Saved By You (17 page)

“He said that?” I repeated, almost to myself.

Kyle nodded, slowly. “Those were his exact words.”

An involuntary smile spread across my face. The thought of Haden was the only thing that could have made me smile in that very minute. But then the confusion set in. Why was Kyle telling me all of this? What else was going on?

“So, after all the things you’ve done and said to me,” I began. “Why the apology now? What’s changed?”

Kyle gave me a soft, resigned smile.

“I’m apologizing now, because I finally realize that this isn’t just some little crush between the two of you,” he said. He shrugged his shoulder. “When we first met, I honestly thought you were going to be another girl just like Zoe—social climber looking to make a quick buck.” He shook his head. “I honestly never thought you didn’t really know who Haden was—not until
that
night, anyway.”

I cringed when I thought about the night I’d been at their hotel. The night that Kyle had brought my world down around me when he showed me the video of him and Haden on stage together. I’d tried my hardest to put that night out of my mind—to pretend it had never happened. It had been one in a long list of mistakes that I’d made since coming to Green Falls.

“But I’m not like Zoe,” I said. “I’m not just using Haden for who he is. I love him.”

His eyes closed, softly, and he nodded.

“That’s what makes this so hard,” he said.”

“Makes
what
so hard?” I said, hesitant.

When he opened his eyes, they stared right at me. My heart pounded, furiously, again, but I wasn’t sure why.

“You have to break it off with him,” he said. There was no hint of a joke in his tone. “You have to end it.”

I leaned away from him, confused. “End it?” I repeated. “Why would I do something like that?”

“Because you’re holding him back,” he said. “Or, more to the point,
he’s
holding
himself
back—because of you.”

I frowned. “Holding himself back from what?” I said. But I already knew the answer.

Kyle chuckled softly, and he shook his head. “You’re smarter than that, Maggie.” I think it was the first time he’d ever used my name. “The band has clawed and fought to get to where we are now,” he said. “The rest of the guys are back in LA, busy rehearsing. They’re already talking about replacing him if I can’t get him back there—soon. We can’t go on this hiatus indefinitely—not when we’re missing opportunities that we may never get again.”

I winced, feeling disgusted with myself.

“We were invited to go on tour with Maroon 5,” he said. “
Maroon 5
.” He let out a nervous laugh. “That’s pretty fucking incredible when you think about it.” His eyes connected with mine, and all hints of amusement vanished. “But we’re going to miss that window of opportunity,” he said. “Soon.”

I cringed. I knew he was right. I knew that Haden was missing the opportunity of a lifetime so he could stay in Green Falls with me. He was making a huge sacrifice to be with me—and it wasn’t fair.

But wasn’t that what you were supposed to do when you were in love? Make sacrifices for the other person? Maybe
that
justified what he was doing for me. Maybe
that
was the reason he had talked himself into staying this whole time—because he was doing it for the person that he loved.

But, what sacrifice was
I
making?

I shook my head.

I wasn’t sacrificing anything. I was being selfish, like always. I was keeping his love to myself, and in doing so, I was holding him back from his dreams—dreams that he’d worked his whole life to get—dreams that would be his if he only reached for them.

Tightness pressed on my chest, and that familiar lump returned to my throat. I was an awful person. What had I actually done to deserve his love? Anything? I’d put him through hell and back, and yet he stuck by me.

I looked at Kyle, and saw my pain mirrored in his expression. He knew what I was going through. He knew exactly what he was asking of me. Kyle had made those kinds of sacrifices before, too. I didn’t know how I knew, but I could see it on his face as clearly as if he’d told me himself.

“What would you have me do?” I said, a numb feeling settling over my chest.

He shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said. “Whatever you have to.”

I nodded, slowly.

The numbness was spreading over me—dulling any of the pain that I felt—dulling everything. The world was turning a muted grey—and I didn’t care.

“Where is he?” I said.

Kyle studied me for a long second, then took a deep breath. He pulled out a business card and slid it across the table. The name on the card read
Guy Henderson, Professor of Dramatic Arts
. Above his name read
Green Falls Community College
. My eyes narrowed, and I looked back at Kyle.

“He’s a guy Stacey put them in touch with. The band is using their auditorium for rehearsals until the show.”

I nodded, understanding. When I got up to leave, Kyle put a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Maggie,” he said. “I really am.”

I nodded.

“So am I,” I said.

I climbed back into the ‘Vette, still feeling numb all over. Kyle’s words echoed in my ears, haunting every emotion that I could feel. As the engine roared to life, I knew he was right. I knew that I was holding Haden back, and that it was the most selfish thing I could possibly do to the least selfish person that I knew.

Was I just cursed to live an awful life
?

Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. It wasn’t worth it. They’d be instantly replaced by new ones. What was the point in anything?

I looked at the card, again, and recognized the building in the picture. I had seen the college somewhere around town, and was pretty sure I could find it again. But I didn’t want to. The idea of seeing Haden just didn’t have the same excitement to it, anymore. Seeing him now meant only one thing—that I had to end it. I had to call things off with the man I loved. I had to force him out of town, to follow his dreams.

I had to do that because I loved him.

I sat and cried in the car for a long time before I had the courage to put it into gear. Life just didn’t make sense sometimes. They always say that if you love someone you have to let them go, and if they love you, they’ll come back. It’s a lot easier to say that than it is to actually do it. Letting Haden go was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.

Especially right now.

I shook my head, knowing that I wasn’t going to make any sense of it right then. I needed to sleep on it. Maybe even talk to Sarah about it. She’d always known the right thing to say—maybe she’d come up with something brilliant, again.

The drive home didn’t last nearly as long as I wanted it to. My cheeks were still burnt red, and I could still feel the lump of ember resting at the base of my tongue. The house was empty when I pulled up. Everyone had left already, probably at Grandma’s request.

I parked the ‘Vette beneath the front porch, and went in through the front door. I hoped everyone was in the kitchen so I could sneak into the bedrooms without being seen. But that wasn’t the case.

I opened the door, and ran straight into Aunt Denise. She fixed me with a serious, knowing look that froze me in place. A tense moment passed between us. Then her eyes softened, and she threw her arms around me.

All at once, her chest heaved against mine. Sobs erupted from her. Before I knew it, the same thing was happening to me, and we were crying together. With each rise and fall of her chest, she pulled me even closer, tighter to her body.

We stood like that for a long minute. The rest of the world faded away to nothing. I didn’t know what to say to comfort her, and there wasn’t anything she could say to comfort me. The best we could do was just be together. That was all either of us could hope for at that point.

Finally, after a long few minutes, we eased apart, and she looked at me.

“Oh, I got my makeup on you,” she said, her face tightening as she wiped at my cheeks. I shook my head, but didn’t stop her. When she was satisfied that she had cleaned me up as much as she was going to, she gave me a long look.

“We’re going to make it through this,” she said. “We’ve just got to stick together.”

I nodded.

“How’s she doing?” I asked.

Aunt Denise shrugged. “She’s sleeping. She felt better after everyone left.”

I nodded, frowning. “Does she know how serious things are?” I asked, hoping Aunt Denise might give me a different answer. Maybe things weren’t as bad as Grandma had led me to believe.

Aunt Denise let out a sigh, and gave me a sad smile. “In her own way,” she said. She paused for a moment. “She was asking about you.”

My stomach twirled into knots, and my head slumped down. Aunt Denise lifted my chin back to her, and she shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, we covered for you.”

“You shouldn’t have to cover for me,” I said. “I should have been here.”

“This is hard on all of us,” she said. “And we all have to deal with it in our own way.”

I shook my head. “I know all that,” I said. I groaned, frustrated with myself. I didn’t want to keep making excuses for myself. No matter how hard I tried, I kept falling back into the same pattern. I let out another frustrated sigh. “I need to start acting like an adult. I can’t just run away from my problems.”

My thoughts strayed back to Haden and what I had to do. It was just one more thing piled onto the heap of shit life was dealing me that summer. One more thing I would have to face.

Her look was grave, but she nodded. “We all have a lot of tough times ahead of us,” she said. Her hand rubbed along my shoulder, firmly. “But we’ll pull each other through.” Her eyes were wide and hopeful. I gave her a nod, hoping I could convince myself to see things her way—that I could have the same faith that everything would work itself out. Then, her lips spread in a soft, understanding smile. “For now, though, we have a ton of leftovers for dinner.”

I put on the best smile I could manage.

“That sounds great,” I said.

We had a dinner of leftovers and laughter. At first, everyone was a bit tense, but the mood lightened quickly. Our family was loving, and it seemed like there was very little that could keep us down.

Spending time with both Uncle Larry and Sarah, side by side, really gave me some insight into where she got her spirit. They were from the same kind of mold, and there was very little that could bring either one of them down. They both had infectious smiles that begged to be enjoyed.

I only wished that Mom could join us. She was sleeping, still, which was good, but it wasn’t the same without her around the dinner table. It occurred to me that I had never really had a family dinner without her—I guessed that was something I was going to have to get used to.

Sarah gave me a long look, noticing the smile on my face fading away. She rubbed my shoulder and leaned her forehead against me. The entire room fell quiet, then, and all eyes were nervously on me.

I looked around, uncertain what to say.

“Maggie, dear,” Grandma started. “Would you like to sleep on the couch next to your mother tonight?”

My eyes lifted to hers.

“Yes,” I said, quickly, without thinking. “That would be really nice.”

Grandma’s eyes brightened, lifting the mood of everyone around the table. Most of all, lifting my mood. I hadn’t even considered it before. I’d always slept in Sarah’s room, and hadn’t given thought to sleeping anywhere else. But, with Mom out of the hospital now, it meant we could spend a little bit more time with her.

“Good,” she said, decidedly. “I’ll get some extra linens out for you, then. Your mother will like having you nearby.”

I smiled and nodded. “Thanks,” I said.

The room fell quiet again, as everyone looked around at each other. Sarah gave me a long look that told me she was thinking something. My eyes narrowed, and she gave a resigned sigh.

She looked up at her mother with a nervous smile on her face.

“Mom,” she began. “I’ve been giving a lot of thought about what I want to do after I graduate.”

She announced it in a matter-of-fact way, and it probably sounded more awkward than she’d intended. I cringed on her behalf, but she didn’t seem to notice.

Aunt Denise’s brow pinched, and she took a sip from her glass of wine.

“And, what have you been thinking?” she said, cautiously.

Sarah pressed on, determined.

“I’ve been thinking that it would be a great time to get out and see some of the world,” she said. “I’m young, and I don’t have any real responsibilities, and I think it’s important to get out and experience life.”

Aunt Denise’s eyes narrowed to thin slits as she studied her daughter, but Uncle Larry’s face turned a bright red as it lit up. It reminded me of a Christmas ornament beneath the holiday lights.

“That’s sounds great,” he said, his voice booming. “What are you thinking? Maybe a semester abroad? Or, maybe a backpacking trip through Europe over the summer?”

Aunt Denise studied her like a hawk. I felt myself getting nervous about what I knew was coming next.

Sarah shook her head. “Nope, nothing like that—though, it does sound like a lot of fun,” she said. Uncle Larry’s face deflated as he listened to her. “I was thinking something more along the lines of looking at schools back east.”

“Back east?” Aunt Denise started. “What do you mean
back east
?”

Sarah rolled a shoulder, giving her mom an innocent look. “I just thought it would be nice to get away,” she said. “You and Dad are always going on vacations to see the world, so I thought going to a college somewhere far away would give me some new experiences.”

“I don’t understand,” Uncle Larry began, looking confused. “What about UT? I thought you wanted to be a Longhorn?” He held up his hand, thumb and pinkie extended out with the other three fingers curled tight. “
Hook ‘em Horns.
Remember?”

Sarah quieted for a second, but she redoubled herself and stared at him. “Daddie,
you
wanted me to be a Longhorn,” she said. “But, I’m getting older, and it’s time for me to start figuring out what
I
want.”