on her lushes before cascading down her cheeks.
'Why?’ Ben echoed. ‘I would presume because you want the ranch. Hopefully you might also feel some affection towards her. Arranged marriages usually work out better if there is.'
'That's not what I mean. Besides, she's too young,’ Jase retorted with exasperation.
'She's a woman, make no mistake about that,’ the older man replied. ‘She might not be as filled out as some, but her feelings are as adult as they come.'
'You haven't answered my question yet, Ben. Why are you doing this?'
'I've grown quite attached to Coley these past weeks,’ Ben replied, his voice gruff and a little defensive. ‘I'd like to see her get what she wants. She's a scrappy little fighter and I like that. For some reason, lord only knows why, she wants you. And since it's within my power to see that she gets what she wants, I'm doing it.'
'Oh, Uncle Ben,’ Coley moaned silently. ‘Please don't do this. Please don't make the ranch a prize for Jase!'
'She need never know,’ Ben spoke quickly to cover the growing silence. ‘I'd never tell her, and you certainly wouldn't.'
'No, I wouldn't,’ Jase agreed quietly as Coley stumbled out of the adjoining room into the hallway, her vision blinded by her tears.
She groped her way down the hall, until she finally leaned against the grandfather clock near the base of the stairs for support. She rested there, her mind racing with distorted thoughts. How often she had wished to find a way to stop the feuding between grandfather and grandson, and now she was to be the instrument to accomplish it. The pain tore at her chest. What a horrible and ironical twist of fate that one man would extract his last attempt at revenge under the belief that he would be making another happy and the second man to accept the offer to get the ranch he always wanted, while she, Coley, would achieve the two things she had always wanted to have peace in the family and to be Jason's wife. Yet what a price they were all three paying. A transference from Hell to Hades?
She had no idea how long she had stood there, her mind flitting from one thought to another in rhythm with the ticking dock. Suddenly she realized that anyone could walk into the hall and find her standing there. Her state of mind was too confused and too hurt to attempt to explain to anyone what she was doing there or the conversation she had overheard. Quickly she hurried up the steps towards her room, but not before she heard footsteps in the hallway below her and Jason's voice calling out for Maggie and Aunt Willy to come to Ben's room.
Chapter Nine
NEVER had Coley thought she could feel so bitter. When finally the humiliation and pain had receded and the tears had stopped flowing, an overwhelming, cynical bitterness had taken hold. Suddenly she felt sorry for herself—for all the things she had missed during her school years, of the times she had to stay home to nurse her mother and of her great dependency on others that had brought her to this ranch in the first place. She hated the world—the world that would twist people's lives until they were caught up in a web of deceit and greed. But most of all, she hated the burning desire within herself to hurt as she had been hurt. Yet it was there, a burning, living thing, smouldering in the green fire of her eyes as she made her way down the stairs for the evening meal.
She had pleaded a headache at lunch time and remained closeted in her room the entire afternoon. Even now the throbbing at her temples admitted that her excuse was only the smallest of a white lie. And the strain of the morning's eavesdropping was visible in her fever-bright eyes and pale complexion. No, no one would question the validity of her excuse as she entered the dining room.
'There you are, my dear,’ Aunt Willy spoke shrilly, hurrying to Coley's side to inquire solicitously after her headache. ‘I was afraid that you might want a tray sent up to you.'
'No, it's much better this evening,’ Coley murmured quietly, half choking on her words as she saw Jase seated at the head of the table, the place usually occupied by Ben. ‘How appropriate,’ she thought cynically.
'I think I got a little too much sun this morning,’ she added hurriedly, occupying Danny's chair to avoid biting placed at her usual seat which would now put her on Jason's left.
Ben was seated in his wheelchair at Jason's tight, his bushy eyebrows drawn together into an iron-grey line as he gazed at Coley, demanding of her to acknowledge by word the change in seating between himself and his grandson. But she couldn't bring herself to give him that satisfaction, nor could she meet Jason's glance that was resting so grimly on her face for fear that he would see the pain and bitterness that was lurking in the depths of her hazel eyes. Instead she smiled at her aunt and asked about her roses, knowing full well it would start a monologue that would cover any conversation for the next few minutes at least.
She couldn't have said what was served that evening. She tasted none of it, merely placed it in her mouth and nodded agreement to whatever her aunt was saying. Out of the corner of her eye Coley could see Ben fidget once or twice, glancing at Jase as he did so, but luckily, as far as Coley was concerned, Danny blocked her view of Jase and vice versa, so she didn't actually see what method he used in shushing his grandfather. Then the main course was over, Maggie had removed the plates and was bringing in the dessert. At that point a very impatient-sounding Ben interrupted Aunt Willy's dissertation on an especially hard to control fungus that had attacked one of her plants.
'We'll be having our dessert on the porch, Maggie,’ Ben announced. ‘And bring some of that wine, too. It's time we did a little celebrating around here.'
Coley's heart skipped a beat at his words. Suddenly she knew she couldn't bear to be there when he made his announcement that he was turning the ranch over to Jase. She knew she didn't want to hear the hypocrisy of his words as he toasted the new owner.
'If you'll excuse me,’ she said, rising abruptly from the table. Her voice had a little catch in it as she spoke, betraying the thin edge her nerves rested on. ‘I think I'd like some fresh air. I'll join you later.'
Her retreat into the hallway was followed by an angry exclamation from Ben, but Coley hurried through the door on to the veranda and farther out on to the lawn before anyone could call her hack. Instinctively she sought refuge among the giant oaks that shaded the house from the purple-pink rays of the setting sun. She wished she had chosen something other than the brightly flowered yellow and orange sundress to wear this evening, but, at the time, she had needed the gaily coloured dress to boost her confidence.