Authors: Janet Dailey
She leaned back against one of the huge trunks and closed her eyes as the irony of the situation rained once again upon her. How she was paying for all those times she had misjudged Jase! Now was the time when her pound of flesh must be paid, but oh, was it fair that the pound of flesh was her heart? Was she a martyr to accept her fate so easily? No, the bitterness within her replied. No, she must make Jase feel the hurt and disappointment that she felt. Opening her eyes, Coley knew she would not make his victory an easy one. She would not be the instrument that would give the Slash S to him.
She heard his footsteps as he approached. She knew he would come looking for her. How else could he live up to the terms of his agreement with his grandfather unless he did see her alone? Perhaps that hidden knowledge was what had led her to leave the table so abruptly. She knew he would have to seek her out and she had made him do it on her terms.
'There you are,’ said Jase, walking under the big oak tree to stand beside her. ‘Why did you leave the table so suddenly tonight?'
'I was restless ... and I needed the air,’ Coley replied abruptly, moving out of the shadows and away from him.
She jumped slightly as he laid a hand on her shoulder.
'Coley, I want to talk to you,’ he spoke firmly, causing her to clench her jaws to keep the pain in her heart from voicing itself.
'Please, we really don't have anything to talk about,’ she replied, shrugging her shoulder to remove his hand.
'We've all been under a strain this past week.’ His tone was sharp as if he was controlling his temper. ‘Something happened today that you might be interested in.'
Coley ignored him completely and stepped out from under the tree and began walking through the waning light into the rose garden. She knew she was deliberately antagonizing him, but she didn't care. He was going to propose all right, but she was going to make it exceedingly difficult for him. She never realized how much she wanted to hurt him the way she had been hurt. She heard his quick steps as Jase overtook her. A malicious sparkle gleamed in her eyes as she realized how she was trying his patience.
'It looks as if we're going to have a full moon tonight.’ But his eyes were studying Coley's face.
'Yes, it does, doesn't it?’ she agreed, looking up into the darkening heavens at the pale moon. ‘It looks rather sickly, it hardly makes one feel romantic.'
The light edge of sarcasm in her voice penetrated her airy words as he seized her arm roughly and pulled her around to face him.
'What's the matter with you, Coley?’ he asked sharply. ‘Why are you so bitter?'
'I should think you'd be amused. Surely the mark of supreme adulation is when the pupil mimics her teacher. I had a very good teacher,’ Coley replied, staring into his face boldly, while allowing one corner of her mouth to curl as she spoke.
Even though her own heart was breaking into little bits, she could still derive pleasure watching the angry scowl cross his face as his fingers dug into her shoulders. How upsetting for him that she wasn't falling into his arms as she was supposed to!
'Come now, Jase. The cat got your tongue?’ she asked mockingly as he continued staring angrily into her face.
'I could shake you till your teeth rattled!’ His hold relaxed ever so slightly. ‘What kind of game are you playing? Or do you want me to throw you over my knee and spank you? You're acting like a child!'
'But, Jase, you've told me repeatedly that I am a child.’ Coley attempted to turn out of his arms, but was brought up sharply as he twisted her back towards him.
'No more games, Coley. Out with it.’ His eyes blazed with their blue fires while ins mouth was drawn into a grim and forbidding line.
'Don't you want to tell me how much you love and adore me and how you can hardly wait to marry me?’ Coley asked in a mock pout. Her eyes flashed flecks of green as she spoke. ‘I was so looking forward to that part.'
'What are you talking about?’ His voice only thinly veiled the growing anger as his chest rose and fell at a rapid boat. His eyes narrowed. ‘Where were you this morning?'
'Oh, come now, Jase. The night is young and the scent of roses is very heavy tonight. Surely you can think of more romantic questions than that.’ Coley waved her hand airily at the night.
'How much did you hear?'
'Don't tell me I'm going to have to be the teacher tonight,’ she mocked, curling her long arms around his neck and inching in closer to him as she raised her face to his.
Her lips touched his lightly and coolly, while her heart begged for one more minute in his embrace. The hands on her shoulders started to push her away and then dropped convulsively around her waist to draw her violently into his arms. She was crushed against his body, every curve melting and moulding to his, until there seemed to be no longer two bodies but one. His mouth punished, humiliated, consumed and ravaged hers until there was only one ruling emotion in her, that of passionate, yielding love. Then he was releasing her, disentangling her hands from around his neck, setting her away from him as if the fire that had consumed her hadn't even touched him.
For a moment her heart throbbed painfully, aching to feel his touch again, weakly submitting to anything that would bring it back under his spell, but that was before Coley's senses stopped reeling and her mind could once again rule. With difficulty she assumed a calm expression.
'That's how it's done,’ she mocked. ‘Now it's time for the pretty speeches.’ He would never know the pain those words were causing her.
'I don't think there's any need for speeches,’ Jase said, gazing down at her face indifferently. ‘You seem to have overheard at least a portion of a private conversation with Ben. I think it's only a matter of “yes” or “no” on your part. Although I would like an explanation of your bitterness.'
'A simple “yes” or no"!’ Coley lashed out angrily. ‘Oh, what an egotist you are! Am I just a pawn for you and your grandfather to move around the board at your leisure? Considering it's the rest of my life that we're talking about, I believe I have some say in the matter. And I say that I won't be the instrument that gives you title to this ranch. I refuse to be dangled above your head with a marriage licence in my hand and a little note pinned on me that says “Marry this girl and the ranch is yours". Strange as it sounds coming from a poor relative, I will not marry anyone without love.'
'And love would not enter into a marriage between you and me,’ Jase said coldly.
'It most certainly would not,’ Coley said angrily and with what little dignity she could muster. ‘I know Uncle Ben told you that I was in love with you, but that wasn't what I told him. I said I loved you, but then I also love Uncle Ben, Aunt Willy and even Tony, but I certainly wouldn't marry any of them either. Don't misunderstand me, Jase. I want to see you and Ben make peace. I know I've seemed to champion your cause a great deal, but Danny will tell you I'm a great one for rooting for the underdog.'
'You really lay it on the line, don't you?’ His expression had never changed since he had released her from his embrace, and now he nonchalantly removed a cigar from his pocket and placed it between his lips. ‘And those tempestuous love scenes of ours—I take it they're practice sessions, like the riding and swimming lessons?'
'As you put it so aptly before, they were experiments, lessons in human nature. If a person is going to learn, he might as well go to someone who has some experience, and you do have that,’ Coley replied coolly. Her tingling body could attest to that. She glanced up at his rough hewn face. ‘But desire doesn't last. Despite what you think, I'm old enough to know that.'
'You don't believe that this “desire” could grow into love?’ Jase asked. His eyes studied her intently as he brought the match flame closer to the tip of his cheroot.
Coley held her breath for a second as her heart cried out the whispering hope that maybe he could grow to love her. Instead she replied coldly, ‘I'm not about to sacrifice the rest of my life on the chance that maybe we would grow to love one another. Besides, if Uncle Ben has gone so far as to concede that he'll give you title to the ranch if you marry me, then you're only a step away from getting it without any strings. You might as well take that step, because I'll never consent to marrying you.'
'Suppose I told you that I already have title to the ranch? That it was made over to me this morning?’ Jase said, glancing at her sideways.
'On the condition that I accept your proposal tonight,’ Coley finished with a superior tilt of her head.
He studied her quietly for a minute. ‘Would you consider a temporary mock engagement? Until I can persuade Ben around to your way of thinking.'
'No,’ she spoke quickly before the tempting idea could take hold. ‘No, that wouldn't work at all.'
'So be it,’ said Jase, dropping his cigar to the ground and crushing it out in the grass. ‘You know he had his heart set on doing this for you.'
Coley glanced up quickly at his face hidden in the shadows of the night.
'I'll explain to him,’ she said. ‘He'll understand, I'm sure he will.'
'I wish I was half as sure as you are. He hasn't fully recovered from that last attack, despite the improvements he's made.’ His voice drifted quietly to her, but the words seared deeply into her mind.
'How badly he wants the ranch,’ she thought bitterly. So badly he was not above using this emotional blackmail to persuade her to fall in with his wishes.
'I don't care, Jase,’ she spoke sharply, fighting the whirlpool he was sweeping her into. ‘I will not be your fiancée under any circumstances.'
'I once accused you of being too sensitive.’ His lips curled sardonically as he spoke. ‘That drowned kitten I rescued from the rain has turned into a regular wildcat...'
'Please don't remind me of that awkward, gauche girl I once was,’ she cried, hugging her long arms about her to ward off the shiver as she wished for the security of his arms.
He jerked her around to face him, his fierce grip cutting off the circulation in her arms.
'What happened to that girl who was more frightened of me than the storm? Where's the girl who was afraid of water, who was scared of the view from the top of a horse? Where did she go?’ he demanded, shaking her as he spoke.
'She was too shy and too frightened to ever oppose you. But she grew up,’ Coley shouted. ‘Did you expect her to remain immune to the hate and bitterness and greed that lives on this ranch? Well, I hate now. I hate the way I'm being used by the two of you and I'm bitter that the trust I placed in both of you has been so abused. But most important, Jase, I've become greedy. I want to be wanted for myself, not for some dowry I might bring into a marriage.’ She was trembling from the violence behind her words as she glared up at him, ‘You didn't really believe I could stay the same as I was that first night?'
'No,’ he replied, the word coming through tightly pressed lips. ‘I did think you would avoid the conclusion-jumping crowd that abounds here.’ Slowly his fingers uncurled around her arm until she was standing freely in front of him. ‘You have everything neatly pigeonholed and labelled, don't you? But labels and pigeonholes aren't for people, Coley. You can't shrug them off that easily. Think hard on what's been said tonight. Later you'll be apologizing to me.’ His expression was mockingly smug as he gazed down at her.
'If you think for one minute that I'm going to come crawling to you to apologize...’ Coley began, enraged by his calm statement.
'Don't say any more that you might regret,’ he interrupted. The light of anger shone through the window of his eyes before the shutters were drawn again. ‘I'll be going back to the house now—to do some celebrating with Ben. I don't think you're in a very festive mood, so I won't ask you to join us. Good night, Coley, and pleasant dreams,’ he added with a mocking lilt to his voice before nodding arrogantly towards her and striding off into the darkness.
She stamped her foot as she glowered at the retreating figure. She had wanted to spite him, to hurt him as she had been hurt. The bitterness had demanded it, and now even that was denied her. He had walked away, so arrogantly sure that she would be running after him to apologize. Never, never as long as she lived, no matter how much she loved him would she beg her forgiveness from him for the things she had said tonight.
'Coley, what are you doing out here?’ Danny's voice called out to her. ‘Jase just told me you wouldn't be coming in to join the party.'
'That's right,’ Coley replied in a tight little voice that threatened to betray her emotional state.
'But you of all people should be there.’ His forehead was creased by a frown as he studied her with puzzled eyes.
'That is exactly why I'm not there.’ Her voice trembled with the vehemence behind her statement.
'Coley, I just don't understand you any more.’ Danny shook his head as his gaze tried to fathom his bewildering sister. ‘Since the first day we arrived, you've been fighting for Jase's fights, defending him. And tonight, when Uncle Ben has finally given in, you're out here pouting like a child that's had its favourite toy taken away from him.'
'You don't know the whole story, Danny,’ Coley began, the hurt choking her throat from the censure in her brother's words.
'And you have no intention of enlightening me either,’ Danny interrupted impatiently. ‘You've been acting peculiar all evening. What ridiculous notion have you got into your head this time?'